I'm done with radiation, so here's a band I like.

[Skellington]

3 months later, i'm done getting nuked. I don't reccommend radiation to anyone. Actually, i'd avoid it at all costs. It burnt off all my tastebuds, so, everything tastes metallic. When oatmeal tastes metallic, you know you are screwed. My carbomb...well the one I had 2 carbombs ago, tasted like metal shavings. But today is st. patty's, so fuck it. I'm celebrating never having to get microwaved from the inside out ever again. I'm having blood flown in from family for a upcoming procedure. Again, I don't reccommend radiation to anyone, esp. if it's anywhere near your mouth or heart.

I live alone with my two dogs now. It's rather pleasant. Dealing with getting rid of cockroaches was a pain in the ass, especially since i'm italian, and like a good little italian woman, I tend to cook and bake a lot... barefoot... in the kitchen. After waging chemical warfare on the 'lightening beetles' 2 times via bombing and fumigating and spraying and vowing to set my kitchen on fire, they are gone. If they come back, i'll set my kitchen on fire. I swear to all holy batgoats, i'll set the motherfucker on fire, i'm insured. I have somewhere safe for the dogs. I'll wage napalm on them. *shakes fist violently*

How many carbombs was that? I don't care. I'm still coherent, so obviously not enough. Let me bitch about the effects of radiation. Besides everything tasting like metal shavings, being a bit burnt, having lopsided radiation tattoos, you get something called IBS, aka, Intermittantly Blowing Shit out your ass at rates imcomprehendable to anyone who has never visited mexico and drank the water. In a world that everyone is on a diet and trying to loose weight, I have been fighting to gain weight for 3 months. I eat every hour on the hour. I was 122lbs and trying to get to 130lbs. Radiologists and Oncologists want you to weigh at least 130lbs at 5'8"... because blowing your intestines clear of all matter several times daily...well, you can't gain weight. Try eating that much when everything tastes like metal. Add your mouth being burnt so everything with texture is horrible, so you go on a liquid boost and ensure diet, and try to squeeze a steak (cold, hot things make everything worse) in there, and a lot of beer.

Why am I bitching? I'm thin, i'm pretty sure i'm still gosh darn cute (and single), and I got through radiation. I'm bitching because it would have been a hell of a lot easier to cut the SOB out. Sure, i'd have a scar, but i'm tattooed, so what do I care? Battlescars. Now I have battle burns, no sense of decent taste, and gastrointestinal problems. Oh,and I got a huge TV. I haven't had cable in over a year. Since I took off of school for this semester to deal with the nukings and still work, I figured cable would be a nice treat on a 34" wide screen HD shiney box. Yep. Everything on TV annoys me, except Anthony Bourdain. I'd like to ride that man, then pop a few bottles of red and giggle about it. Anthony, I live in Phoenix, I hope you like mexican food, because even the italian food here is mexican...as is the chinese food and the thai food......

Bands. All current bands can suck my left one and go to hell for the amount of suck they bring to the radiowaves and mass produced brightly stamped CD's and MP3's they reside on. Currently, I reccommend:

Puscifer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciKLcogbC-A

Gogol Bordello:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_81l4DXlwM

and Battles:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpGp-22t0lU&feature=related


How about cigarette prices? Last week a carton was $43 at Circle K, $35 at the reservation. And there is a smoking ban here, so who the hell is smoking anyway? Seriously, I don't go to a bar to get healthy, I go to punish my liver and have a smoke. This week, cartons are $65. Are you fucking kidding me? Is this how NJ and NY have felt for how many years? I was spoiled in good ol' forsaken VA, tobaccie land. $65 for a carton of smokes. The drug cartels need to ditch the Meth and start bringing some smokes. I started rolling my own, effectively making a carton $15. I win. And before anyone stands on their soapbox and gives me the 'if you are going through radiation, why are you smoking'? Keel over and eat pavement. Being nuked for a non-cancerous tumor is stressful. I get to smoke and drink. Over 8 weeks in a waiting room with people that actually have cancer staring at me going 'poor young thing'.

My lease is up in September. I'm relocating back to the east coast. I'm tired of being asked 'Habla Espanol' followed by "hey baby, i want to eat your pussy". Yeah, I habla, I also Spreche, Snakker and Gratzi, but i'm in a english speaking country, so I speak english. If I was south of the border, I'd Habla. If i was in Germany, i'd Spreche, but i'm in the USA. I fucking speak English. Speaking of the USA, when the hell did everyone get so ugly and mutated looking? Seriously, there are more people here with eyes on the side of their head and extra appendages than post-hiroshima.

