Tell me a story....

[spankyfrank]

Anyone got a good story to tell?

I'll be listening with non-judgemental eyes.

[Drunky McBetidont]

when i was 13 years old i got a levi jean jacket for my birthday. i wore it to school the next day and locked it in my locker. at the end of the day i found my locker open and the jean jacket missing. i got home and told my folks and they thought i sold it.

[Patient zer0]

This one time,at band camp, I shoved a flute up my pussy

[spankyfrank]

Lesson of the story:

You should have sold it, at least you would have made some money.

[lleeder]

I drove past this hot pool company girl at a hot dog truck. I thought to myself "hey thats the like the reverse of a hack porn movie". Then a hour later I went to Loews and who do I see in the parking lot? The same pool chick. She was still hot and it was an extra chance to check her out.

[Gvac]

I drove past this hot pool company girl at a hot dog truck. I thought to myself "hey thats the like the reverse of a hack porn movie". Then a hour later I went to Loews and who do I see in the parking lot? The same pool chick. She was still hot and it was an extra chance to check her out.

Best story ever.

[spankyfrank]

I drove past this hot pool company girl at a hot dog truck. I thought to myself "hey thats the like the reverse of a hack porn movie". Then a hour later I went to Loews and who do I see in the parking lot? The same pool chick. She was still hot and it was an extra chance to check her out.

Lesson of this story:

There is always a reason to go to Loews.

[biggirl]

I will tell you a story, since you said you wouldn't be judgmental. This last weekend...we had a kids free weekend at our camper. I kissed three women and went skinny dipping with my husband. I was quite proud of myself...(maybe a little disappointed in myself too):wacko:

[spankyfrank]

I will tell you a story, since you said you wouldn't be judgmental. This last weekend...we had a kids free weekend at our camper. I kissed three women and went skinny dipping with my husband. I was quite proud of myself...(maybe a little disappointed in myself too):wacko:

Lesson of this story:

It's good to explore new places.

[Patient zer0]

I will tell you a story, since you said you wouldn't be judgmental. This last weekend...we had a kids free weekend at our camper. I kissed three women and went skinny dipping with my husband. I was quite proud of myself...(maybe a little disappointed in myself too):wacko:

Useless without pics.

[biggirl]

Useless without pics.

My husband has them, but he says they are for his private viewing collection...whatever that means.

[Gvac]

My husband has them, but he says they are for his private viewing collection...whatever that means.

It means he's queer.

[spankyfrank]

It means he's queer.

Gvac do you have a secret? I think it would make a great story.

[Gvac]

Gvac do you have a secret? I think it would make a great story.

Oh I've got TONS of secrets.

None I feel like revealing right now though.

Too tired.

Maybe tomorrow though!

[spankyfrank]

Oh I've got TONS of secrets.

None I feel like revealing right now though.

Too tired.

Maybe tomorrow though!

Oh uncle Gvac. Always looking at me funny.

[Tall_James]

True story, actually happened to me today.

My wife and I were picking up our son at a neighbor's house when we saw an older woman walking an adorable bulldog puppy. We walked up to her and complimented her on the dog and played with him for a few seconds. She smiled blankly and said "This is my brother's dog. He died this morning and they found him on the kitchen floor. I'm taking care of the dog now."

Talk about an awkward situation.

I was bummed that I didn't think to ask her how much she wanted for the dog.

[spankyfrank]

True story, actually happened to me today.

My wife and I were picking up our son at a neighbor's house when we saw an older woman walking an adorable bulldog puppy. We walked up to her and complimented her on the dog and played with him for a few seconds. She smiled blankly and said "This is my brother's dog. He died this morning and they found him on the kitchen floor. I'm taking care of the dog now."

Talk about an awkward situation.

I was bummed that I didn't think to ask her how much she wanted for the dog.

Lesson of this story:

Always comfort the living.

[jauble]

I caught someone lying to me at work on Friday. I went in and did my research on Saturday. Now they are fucked.

[spankyfrank]

I caught someone lying to me at work on Friday. I went in and did my research on Saturday. Now they are fucked.

Lesson in this story:

Don't fuck with Jauble!

[DolaMight]

Somebody was in the middle of an awful story about fixing computer stuff at work today and I maintained full eye contact making him think his story was interesting but I just walked away mid story leaving it hanging. He continued talking until he realized I wasn't coming back and went oh ok... well ok then. The new ending was great.

