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dirtydishes
05-20-2009, 07:42 PM
http://decentcommunity.org/2009/05/05/women-dies-after-using-jackhammer-as-dildo/
ARNDALE, OK – Sheriff’s investigators have closed the unsettling case of a 49-year-old female construction worker found dead in her driveway after a neighbor witnessed her using a high-powered jackhammer to pleasure herself.

After a two-day investigation in which officials initially suspected foul play–Shirley Dent’s death on May 1 has now been ruled an accident “after severe internal distress induced by the machine was discovered,” Det.-Sgt. Karl Sprout of the Alpara County Sheriff’s Office said yesterday.

On May 1, a neighbor witnessed a naked Ms. Dent in her driveway “struggling to direct a jackhammer toward her mid-section.” The alarmed neighbor notified police after hearing ear-splitting moans of distress that carried over the raucous jackhammer. Authorities arrived at the scene to an unresponsive Ms. Dent, who was then transported to West Grenier Hospital where she was pronounced dead shortly thereafter.

The recently divorced Ms. Dent had been questioned by authorities three times over the past month after neighbors complained of her running a prostitution ring from her home. Records also show that Ms. Dent supplemented her income as the sole proprietor of a sex toy distributor.

Ms. Dent’s alleged extracurricular activities appear to be unrelated to her death. A neighbor who declined to be identified said, “She was a horny lady, especially after her husband moved out. My family could hear moans coming from her place all the time.”

boosterp
05-20-2009, 07:50 PM
:blink:

Ranamanahana
05-20-2009, 07:52 PM
I can't tell if this is a sexy story or not... Death was involved....so that leans me twords...not. But who am I to judge.

SatCam
05-20-2009, 07:57 PM
This would be a story if she DIDNT die

ADF
05-20-2009, 08:00 PM
Coming from a reputable source like "decentcommunity.org," it has to be true.

Fallon
05-20-2009, 08:16 PM
Gooooooooldberg... Gooooooooldberg... Gooooooooldberg...

Devo37
05-20-2009, 08:21 PM
I think she's the same woman who used a frozen hotdog to pleasure herself, and the hotdog broke in half, and she left it in there, but then maggots started to grow in her, so she had to go to the emergency room to get it out.

my friend's neighbor's uncle's wife was in the emergency room when that happened, so it's definitely true.

and besides, i know a guy in the mental ward of that hospital. he thinks he's a glass of orange juice, because the sheet of acid he was carrying in his pants pocket soaked into his skin when he got caught in the rain.

:huh:

Tenbatsuzen
05-20-2009, 08:30 PM
Fake story, debunked on multiple sites.

epo
05-20-2009, 08:33 PM
Coming from a reputable source like "decentcommunity.org," it has to be true.

Fake story, debunked on multiple sites.

I do find a good fake site to be funny. Unfortunately this doesn't appear to be one.

Melk
05-21-2009, 12:31 AM
Moral Orel's mom did this in an episode.

CurseoftheBambi
05-21-2009, 05:37 AM
Did she tell the jack hammer to call her a "whore"?

Linger Longer!

Judge Smails
05-21-2009, 05:41 AM
This type of death is not completely unprecedented.

http://gizmodo.com/assets/resources/2008/01/topsecret01ch5.jpg

http://gizmodo.com/assets/resources/2008/01/topsecret03ij3.jpg

mikeyboy
05-21-2009, 05:46 AM
This type of death is not completely unprecedented.

http://gizmodo.com/assets/resources/2008/01/topsecret01ch5.jpg

http://gizmodo.com/assets/resources/2008/01/topsecret03ij3.jpg

The fact that you probably had to page through a google image search for "anal intruder" to get that makes me laugh.

Tall_James
05-21-2009, 05:52 AM
The fact that you probably had to page through a google image search for "anal intruder" to get that makes me laugh.

Best be clearing the browser history ASAP.

RhinoinMN
05-21-2009, 05:59 AM
, i know a guy in the mental ward of that hospital. he thinks he's a glass of orange juice, because the sheet of acid he was carrying in his pants pocket soaked into his skin when he got caught in the rain.

:huh:



That's strange because I know a guy who knows guy who did the same thing except he thinks a bowl of soup and everybody is trying to eat him.

jessicaduh
05-21-2009, 06:01 AM
that bitch really got herself jackhammersavaged.

K.C.
05-21-2009, 06:06 PM
batched to the article twice

Gvac
05-21-2009, 06:17 PM
http://decentcommunity.org/2009/05/05/women-dies-after-using-jackhammer-as-dildo/
ARNDALE, OK – Sheriff’s investigators have closed the unsettling case of a 49-year-old female construction worker found dead in her driveway after a neighbor witnessed her using a high-powered jackhammer to pleasure herself.

Poor old dyke.

No wonder she was so horny.

MC Pee Pants
05-21-2009, 08:40 PM
She could have just called me. OOOHHH!

ToiletCrusher
05-22-2009, 04:15 AM
She should have used protection. Perhaps a helmet.