I could go on and bitch about the severe lack of quality in vibrators these days, but I need to go to bed so I can wake up at an ungodly hour and go be an accountant. Kisses!:blink:

[CofyCrakCocaine]

Please be a writer. As in get published. I'd buy :wub:

[hammersavage]

I enjoy that Battles song and congrats on being done with radiation. And CCC is right, you should write more. It's enjoyable.

[Skellington]

Please be a writer. As in get published. I'd buy :wub:

My diabetic cookbook, "I broke my Pancreas, Now What?" is currently being edited for release in October 2009. *grins stupidly*

[Dude!]

wow, i agree with ccc
joan didion's got nothing on you

i am so sorry to read about your tribulations
i didn't understand everything (carbombs)
but i understood enough to know i don't ever
want to go through it

[CofyCrakCocaine]

My diabetic cookbook, "I broke my Pancreas, Now What?" is currently being edited for release in October 2009. *grins stupidly*

I can, and will, do more drugs, and more WPM's than you *pirate argh*

I don't know what that has to do with anything anybody's saying here, but what

edit: That book was coauthored by Jauble (yes I once again attacked Jauble's pancreas for no reason)

[PapaBear]

My diabetic cookbook, "I broke my Pancreas, Now What?" is currently being edited for release in October 2009. *grins stupidly*
My birthday is in October! Attention RF.net members... I want this. I don't have diabetes, but it's a cookbook. And Skellington wrote it. (Signed, if possible please.):clap:

[CofyCrakCocaine]

Everyone in this thread is now my friends.

[hammersavage]

Except Jauble's pancreas. Fuck that dumb organ.

[CofyCrakCocaine]

Except Jauble's pancreas. Fuck that dumb organ.

Jauble's pancreas is a whore.

No offense to all you pancreases out there who aren't from Jauble.

[Skellington]

wow, i agree with ccc
joan didion's got nothing on you

i am so sorry to read about your tribulations
i didn't understand everything (carbombs)
but i understood enough to know i don't ever
want to go through it

carbomb = pint of guinness in one hand, and shot of half bailey's irish cream and half jameson whiskey in the other hand:

http://photos.imageevent.com/kriegweasel/breakdancinthecarbombqueens/o.jpg

...or any irish whiskey:

http://photos.imageevent.com/kriegweasel/gettingshitfacedindc/trouble.jpg

Drop shot in pint, then chug, preferably in 3 swallows, like a good little whore.

Repeat this many times:

http://photos.imageevent.com/kriegweasel/bitter/a.jpg

Or until you hit this point:

http://photos.imageevent.com/kriegweasel/alittletoomuchahnie/imsodrunk.JPG

[hammersavage]

What if I can do it in 2 swallows? What kind of whore does that make me?

[Skellington]

What if I can do it in 2 swallows? What kind of whore does that make me?

A whore with my invisible dick in its mouth.

[hammersavage]

I'll take that title. Mods, new quote.

[PapaBear]

I bet Fez and El Jefe would just LOVE Irish Car Bombs!:drunk:

[Skellington]

I bet Fez and El Jefe would just LOVE Irish Car Bombs!:drunk:

I did shots with El Jefe, that was fun.

Fez still has my carbomb challenge, if he and his equally fucked up organs desire to take me on. 9 carbombs in 2 hours is my record (no vomit, yay!). Of course, I was 176lbs at that point.... hmmmm.

[PapaBear]

I did shots with El Jefe, that was fun.

Fez still has my carbomb challenge, if he and his equally fucked up organs desire to take me on. 9 carbombs in 2 hours is my record (no vomit, yay!). Of course, I was 176lbs at that point.... hmmmm.
I can't even comprehend you ever being 176 pounds. That must have been a looonnnnng time ago!

[Skellington]

I can't even comprehend you ever being 176 pounds. That must have been a looonnnnng time ago!

When you roll your car and get your femur shoved through your pelvis and into your spine...trust me, you'll gain weight. It's scientifically proven fact. ....as does drinking that much guinness when you can barely walk on a cane.....

[PapaBear]

When you roll your car and get your femur shoved through your pelvis and into your spine...trust me, you'll gain weight. It's scientifically proven fact. ....as does drinking that much guinness when you can barely walk on a cane.....
That could do the trick. Can you believe some lazy fucks buy weight gain supplements? :flush:

[keithy_19]

Please be a writer. As in get published. I'd buy :wub:

QFT

[Skellington]

QFT

what is QFT? I'm not up to par with all you whippersnappers intarweb lingo-isms.

