The constants of life.

[Hottub]

You are standing in the cold and rain, waiting for the bus. Light a cigarette, the bus will be there in 10 seconds.

Turn on the TV to watch the ballgame and crack a beer. Your chick will magically pull into the driveway.

Am I wrong?

Please add your own.

[spankyfrank]

As soon as I start to play a really good video game, instantly 5 hours pass.

[WhistlePig]

Sit down to poop and the phone will ring.

[mikeyboy]

Sit down to poop and the phone will ring.

so true. :clap:

[cougarjake13]

10 minutes away from going home for the day and you get a call to do something that'll take a few hours

[Dougie Brootal]

10 minutes away from going home for the day and you get a call to do something that'll take a few hours

4:53 pm today that happened to me. :furious: :wallbash:

[mugby43]

try to make a cup of coffee - she will be ready togo before you get a sip. works every time

[TooLowBrow]

the shorter the line at the drive-thru the longer your order will take.
if there are no cars in front of you as you order the manager will have to ask you to pull up until he can carry out your food.

[King Hippos Bandaid]

If you start a thread, Hippo will post in it

[Hottub]

If you go to the shortest line at the supermarket, in order to get out quickly...
The Bitch in front of you will ask for a price check, then write a check to pay for the $9 order.

[TooLowBrow]

i almost forgot about this...
today at the deli counter there was a couple in front of me
they were ordering turkey and had to both sample every different slice from every different brand meat
and the butcher/slicer(?) was trying to be helpful and told them which one he thought was the best (she asked for the moistest... she 'hates dry turkey')
they discussed the merits of each one they ate with inane comments...
'this one is tasty'...'this one IS tasty'
then the picked the one the guy told them was the best

[FUNKMAN]

you'll put your spoonful of instant coffee and packet of splenda in the cup, boil the water and pour it in the cup, go to the fridge and the "fright" overtakes you

ran out of milk the morning before and forgot to get some

[spankyfrank]

Everytime you want to talk to someone you like they can never talk and everyone you don't want to talk will not leave you alone

[Marc with a c]

mikeyboy will make everything okay

[mdr55]

When you're playing the slots machines in Atlantic City, the person next to you usually hits it big.

[FUNKMAN]

go to Sam's and they'll stop selling some of your favorite items

1. large jar of Calamata olives (been years)

2. imported chunk provolone (been months)

[sailor]

4:53 pm today that happened to me. :furious: :wallbash:

who gets off work at 5:03?

[Dougie Brootal]

who gets off work at 5:03?

a guy who comes in at 9:03 !!

[nukinfuts]

The day I get the stomach flu is the day I find out that there is no toilet paper in my house and the last inconsiderate ass that used the last roll left one friggin square.

[Tall_James]

During the last three minutes of a movie I can expect someone to call or ask me to do something.

[Coach]

You are a lawyer, you have your first big case in court for the partnership today. Your 6 year old daughter decided the night before that your briefcase was the appropriate sleeping place for all 6 of her naked Barbie dolls the night before. Now you are in the court room and the trial is beginning. (actually happened to my dad)

[Fallon]

You are standing in the cold and rain, waiting for the bus. Light a cigarette, the bus will be there in 10 seconds.

Turn on the TV to watch the ballgame and crack a beer. Your chick will magically pull into the driveway.

Am I wrong?

Please add your own.

Do you write for Alanis now?

[GwEnYpOo]

5 minutes before the store closes a customer needs you to do A,B,C,and D and there's still a stack of paper work to do...

As soon as I'm covered in soap in the shower someone knocks on the door to hand me the phone...

[mugby43]

Do you write for Alanis now?

and remembered that my partner had bought a bayonet for my son's birthday and stuck it in my breifcase.

[jauble]

Change lanes, break lights in front come on.

Also anything I enjoy that starts with an S can only end in failure.

[Heather 8]

See one of your favorite songs playing on XM, quickly tune in the channel, and hear the last 5 seconds of the song.

[FANDICK]

You wait all day for that last helping of great leftovers and find that someone else ate it.

Also, you prepare a great little meal for yourself, then everyone comes walking into the kitchen to nibble off of your plate.

[Jughead]

It never fails..No customers but the second they serve lunch ya sit down lick your chops...Some kid with his hat on backwards stops on the from row gets out and wants info on a car so he can tell his dad.....Happens every time....:sad:

[Coach]

Anything fun someone finds a way to fuck it up for everyone else.

[teej]

Ever tried to get laid and then the kids all of a sudden wake up? With explosive diarrhea?

[jonyrotn]

and remembered that my partner had bought a bayonet for my son's birthday and stuck it in my breifcase.
You deserve it..Alex P Keaton..

[Jujubees2]

Just finish vacuuming the entire house, put the vacuum away and then see a clump of cat hair that you missed.

Or straighten up the kid’s playroom and within seconds, it’s a mess again.

[RhinoinMN]

Days after your engagement or marriage, hotter chicks start expressing major interest in you.

[Doctor Z]

Women being insane.

[drjoek]

who gets off work at 5:03?

a guy who comes in at 9:03 !!

Way to go Rainman