Moral Conundram

[TripleSkeet]

Heres a question Id like to get everyones opinion on. Hypothetically...

Say a friend or relative of yours has lent out or won money from a person, between $3,000 - $4,000. And the person just decides not to pay and is avoiding them. Not answering his phone, not returning calls, basically just dissapearing. To the point where your friend has just written the debt off as a loss. They know they arent getting paid, and thyve made peace with it and dont care anymore.

3 years go by, and now you find yourself in a position where you see that person and they are doing well financially. So you take the oppurtunity to try something to get him to pay his debt. Now he has given you the money. Do you give it to your friend or do you keep it for yourself?

On one hand, you can give it to your friend and hope hed share it with you. But then again your friend had written off the money, stopped making any attempt to collect it, and basically didnt care about it anymore. Plus your friend is doing well financially and you are hurting badly.

By keeping the money are you robbing your friend or taking advantage of a jerk off that tried to get over on him? You may not have any right to the money originally but you took advantage of a situation and collected it where your friend just gave up on it. So whats the right thing to do? And more importantly, what would YOU do??

[NateCantDance]

If you collect a debt for your friend and don't pay it to him, then you're screwing your friend over. Chances are that now that the guy has paid up, the avoidance will stop too and people will find out about the money.

[~Katja~]

regardless of anyone's financial situation I would give the money to the person it was intended for... even if he or she wrote it off.

I sold my car to a neighbor once and she paid me 500 down and then was going to make monthly payments (no interest, all in good faith)
As soon as I moved to PA she stopped paying. I got in touch with her a few more times but she cried me a river of financial distress and then sent me 20 bucks a few times but never paid up. (She owes me a few thousand still)

I wrote it off, but if she was to give anyone the money for me i would be pissed to find out it never made it's way into my hands.

[west milly Tom]

Keeping the money is wrong.

[disneyspy]

i'd have to give it to my friend and tell them i could use some help,they might lend me a coupla thou out of gratitude. askin for help when i'm financially stressed is hard for me to do but sometimes i have to swallow my pride and do it

[disneyspy]

Keeping the money is wrong.

but he asked,WWWMTD?

[instrument]

I don't see how this is a moral conundrum, you'd be stealing money, and honestly you'd be the one living in fear cause I'm sure when either person finds out they're coming for you.

[TripleSkeet]

First of all, this isnt me. But my wife and I were discussing it...

The guy in question basically has a way to force to this guy to give him the money. The dickhead needs a favor badly and this is how he is getting the money from him. Its not like hes just asking for it.

I guess his point is, "Im using my position to take advantage of an asshole that took advantage of someone I know. But my friend is making 6 figures and living like a king, and Im struggling to pay my mortgage. I cant see giving him $4,000 that he basically has decided he will never see, while Im struggling."

I can definitely see where hes coming from.

I dont know. Growing up where I did it was understood that if you took advantage of someone that deserved it, you reep the rewards. I mean, that was the whole point of the Mob. They didnt go after honest businessmen, they went after people that profited from crime. Gambling, prostitution, drugs...and made them pay them for doing it. Because they had the power to do so. They didnt give the money back to the people that paid it to begin with.

[mikeyboy]

I don't see how this is a moral conundrum, you'd be stealing money, and honestly you'd be the one living in fear cause I'm sure when either person finds out they're coming for you.

I agree with this.

[TripleSkeet]

I don't see how this is a moral conundrum, you'd be stealing money, and honestly you'd be the one living in fear cause I'm sure when either person finds out they're coming for you.

Thats not an issue in this case as there is almost zero chance of their paths crossing. And I agree its stealing, but is it stealing from your friend, or from the jerk off?

[lleeder]

You're robbing two different people at the same time. Brilliant and scummy all in one.

[boosterp]

The money goes to the guy who had lent the money, you re just the middle man. Otherwise you suck as a friend and I hope each person involved finds out the you kept the money.

Btw, I used "you" hypothetically.

