The Funny Twitter You Just Followed: The Thread

[Gutter]

I use the twitter.....other people here use the twitter. Lets have a thread about the funniest new twitter you just started following so we can all share a good guffaw. Provide the @name and pertinent tweets

[Gutter]

My new favorite:


https://twitter.com/#!/GhettoHikes
@GhettoHikes
I'm 28. I have a full time job leading urban kids (of all races) on nature hikes. I simply write down shit they say. email: ghettohikes@gmail.com

Examples:

Ghetto Hikes @GhettoHikes Close
“Mr. Cody, I ain't no snitch or nuffin' but Denny back there shovin’ colored rocks in his pockets. Homie lootin’ the forest!”

Ghetto Hikes @GhettoHikes Reply Retweet Favorite · Open
“Yo Mr. Cody, how many these mushrooms I gotta eat fo’ I Super Mario da fuck outta dis place?”

[Gutter]

DRUNK HULK https://twitter.com/#!/DRUNKHULK
@DRUNKHULK
REMEMBER! WHEN YOU LOOK BACK AND SEE ONE FOOTPRINTS! YOU KNOW THAT WHEN DRUNK HULK CARRY YOU! WWW.DRUNKHULK.COM!

DRUNK HULK @DRUNKHULK
CHRIS CHRISTIE TO VETO GAY MARRIAGE BILL! THIS BIG TALK FOR MAN WITH SAME SEX NAME!

DRUNK HULK @DRUNKHULK
NOW THAT PHANTOM MENACE OUT IN 3D! YOU CAN SEE PLOT HOLE LIKE YOU NEVER SEE IT BEFORE!

DRUNK HULK @DRUNKHULK
THEY SHOULD HAVE NIC CAGE HAIRSTYLIST FIX ECONOMY! THAT GUY REALLY KNOW HOW DO LOT WITH VERY LITTLE!

[Furtherman]

https://twitter.com/#!/BorowitzReport
Andy Borowitz @BorowitzReport
There is a fine line between social networking and wasting your fucking life.

Andy Borowitz @BorowitzReport
Attention Rick Santorum: you are running for President. The position of Spanish Inquisitor is no longer available.


Andy Borowitz @BorowitzReport
After a million years of human evolution, man has reached a point where he is now stupider than his telephone.

[A.J.]

Andy Borowitz @BorowitzReport
After a million years of human evolution, man has reached a point where he is now stupider than his telephone.

Apparently that's true when you use a made up word like "stupider".

[Misteriosa]

Apparently that's true when you use a made up word like "stupider".

umm hello! boys go to jupiter to get more stupider... everyone knows that.. :dry:

[A.J.]

I get stupid, I shoot an arrow like Cupid,
I use a word that don't mean nothin', like looptid

[CountryBob]

I can see this being a really great thread...:clap:

[Gutter]

Apparently that's true when you use a made up word like "stupider".

umm hello! boys go to jupiter to get more stupider... everyone knows that.. :dry:

I get stupid, I shoot an arrow like Cupid,
I use a word that don't mean nothin', like looptid

You two aren't playing this thread properly and I'm gunna tattle.

[Gutter]

I can see this being a really great thread...:clap:

Thanx bob. I don't care what they say about you, you're a good poster.

[Crispy123]

https://twitter.com/#!/EastSideDave
David McDonald @EastSideDave
The Davey Mac Sports Program fucks the shit LIVE tonight on Ustream at 7 (EST)! AND, here's today's Sports Report! EastSideDaveCountry.com/sports Bam!

21 Feb David McDonald @EastSideDave
Snipers! Teddy bears! Jizzies! It's today's mind-fucking Davey Mac Sports Report on EastSideDaveCountry.com/sports

21 Feb David McDonald @EastSideDave
Just a reminder- the Dave Man will make his acting debut this Thursday at 9 PM (EST) on truTV! Go to EastSideDaveCountry.com/archives/10136 for more details!

18 Feb David McDonald @EastSideDave
I am interviewing Little Steven RIGHT NOW on the Davey Mac Sports Program!!!

18 Feb David McDonald @EastSideDave
Dave & Pepper will fuck Sirius XM at 7 (EST)! More details in video! post.ly/5S273

17 Feb David McDonald @EastSideDave
Cartoon violence! Pot-heads! Sitcom feuds! It's an explosively diarrhea-ish Davey Mac Sports Report! EastSideDaveCountry.com/sports Bang-bang!

[underdog]

https://twitter.com/#!/OldHossRadbourn

Very glad we can celebrate the industriousness of our greatest Presidents by not working. Enjoy your descent to mediocrity, America.

Golf was a good deal more enjoyable when roving bands of claymore-wielding Scots brigands carved unsuspecting players into haggis.

Choosing whether to retire or to not be signed by any team must be a tough one for J. Varitek.

One year at the Grammys the orchestra used live cannon during the "1812 Overture." Half the audience perished. This was deemed a good thing.

I had Linsanity and killed a man. This was my father's fault, as he was a sociopath. For this, I apologize.

[underdog]

https://twitter.com/#!/badbanana

What's that thing that's like Photoshop except way easier to use and it's for real life? Oh yeah, vodka.

I hope the "Jack and Jill" DVD extras include an alternate movie.

Nothing says "I'm carrying $3 and a Guitar Center receipt" like a wallet chain.

Wow. An average acre of soil contains 900 pounds of earthworms, 2400 pounds of fungi, 4 million insects, and 150 podcasts.

There's a fine line between procrastinating and inventing the yellow sticky note lumberjack beard. Owning a business is hard.

