I'm gassy as hell.

[JerseyRich]

I'm wodering if I'm allergic to dairy.

I've been really gassy. Been eating relative normal but still get really bloated feeling and my farts have been horrendously bad smelling.


Help!

[outlawfrank]

http://www.worth1000.com/entries/70000/70239INpm_w.jpg

[JerseyRich]

All that ad did for me what make me horny...


I actually farted while looking at it.

[ScottFromGA]

you should be around my wife when she has cheese or milk....


omg, burps that smell just like battery acid. Jesus fucking Christ on a pony, it'll melt steel!!


:help:

[led37zep]

you should be around my wife when she has cheese or milk....


omg, burps that smell just like battery acid. Jesus fucking Christ on a pony, it'll melt steel!!


:help:


If this is the case shouldn't she be your ex wife? Thats awful bro...I'm sorry.

[SouthSideJohnny]

Check out "Lactaid" pills. Without them, those around me would be dead after I eat a piece of provolone cheese.

[Tall_James]

Don't you folks call it "feeling Petrol-ly"?

[JerseyRich]

Don't you folks call it "feeling Petrol-ly"?

This is not a laughing matter, you!

[King Hippos Bandaid]

I like the name Lactose Intolerant Rich

[donnie_darko]

dont you hate when you fart sitting down and it comes out the front not the back???

wtf!

[Jughead]

Im not allowed.....:innocent:

[Hottub]

SBD in the jury room today.:devil2:

[Marc with a c]

dont you hate when you fart sitting down and it comes out the front not the back???

wtf!

i don't understand this, but it had me cracking up

[grlNIN]

dont you hate when you fart sitting down and it comes out the front not the back???

wtf!

Never knew you were a chick.

[sailor]

i hear this is common in you old folk.

see, this is part of the package when you replace gvac.

[IamPixie]

dont you hate when you fart sitting down and it comes out the front not the back???

wtf!

marc told me that's called a "queef"

[JerseyRich]

I don't think its the dairy...

I've had milk and cheese over the past two days and I'm a little better now.

Must have just been something strange I ate.

Yesterday for breakfast I had a bowl of oatmeal(Milk, oats and some Maple syrup)
Lunch: PB&J Sammy on multi grain bread, a string cheese and a sugar free jello.
Dinner: A grilled veggie and chicken whole wheat wrap...and some rice.


Today I feel great.

I worked out on the treadmill last night for 45 mins, then lifted dumbells for 20 mins.


No gas today.

[topless_mike]

dont you hate when you fart sitting down and it comes out the front not the back???

wtf!

and it tickles your nuts on the way up!


i hate that as well

[SPeeDy_Freak]

Fart always = funny...






... unless you let one go in a business meeting..... when there's a quiet pause in the discussion....


hoping it would be a quiet one.... only to have it rip out like a 6 piece band....



not that it's happened to me or anything.

[topless_mike]

gas for me is normal (i eat really fast).
if it turns putried (almost sour milk smell), then i know im going to come down with a cold in about 2 days.
disgusting, but true.
usually when that happens, i can fend off the cold with lots of oj.

[LaBoob]

I don't think its the dairy...

I've had milk and cheese over the past two days and I'm a little better now.

Must have just been something strange I ate.

Yesterday for breakfast I had a bowl of oatmeal(Milk, oats and some Maple syrup)
Lunch: PB&J Sammy on multi grain bread, a string cheese and a sugar free jello.
Dinner: A grilled veggie and chicken whole wheat wrap...and some rice.


Today I feel great.

I worked out on the treadmill last night for 45 mins, then lifted dumbells for 20 mins.


No gas today.

Keep track of what you eat and whether it produced gas or not. It took me years to pin down what was going on with my stomach. When I tracked my food, I found out that a TON of things messed me up, including (and this one was the most difficult to pin down) artificial sweeteners like Splenda, sorbitol and xylitol. They're creeping up in tons of things now including chewable vitamins and destroy me.

[LaBoob]

gas for me is normal (i eat really fast).
if it turns putried (almost sour milk smell), then i know im going to come down with a cold in about 2 days.
disgusting, but true.
usually when that happens, i can fend off the cold with lots of oj.


