"The Talk" [Archive] - RonFez.net Messageboard

nate1000

02-13-2009, 08:06 AM

Motherfucker.

She's 8. Classmates are starting to whisper about crushes and who's cute etc.....

The wife thinks it is time. My heart says she's too young, my head knows my heart will never get on board with this.

What do you all think?

Any wise words of advice?

Aggie

02-13-2009, 08:22 AM

I think I got the talk at 8 or 9 because my mom was pregnant with her second child so she wanted me to know how you get pregnant, etc.

She had a book with illustrations. It's a little crazy getting all the information but I'm so glad she did it. It alleviates all the strange thoughts you have and stupid kid rumors like kissing can get you pregnant. Plus, even though you probably don't want to think about it she could get her period within the next 3-4 years and it's better to be prepared and understand.

If you're wife thinks it's time you should listen to her. Good luck and try not to stress about it!

Thebazile78

02-13-2009, 08:23 AM

Depends on how you do it and what her maturity level is. My mother gave me "the talk" when I was 9 or 10 and I haven't forgiven her for the way she presented it, although I was glad to have the information later. (I just wish my mother hadn't been turned on by telling me.)

Whispering about crushes is something that kids do all the time, usually girls talk first about how they like such-and-such a boy or whatever, but most 8-year-olds aren't going to act on that impulse ... mostly because 8-year-old boys are still in that "girls are icky" phase.

However, the line between talking about menstruation and talking about sex is pretty blurry, so it's hard to make the call.

I suggest that you get the American Girl book The Care and Keeping of YOU and read through it. The things it covers are pretty basic and it gives a need-to-know level of intelligent information about what it means to go through puberty (etc.) for girls aged 8 to 13.

If nothing else, talking about what's happening creates a safe environment for asking questions later on ... and, keeping this kind of non-threatening communication open will only benefit both of you later on. (Not that she'll tell you when she starts having sex or anything, but she'll be better prepared to make the best choices for herself when she does!)

angrymissy

02-13-2009, 08:26 AM

School handled "The Talk" for us in 5th grade, and my parents were obviously relieved. They just threw the book in my room, said "HI THEY'LL TELL YOU ABOUT THIS IN SCHOOL KTHXBYE" and hid.

KatPw

02-13-2009, 08:31 AM

I don't remember the talk. We had a family medical textbook that I got information from, and I recall my elementary school separating the girls and boys, and we each got a lecture regarding the birds and the bees. I think they did the lecture once a year starting in 4th or 5th grade. The last time they separated us, I asked the teacher what an STD was, and all she said was that it was a sexually transmitted disease. That was her whole explanation. My mom told me sex hurts and was your wifely duty, and my dad told me never to come home pregnant. So basically I educated myself.
My advice? Don't do what my parents did, and don't rely on the public school to teach them. It's going to be an awkward talk, but that is part of your job as a parent. And it will probably only be awkward because our society has taught us that sex is awkward, dirty, and not something to ever talk about. Are you friendly with any of your child's parents? If so, ask them what they are saying to their children. Maybe you can all work on a strategy together.

A.J.

02-13-2009, 08:32 AM

I read the brochures in my doctor's office when I was a kid. Of course, I remember this After School Special. (http://www.answers.com/topic/my-mom-s-having-a-baby)

Tenbatsuzen

02-13-2009, 08:32 AM

(I just wish my mother hadn't been turned on by telling me.)

excuse me, i'll be over in the corner dry heaving and sobbing uncontrollably

MacVittie

02-13-2009, 08:38 AM

I forced "The Talk" with my parents when I was 4. I just wouldn't stop asking questions until they told me the truth.

A.J.

02-13-2009, 08:39 AM

mostly because 8-year-old boys are still in that "girls are icky" phase.

Same as some 38 year-old boys.

grlNIN

02-13-2009, 08:39 AM

I don't think 8 is too young or too old, i'm kind've in the middle with that age.

I think you should explain to her as much as you think she needs to know, at eight years old i don't think that should be quite a lot. Some times the simplest answers will satisfy a kid, even though it might not seem like it.

If the conversation is being brought on by classmate crushes then just explain to her why/how boys and girls are different and that they like eachother sometimes. I don't see why you have to bring sex into it.

jauble

02-13-2009, 08:44 AM

I never got the talk at home. Perhaps we can get some audio of Ron Bennington gives the talk?

JPMNICK

02-13-2009, 08:48 AM

excuse me, i'll be over in the corner dry heaving and sobbing uncontrollably

haha for some reason i think this response while still having the shock of the original post in my head really made me laugh my ass off.

Furtherman

02-13-2009, 08:49 AM

(I just wish my mother hadn't been turned on by telling me.)

excuse me, i'll be over in the corner dry heaving and sobbing uncontrollably

Excuse me, but I'd like details!

Thebazile78

02-13-2009, 10:18 AM

Excuse me, but I'd like details!

You've obviously never met my mother.

Furtherman

02-13-2009, 10:20 AM

You've obviously never met my mother.

No, but that doesn't matter. It was so funny to read "I just wish my mother hadn't been turned on by telling me."

Was there heavy breathing or did just get blush? Did she faint?

Knowledged_one

02-13-2009, 10:24 AM

Wait you cant get pregnant from kissing

Tenbatsuzen

02-13-2009, 10:31 AM

No, but that doesn't matter. It was so funny to read "I just wish my mother hadn't been turned on by telling me."

Was there heavy breathing or did just get blush? Did she faint?

I want to fucking punch you. I swear to god. You want to bring back 2008 Matty? YOU CALLED DOWN THE THUNDER WELL NOW YOU GOT IT.

YOU TELL MIKEYBOY I'M BACK! AND HELL'S COMING WITH ME! YOU UNDERSTAND? HELL'S COMING WITH ME!

Thebazile78

02-13-2009, 10:37 AM

No, but that doesn't matter. It was so funny to read "I just wish my mother hadn't been turned on by telling me."

Was there heavy breathing or did just get blush? Did she faint?

No, no heavy breathing. She just seemed to really enjoy telling me about what happened during sex, using specific terminology (i.e. - when your dad's penis ...) and I was just too young to need that kind of information or to witness how in touch with her sexuality my mother was at that point. I was horrified!

After that talk, I decided that sex was gross and I was never going to have sex ever...not that I had the opportunity before college. (Kind of like the DARE pledge "never" to drink or do drugs that my sister took in the 5th grade ... and then broke over and over and over and over again in high school.)

A.J.

02-13-2009, 10:38 AM

No, no heavy breathing. She just seemed to really enjoy telling me about what happened during sex, using specific terminology (i.e. - when your dad's penis ...) and I was just too young to need that kind of information or to witness how in touch with her sexuality my mother was at that point.

excuse me, i'll be over in the corner with Matty dry heaving and sobbing uncontrollably

Thebazile78

02-13-2009, 10:39 AM

Thebazile78

02-13-2009, 10:40 AM

excuse me, i'll be over in the corner with Matty dry heaving and sobbing uncontrollably

What do you think I did after I kicked my mother out of my bedroom?

jauble

02-13-2009, 10:41 AM

What do you think I did after I kicked my mother out of my bedroom?

The responses here could be so wrong.

Furtherman

02-13-2009, 10:42 AM

I want to fucking punch you. I swear to god. You want to bring back 2008 Matty? YOU CALLED DOWN THE THUNDER WELL NOW YOU GOT IT.

YOU TELL MIKEYBOY I'M BACK! AND HELL'S COMING WITH ME! YOU UNDERSTAND? HELL'S COMING WITH ME!

My God, Bones... what have I done?

No, no heavy breathing. She just seemed to really enjoy telling me about what happened during sex, using specific terminology (i.e. - when your dad's penis ...) and I was just too young to need that kind of information or to witness how in touch with her sexuality my mother was at that point. I was horrified!

YIKES!

That is horrifying. I'm truly sorry.

A.J.

02-13-2009, 10:44 AM

What do you think I did after I kicked my mother out of my bedroom?

You know, maybe she was being clever after all. Her mission was to make you so horrified by the experience of her "lecture" that you'd never want to do anything for fear of remembering the ordeal.

I mean the thought of my parents, or grandparents, conceiving their children is nightmarish really.

A.J.

02-13-2009, 10:46 AM

My God, Bones... what have I done?

Matty...has had enough...of YOUUUUUU!!!!

http://trekmovie.com/wp-content/uploads/tsfs1097.jpg

Tenbatsuzen

02-13-2009, 11:06 AM

...how did a Tombstone quote morph into a Star Trek reference?

Dude!

02-13-2009, 11:07 AM

nate, don't tell her anything
just fix her up with this boy

http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00732/SNN1305AA-380_732314a.jpg

he'll teach her all she needs to know

EliSnow

02-13-2009, 11:09 AM

...how did a Tombstone quote morph into a Star Trek reference?

You didn't see that episode?

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/fd/STSpectreEarps.jpg

Thebazile78

02-13-2009, 11:17 AM

You know, maybe she was being clever after all. Her mission was to make you so horrified by the experience of her "lecture" that you'd never want to do anything for fear of remembering the ordeal.

I mean the thought of my parents, or grandparents, conceiving their children is nightmarish really.

I've thought about that, but, no, my mother's too one-dimensional to have had an ulterior motive.

She was just afraid that I would pick up the wrong information from my friends at school. Or that I'd get teased for not knowing anything, like she had. For example, when she was my age, she thought the way you got pregnant was to have a sip of beer from your husband's glass because it was a logical correlation for her to make - my grandmother doesn't drink, so a sip of beer from Grandpa's glass would be a once-in-a-blue-moon type of thing. If it coincided with another pregnancy, it wouldn't take much reasoning to make that kind of leap.

On the plus side, it's made me think really seriously about when and how to discuss growing up, puberty and sex with my own children (when I have them.)

Tenbatsuzen

02-13-2009, 11:18 AM

http://img11.imageshack.us/img11/7374/theenemywithinhd4106058rd3.jpg

nate1000

02-17-2009, 06:00 AM

Thebazile78

02-17-2009, 06:21 AM

Thanks for the advice, everybody.

I have decided that I need a book. Something age appropriate that tackles the basics. Gotta go to Barnes and Noble. Once I find the right one, we'll have the talk, she can read the book and we can circle back for a 'lil Q&A. (yeah, that's right- I'm a corporate hack)

I'll fill you all in once I find the right material.

I can't recommend The Care and Keeping of YOU: The Body Book for Girls (http://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-American-Library/dp/1562476661/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1234883929&sr=8-1) enough as a good way to broach the subject in an inoffensive and not heavy-handed manner. It's well-written and very upbeat and covers a lot of puberty/pre-puberty questions thoroughly and very well.

It's written at about a 3rd-grade reading level with lots of cartoon-type illustrations.

nate1000

02-17-2009, 06:40 AM

I can't recommend The Care and Keeping of YOU: The Body Book for Girls (http://www.amazon.com/Care-Keeping-You-American-Library/dp/1562476661/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1234883929&sr=8-1) enough as a good way to broach the subject in an inoffensive and not heavy-handed manner. It's well-written and very upbeat and covers a lot of puberty/pre-puberty questions thoroughly and very well.

It's written at about a 3rd-grade reading level with lots of cartoon-type illustrations.

Thanks- this is the first book I am going to check out.

Thebazile78

02-17-2009, 07:31 AM

Thanks- this is the first book I am going to check out.

I actually bought it for my cousins when I noticed their b.o. and didn't want to embarrass them about it because I figured it'd be a good way to ease into the talk with their mom.

JPMNICK

02-17-2009, 09:27 AM

I actually bought it for my cousins when I noticed their b.o. and didn't want to embarrass them about it because I figured it'd be a good way to ease into the talk with their mom.

this is how that convo went with me and my mom

mom: did you put on deoderant today

12 year old JPMNICK: no

mom: you fucking stink, if I was anyone in your class i would move my seat. stop being an idiot and put it on in the morning

and from then on I did

Thebazile78

02-17-2009, 10:45 AM

this is how that convo went with me and my mom

mom: did you put on deoderant today

12 year old JPMNICK: no

mom: you fucking stink, if I was anyone in your class i would move my seat. stop being an idiot and put it on in the morning

and from then on I did

Yeah, considering I'm not their mom and they're home-schooled, that argument wouldn't hold much water. (It's bad enough that their parents are reactionary goobers; they don't need their older cousin, who they look up to, making fun of them.)

Skellington

02-17-2009, 11:44 AM

girls are getting their periods earlier and earlier now. My neighbors 9 year old just got hers. Also, there have been several articles about 9 year olds having sex in the closet at school or getting BJ's. If you are going to have the talk, you should do it now.... just leave most of the talking up to your wife......

britneypablo

02-17-2009, 11:56 AM

I never got the talk at home. Perhaps we can get some audio of Ron Bennington gives the talk?

<font color="deeppink"> I never got the talk either....and look at me i turned out fine...but i would like to hear some Mr.B gives the talk