[TripleSkeet]

The money goes to the guy who had lent the money, you re just the middle man. Otherwise you suck as a friend and I hope each person involved finds out the you kept the money.

Btw, I used "you" hypothetically.

I already said it wasnt me. But it is a person I know.

I honestly couldnt say what Id do. I mean its easy to say give it back but then again I couldnt say I definitely would unless I had the money in my hand.

When I first heard about it I looked at it more as a "good that fuckhead deserved it" type of thing. I didnt even think about him finding the guy and giving the money back to him. I mean it had been 3 years and like I said, that other guy didnt need it or even care it was gone. It wasnt til he said he had argued with his wife that I found out this was even a discussion.

[Furtherman]

There's no conundrum. That person would be a thief. And a scumbag.

I couldn't even be friends with someone who would do that.

[TripleSkeet]

So would this guy just be better off not even getting involved and letting the guy that didnt pay keep the 4 grand?

Because that was another option he was weighing.

[Furtherman]

This is none of his business! He's worse than the guy that hasn't paid back yet... it's up to the two men in the original transaction to figure it out. No one else.

He needs to be smacked. Hard.

[biggirl]

that person should give the money back, period. If a person needs money, go work for it.

[TripleSkeet]

that person should give the money back, period. If a person needs money, go work for it.

He is working for it. Thats how this whole thing got started. This dude needs him for a job and hes thinking he could get the money the guy owes before agreeing to do the job.

Hes one of the guys I grew up with and he was asking us our opinions. The guy who lost the money is an acquaintance of his and apparently got screwed over in a shady business deal. (Go figure I automatically assumed a loan or gambling debt)

Its really interesting to get other peoples opinion, Of course alot of them are extremely judgemental, which is what Ive come to expect on this board, but interesting nonetheless. The way my friends saw it was this way, if I was the guy that lost the money, and I pretty much just wrote it off as I was never going to see it again and was ok with that, I wouldnt feel I lost it again just because someone else used it to screw over the guy that screwed me. If anything Id be happy he didnt wind up with it.

But most of us grew up in a neighborhood where morals didnt come into play if money was involved, so that didnt surprise me either.

[myfriendheather]

"By keeping the money are you robbing your friend or taking advantage of a jerk off that tried to get over on him?"

You are robbing your friend and you become the jerk off that tried to get over on him. If you're hurting, ask for help. Stealing is sleazy.

[Devo37]

"money? what money? he never gave me any money. he's a deadbeat liar!"

/head to 7-11 for another 6-pack paid for with ill-begotten gains

[joethebartender]

The vig for this type of shit is 25%... happy now? Enjoy the grand. Give the owner the 3K.

[CruelCircus]

I guess his point is, "Im using my position to take advantage of an asshole that took advantage of someone I know. But my friend is making 6 figures and living like a king, and Im struggling to pay my mortgage. I cant see giving him $4,000 that he basically has decided he will never see, while Im struggling."

I can definitely see where hes coming from.

You have no idea what your friend's real financial situation is. Even if he is making six figures, he could be struggling to pay his mortgage, too. He could have debts, medical expenses, student loans, he could be helping family members out. And that's assuming you know the truth about what he really makes and he's not putting up a front so his (obviously) judgmental friends think better of him.

That's some shitty logic up there. How well your friend is or is not doing shouldn't enter into it at all.

I mean, that was the whole point of the Mob. They didnt go after honest businessmen, they went after people that profited from crime.

The mob is a criminal organization. They're scumbags. That is not a code that honorable people should choose to live by.

Your friend is screwing both people. He's directly stealing from one friend, and perpetuating the destruction of his other "friend's" reputation.

[sailor]

The vig for this type of shit is 25%... happy now? Enjoy the grand. Give the owner the 3K.

seriously, say "remember the 4k you wrote off. i got it, but if it's not going to be an issue i'm keeping 1k for my effort, here's the other 3. we cool?"

that works for an acquaintance. for a good friend, ya give the whole thing over and let them do with it what they will.