This is CRAZY. I'm actually interested. Can your gas predict anything else?

[topless_mike]

unfortunatly, nothing productive or worthwhile.
only:

a) im getting sick
b) its going to be raw in here in a few minutes
c) a shart warning must be issued.

[SPeeDy_Freak]

The horrificness of my gas is totally attributed to my diet. The worse I eat the more dangerous the stench.

[LaBoob]

unfortunatly, nothing productive or worthwhile.
only:

a) im getting sick
b) its going to be raw in here in a few minutes
c) a shart warning must be issued.

My gas predicts what's going to happen next on Lost, but it's always WRONG!

[topless_mike]

My gas predicts what's going to happen next on Lost, but it's always WRONG!

they havent been found, i take it.

[ralphbxny]

I am gassy too today. Damn low fat high fiber diets!

[JerseyRich]

Dude.

I swear mine could down an elephant today.



Not good.

[DiabloSammich]

Have you been to a doctor, yet Rich? I know Mike was supposed to go to, maybe you guys could get a two-fer special.

[King Hippos Bandaid]

my stomach feels like a washing machine

it is real bad

Im not sure why, i ate well

[topless_mike]

Have you been to a doctor, yet Rich? I know Mike was supposed to go to, maybe you guys could get a two-fer special.

:furious:
i hate you

[JerseyRich]

Have you been to a doctor, yet Rich? I know Mike was supposed to go to, maybe you guys could get a two-fer special.

I actually have had the flu since last Thursday...

So all weekend I didn't really eat anything of substance. So once I started to eat normal again, I think it was a shock to my intestines.

I feel pretty good today, and not gassy at all...I think one small lil poot this morning.

This isn't doctor worthy.

[topless_mike]

i can actually see the mist floating around my office today.
thank god im the only one here today (and tomorrow for residual effects).

[ScottFromGA]

Jersey Rich - I'm gassy as hell.



well I hope your happy..........

[JerseyRich]

I almost shit my pants the other day.


That is all.

[ScottFromGA]

I almost shit my pants the other day.


That is all.

Did it hurt?

[topless_mike]

my chair is taking an unfair blasting today.
im actually offending myself.

[jennysmurf]

Wow, this is one sexy thread!:thumbup:

[JerseyRich]

Wow, this is one sexy thread!:thumbup:

Nose plugs are required.


I ate a can of Turkey Chili yesterday for lunch.

I don't envy anyone within a 10 ft radius today.

[topless_mike]

word.
thats one thing i love about doing yoga.
squeezes the gas out of me.

[ScottFromGA]

lose your gallbladder and drink some milk.


oofa.....I LOVE doing that before I go to bed with the wife....:thumbup:

[ScottFromGA]

Just a question though...


Which fart feels better?

the one thats loud and has that "flum-flub-flub-flum" sound?

or

the one that kinda swifts out of your ass with a little burn that turns toenails green?.


sorry for the lack of polls.

[ElBoberino]

I love the ones that are huge and rock the house because usually they are the result of some stomach pain and after the release, my stomach feels better. Those burning, noxious ones are only great if your in the car with other people or in bed with your gal.

[JerseyRich]

Holy shit, this is going to be a rough couple of days...

White Castle burgers at work yesterday. It feels like someone shoved a hose up my rear end and pumped me full of noxious fumes.

[Gvac]

Holy shit, this is going to be a rough couple of days...It feels like someone shoved a hose up my rear end

That wasn't a hose.

[JerseyRich]

That wasn't a hose.

Save it for the Pink Shirt thread buddy.

[LaBoob]

Holy shit, this is going to be a rough couple of days...

White Castle burgers at work yesterday. It feels like someone shoved a hose up my rear end and pumped me full of noxious fumes.

Masochist. You love it.

[Tenbatsuzen]

Holy shit, this is going to be a rough couple of days...

White Castle burgers at work yesterday. It feels like someone shoved a hose up my rear end and pumped me full of noxious fumes.

I'm getting White Castles and cheap beer for the Backyard Brawl tomorrow. Liz is in for a treat around 10pm tomorrow night

[JerseyRich]

I honestly feel like my innards are going to explode out of me today.