[spankyfrank]

Somebody was in the middle of an awful story about fixing computer stuff at work today and I maintained full eye contact making him think his story was interesting but I just walked away mid story leaving it hanging. He continued talking until he realized I wasn't coming back and went oh ok... well ok then. The new ending was great.

Lesson of this story:

Always ignore the office dullard.

[Hottub]

It was a County park.
It was still daylight.
I had a "box lunch"

Next question.

[biggirl]

It was a County park.
It was still daylight.
I had a "box lunch"

Next question.

who provided the "box lunch"?

[Flea_Man]

I thanked an ATM machine once.

[spankyfrank]

I thanked an ATM machine once.

Lesson of this story:

Don't drink heavily.

[Hottub]

who provided the "box lunch"?

I'll fill you in, in December.

[biggirl]

Once, our a/c wasn't working (tonight) and I was enjoying a margarita in my birthday suit and spilled half the margarita down my chest...it was really cold. It felt good. Then I had to go get a refill.

[spankyfrank]

Once, our a/c wasn't working (tonight) and I was enjoying a margarita in my birthday suit and spilled half the margarita down my chest...it was really cold. It felt good. Then I had to go get a refill.

Lesson of this story:

Never cry over spilt Margarita.

[spankyfrank]

Well those were all lovely stories. I'm headin to bed now. Maybe I'll get this goin' again tomorrow.

[boosterp]

I passed up on a three some once.

It was the Saturday after my wrist surgery (2 days after), I was in a half cast, and had some blood soaking through one bandage. I refused to take my vicoden instead opting for lots of beer. I started messing around with one chick who took me to the back room and started to mess around with me. She had pulled my pants off and started blowing me when her friend came in. Her friend went to remove my shirt and accidentally slammed my wrist/hand into the wall causing great pain, later to find out I split one of the sutures, and began to bleed more. I lost my hard on and was a bit embarrassed. I lost my chance with both of them, the rest of the night was painful physically and mentally.

[SatCam]

this afternoon i was waiting in the drive-thru of a mcdonalds and i looked across the street to a gas station and saw some kid vacuuming out the trunk of his car. it struck me as weird that someone actually uses those vacuums, especially this kid wearing a striped polo and shorts driving a silver car.....

anyway about 10-15 minutes later i realize that i needed gas before i headed home so i went to a gas station that was about a mile down the road from the mcdonalds. and i swear the same kid in the striped polo and silver car pulls up behind me and starts filling up his tank.

[PapaBear]

I saw a girl today that looks exactly like Tommy Gavin's daughter on Rescue Me.

[Dude!]

This is a story about Billy Joe and Bobby Sue
Two young lovers with nothin' better to do
Except sit around the house, get high and watch the tube
And here's what happened when they decided to cut loose

They headed down to New Old El Paso
That's where they ran into a great big hassle
Billy Joe shot a man while robbin' his castle
Bobby Sue took the money and run

Billy Mac is a detective down in Texas
And he knows just exactly what the facts is
He ain't gonna let those two escape justice
He makes his livin' off of other people's taxes

Billy Joe slowly slipped away
Bobby Sue caught up with him the very next day
They got the money hey and though they got away
Headed down south and they're still runnin' today

[biggirl]

This is a story about Billy Joe and Bobby Sue
Two young lovers with nothin' better to do
Except sit around the house, get high and watch the tube
And here's what happened when they decided to cut loose

They headed down to New Old El Paso
That's where they ran into a great big hassle
Billy Joe shot a man while robbin' his castle
Bobby Sue took the money and run

Billy Mac is a detective down in Texas
And he knows just exactly what the facts is
He ain't gonna let those two escape justice
He makes his livin' off of other people's taxes

Billy Joe slowly slipped away
Bobby Sue caught up with him the very next day
They got the money hey and though they got away
Headed down south and they're still runnin' today

I think I have heard that story before.

[Bob'sBitchTits]

I used to be a poor mountaineer but I kept my family fed.
Then one day while I was shooting at some food,
up from the ground came a red head nude.
Naked, that is, no clothes.
Well the first thing you know I was in bed
fucking that bitch 'til my balls turned red.
Granny came and said, "What y'all doin'?".
I said, "Come right in and I'll fuck you too!".

[spankyfrank]

this afternoon i was waiting in the drive-thru of a mcdonalds and i looked across the street to a gas station and saw some kid vacuuming out the trunk of his car. it struck me as weird that someone actually uses those vacuums, especially this kid wearing a striped polo and shorts driving a silver car.....

anyway about 10-15 minutes later i realize that i needed gas before i headed home so i went to a gas station that was about a mile down the road from the mcdonalds. and i swear the same kid in the striped polo and silver car pulls up behind me and starts filling up his tank.

