I had to double-dump

[ADF]

I went to Ikea on Sunday in order to pick up a new bed and picked up a large coffee from Dunkin' Donuts, as is my wont. Perusing the displays, I eventually found my guts to be a'churning and made my way to the bathroom. Unfortunately, there was a wait for the stalls. The occupant was taking quite a while and there was a good deal of flushing noises coming from the stall. When the door opened, an elderly gentleman came out and told me that "it's not working right." Uh-oh. The toilet in question is one of those new-fangled automatic flushers. At this point, there was no question that I had to go, but the previous occupant had left me a toilet-paper covered present. I screwed up my courage and took a dump on top of another dump. When I got up, the toilet worked properly and the vast majority of the business was whooshed away. This is perhaps one of the grossest things I've ever done.

[Mike Teacher]

People who need to drink coffee and carry it everywhere while they shop deserve everything they get.

[mikeyboy]

People who need to drink coffee and carry it everywhere while they shop deserve everything they get.

That seems like a lot of anger directed towards the caffeinated.

[joethebartender]

I know what you mean...I've seen that furniture at IKEA!

but working in a bar you can imagine what a stall can look like when it's "go time". And people always say "just use the ladies room"...but the mess is always 5 times worse in there.

[A.J.]

Disgusting but necessary. It's better than crapping your pants.

I just hope that there was no "shrapnel".

[Furtherman]

but working in a bar you can imagine what a stall can look like when it's "go time". And people always say "just use the ladies room"...but the mess is always 5 times worse in there.

Damn right. I've seen the nastiest things in a ladies room. Prim and proper my ass!

The double dump may be a necessity, but just thank the porcelain gods that the toilet worked. I've been in the situation when it wasn't working, or should I say, it was working backwards. And I ran. I ran so far away.

[Judge Smails]

The toilet in question is one of those new-fangled automatic flushers.

You can still manually flush those automatic flush toilets. There's usually a little button on top of the sensor mechanism that you can push to flush it. There's no way I'd put my ass in that close a proximity of someone else's dump.

[Dougie Brootal]

you are a filthy disgusting animal, and someone shouldve rubbed your nose in it like a bad puppy.

BAD PUPPY!


BAD PUPPY!
:nono:

[Mike Teacher]

That seems like a lot of anger directed towards the caffeinated.

Nah its nothing against caffiene or ADF; I just dislike the people who go into stores that have expensive stuff, and they seem unable to shop without said coffee glued to hand.

Then again, the last cup of coffee I had was, oh, maybe a decade ago...

Maybe I am a Anti-Caffeinite

[IMSlacker]

Nah its nothing against caffiene or ADF; I just dislike the people who go into stores that have expensive stuff, and they seem unable to shop without said coffee glued to hand.

But, he was in Ikea.

[topless_mike]

i was on a strict diet (done purposely) in the prior days to me going to woodstock '99.
my goal was to avoid dumping from friday am to monday am.
needless to say, come sunday morning, i got that feeling.
i had to use one of the porta-potties. :help:

they tell you "never look down". :down: i did. the things i saw in there were outright rude. i think even illegal in Alabama, to be frank. :eek:

all i know is that the tank was about 3/4 full.
oh, also it was about 100 for fri/sat, and maybe 80 and cloudy on sunday.
basically, whatever was in there just cooked for 2 days.

[jonyrotn]

Any furniture store that serves more sweedish meatballs than a soup kitchen is bound to have clogged bowls. Was there a cup holder in the stall or did you have to clinch the :flush:cup between your knees?

[Furtherman]

Any furniture store that serves more sweedish meatballs

Whoa... Ikea serves Swedish meatballs!?

[LaBoob]

It makes you realize how lucky we are to be spoiled with the luxury of toilets and sewer systems. Take my computer, my tv, my ipod... ALL of it away, just leave me my toilet.

[DiabloSammich]

i was on a strict diet (done purposely) in the prior days to me going to woodstock '99.
my goal was to avoid dumping from friday am to monday am.
needless to say, come sunday morning, i got that feeling.
i had to use one of the porta-potties. :help:

they tell you "never look down". :down: i did. the things i saw in there were outright rude. i think even illegal in Alabama, to be frank. :eek:

all i know is that the tank was about 3/4 full.
oh, also it was about 100 for fri/sat, and maybe 80 and cloudy on sunday.
basically, whatever was in there just cooked for 2 days.


Been working on construction sites since I was a teenager, I've blocked out more memories of portajohns than you will ever have.