[ruggedo]

what is QFT? I'm not up to par with all you whippersnappers intarweb lingo-isms.

I believe that would be quoted for truth

[Slumbag]

Bands. All current bands can suck my left one and go to hell for the amount of suck they bring to the radiowaves and mass produced brightly stamped CD's and MP3's they reside on. Currently, I reccommend:

Puscifer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciKLcogbC-A
I've been on the Puscifer website all night.
They added a live track from the Vegas show, and a shit ton of remixes.
www.puscifer.com

[Suspect Chin]

So you had a terrible car accident and now you've undergone radiation. What luck. May I ask, why did you need radiation?

[WampusCrandle]

Boy, all this cancer talk is HIGHLY depressing and stopped me from having a boner. as a professional doctor, i would love to check all you "ladies" for tit lumps, via me suckling on them.

[Suspect Chin]

Boy, all this cancer talk is HIGHLY depressing and stopped me from having a boner. as a professional doctor, i would love to check all you "ladies" for tit lumps, via me suckling on them.

Not just any doctor, but a Professional Doctor.

[spoon]

Don't believe him, he'll lick'em cancer or no cancer!

[WampusCrandle]

Not just any doctor, but a Professional Doctor.

"Ladies and gentlemen... I've traveled over half our board to be here tonight. I couldn't get away sooner because my new thread was coming in at the Entertainment thred and I had to see about it. That well is now flowing at two thousand posts and it's paying me an income of jack shit a week. I have two others thread and I have sixteen post at Person Above You Thread. So, ladies and gentlemen... if I say I'm a tit cancer man you will agree. You have a great chance here, but bear in mind, you can lose it all if you're not careful. Out of all women that beg for a chance to drill your slits, maybe one in twenty will be pregnant; the rest will be looked at like laughable whores - that's women trying to get between you and the tit doctor -to get some of the dr. appointments that ought by rights come to you. Even if you find one that has tit lumps, and means to cut it out, she'll maybe know nothing about cutting it off and she'll have to hire out the job on contract, and then you're depending on a doctor that's trying to rush the job through so he can get another contract just as quick as he can. This is... the way that this works."

a short summary as a tit doctor on the road.

Don't believe him, he'll lick'em cancer or no cancer!

i'll lick the shit out of cancer. this requires hours of sucking and licking and laughing at your cancer on my part, and letting my fingers travel and you not complaining on your part. this is all I ask for possibly saving a nice pair of dick warmers.

p.s. - those whores with the tit cancer ... i will help you out for free

[Suspect Chin]

"Ladies and gentlemen... I've traveled over half our board to be here tonight. I couldn't get away sooner because my new thread was coming in at the Entertainment thred and I had to see about it. That well is now flowing at two thousand posts and it's paying me an income of jack shit a week. I have two others thread and I have sixteen post at Person Above You Thread. So, ladies and gentlemen... if I say I'm a tit cancer man you will agree. You have a great chance here, but bear in mind, you can lose it all if you're not careful. Out of all women that beg for a chance to drill your slits, maybe one in twenty will be pregnant; the rest will be looked at like laughable whores - that's women trying to get between you and the tit doctor -to get some of the dr. appointments that ought by rights come to you. Even if you find one that has tit lumps, and means to cut it out, she'll maybe know nothing about cutting it off and she'll have to hire out the job on contract, and then you're depending on a doctor that's trying to rush the job through so he can get another contract just as quick as he can. This is... the way that this works."

a short summary as a tit doctor on the road.


Don't get it but still impressed with the effort.

[WampusCrandle]

Don't get it but still impressed with the effort.

you dont have to understand it, just respect me. you know what buddy, you want me o give you chick cancer like the OP?

CANCER IS LAME!

[Suspect Chin]

you dont have to understand it, just respect me. you know what buddy, you want me o give you chick cancer like the OP?

CANCER IS LAME!

So you can both cure and give cancer?

[WampusCrandle]

So you can both cure and give cancer?

of course i fucking can. i give and take chick cancer, dude cancer, old people cancer, and most important, .net board cancer.