[disneyspy]

heres some funny responses http://www.happyplace.com/4173/the-best-responses-to-celebrities-on-twitter

[Gutter]

https://twitter.com/#!/pattonoswalt

Patton Oswalt
@pattonoswalt
Mr. Oswalt is a former wedding deejay from Northern Virginia.
Los Angeles · http://www.pattonoswalt.com

Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt
This isn't ash on my forehead. I got dick-slapped by the Balrog.

Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt
I am very excited & happy, Knicks fans. But please keep some perspective. Do not give your diabetic children Linsulin.

Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt
Nothing rhymes with "month" except "cunt" said with a lisp.

[Gutter]

This one is a must....fucking hilarious. Even funnier than the character on the show.

https://twitter.com/#!/SFUCKINGJ

Stevie Janowski
@SFUCKINGJ
Former Band Teacher turned professional assistant to Major Leaguer, Mr. Kenny Powers.
Shelby, NC · http://kennypowers.com/

Stevie Janowski @SFUCKINGJ
Having the best Black History Month ever!

Stevie Janowski @SFUCKINGJ
Burps are Mouth Farts and Vomit is Mouth Sharts.

Stevie Janowski @SFUCKINGJ
Cauliflower is such a waste of my time.

Stevie Janowski @SFUCKINGJ Reply
What do my followers think about same sex abortion?

[RoseBlood]

I'm bringing @kristzen back, but I can't promise funny tweets.

[Gutter]

The best Twitter feed ever written by an imaginary middle-aged Michigan man who is separated from his wife and loves Bob Seger.

The third one I posted had me fucking dying for a few.

https://twitter.com/#!/dadboner

Karl Welzein ‏ @DadBoner
People who need to nose around in your garbage, probably don't have any bold flavors goin' on in their own fridge, you guys.

Karl Welzein ‏ @DadBoner
St. Patty's Day, Filet O Fish Fridays, Shamrock Shakes...man, if you stick a gun in your mouth in March, you must really have some problems.

Karl Welzein ‏ @DadBoner
Couldn't go back to work. Barfed in 7-11 goin for my 7th Slurp. Destroyed the nacho department. Was asked to leave. Was leavin anyway, Tito!

[underdog]

The best Twitter feed ever written by an imaginary middle-aged Michigan man who is separated from his wife and loves Bob Seger.

The third one I posted had me fucking dying for a few.

https://twitter.com/#!/dadboner

Karl Welzein ‏ @DadBoner
People who need to nose around in your garbage, probably don't have any bold flavors goin' on in their own fridge, you guys.

Karl Welzein ‏ @DadBoner
St. Patty's Day, Filet O Fish Fridays, Shamrock Shakes...man, if you stick a gun in your mouth in March, you must really have some problems.

Karl Welzein ‏ @DadBoner
Couldn't go back to work. Barfed in 7-11 goin for my 7th Slurp. Destroyed the nacho department. Was asked to leave. Was leavin anyway, Tito!

People love this one, but I just don't get it. Doesn't seem funny to me.

[sailor]

I thought the second one was hilarious. Third was cool.

[jennysmurf]

People love this one, but I just don't get it. Doesn't seem funny to me.

I thought the second one was hilarious. Third was cool.

I don't want to agree with either of you, so I'll just not give my opinion at all. Do I think it's funny or don't I? You'll never know.

[underdog]

I thought the second one was hilarious. Third was cool.

I am enjoying that people are trying to blow up his spot now. Everyone wants to know who dadboner is. Also, my friend posted this today :

If @DadBoner is signed to CAA, is his recent endorsement of Bud Light Magnum (aka BL 'nums) a paid promotion?

[furie]

http://twitter.com/#!/hobo_hands

[furie]

https://twitter.com/#!/badbanana

this guy's fantastic!

[disneyspy]

not someone i follow but love love love this tweet

Tom Morello ‏ @tmorello
To Rush Limbaugh: Hey Jackass, stop using our music on your racist, misogynist, right wing clown show. Sincerely, Rage Against The Machine

[Misteriosa]

I am enjoying that people are trying to blow up his spot now. Everyone wants to know who dadboner is. Also, my friend posted this today :

Hot On The Trail Of Twitter’s DadBoner, The Internet’s Greatest Mystery
(http://deadspin.com/5891616/hot-on-the-trail-of-twitters-dadboner-the-internets-greatest-mystery)

[Gutter]

Louis Vs. Rick: The story of a man who taught his cat to use instant messaging.

It's too long to add examples, but follow the links to the different episodes of Rick getting annoying texts from his cat Louis.


Louis Vs. Rick
@LouisVsRick
· http://louisvsrick.com

[Furtherman]

@SarcasticRover

I'm on Mars, whoopdie-fricken-doo. Not endorsed by NASA… like I care.



SarcasticRover ‏@SarcasticRover
I'm out here doing SCIENCE so that humanity can build a better tomorrow! LOL JK, THE FUTURE WILL SUCK CAUSE GLOBAL WARMING!

SarcasticRover ‏@SarcasticRover
SO EXCITED to start analyzing Mars rocks to find out if they're made of fossilized unicorn shit!! or whatever I'm here to do.

SarcasticRover ‏@SarcasticRover
All the mountains on MARS are called MONS, because they were named by JAMAICANS.

SarcasticRover ‏@SarcasticRover
Is there an Olympic medal for looking at rocks and slowly dying?

SarcasticRover ‏@SarcasticRover
If they ever remake "Short Circuit", I think I'd make a great Johnny 5… oh wait, going to die in this lifeless shitty crater. LOL