[King Hippos Bandaid]

wow that took courage

also was very disgusting


I probably would do the same

[epo]

I can't even believe that I clicked on this thread. Seriously, I need to re-assess the direction of my life.

[jonyrotn]

<p>Whoa... Ikea serves Swedish meatballs!?</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
It pains me to admit it,but they may be the most delectable morsals of prossesed meat food I've ever had while shopping for a chaise lounge..Or any other piece of furniture for that matter..

[Team_Ramrod]

Here's what I would have done....

1) Layered the old man shit with toilet paper, to avoid upsplash.
2) relieved my bowels of the angry mess I carried within.
3) been relieved it flushed when I stood up to exit said stall.
4) found old man who left shit in there thinking it was broken.
5) taken old man to stall to show him the wonderment of technology.
6) shoved old man head into bowl, flushing while doing so.
7) patted self on back for job well done.

[ADF]

People who need to drink coffee and carry it everywhere while they shop deserve everything they get.[\quote]

I don't need to do it. I just like coffee and hadn't finished mine yet.


[quote]You can still manually flush those automatic flush toilets. There's usually a little button on top of the sensor mechanism that you can push to flush it. There's no way I'd put my ass in that close a proximity of someone else's dump.

I'd never heard of that. Now I know... and you know what knowing is.

[mikeyboy]

If you intentionally make your poo touch another man's poo, in certain states that means you're married.

[LaBoob]

Maybe Ikea's toilets would function properly if you didn't need one of these to install them:

http://www.ikea.com/ms/en_US/img/customer_service/ikea_services/assembly_service279x279.gif

[ADF]

Where's Ikeaboy when you need him? He'd know the proper course of action.

[angrymissy]

i was on a strict diet (done purposely) in the prior days to me going to woodstock '99.
my goal was to avoid dumping from friday am to monday am.
needless to say, come sunday morning, i got that feeling.
i had to use one of the porta-potties. :help:

they tell you "never look down". :down: i did. the things i saw in there were outright rude. i think even illegal in Alabama, to be frank. :eek:

all i know is that the tank was about 3/4 full.
oh, also it was about 100 for fri/sat, and maybe 80 and cloudy on sunday.
basically, whatever was in there just cooked for 2 days.

I was at Woodstock 94.

That mud all over TV

was mud mixed with tipped over portapotties

[FUNKMAN]

hopefully none of the previous man's cocky/peepee water splashed up and onto your ballsack or anal cavity

[Mike Teacher]

It makes you realize how lucky we are to be spoiled with the luxury of toilets and sewer systems. Take my computer, my tv, my ipod... ALL of it away, just leave me my toilet.

Well said; half the earth; 50%; 1 in 2, will live out there lives never seeing or using a flush toilet. Or a telephone.

Thats how 'modern' our world is.

Apologies again to ADF; this is about his mud, not my rambling de-railments.

FYI not that it matters or would have anyone stop but when I quit booze my system became more regular then a swiss watch. Still is.

[angrymissy]

Whoa... Ikea serves Swedish meatballs!?

I was just there yesterday, they are delicious and they serve them with LINGONBERRY SAUCE!

[Furtherman]

I was just there yesterday, they are delicious and they serve them with LINGONBERRY SAUCE!

I was just thinking I need another bookshelf. These meatballs are enticing me to visit Ikea.

[MagillaGorillaz]

You ever hear of the names of the lines of furniture Ikea come up with? Most of them sound like the noises when you take a dump in a toilet.

[Thomas Merton]

My IKEA memory is a bad one. I almost broke up with a girl one week into living together because we bought a bed there and I was capable of murder by the time I was done putting that god blessed thing together

[Bulldogcakes]

Maybe Ikea's toilets would function properly if you didn't need one of these to install them:

http://www.ikea.com/ms/en_US/img/customer_service/ikea_services/assembly_service279x279.gif

:clap::laugh::clap::laugh:

[Marc with a c]

seeing remaining poop is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. i couldn't imagine going through what you went through today.

[epo]

seeing remaining poop is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. i couldn't imagine going through what you went through today.

It'll be ok Marc....it will be ok.

[Marc with a c]

It'll be ok Marc....it will be ok.

i just really hate poo.

it's gross

[smiler grogan]

Apparently yesterday was rf.net ikea day. I took the family there yesterday so my bro. in law could buy a 100.00 table and chairs set. Lingonberry sauce is the best.

[FUNKMAN]

I had to double-dump

hmmm yummy!

http://www.travelnotes.de/california/silicon/poreo1.jpg

[topless_mike]

LINGONBERRY <s>SAUCE</s> Longerberry!

sorry
couldnt resist

[topless_mike]

I was at Woodstock 94.