[Slumbag]

"Ladies and gentlemen... I've traveled over half our board to be here tonight. I couldn't get away sooner because my new thread was coming in at the Entertainment thred and I had to see about it. That well is now flowing at two thousand posts and it's paying me an income of jack shit a week. I have two others thread and I have sixteen post at Person Above You Thread. So, ladies and gentlemen... if I say I'm a tit cancer man you will agree. You have a great chance here, but bear in mind, you can lose it all if you're not careful. Out of all women that beg for a chance to drill your slits, maybe one in twenty will be pregnant; the rest will be looked at like laughable whores - that's women trying to get between you and the tit doctor -to get some of the dr. appointments that ought by rights come to you. Even if you find one that has tit lumps, and means to cut it out, she'll maybe know nothing about cutting it off and she'll have to hire out the job on contract, and then you're depending on a doctor that's trying to rush the job through so he can get another contract just as quick as he can. This is... the way that this works."

a short summary as a tit doctor on the road.



i'll lick the shit out of cancer. this requires hours of sucking and licking and laughing at your cancer on my part, and letting my fingers travel and you not complaining on your part. this is all I ask for possibly saving a nice pair of dick warmers.

p.s. - those whores with the tit cancer ... i will help you out for free

Don't get it but still impressed with the effort.

He just drank your milkshake, dude.

[WampusCrandle]

He just drank your milkshake, dude.

THAAAAAANK YOUUUUUU!

[~Katja~]

So you had a terrible car accident and now you've undergone radiation. What luck. May I ask, why did you need radiation?

makes for incredible glow... and how all women love that glow

[beachbum]

At the risk of getting back on topic,WOW what a nightmare.It's good to see that you have not only come through but retained a sense of humor.

Generally when someone makes a post that long they lose me 1/3 of the way through.You madam,did not.

[A.J.]

At the risk of getting back on topic,WOW what a nightmare.It's good to see that you have not only come through but retained a sense of humor.

Generally when someone makes a post that long they lose me 1/3 of the way through.You madam,did not.

What he said.

Skelly, did you get your old job back here or a new one? I seem to recall you were a gubment worker too.

[west milly Tom]

That was the best thing I ever read here. Love it. Awesome post.

[topless_mike]

I'm asking for a Skelli from Helly blog forum.

[Skellington]

So you had a terrible car accident and now you've undergone radiation. What luck. May I ask, why did you need radiation?

I needed radiation because I have a totally awesome autoimmune disorder that mimicks cells of my major organs, than attacks them, causing adhesions and other lovely effects (like the heart disco ball). Add to that Hashimoto's Disease, yet another autoimmune disorder that has rendered me with hypothyroidism since I was 17. Hashimotos = you needs meds because your thyroid is eating itself. Normally, NORMAL people live with this, take their meds daily and are happy as clams. I have the added extra bonus feature of the additional autoimmune disorder, so my thyroid mostly ate itself, created tissue that adhered to itself, and created a parasitic tumor, meaning, all that thyroid medicaiton I was taking? Yeah, I got no benefit from it because the tumor was sucking it all up and doing jack shit with it.

The tumor had always shown up as a 'nodule' in previous ultrasounds, and they always attributed my inflammed thyroid to the fact I wasn't on a high enough dose of medication. Well well well, I finally grew myself a lady-lump, not on the back, but on the front, and you could physically see it when i tilted my head back. I also couldn't swallow anymore. I had to do this weird head tilt to get anything down. So, the ultrasound confirmed ZEH TUMAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH, and a RAIU confirmed that the friend i grew was sucking me dry. I think I bitched about RAIU's on here previously, but for the record, I also do not reccommend having radioactive iodine pumped into you... work the next day was messing with me and took a geiger device and it made all sorts of clicking at me..... i had to flush twice when i peed. I saved on electricity that month because of the irridescent glow.

So, in this crap ass economy, what does my loverly HMO do? They deny surgery and approve radiation to shrink the tumor. Do what now? Yeah, i'm only 28, thyroid removal it TOO INVASIVE and HIGH RISK, and studies show that radiation can effectively shrink and non-cancerous growth. 3 endocrinologist and oncologists later, i was getting my ghetto tattoos (radiologist techs have to tattoo dots on you to line the machine up the same every treatment....and they literally do it with a simple needle and pot of ink and stab you repeatedly. To add insult to injury, my dots are fucking lopsided. Here I am, down to my elbows with tattoos, and i get lopsided dots on my throat. So, since I am a breathing idiot, I picked the scabs of nightly because it bothered me so much they were lopsided. This effectively faded the ink. And made me feel oddly better about having a retarded lop fanged nosferatu attack my throat.

