Detachment...

[Gaia]

I am going to throw something at my buddays and see what comes back here...

So what happens when you have someone in your life that you realize you need to remove from it? You have realized that your relationship is completely co-dependent, and super unhealthy. Just a mess of unhealthy cycle after cycle, draining you to the core. All the same shit, just a different time, and in between some great times. I know one of the first things you are supposed to do is detach; but what happens when you dont know how?

You have tried time after time; but you keep repeating the same mistakes over and over, and you are emotionally dependent on this person, even if the emotions you get from this person are not always good emotions or feelings. You love this person, but its never going to work....you are miserable with this person a large majority of the time, but miserable without them too.

Its so easy for one to say to just: " forget about this person, dont call this person, dont associate yourself!!"

What are some ways you would achieve this yourself?
Whatever thoughts or feelings you may have would be great..

[Gvac]

I know EXACTLY what you're talking about, and it's definitely easier said than done. When there's some degree of passion in a relationship it's hard to walk away from it, no matter how many times you've sworn that's exactly what you're doing.

Sooner or later you realize that you just have to, for the sake of self preservation. Cut the ties in every possible way. Don't go to the places he hangs out at or with people who are friends with both of you. Change your phone number if you have to.

It's like quitting drinking or drugs. The jonesing will drive you up the wall for the first month or so, but after awhile it gets easier.

Good luck kiddo.

[conman823]

I know EXACTLY what you're talking about, and it's definitely easier said than done. When there's some degree of passion in a relationship it's hard to walk away from it, no matter how many times you've sworn that's exactly what you're doing.

Sooner or later you realize that you just have to, for the sake of self preservation. Cut the ties in every possible way. Don't go to the places he hangs out at or with people who are friends with both of you. Change your phone number if you have to.

It's like quitting drinking or drugs. The jonesing will drive you up the wall for the first month or so, but after awhile it gets easier.

Good luck kiddo.

I agree.

Also I would say you need to be selfish at times. Its your life, and how much of your time would you waste?

Usually finding another buddy to hang with on the regular helps. Kinda show the "new kid" off and usually the other will get the hint. The only problem with that is can you deal with being "the hated one"?

[Penelope]

I am going through the exact same thing. I've been staying in a hotel cause of that kind of trouble. I am so disappointed. It's so painful. I'm just trying to stay busy.

[JerseyRich]

The beginning of the process of leaving this guy is going to be painful and will eventually lead to a feeling of enlightenment. The best way to leave someone that is draining you of life is to seek support of friends and family. You would do the same for them, so use them as a resource to better your life.

Life is way too short to be with the wrong person. When you get away from the bad relationship and see what else there is out there, you will feel like life is going your way and you will find some amazing people out there to help you and eventually you will find yourself.

Sounds like you're in a rut. Grab a friend or family member's hand and they will pull you out. That's what they're there for.

Good luck Gaia. Trust me, I know it's hard but enlightenment and complete happiness are around the corner.

[GreatAmericanZero]

you just gotta disappear. stop answering your phone, create a new AIM name. pretend they never existed

[topless_mike]

you just gotta disappear. stop answering your phone, create a new AIM name. pretend they never existed

i agree.
you can slowly fade away, but then all you are doing is slowly letting go.

pick a day. on this day, you wake up, and its a new you. all or nothing. cut all ties and move forward with your life. i know, it sounds cold, and sounds difficult, but thats because it is.

[Penelope]

This sounds lame but the plan I follow in circumstances like this are laid out in the book- it's called a breakup because it;s broken. A 60 day detox from the person. Do not see or talk to the person for 60 days. No phone no e--mail, no text. if you do have contact with the person, you start over at day one. During the 60 days you focus on all sorts of self improvement stuff. I've done it before, a few years ago, it it really worked out for the best . . .
In my current situation, I made it two days I screwed up today, so tomorrow I'm back at day one starting tomorrow.

[topless_mike]

not to argue, but why 60 days?
thats like completing rehab then going back to the bar.

you make a change, you stick with it.
when you detox, you physically go through it right away, but the rest of your life, you are detoxing mentally and emotionally for it.

[boosterp]

This sounds simple; pack up your stuff (if living together), call a family member, and leave. Make arrangements sorting out what is who's via email and set up times when the other is willing to leave so you can grab your stuff. Do not call/take calls, etc.

It is not simple, never is but it is either this or a continued slow drain on your spirit until you have nothing left that defines you.

[~Katja~]

not to argue, but why 60 days?
thats like completing rehab then going back to the bar.

you make a change, you stick with it.
when you detox, you physically go through it right away, but the rest of your life, you are detoxing mentally and emotionally for it.

I am guessing because within 60 days you will be able to distance yourself enough and find distraction that you are less likely to go back or the other person trying to get back with you... especially when it has been emotionally draining then the other person seems a selfish one that most likely will lose interest when his or her attention is not kept.

[Furtherman]

Re-discover yourself. Was there anything you like to do before this person? Was there anything you thought about doing? Was there anything you wanted to but felt you needed support but had none?

Now is the time to start. You're mind will fill quickly with a new goal, and it will help the hours pass.