Lesson of this story:

Don't wear a striped polo shirt or you may be reconized as a serial killer.

I passed up on a three some once.

It was the Saturday after my wrist surgery (2 days after), I was in a half cast, and had some blood soaking through one bandage. I refused to take my vicoden instead opting for lots of beer. I started messing around with one chick who took me to the back room and started to mess around with me. She had pulled my pants off and started blowing me when her friend came in. Her friend went to remove my shirt and accidentally slammed my wrist/hand into the wall causing great pain, later to find out I split one of the sutures, and began to bleed more. I lost my hard on and was a bit embarrassed. I lost my chance with both of them, the rest of the night was painful physically and mentally.

Lesson of this story:

Breaking your wrist may have the side effect of getting into a threesome.

[biggirl]

I like this thread....some more people need to step up and tell some fun stories. I am bored.

[RhinoinMN]

A worker of mine just told me a story.

He was 6 years old with his friend lighting WD-40 on fire to make a small flame thrower. They ended up in a barn and started lighting hay on fire. They tried to put out the flaming hay with more hay. End result was the barn burning down killing 30 cows in the process.

The two kids said nothing about it. Insurance adjuster said it was due to a squirrel chewing electrical wires.

[RhinoinMN]

I'll fill you in, in December.

Oohhhhhhhh!

[spankyfrank]

A worker of mine just told me a story.

He was 6 years old with his friend lighting WD-40 on fire to make a small flame thrower. They ended up in a barn and started lighting hay on fire. They tried to put out the flaming hay with more hay. End result was the barn burning down killing 30 cows in the process.

The two kids said nothing about it. Insurance adjuster said it was due to a squirrel chewing electrical wires.

Lesson of this story:

Hay will not put out fire but in fact does the opposite.

[Gvac]

A worker of mine just told me a story.

He was 6 years old with his friend lighting WD-40 on fire to make a small flame thrower. They ended up in a barn and started lighting hay on fire. They tried to put out the flaming hay with more hay. End result was the barn burning down killing 30 cows in the process.

The two kids said nothing about it. Insurance adjuster said it was due to a squirrel chewing electrical wires.

Hillbillies have the best stories!

[RhinoinMN]

Hillbillies have the best stories!

I am not a Hillbilly. I just employ them.

[Gvac]

I am not a Hillbilly. I just employ them.

I didn't say you were.

You told a hillbilly story.

I said hillbillies have the best stories.

Don't get so defensive!

Jeez.

[lleeder]

Some girl at work told me a story about a russian girl she was hanging out with. The russian said tonight we're not buying any drinks. She goes up to a guy and says" you're not 21" He said "yes I am." "prove it" So he shows her him his ID. Then she takes it and puts it in her bra. "Buy all 3 of us drinks or you don't get it back" He bought the drinks. Then later she sees a drunk ass guy leaving the bar. "Hey the bartender says you owe him 30 for those shots you bought. Give me the money and I'll give it to him" He gave her the money. I had to ask was she hot? Yes. Yes she was.

[RhinoinMN]

Some girl at work told me a story about a russian girl she was hanging out with. The russian said tonight we're not buying any drinks. She goes up to a guy and says" you're not 21" He said "yes I am." "prove it" So he shows her him his ID. Then she takes it and puts it in her bra. "Buy all 3 of us drinks or you don't get it back" He bought the drinks. Then later she sees a drunk ass guy leaving the bar. "Hey the bartender says you owe him 30 for those shots you bought. Give me the money and I'll give it to him" He gave her the money. I had to ask was she hot? Yes. Yes she was.

Save that one for the next time you are in studio.

[spankyfrank]

I didn't say you were.

You told a hillbilly story.

I said hillbillies have the best stories.

Don't get so defensive!

Jeez.

You're both yo-yo's. Shut up you yo-yo's.

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/4-YiwIZEfug&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/4-YiwIZEfug&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

[spankyfrank]

Some girl at work told me a story about a russian girl she was hanging out with. The russian said tonight we're not buying any drinks. She goes up to a guy and says" you're not 21" He said "yes I am." "prove it" So he shows her him his ID. Then she takes it and puts it in her bra. "Buy all 3 of us drinks or you don't get it back" He bought the drinks. Then later she sees a drunk ass guy leaving the bar. "Hey the bartender says you owe him 30 for those shots you bought. Give me the money and I'll give it to him" He gave her the money. I had to ask was she hot? Yes. Yes she was.