So there you have it. My parasitic tumor went from the size of a walnut, to a pea, to not visible. My thyroid was albarated (it's a black void now). My blood test confirmed that my thyroid medication is actually registering and i'm finally leaving hypothyroidism, my hair is more healthy and not falling out as much, my pancreas (which doesn't work very well because of the adhesions on it) is behaving and I have not used a injectable in a long time. But, radiation takes out your immune system, so i got fluid in my right lung and a upper resp infection, and severe arrhythmia. Meh, it'll go away. If the large amount of Guinness didn't render the infection gone, i'll take a few shots of vodka tonight. Vodka, btw, does not taste like metal shavings. It takes like gasoline. I used to love Vodka shots. Perhaps a shot of makers mark.... if anything, it'll clear out my sinuses.:thumbup:

[Skellington]

What he said.

Skelly, did you get your old job back here or a new one? I seem to recall you were a gubment worker too.

It's currently no job, just a lot of 'interest' in my resume and self....with several gubberment entities. Since I was undergoing treatment and had prior issues at hand that I was dealing with, I didn't look into anything full-hearted. Now, i'm doing just that. The main thing is I get relo. I'm a month ahead on all my bills, and my debt has gone down ALOT since I moved out of my ex's.....

[A.J.]

It's currently no job, just a lot of 'interest' in my resume and self....with several gubberment entities. Since I was undergoing treatment and had prior issues at hand that I was dealing with, I didn't look into anything full-hearted. Now, i'm doing just that. The main thing is I get relo. I'm a month ahead on all my bills, and my debt has gone down ALOT since I moved out of my ex's.....

Good luck. PM me if I can be of help.

[Dougie Brootal]

What if I can do it in 2 swallows? What kind of whore does that make me?

A whore with my invisible dick in its mouth.

is it wrong to be incredibly turned on by this exchange?

[JerseyRich]

is it wrong to be incredibly turned on by this exchange?

You wouldn't be interested. She doesn't have a kid and doesn't throw mugs at your face.

[Dougie Brootal]

You wouldn't be interested. She doesn't have a kid and doesn't throw mugs at your face.

:banning:

[Dude!]

skellington they should not have put you through all that

my dad had 11 little tumors on his thyroid gland
the doctor said it was probably caused by
getting too many x-rays when he was a child

they decided to take out the entire gland
he came through the surgery fine
and was back to normal in a week
absolutely zero horror stories like yours

he has to take synthetic thyroid hormone every day
since he has no gland to make it
but this is no biggie

they should have done that for you

[Thebazile78]

If it's any consolation, once your tastebuds grow back (in a couple weeks) that pesky metallic taste will be gone and you'll be able to enjoy your food again.

Maybe now would be the time to go out to Carlsbad Tavern (http://www.carlsbadtavern.com/) ... since you can't taste it, the habaneros won't get to you.

(Although it'd probably aggravate your IBS ... and that would suck.)

[Skellington]

If it's any consolation, once your tastebuds grow back (in a couple weeks) that pesky metallic taste will be gone and you'll be able to enjoy your food again.

Maybe now would be the time to go out to Carlsbad Tavern (http://www.carlsbadtavern.com/) ... since you can't taste it, the habaneros won't get to you.

(Although it'd probably aggravate your IBS ... and that would suck.)

....i'm avoiding the ring of fire at all cost. I might not be able to taste or sense the habaneros in my mouth.....but trust me, I rear pucker will most certainly know that I EEEETTTTTTT TEH SPIIIIIIIIIIIISAYYYYYYYYYYY!

I've been told by a few people in remission that i'll get my taste back in about 2 weeks to 2 months tops. For this occassion, a trip to rawhide will be made, and i'll eat a HOT tender and juicy steak followed by enough beer to bloat me pregnant.

....shoot, and I wonder why i'm single......

[topless_mike]

For this occassion, a trip to rawhide will be made, and i'll eat a HOT tender and juicy steak followed by enough beer to bloat me pregnant.

....shoot, and I wonder why i'm single......

are you kidding me????????
if you could name the AL batting champ from 1983 and change the spark plugs on an old dodge, then officially any man besides elton john and perez hilton would kill for you.

[Skellington]

are you kidding me????????
if you could name the AL batting champ from 1983 and change the spark plugs on an old dodge, then officially any man besides elton john and perez hilton would kill for you.

Carwork = can do
sports= ......I have a vagina. Vagina's do not know about sports. They only know how to play dickpuppet.

[topless_mike]

They only know how to play dickpuppet.

:wub:

what are you doing this weekend?

[west milly Tom]

Carwork = can do
sports= ......I have a vagina. Vagina's do not know about sports. They only know how to play dickpuppet.


I am hanging on every post.

[Raskolnikov]

Skellington -- you sound like the perfect chick for me.

I'm in Virginia! Let's hook up some time! :laugh: