Honoring Your Agreements

[CruelCircus]

Ok, HK, my first query sent your way:

Say you make a verbal agreement with someone. Nothing monetary or material- just a sort of meeting of the minds, so to speak. But both parties are definitely obligated to a certain, umm, standard of behavior...

Now, in this scenario, things go along fine for a month or so, but then one party unilaterally decides to violate the agreement and back out of what was promised. And, said violations are in some way injurous to the other party.

My question is this: is it then okay for the second party (in this case, me) to begin to engage in the "prohibited" behavior? Is there a "high-road" situation where I am the bigger person by continuing to honor my committment? Am I less ethical if I decide to injure the other party as they are injuring me?


Vague enough? :-) :-) ;-)



<br>You are sofa king, we Todd did.
<img src="http://pw2.netcom.com/~jjmace/gifs/brandisig.JPG">
USA! USA! Let's go 2002 USA Olympians!!

[gone]

i say its a free for all.. what do you think impactplayer?

thanks to skidmark for this sig.**kisses** to my AG1247.. arg i hate this status!
<img src=http://members.aol.com/ag1247/images/inkysig1.jpg width="300" height="100>

[GvacNoMore]

Is this about a chick?



<img src="http://www.ltrooster.homestead.com/files/gvacnomoreflag.jpg">

"Believe half of what you see, and none of what you hear"

Thanks, Rooster!

[impactplayer2k1]

I say your correct, inkgrrrl! A verbal agreement can go so far before it's broken by one of the people who made it. I believe that the person who's going through this should ignore the other person's action and just let it be.

<IMG SRC="http://iscream.20megsfree.com/images/impact2k1.jpg">
AOL IM at IMPACTPLAYER 2K1.

[JustJon]

I say stop holding a grudge and let it go.

<img src="http://www.chaoticconcepts.com/bans/rfjustjon4.jpg">

[Jennitalia]

People suck (for the most part). Deal with it and move on.
Thank you, drive through...

<IMG SRC="http://www.chaoticconcepts.com/bans/jensig.gif">

[impactplayer2k1]

and then?

<IMG SRC="http://iscream.20megsfree.com/images/impact2k1.jpg">
AOL IM at IMPACTPLAYER 2K1.

[gone]

i cant ever just move on.. im not a fighter but i can hold a grudge!

thanks to skidmark for this sig.**kisses** to my AG1247.. arg i hate this status!
<img src=http://members.aol.com/ag1247/images/inkysig1.jpg width="300" height="100>

[HordeKing1]

CRUEL CIRCUS - It certainly seems that this is a relationship question, so I'll use that as a frame of reference. My responce would be the same in every situation that I can think of offhand.

If you made a verbal agreement with someone you are both morally bound to it. (I'm not talking about legally - some contracts, such as those for sale of land need to be in writing to be enforceable).

Let's say that a man and woman verbally agree to only date each other. Lets further imagine that the woman decides to date someone else and does so. The moment she does so, the agreement is no longer in effect.

The agreement was based on a quid pro quo. You do (or don't do) this and in return I'll do (or won't do) the same.

It's OK for you to start dating again. By breaking the commitment she has shown that she is not partiularly concerned with your feelings. Otherwise she would have discussed it with you before. Personally I would tell the other party beforehand, and demand an answer as to why the agreement was broken. (It can help you gain some closure).

Since she broke the agreement (breached the contract) you are not ethically bound to continue to uphold your end of the bargain. She broke it, you're in the clear.

I would not however, under any circumstances, go out of my way to deliberately hurt her.

Finally, I again point out that I'm talking from an ethical not legal perspective.



http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/hking2

[JerryTaker]

Personally I would tell the other party beforehand, and demand an answer as to why the agreement was broken. (It can help you gain some closure).


Just a quick $.02 from the peanut gallery, and with all due respect to HK:
I totally agree with you except for the above part. This has <I>never</I> worked for me. I have never gotten a straight or honest answer to this question in my life. I sought closure, but all I got was frustration, and only succeeded in further straining what may have been salvageable post-relationship friendships.

<IMG SRC="http://web.njit.edu/~gsm2321/sigpic1.GIF">
"I remember now. I remember how it started. I can't remember yesterday, I just remember doing what they told me"

[wilee]

I've always found that verbal agreements aren't worth the paper they're printed on.

<IMG SRC="http://cwjr.home.infi.net/rocket.jpg">

[gone]

Since she broke the agreement (breached the contract) you are not ethically bound to continue to uphold your end of the bargain. She broke it, you're in the clear.



it wasnt a relationship question really.. but this is enough info for now...!!

thanks to skidmark for this sig.**kisses** to my AG1247.. arg i hate this status!
<img src=http://members.aol.com/ag1247/images/inkysig1.jpg width="300" height="100>

[CruelCircus]

Thanks to all for taking my thread so seriously. I'm honored! :-)
I'll try and touch on some of the points....

Gvac, yes the "other party" is a female, but it's not a "chick" in the sense of a current romantic relationship, if that's what you meant. And while it's not, HK's example works fine for illustration in this case. While I don't think confrontation would yield any honesty anyway, (as JerryTaker alluded) the point about inflicting harm rings true.
JustJon probably got the closest... essentially a burying of hatchets occured, and "the other" has decided to continue the grudge anyway, I guess.
He and Jenn are right, though, in that the holding of grudges is essentially very childish, and I think my decision to not match that pettiness will be for the best in the end.

Thanks again all! It's been a help!
The RonFez.Net Friend Network continues...



<br>You are sofa king, we Todd did.
<img src="http://pw2.netcom.com/~jjmace/gifs/brandisig.JPG">
USA! USA! Let's go 2002 USA Olympians!!

[gone]

cruel circus.. is it alright if i still hold this grudge? i mean i have NO problem being childish.. and quite honestly im beyond mad..... im livid.

thanks to skidmark for this sig.**kisses** to my AG1247.. arg i hate this status!
<img src=http://members.aol.com/ag1247/images/inkysig1.jpg width="300" height="100>

[impactplayer2k1]

Yeah but I believe that this is between cruel circus and the other person involved. This shouldn't concern you. Would you like if someone got into your business? This is an open forum and this isnt meant for anyone else to hold grudges based on what one person says.

That's how I feel anyway.

<IMG SRC="http://iscream.20megsfree.com/images/impact2k1.jpg">
AOL IM at IMPACTPLAYER 2K1.

This message was edited by impactplayer2k1 on 1-24-02 @ 11:44 AM

[Dan]

This thread is really interesting. I'm just gonna fill in all the details in my head and it makes for a quite lurid tale...

http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/dansig1
Check out my <font color=red>New</font> Column ("King of Pop My Ass") on FoundryMusic.com: http://www.foundrymusic.net/magazine/displaycolumn.cfm?intsubject=84&intcateg=2

[FUNKMAN]

If you feel you are in the right, confront that person with what you believe to be the truth...Keep Your Cool...
You'll feel better getting it off your chest and then it's on him/her...
That's if i'm reading between the lines right...
If not, forget what I said! :)


<img src="http://www.markfarner.com/2001tour/ribfest8_small.jpg">

[impactplayer2k1]

Your right funkman but it can make for an uncomfortable moment when that person feels offended b/c they cant move on.

<IMG SRC="http://www.members.aol.com/impactplayer2k1/sig1.jpg">
Thanks to WWFallon for the sig!