People always told me ...

[Captain Rooster]

Never date girls who chew glass
Be careful what you do
Don't go around breakin' young girl's hearts
Be careful who you love ... careful what you do before the lie becomes the truth
Always wear clean underwear
Wine before beer ... no fear. Beer then liquor, never sicker

[Bossanova]

Avoid the clap

[IMSlacker]

Human skulls make the best bongs.

[FUNKMAN]

protect the nads

[Fallon]

It doesn't make me a bad person.

[Fez4PrezN2008]

Left is RIGHT, right is WRONG
(referring to which ear to get pierced)

[Captain Rooster]

I am I .... (Queensryche)

[jeffdwright2001]

Dixie cups come in all sizes. . . . Although, I might have the words in the wrong order.

[Judge Smails]

The Lord loves a working man.
Don't never, ever trust whitey.
It's out there, and if you catch it, see a doctor and get rid of it.

[King Hippos Bandaid]

don't get into a car with Lord Jezo

[CaptClown]

If it smells like cologne leave it alone.

[Friday]

watch out for black ice

[FUNKMAN]

don't eat where you shit

[Judge Smails]

Don't piss into the wind.

[Marc with a c]

you're fucking awesome

[PapaBear]

When traveling, eat at the diner with the most trucks in the parking lot.

[Crippler]

When traveling, eat at the diner with the most trucks in the parking lot.

...and remember that dessert is part of the meal!

[JerseyRich]

The Lord loves a working man.
Don't never, ever trust whitey.
It's out there, and if you catch it, see a doctor and get rid of it.

You were born a poor, black child too?

Cool!


...Ya better shop around.

[sailor]

don't eat yellow snow.

[A.J.]

You better shop around.

[Hottub]

If it smells like cologne leave it alone.

If it smells like fish, it's a dish.

[drjoek]

The wheel is turning
and you can't slow down
You can't let go
and you can't hold on
You can't go back
and you can't stand still
If the thunder don't get you
then the lightning will

[nate1000]

If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with.


And of course, grass on the field........

[Furtherman]

Once in a while you can get shown the light
In the strangest of places if you look at it right.

[BeerBandit]

Never put salt in your eye.

[EliSnow]

Avoid the clap

Hey, that's good advice!

[EliSnow]

You don't tug on Superman's cape.

[Jujubees2]

Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff.

[LaBoob]

My dad always told me to look under your car before you get in and pull away, in case there's a hobo sleeping under it.

[KC2OSO]

Take the days just one at a time - not all at once.
Realize that it's never too late unless you are dead.
Understand, have courage, be strong, kick ass, fuck things up.
Don't put limits on yourself. Let others do it for you.
I'd wager that most decisions are too important to leave to chance.
Don't forget nothing.