Judge Smails
06-12-2011, 03:54 PM
I grew up on the classic, non-edited, non-pc Looney Tunes that the Baby Jesus intended for us all to cherish and exalt. I had no idea this fucking thing even existed until this morning, when my killjoy daughter put on Cartoon Network and effectively took a nice steaming diarrhea shit on what was left of the innocent memories of my childhood.
To be fair, I only watched about ten minutes of this shit, but it was ten minutes of pure hell spent cursing a God who would allow such a thing to come into being. I would have rather have spent the time eating a parfait cup of Crazed's dick cheese than to have sat through that television abortion.
I can only imagine that this was created by a bunch of Warner Brothers executives who had never actually seen a Looney Tunes cartoon. The whole time I kept thinking of that Simpsons "Poochie" episode where the cartoon studio folks are sitting around and talking about creating characters that are "edgy", "in your face and proactive" and "a totally outrageous paradigm".
First of all, the animation looks like it was drawn by a down syndrome eight-year-old with Parkinsons. Also, they've decided to add a Lola Bunny to the cast of characters, I guess in the hopes of appealing to little girls. Well, as the father of a little girl, myself, I say they can go fuck themselves on this too, because Lola is a horrible role model. From what I saw she's a complete psycho whose sole purpose and goal in life is to try and trap Bugs Bunny into a relationship against his will.
Oh, and Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck are best friends. Now, if you are fan of the classic Looney Tunes, like myself, try and wrap your brain around that sentence I just fucking typed. Let me repeat it: BUGS BUNNY AND DAFFY DUCK ARE MOTHERFUCKING BEST FUCKING FRIENDS!
Fuck You Warner Brothers!
Yes, they are actually roomates and share a nice suburban house together. Did you fucking hear me? Bugs Bunny lives in a nice Colonial Style home, with a front yard and a fucking satelite dish on the roof! Fuck living in a hole in the ground and tunneling underground to his vacation in Pismo Beach and all the clams he can eat. Now, he and Daffy just sit on the couch and watch movies together on their flat screen like a couple of half-a-fags.
Their "crazy neighbor", by the way, is Yosemite Sam who (make sure you're sitting before you read any further) is apparently a committed green environmentalist who takes his house "off the grid" and lives solely on wind and solar power! You can be goddamn sure he has no six-shooters in this post-Columbine world. Instead he is some kind of metrosexual who is seemingly consumed with his grooming and appearance. They even showed him wearing nothing but tidy whities and I must say he had quite the set of six-pack abs. I'm surprised they didn't show Bugs and Daffy jump him and engage in a Looney Tunes three-way gay suck and fuck scene. I finally had to fucking punch out when Yosemite decides to serenade Bugs and Daffy, Karaoke style, by singing Cheap Trick's "The Flame" to them.
Seriously, if you've actually read this far you're probaby thinking "Smails has had some kind of drug induced episode and he thinks it was a Looney Tunes show he watched." To which I would answer that I only wish that was the truth.
In closing, I would like to thank you for reading my rant and would like to say to those at Warner Brothers who are responsible for this: "You broke my heart. You broke my heart."
To be fair, I only watched about ten minutes of this shit, but it was ten minutes of pure hell spent cursing a God who would allow such a thing to come into being. I would have rather have spent the time eating a parfait cup of Crazed's dick cheese than to have sat through that television abortion.
I can only imagine that this was created by a bunch of Warner Brothers executives who had never actually seen a Looney Tunes cartoon. The whole time I kept thinking of that Simpsons "Poochie" episode where the cartoon studio folks are sitting around and talking about creating characters that are "edgy", "in your face and proactive" and "a totally outrageous paradigm".
First of all, the animation looks like it was drawn by a down syndrome eight-year-old with Parkinsons. Also, they've decided to add a Lola Bunny to the cast of characters, I guess in the hopes of appealing to little girls. Well, as the father of a little girl, myself, I say they can go fuck themselves on this too, because Lola is a horrible role model. From what I saw she's a complete psycho whose sole purpose and goal in life is to try and trap Bugs Bunny into a relationship against his will.
Oh, and Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck are best friends. Now, if you are fan of the classic Looney Tunes, like myself, try and wrap your brain around that sentence I just fucking typed. Let me repeat it: BUGS BUNNY AND DAFFY DUCK ARE MOTHERFUCKING BEST FUCKING FRIENDS!
Fuck You Warner Brothers!
Yes, they are actually roomates and share a nice suburban house together. Did you fucking hear me? Bugs Bunny lives in a nice Colonial Style home, with a front yard and a fucking satelite dish on the roof! Fuck living in a hole in the ground and tunneling underground to his vacation in Pismo Beach and all the clams he can eat. Now, he and Daffy just sit on the couch and watch movies together on their flat screen like a couple of half-a-fags.
Their "crazy neighbor", by the way, is Yosemite Sam who (make sure you're sitting before you read any further) is apparently a committed green environmentalist who takes his house "off the grid" and lives solely on wind and solar power! You can be goddamn sure he has no six-shooters in this post-Columbine world. Instead he is some kind of metrosexual who is seemingly consumed with his grooming and appearance. They even showed him wearing nothing but tidy whities and I must say he had quite the set of six-pack abs. I'm surprised they didn't show Bugs and Daffy jump him and engage in a Looney Tunes three-way gay suck and fuck scene. I finally had to fucking punch out when Yosemite decides to serenade Bugs and Daffy, Karaoke style, by singing Cheap Trick's "The Flame" to them.
Seriously, if you've actually read this far you're probaby thinking "Smails has had some kind of drug induced episode and he thinks it was a Looney Tunes show he watched." To which I would answer that I only wish that was the truth.
In closing, I would like to thank you for reading my rant and would like to say to those at Warner Brothers who are responsible for this: "You broke my heart. You broke my heart."