Lesson of this story:

boobies......

[Gvac]

Many moons ago (I was 21 or 22) I was in a bar with my buddy. Two drunks bet us $50 that one of them could chug an entire pitcher of beer in under a minute.

He failed.

They asked for a chance to get their money back and wanted to know if we'd go double or nothing if one of us was willing to give it a shot.

I put that motherfucker down in less than 40 seconds.

And continued drinking the rest of the night.

[spankyfrank]

Many moons ago (I was 21 or 22) I was in a bar with my buddy. Two drunks bet us $50 that one of them could chug an entire pitcher of beer in under a minute.

He failed.

They asked for a chance to get their money back and wanted to know if we'd go double or nothing if one of us was willing to give it a shot.

I put that motherfucker down in less than 40 seconds.

And continued drinking the rest of the night.

Lesson of this story:

Don't fuck with Gwiz!!!!!

[RhinoinMN]

Many moons ago (I was 21 or 22) I was in a bar with my buddy. Two drunks bet us $50 that one of them could chug an entire pitcher of beer in under a minute.

He failed.

They asked for a chance to get their money back and wanted to know if we'd go double or nothing if one of us was willing to give it a shot.

I put that motherfucker down in less than 40 seconds.

And continued drinking the rest of the night.


Jvac could have done 2.

[lleeder]

Many moons ago (I was 21 or 22) I was in a bar with my buddy. Two drunks bet us $50 that one of them could chug an entire pitcher of beer in under a minute.

He failed.

They asked for a chance to get their money back and wanted to know if we'd go double or nothing if one of us was willing to give it a shot.

I put that motherfucker down in less than 40 seconds.

And continued drinking the rest of the night.

That really brings a tear to my eye.:glurps:

[spankyfrank]

We now have a contest for the next bar night.

[spankyfrank]

Alright the fire is lit....

Who's next?

[biggirl]

Once, when I was 15...I told my mom I was staying at my friend's house overnight, and instead I went camping...with boys and alcohol. My mom found out and almost choked me until my dad told her to quit choking me. I was grounded for the rest of the summer, but after 2 weeks I was released from my grounding...so I went camping, again...with boys and alcohol...this time I did not get caught.

[Dougie Brootal]

Lesson of this story:

Breaking your wrist may have the side effect of getting into a threesome.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm...











anybody got a hammer?

[spankyfrank]

Once, when I was 15...I told my mom I was staying at my friend's house overnight, and instead I went camping...with boys and alcohol. My mom found out and almost choked me until my dad told her to quit choking me. I was grounded for the rest of the summer, but after 2 weeks I was released from my grounding...so I went camping, again...with boys and alcohol...this time I did not get caught.

Lesson of this story:

Learn from your mistakes.

[ANC]

I thanked an ATM machine once.

I once beat up an ATM machine.

On another note:

When I was in college I went to a bar and apparently something was slipped into my drink without me knowing or by mistake. I blackout and become conscious as I'm in mid-stream pissing on my girlfriend's (at the time) computer. I was a little freaked out and tried to clean it up without her knowing, but she caught me throwing out the soaked paper towels....... Talk about an awkward situation.:wacko:

[spankyfrank]

I once beat up an ATM machine.

On another note:

When I was in college I went to a bar and apparently something was slipped into my drink without me knowing or by mistake. I blackout and become conscious as I'm in mid-stream pissing on my girlfriend's (at the time) computer. I was a little freaked out and tried to clean it up without her knowing, but she caught me throwing out the soaked paper towels....... Talk about an awkward situation.:wacko:

Lesson here:

Don't go to bars.....:flush:

[biggirl]

I got a story for you.

Last night I took my son out to eat at the pizza place he likes. The Lions Club was bussing tables and doing dishes for tips for their scholarships that they offer. So they left jars on the table and you could put whatever amount of money you would like in there.

My son, 6 years old, was raiding all of the jars for the money while I was getting our drinks...he thought they were giving money to us to eat there (which they should, the pizza is terrible).

All of the parents were looking at me like my son was some sort of lunatic or me for that matter. We had to go back to every jar and put the money back. Then I had to explain the importance of donations to my son. His response was "well, mom, don't put too much of our money in there...we need it for gum and toys." Ugh...where did I go wrong????????

:wallbash: