A break up

[Matt from Cincinnati]

Hiya Buddys! I'm looking to reach out to anyone. My fiance had broken up with me a little less than two months ago and I can't seem to shake the pain and depression. Im 31 and she was 4 yrs older and I think she was my first true love. Ron & Fez and O&A seems to be the only thing I'm enjoying now. I moved back to WNY from Cincy, living my crappy life in my families house until I get back on my feet. My friends haven't been as supportive as I like them to be. I'm not a drug user or an alcohol abuser. I'm just getting through each day trying to stay busy and running.

So, since my life in upside down now and nothing feels kind of real right, I'm looking to reach out to anyone on this board who understands what I'm going through and to make new friends. Feel free to contact me privately. Thanks a mil! Miss Black Earl.

[spoon]

There are pros and cons to almost every situation. Know that something was off and it's better now compared to later. Know that if nothing is learned from it, only THEN is/was it a waste of time. Like you said, it's only ur first love, and forgive me for saying this, but how do you even know it was that real? You admit it hasn't really happened before, so go out there and enjoy the freedom, lesson in hand and find an even better match over time. There is so much to live for, don't let something/someone take you this far down. You clearly have the capacity to love, so now you just know it'll be someone else in the end who gives it back better.

[Matt from Cincinnati]

There are pros and cons to almost every situation. Know that something was off and it's better now compared to later. Know that if nothing is learned from it, only THEN is/was it a waste of time. Like you said, it's only ur first love, and forgive me for saying this, but how do you even know it was that real? You admit it hasn't really happened before, so go out there and enjoy the freedom, lesson in hand and find an even better match over time. There is so much to live for, don't let something/someone take you this far down. You clearly have the capacity to love, so now you just know it'll be someone else in the end who gives it back better.

I, no doubt, learned a lot. A lot from her and a lot about myself. I completely blame myself however.

We used to work together and Wednesdays were her day off. We shared a car. On one wednesday, she dropped me off at work and three hours later, she called me to tell me that I can't come home anymore, that we were done. She, along with her mom and sister, came over to the work place and dropped off two bags of my clothes on the curbside. I marched over to the hotel across the street to spend the night and flew home the next day to start over. I've been kinda reliving that day over and over in my head and I wake from dreams where her and I get back together and life is great all over again. It's been fucking with my mind. I've been crying a bit almost every single day and dont have money to see a psychiatrist. Ron's wisdom to Fez, I always take in consideration.

Thats the story in a nutshell.

[Farmer Dave]

You definately sound down in the dumps, and that's to be expected. I don't think two months is enough time for you the heal from a relationship you thought was head towards marriage. Not to sound trite, but keep you chin up, find joy or at least distraction from the pain in the things you do enjoy and let time heal the wound.

[Ritalin]

I don't think it's trite, Farmer Dave, I think it's a time tested truth: time will help you heal.

So while you wait that out - and it'll happen - do something positive for yourself. Take the energy you're using trying to distract yourself and put it to good use. Working out is a pretty good way to work off some of that energy and it has the added benefit of making you feel great.

I don't mean to come off like a douchebag. I don't know why she left you and maybe some day you'll be able to figure that out. But in the meantime I just think you should focus on yourself. You're 31. I can't even begin to tell you how much life I've lived since I was 31.

Don't get down. It seriously will all turn out better in the end.

[Matt from Cincinnati]

Rock On Farmer and Spoon. Im definately trying to keep my chin up. I even drove back to Cincy to see lil' Jimmy perform last weekend. I had a table right next to the right side of the stage and got my celebrity photo with him but I didnt enjoy the show as much as I wanted to.

I felt like she was my first true love because I was in two long-lasting relationships before this one. When those other relationships ended, I didnt feel nearly as heartbroken as this chick. Every time I see the engagement ring I bought her, I instantly squirt tears. I also keep having flashbacks of a lot of moments we shared.

[spoon]

Rock On Farmer and Spoon. Im definately trying to keep my chin up. I even drove back to Cincy to see lil' Jimmy perform last weekend. I had a table right next to the right side of the stage and got my celebrity photo with him but I didnt enjoy the show as much as I wanted to.