That mud all over TV

was mud mixed with tipped over portapotties

my wife also did '94
she said the same thing.

[Chigworthy]

Shopping at IKEA is like getting a double-dump glass job, w/o the glass. IKEA is fuck-face.

[Hottub]

I've never been to Ikea, and I have bowel control greater than that of a 2 year old.
Carry on.:dry:

[LaBoob]

Men: at least you don't have to worry about using a public toilet after a woman who hovers and winds up peeing all over the seat and floor, forcing everyone after her to hover also. It just seems so backward for women to not want to get someone else's germs on them to then spray their pee around the tiolet seat and floor.
If women don't want to sit to pee they should go into the men's room and use the urinal. Or at least clean the seat after they pee all over it.

[Drunky McBetidont]

not a thing compared to an upper decker. keep flushing and it gets worse.

[TheMojoPin]

I've never been to Ikea, and I have bowel control greater than that of a 2 year old.
Carry on.:dry:

Hottub only shops garage sales and shits like a 3-year-old.

[Arienette]

he forgot the most important part of the story, which is that he felt compelled to recount the ordeal at dinner...

[TheMojoPin]

he forgot the most important part of the story, which is that he felt compelled to recount the ordeal at dinner...

In front of your guests the queen, the pope and the lovely McSnootymoneybagses.

[FUNKMAN]

where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage?

[Furtherman]

where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage?

Todadump Todadump Todadump-dump-dump!

[FUNKMAN]

where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage?

Todadump Todadump Todadump-dump-dump!

i'm happy

[riverofpiss]

I was at Woodstock 94.

That mud all over TV

was mud mixed with tipped over portapotties

my wife also did '94
she said the same thing.

I was there too, it was as bad as it sounds. It does make me laugh now when I watch the video for "When I Come Around" by Green Day when the lead singer gets a glob of this shitty-mud right in the face.

[Marc with a c]

Todadump Todadump Todadump-dump-dump!

i'm happy

i'm glad to see you two finally patching things up.

[RhinoinMN]

hopefully none of the previous man's cocky/peepee water splashed up and onto your ballsack or anal cavity

Yech!

I shit a pile once that emerged from the water level. My balls touched it.

It sucks when you teabag your own shit, but somebody else's is repulsive.

[Judge Smails]

Why in the fuck do I keep opening this thread!

[Hottub]

The power of Christ compels you?

[midwestjeff]

Fuck that. I would rather shit my pants. I don't even "double-piss". My waste is too good to be mixed with some unflushing savage's.

On a related note, I don't mix any of my own bodily extractions with each other in the toilet. Like hair, piss, shit, nail clippings, snot, jizz, etc. If somebody is going to put a nasty voodoo curse on me, then they are going to have to search pretty fucking hard for all of the necessary ingredients. I know it all ends up in the sewer, but I am not putting it in one nicely flushed package for some fucking witch to use against me. Fuck them.

[FUNKMAN]

http://gorgeoustown.typepad.com/lex_culinaria/images/2007/07/27/dsc_0009.jpg

[LaBoob]

Fuck that. I would rather shit my pants. I don't even "double-piss". My waste is too good to be mixed with some unflushing savage's.

On a related note, I don't mix any of my own bodily extractions with each other in the toilet. Like hair, piss, shit, nail clippings, snot, jizz, etc. If somebody is going to put a nasty voodoo curse on me, then they are going to have to search pretty fucking hard for all of the necessary ingredients. I know it all ends up in the sewer, but I am not putting it in one nicely flushed package for some fucking witch to use against me. Fuck them.

That is easily the most paranoid thing I've ever heard.
:blink:

[angrymissy]

I was there too, it was as bad as it sounds. It does make me laugh now when I watch the video for "When I Come Around" by Green Day when the lead singer gets a glob of this shitty-mud right in the face.

My memory of that event is vague for many reasons, but I seem to recall that even though on TV they tried to make it look all haha whoo lets play in the mud, in reality, Green Day was coming on late or refusing to play or something and the crowd was practically ready to riot and hurling anything they could at the stage.

could have just been the acid working its magic though

[Chigworthy]

Shit-Whistles.

[topless_mike]

My memory of that event is vague for many reasons, but I seem to recall that even though on TV they tried to make it look all haha whoo lets play in the mud, in reality, Green Day was coming on late or refusing to play or something and the crowd was practically ready to riot and hurling anything they could at the stage.

could have just been the acid working its magic though

i cant imagine what went down when primus went on...

"my name is mud"

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