I felt like she was my first true love because I was in two long-lasting relationships before this one. When those other relationships ended, I didnt feel nearly as heartbroken as this chick. Every time I see the engagement ring I bought her, I instantly squirt tears. I also keep having flashbacks of a lot of moments we shared.

Time again comes into play here. If you were 31 in those other relationships you may have gone the engagement route as well, or at least taken them more serious. No matter what, breaking up with someone you deemed important enough to put time and effort into will hurt. I just think perception sometimes gets in the way of rational thought. To me, the way she broke up with you AND involved her family is just plain wrong. I've had iffy breakups as we all had, and I'd surely be more pissed with this bc it got personal. You just don't involve family and work in a breakup in my mind, it's a good time to act like an adult and break it off the right way. I guess some things can occur that flame emotions and I'm not sure what happened exactly that may have caused this turn of events. If you did something to cause it, again just learn from it and know she wouldn't be willing to work through those tough times every relationship has. Better for it to end now versus later.

[biggirl]

I am sorry to hear you are in pain.

I would get rid of that ring. When you do find the woman you are meant with you would not want to give that ring to her anyhow. I would sell it and move on.

There are plenty of people here to help you out when you need some support.

[epo]

So you lived together and she didn't breakup in person?

[~Katja~]

maybe I skipped that part, but how long were you two together?
I find it very odd that she basically kicked you to the curb without notice and in a manner she did. If anything, it should give you strength to move on from a person who was not going to be good for and to you in the long run!

Don't worry about still feeling shaken up and upset, a little less than 2 months is not much to heal from a sudden end to an engagement, but know you will feel better, it just takes some time!
Not only do things you enjoy like comedy and outings, also try to do some physical things for yourself as they will help you balance energy and feel relaxed rather than reminiscing in what could have been.
When my marriage came to an end it was ugly and stressful and swimming a few times a week really helped me getting past it.
It's "you" time that gives you an opportunity to concentrate on yourself. Make it a point to not think of the past but where you want to see yourself in your future and start working on that, little by little.
It gets better, there is a long life ahead of you!

[sr71blackbird]

Breaking up is always rough, but its also a good thing too. Imagine if she didn't end it like that and just continued with the wedding plans? You might have married and started a family and then her feelings would have come out and if you bought a house or had kids, it would have been a mess! At least you made it though it and learned something. Next time you'll learn to look for certain signs of a girls unhappiness and not get so invested. I found that I lost a lot of girls because I was too smothering, controlling and not sensitive to their needs.sometimes they are not ready too. It takes two to tango, and you need to go slow, and guard your feelings. You will be fine bro!

[Matt from Cincinnati]

Thank you all, seriously! We were together for a year but it felt longer than that. We were much closer than just one year's time, or so I thought we were. I really, really wanted to marry her.

I'm realizing that she's the kind of person who cannot keep a man in a relationship for more than a year and a half. She was once married and had plenty of BF's since. I think, however, her mother was a main influencer. Her mom didnt like me so much and was way more religious than I was. I think her mom put in her head that I resemble her ex husband however her ex was verbally and physically abusive and I'm not that kind of person. My ex spent a lot of time around her parents. Usually four nights a week.

[Matt from Cincinnati]

Breaking up is always rough, but its also a good thing too. Imagine if she didn't end it like that and just continued with the wedding plans? You might have married and started a family and then her feelings would have come out and if you bought a house or had kids, it would have been a mess! At least you made it though it and learned something. Next time you'll learn to look for certain signs of a girls unhappiness and not get so invested. I found that I lost a lot of girls because I was too smothering, controlling and not sensitive to their needs.sometimes they are not ready too. It takes two to tango, and you need to go slow, and guard your feelings. You will be fine bro!

Solid SR! You're dead on!

[weekapaugjz]

sucks to hear about the situation, matt. can't imagine something like that.

you said you were from WNY, where at if i may ask? i'm in the region as well.

[spoon]

sucks to hear about the situation, matt. can't imagine something like that.

you said you were from WNY, where at if i may ask? i'm in the region as well.

Don't fall for it Matt, he's a lonely goalie in the Buffalo area looking for someone to quell his solitude! Run away. Run away!!

[weekapaugjz]

Don't fall for it Matt, he's a lonely goalie in the Buffalo area looking for someone to quell his solitude! Run away. Run away!!

1st night of men's league is this sunday. i can't wait. couldn't play this summer because of my job.

and i'm not that lonely

[Matt from Cincinnati]

Brother Wease country

[weekapaugjz]

Brother Wease country

ah. i'm down in the jamestown area.

[spoon]

1st night of men's league is this sunday. i can't wait. couldn't play this summer because of my job.

and i'm not that lonely

I'm suspended right now for 3 months (USA Hockey) for absolutely destroying some 6'4" Eastern European goon who took a baseball swing at me from the bench. I blocked it and laid him out. He tried to come at me from the bench again and I used his momentum to throw him over the boards and slammed him on the ice. From there he continued to get lit up. I got booted and in trouble bc the refs never saw him hit me and just about everyone on my team bc we were winning. My first penalty on three different teams ended up being a big one! Ha! No matter, we won the game and the championship!

I'm looking into getting him deported.

[GregoryJoseph]

Best of luck to you, Matt.

Grieving the end of a relationship can be like mourning the death of a dear friend or relative.

As impossible as it sounds, in time you will look back and only remember the fondest memories.

[Matt from Cincinnati]

Best of luck to you, Matt.

Grieving the end of a relationship can be like mourning the death of a dear friend or relative.

As impossible as it sounds, in time you will look back and only remember the fondest memories.

It def feels like a death and I'm only remembering the best of times. Even though she got rid of me in a cold-hearted manner, I wonder if she is recalling only good memeries also?

[FrogSlayer]

I think you got it right in your original post...Keep busy.


Be Selfish.
sell the ring and go to Hawaii like the movie "Forgetting Sarah Marshall"

good luck

[spoon]

I think you got it right in your original post...Keep busy.


Be Selfish.
sell the ring and go to Hawaii like the movie "Forgetting Sarah Marshall"

good luck

You're gonna turn on JerseyRich talking about that movie bc all he'll picture is floppy penis.

[Dougie Brootal]

whatever you do, DON NOT RUSH INTO A NEW RELATIONSHIP. your unscarred forehead will thank you.

[dino_electropolis]

I had a similiar loss some years back.....it absolutely sucks.


Its gonna hurt, so let it.

You can try this or that, etc, but bottom line: its gonna hurt, so let it.


Of course, always keep your head. But this pain has to be felt before it can subside.


This too shall pass, as they say.

[ToiletCrusher]

Hiya Buddys! I'm looking to reach out to anyone. My fiance had broken up with me a little less than two months ago and I can't seem to shake the pain and depression. Im 31 and she was 4 yrs older and I think she was my first true love. Ron & Fez and O&A seems to be the only thing I'm enjoying now. I moved back to WNY from Cincy, living my crappy life in my families house until I get back on my feet. My friends haven't been as supportive as I like them to be. I'm not a drug user or an alcohol abuser. I'm just getting through each day trying to stay busy and running.

So, since my life in upside down now and nothing feels kind of real right, I'm looking to reach out to anyone on this board who understands what I'm going through and to make new friends. Feel free to contact me privately. Thanks a mil! Miss Black Earl.

Misery loves company.

Let's grab a beer sometime and talk about it.

PM me.

I am going through something similar.

[Matt from Cincinnati]

All you guys are amazing and Im seeing a common response. I didnt expect this amount of responses. Thanks so much! Ronfez.net is much better than dealing with tangible crap!!

[Ocho Cinco]

rent the movie swingers. no joke, i wish i saw that when i went through my first big breakup

[mikeyboy]

Misery loves company.

Let's grab a beer sometime and talk about it.

PM me.

I am going through something similar.

TC likes girls? I owe Mojo $10.

[Penelope]

After being dumped in June by my boyfriend that I was with for three years, and lived with for about two years. I am still not quite right. I hate to say it, but you may not be over this for a while. It's been a slow process. I am still reading books about dealing with break ups, and hiding out at home a lot. I moved across the country to be with my family. Tried out new things. Met new people, but can't even think of dating, seen a psychiatrist, . . . I still miss him, and think about him every single day. I guess it just takes time to feel normal again. Feel free to pm me if you need to vent about the pain. I know what you are going through.

[Crossweird]

After being dumped in June by my boyfriend that I was with for three years, and lived with for about two years. I am still not quite right. I hate to say it, but you may not be over this for a while. It's been a slow process. I am still reading books about dealing with break ups, and hiding out at home a lot. I moved across the country to be with my family. Tried out new things. Met new people, but can't even think of dating, seen a psychiatrist, . . . I still miss him, and think about him every single day. I guess it just takes time to feel normal again. Feel free to pm me if you need to vent about the pain. I know what you are going through.

Don't feel bad, Penelope. I'm sure your profile just got about twenty creepy hits. You're gonna be famous here.

[Crossweird]

By the way, Penelope was the name of Odysseus's ultra-loyal wife. She was a keeper.

[Penelope]

I am so fucking stupid. After going through months and months and months of pain after being dumped. . . The ex called in Novemeber. I went back. He dumped me again on Thursday. :wallbash:

[Dude!]

I am so fucking stupid. After going through months and months and months of pain after being dumped. . . The ex called in Novemeber. I went back. He dumped me again on Thursday. :wallbash:

geez...
hopefully this time
you go from sad to mad!

[goreds2]

I am so fucking stupid. After going through months and months and months of pain after being dumped. . . The ex called in Novemeber. I went back. He dumped me again on Thursday. :wallbash:

Sorry to hear that. I go by the fact, if you breakup don't go back. I have never heard a good outcome of this situation.

[sailor]

I am so fucking stupid. After going through months and months and months of pain after being dumped. . . The ex called in Novemeber. I went back. He dumped me again on Thursday. :wallbash:

sorry to hear that. i know it's not fun, but you'll be better for the experience you gained.

[dereckfishboy]

I am so fucking stupid. After going through months and months and months of pain after being dumped. . . The ex called in Novemeber. I went back. He dumped me again on Thursday. :wallbash:

You can't be blamed..... Despite popular belief, sometimes a break-up can give a failing relationship breath of life, so I don't think you were being stupid at all to give it another chance.... You were passionate about giving the relationship another chance, and for all you knew it might have worked out this time... Fuck that guy for stringing you along like that, but that doesn't fault your judgment for feeling like it meant enough to you to give it another try...

[Penelope]

Thank you so much buddays! I appreciate the input. When I got up this morning I had a text from the ex that said "I miss you so much". I ignored it. I have to. I've been through this a bunch of times with him. I do believe this will be a learning experience for me. Learning to discard things that harm me. Learning to be strong even when it hurts, a lot.
When I feel sad I think of Dave stealing Rick Sanchez's water bottle. That fills me with real joy, and love for the world. For real.

[Chainsaw]

haven't been married, but have had my heart ripped out my chest...

it's okay to be sad. allow yourself as much time as you need to be sad.

it's okay to be angry. it's okay to miss her, to idealize her.

allow it to hurt...get through everyday with the hope that tomorrow will be a little bit better. there's no miracle cure, one day, one small step at a time. After whatever the time is (for some people its months, others years) you'll notice that you're either tired of being sad, or being hurt, or you'll notice that it doesn't hurt anymore, there in lies salvation and a new beginning.

don't call her. learn to live with out her.

Totally dedicate yourself to something new. People have heard my story on here (suicide/depression), but one thing i'm grateful for is i found yoga. My first class I was horrible. today I completed my 35th class, and I'm a little better but still bad. It's new, it teaches me many spiritual thoughts I was missing. I want to be better everytime i do it. I love the endorphins released when I am finished.

if for nothing else, you've got friends on here....we'll help you.

all the best-

[Penelope]

haven't been married, but have had my heart ripped out my chest...

it's okay to be sad. allow yourself as much time as you need to be sad.

it's okay to be angry. it's okay to miss her, to idealize her.

allow it to hurt...get through everyday with the hope that tomorrow will be a little bit better. there's no miracle cure, one day, one small step at a time. After whatever the time is (for some people its months, others years) you'll notice that you're either tired of being sad, or being hurt, or you'll notice that it doesn't hurt anymore, there in lies salvation and a new beginning.

don't call her. learn to live with out her.

Totally dedicate yourself to something new. People have heard my story on here (suicide/depression), but one thing i'm grateful for is i found yoga. My first class I was horrible. today I completed my 35th class, and I'm a little better but still bad. It's new, it teaches me many spiritual thoughts I was missing. I want to be better everytime i do it. I love the endorphins released when I am finished.

if for nothing else, you've got friends on here....we'll help you.

all the best-

:smile: Thank you for the advice. It's good advice, and I really appreciate it. I got dumped by a guy, not a woman, I'm not gay . . . yet anyway. I am so glad that you are doing better with your depression. I agree, yoga is really great. So is getting involved in something one has never tried before.
:wub: you all.

[opie's twisted balls]

haven't been married, but have had my heart ripped out my chest...

it's okay to be sad. allow yourself as much time as you need to be sad.

it's okay to be angry. it's okay to miss her, to idealize her.

allow it to hurt...get through everyday with the hope that tomorrow will be a little bit better. there's no miracle cure, one day, one small step at a time. After whatever the time is (for some people its months, others years) you'll notice that you're either tired of being sad, or being hurt, or you'll notice that it doesn't hurt anymore, there in lies salvation and a new beginning.

don't call her. learn to live with out her.

Totally dedicate yourself to something new. People have heard my story on here (suicide/depression), but one thing i'm grateful for is i found yoga. My first class I was horrible. today I completed my 35th class, and I'm a little better but still bad. It's new, it teaches me many spiritual thoughts I was missing. I want to be better everytime i do it. I love the endorphins released when I am finished.

if for nothing else, you've got friends on here....we'll help you.

all the best-
If I take of my normal sarcastic, dickhead, couldn't give a flying fuck about anyone else hat I agree 100% with your post. I've had my heart broken a few times and it sucks in the worst way. The hurt feels like it will never end but ya know something it does eventually subside and hopefully make way to peace. I know one gal in particular the breakup came out of nowhere (well it did for me,apparently she was planning it for quite some time.....would have been nice to know before I dropped 10k to take us to Mexico....the evil conniving shrew.....still looking for peace after that one) and I honestly thought she was the one I'd spend the rest of my life with. The hurt was, and to a lesser extent, incredible and it devastated me.

I found solace in a few things. 1) Friends.....either reconnect with the ones you inevitably drifted away from when you coupled up. Make some new ones by trying activities or joining a club you've always wanted to be part of. Check out craigs list or your local arts/community paper for ideas. 2) Work out. You'll look better but more importantly the endorphins released will make you feel better. 3) If the finances and living situation permits buy a dog. I can't stress enough how the feeling of unconditional love you get from a dog (and I guess from a cat) makes you feel better. If owning a pet isn't an option the volunteer at the local SPCA or shelter. 4) Have a one night stand. Its cleansing to release the sexual mojo and hooking up with a stranger for a night of unadulterated and uncomplicated fucking. If nothing else you just made some anonymous person's night and the karma will be returned.


I'm not gay . . . yet anyway.
From what I've seen with my queer friends they're no better off when it comes to relationship stability. IMO the only benefit from dating someone of the same sex is that there's the potential to add to your wardrobe if they're close to the same size.

[Matt from Cincinnati]

If I take of my normal sarcastic, dickhead, couldn't give a flying fuck about anyone else hat I agree 100% with your post. I've had my heart broken a few times and it sucks in the worst way. The hurt feels like it will never end but ya know something it does eventually subside and hopefully make way to peace. I know one gal in particular the breakup came out of nowhere (well it did for me,apparently she was planning it for quite some time.....would have been nice to know before I dropped 10k to take us to Mexico....the evil conniving shrew.....still looking for peace after that one) and I honestly thought she was the one I'd spend the rest of my life with. The hurt was, and to a lesser extent, incredible and it devastated me.

I found solace in a few things. 1) Friends.....either reconnect with the ones you inevitably drifted away from when you coupled up. Make some new ones by trying activities or joining a club you've always wanted to be part of. Check out craigs list or your local arts/community paper for ideas. 2) Work out. You'll look better but more importantly the endorphins released will make you feel better. 3) If the finances and living situation permits buy a dog. I can't stress enough how the feeling of unconditional love you get from a dog (and I guess from a cat) makes you feel better. If owning a pet isn't an option the volunteer at the local SPCA or shelter. 4) Have a one night stand. Its cleansing to release the sexual mojo and hooking up with a stranger for a night of unadulterated and uncomplicated fucking. If nothing else you just made some anonymous person's night and the karma will be returned.



From what I've seen with my queer friends they're no better off when it comes to relationship stability. IMO the only benefit from dating someone of the same sex is that there's the potential to add to your wardrobe if they're close to the same size.


Hey Penelope, same thing happened to me. The girl that dumped me, we got back together in October, I moved back to Cincy to live with her and same shit happened again in early March. Dumped me...again. I feel fooled, foolish, hurt, angry and depressed. And all those tips from Opie's Twisted Balls help...'cept Im in no frame of mind to have sex with anyone. No interest right now.

Right now Im focused on just working as many hours as I can and move back home to Brother Wease land in Rochester next September. And even though she really hurt big this time, I miss her and think of her a lot. I need those Ron & Fez powers to activate now!

[Penelope]

Hey Penelope, same thing happened to me. The girl that dumped me, we got back together in October, I moved back to Cincy to live with her and same shit happened again in early March. Dumped me...again. I feel fooled, foolish, hurt, angry and depressed. And all those tips from Opie's Twisted Balls help...'cept Im in no frame of mind to have sex with anyone. No interest right now.

Right now Im focused on just working as many hours as I can and move back home to Brother Wease land in Rochester next September. And even though she really hurt big this time, I miss her and think of her a lot. I need those Ron & Fez powers to activate now!

Wow. Yeah I got back together with my ex in October too, and moved to be with him.
Yeah, Opie's Twisted Balls advice is wonderful. He is usually a voice of reason. I am following all his advice, except for the one night stand thing too. I am going to take a few months to focus on myself. Making mistakes is one thing, but making the same mistakes over and over again . . . I need to sort some things out, work on my self esteem. I've been spending a lot of time working out, and helping out the elderly neighbors around here. Helping other people pulls me out out of my sadness for a while. Plus, I have my friends, and all you buddays here, and Ron and Fez and Dave. I have shelter and a car, etc. I am so thankful for it all. I am doing ok most of the time. I think the weekends are the hardest time, when I'm not so busy, too much time to think.

[Matt from Cincinnati]

Wow. Yeah I got back together with my ex in October too, and moved to be with him.
Yeah, Opie's Twisted Balls advice is wonderful. He is usually a voice of reason. I am following all his advice, except for the one night stand thing too. I am going to take a few months to focus on myself. Making mistakes is one thing, but making the same mistakes over and over again . . . I need to sort some things out, work on my self esteem. I've been spending a lot of time working out, and helping out the elderly neighbors around here. Helping other people pulls me out out of my sadness for a while. Plus, I have my friends, and all you buddays here, and Ron and Fez and Dave. I have shelter and a car, etc. I am so thankful for it all. I am doing ok most of the time. I think the weekends are the hardest time, when I'm not so busy, too much time to think.

Dude, I agree! Weekends are the worst! Thats why I volunteer for OT to work them. The alternative is to spend time in the apt alone just thinking of her and thats not what I need.