This is killin' me.

[reillyluck]

I honestly feel like my innards are going to explode out of me today.

This is killin' me.

someone better make an appointment for their gallbladder.

[JerseyRich]

someone better make an appointment for their gallbladder.

It's gas. Not crazy old man disease.

[GvacMobile]

It's gas. Not crazy old man disease.

And I was going to get you hair plugs for your 30th birthday.

[reillyluck]

It's gas. Not crazy old man disease.

And I was going to get you hair plugs for your 30th birthday.

Cripple fight!!!!!

[JerseyRich]

And I was going to get you hair plugs for your 30th birthday.

I look sexy in a bandana.

[JerseyRich]

5 White Castle cheeseburgers...fries and a soda for lunch today.

I'm starting to feel rumblings only an hour and a half later. This is gonna be a rough afternoon.

[topless_mike]

this, quite possibly, could be more fowl than the smell of snoogans' turkey or more foul than the eggs on JR's car.

i really owe this chair an apology and a handy, at minimum.

[topless_mike]

:down:

[JerseyRich]

Feelin gassy today?

[topless_mike]

si sir psycho sexy.

[JerseyRich]

si sir psycho sexy.

That is me.
Sometimes I feel the need to scream.

[~Katja~]

from classy to gassy... what a downfall

[JerseyRich]

from classy to gassy... what a downfall


I'm not gassy.

[Aggie]

I thought it was considered healthy to fart alot?

[~Katja~]

I'm not gassy.

I did not say YOU... you are basically implying that Mike is not classy but you are... way to be modest :)

[JerseyRich]

I did not say YOU... you are basically implying that Mike is not classy but you are... way to be modest :)


Mike has been nude in the chat room. I know he is NOT classy.

[~Katja~]

Mike has been nude in the chat room. I know he is NOT classy.

maybe not where you come from...

[RoseBlood]

Mike has been nude in the chat room. I know he is NOT classy.

Probably at your request, NOT classy.

*edit* now we know where it got the aids.

[JerseyRich]

Probably at your request, NOT classy.

*edit* now we know where it got the aids.


That's the worst thing you could say about a guy that was nude in the chat room and lives in NJ and has a pregnant wife. Seriously.

[Aggie]

That's the worst thing you could say about a guy that was nude in the chat room and lives in NJ and has a pregnant wife. Seriously.

Rose can be cold-blooded when she wants to. Don't cross her!

[~Katja~]

That's the worst thing you could say about a guy that was nude in the chat room and lives in NJ and has a pregnant wife. Seriously.

you forgot to add that he is oily, gassy and has no sex... let the man live a little

[ToiletCrusher]

Gassed up is something I usually say about my moped.

[RoseBlood]

Mike has been nude in the chat room. I know he is NOT classy.

So have you!!! NOT classy.

[JerseyRich]

I had some terrible Veggie Meatballs(They were in the freezer) for dinner tonight with some sauce and penne.

They were so awful.

I feel like a balloon right now. A big, hairy, smelly balloon.

[topless_mike]

that milkshake did me in.
:glurps:

im actually offending myself.

[JerseyRich]

that milkshake did me in.
:glurps:

im actually offending myself.


This is going to be one gassy bar night on Friday. Watch out!

[ANC]

:unsure:

[JerseyRich]

:unsure:
Mexican for dinner?:nono:

[ANC]

Mexican for dinner?:nono:

No, peas and macaroni. Maybe it's the new vitamins I'm on?

Meh, my coworkers can deal with it. I blame the HVAC system..

[Hottub]

No, peas and macaroni. Maybe it's the new vitamins I'm on?

Meh, my coworkers can deal with it. I blame the HVAC system..

I blame the GVAC system.

[ANC]

I blame the GVAC system.

:laugh:

[Misteriosa]

have you ever tried those bean-o tabs?

[ANC]

have you ever tried those bean-o tabs?

I have them at home. They do work well. I'm not sure why I would keep them in the 1 place I could care less about gassin' up...

[RoseBlood]

:unsure:
If that ain't a look of guilt.

[JerseyRich]

Yes...I'm a meatball. Thanks to whoever did that.


I'm pretty gassy as well today.

I'm actually starting to think I may be lactose intolerant. Such a thing would crush my universe.

Perhaps I'm off to the allergist soon.

[topless_mike]

me too.
im sick, so my body is not playing nice.
i've been doing runs to the bafroom on a constant basis, because it is extra foul.

[dickydean]

The worst fart was in my wet suit. I felt it roll up my back and came out around the neck. :-p

[ANC]

:unsure: this has got to be some of record...

[ANC]

:sad: not again....

[topless_mike]

was that you?
though it was just the lovely port parfume.

[ANC]

was that you?
though it was just the lovely port parfume.

:laugh:

:unsure:....and that ain't no foghorn in the distance.

[topless_mike]

:laugh:

:unsure:....and that ain't no foghorn in the distance.


"WARNING" "WARNING" "DANGER" "DANGER"

[ANC]

"WARNING" "WARNING" "DANGER" "DANGER"

:laugh:

the anc=leaky ass tags is killing me :lol:

ugh this meeting I have to run to could be a challange.

[RoseBlood]

Yes...I'm a meatball. Thanks to whoever did that.

:bye:

[~Katja~]

Yes...I'm a meatball. Thanks to whoever did that.


I'm pretty gassy as well today.

I'm actually starting to think I may be lactose intolerant. Such a thing would crush my universe.

Perhaps I'm off to the allergist soon.


doesn't have to be intolerant, some people are just sensitive and need to reduce their dairy intake a bit

[ANC]

doesn't have to be intolerant, some people are just sensitive and need to reduce their dairy intake a bit

Damn sounds like I'm in a catch 22, I have a vitamin D deficiency and the suppliment I'm taking seems to be causing the issue.. :wallbash:

[JerseyRich]

I laid off the milk and cereal this morning and just had toast and peanut butter...

Not even a tiny poot this morning.

Have I just self-diagnosed myself? Maybe not...but I'm feelin good.:clap:

[RoseBlood]

Damn sounds like I'm in a catch 22, I have a vitamin D deficiency and the suppliment I'm taking seems to be causing the issue.. :wallbash:
Get a little sun.

I laid off the milk and cereal this morning and just had toast and peanut butter...

Not even a tiny poot this morning.

Have I just self-diagnosed myself? Maybe not...but I'm feelin good.:clap:

I hate cows milk.

[~Katja~]

I laid off the milk and cereal this morning and just had toast and peanut butter...

Not even a tiny poot this morning.

Have I just self-diagnosed myself? Maybe not...but I'm feelin good.:clap:
oh, good :)

[Gvac]

I just farted so powerfully it literally lifted me off the chair. No lie.

[A.J.]

I just farted so powerfully it literally lifted me off the chair. No lie.

Our Founding Fathers would be proud of you.

[Patient zer0]

God damn egg whites, I've been ripping hideous farts all morning.

[ANC]

:unsure:

[JerseyRich]

Broccoli for dinner two nights in a row...

ugh.

[ANC]

about 12 beers tons of BBQ and a ton of guacamole.. (cue foghorn)

[JerseyRich]

There are an awful lot of binge drinkers on this messageboard.

[ANC]

There are an awful lot of binge drinkers on this messageboard.

what if I rationalize by saying it was over a 9 hour span?

[JerseyRich]

what if I rationalize by saying it was over a 9 hour span?

it explains your gas but not your alcoholism.

[ANC]

it explains your gas but not your alcoholism.


:laugh: Fair enough sir..... fair enough.

[~Katja~]

Broccoli for dinner two nights in a row...

ugh.

http://www.bayarearidersforum.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=306545&d=1243238721

[A.J.]

There are an awful lot of binge drinkers on this messageboard.

Nah, I pace myself.

[topless_mike]

ugh.
i had a fucking rough day at work yesterday. i really didnt feel like going home yet, so wifey said go out, grab dinner, do the errands i needed to, then come home.
somebody, to top it off, cut me off badly on the way to eat. so i dipped into white castle.
10 jalapeno cheeseburgers
sack of fries
sack of chicken rings
sack of mozz sticks
choc shake.


i went to bed at 12:45, care free.
woke up this morning. i need a hazmat suit for my ass.

[JerseyRich]

After our show at the Court Tavern last night...a few of us hit up the Grease Trucks at Rutgers University on the corner of Hamilton and College Aves.

For those of you that have no clue what I speak of just picture 4-5 large meal trucks that permanently park in a lot and attract hungry, drunken college coeds late at night with bright lights and foreign men shouting out of the little windows on the trucks begging you to order some greasy concoctions from them...all the while, loud club music is blasting from stereos set up on the side of the truck...

So we walked up and I ordered a Fat Mojo...I thought I'd order that in honor of our favorite moderator here at RF.net. The sandwich is chicken fingers, mozzerella sticks, french fries and honey mustard all crammed onto a hero roll.

Needless to say...I am gassy as hell today and closer to death.:drunk:

[disneyspy]

After our show at the Court Tavern last night...a few of us hit up the Grease Trucks at Rutgers University on the corner of Hamilton and College Aves.

For those of you that have no clue what I speak of just picture 4-5 large meal trucks that permanently park in a lot and attract hungry, drunken college coeds late at night with bright lights and foreign men shouting out of the little windows on the trucks begging you to order some greasy concoctions from them...all the while, loud club music is blasting from stereos set up on the side of the truck...

So we walked up and I ordered a Fat Mojo...I thought I'd order that in honor of our favorite moderator here at RF.net. The sandwich is chicken fingers, mozzerella sticks, french fries and honey mustard all crammed onto a hero roll.

Needless to say...I am gassy as hell today and closer to death.:drunk:

do people eat there when theyre not drunk?
the only time ive ever eaten at a FLAP JACK SHACK or WAFFLE HOUSE was around 3am and i was hungry drunk

[JerseyRich]

do people eat there when theyre not drunk?
the only time ive ever eaten at a FLAP JACK SHACK or WAFFLE HOUSE was around 3am and i was hungry drunk

I was not drunk. Not even buzzed. I was driving.

[Gvac]

Your gall bladder is going to explode one day.

Trust me.

[A.J.]

So we walked up and I ordered a Fat Mojo...I thought I'd order that in honor of our favorite moderator here at RF.net. The sandwich is chicken fingers, mozzerella sticks, french fries and honey mustard all crammed onto a hero roll.

If I ever want to commit suicide, I'm getting me one of those.

[topless_mike]

Warning:

Steer clear of all forms of open ignition.



Its so bad, im actually embarrassed.

[JerseyRich]

Warning:

Steer clear of all forms of open ignition.



Its so bad, im actually embarrassed.

Crack a window.

[ANC]

:unsure:

I almost feel bad for my coworkers...............almost.

[topless_mike]

and tonite for dinner....


turkey chili.


:unsure:

[JerseyRich]

Pot Luck at work...

White Castle...ugh.

[Freitag]

Pot Luck at work...

White Castle...ugh.

No wonder acorna is holding that apple, she's desperately trying to make potpourri to combat your stench.

[JerseyRich]

No wonder acorna is holding that apple, she's desperately trying to make potpourri to combat your stench.

I had some fudge and a piece of ice cream cake.

This is gonna get messy.

[Gay Lendo]

I had some fudge and a piece of ice cream cake.

This is gonna get messy.

I love fudge. Kevin is sweet like candy.

[Tenbatsuzen]

I had some fudge and a piece of ice cream cake.

This is gonna get messy.

I hope to God you're not going to her family's place tomorrow.

[high fly]

Taco Bell double beef and cheese burrito. Two for less than 4 bucks. Squirt some hot sauce in there and I'm ready to do some crop-dusting!
Maybe this should go in the "What are you thankful for" - thread......

[ANC]

:unsure:

[ANC]

To prevent getting a cold, I ate a whole bag of Vitamin C drops and had an Airborne which has 1000mg of Vitamin C. Apparantly there are some side effects...well at least one I know of...

:unsure:

[~Katja~]

To prevent getting a cold, I ate a whole bag of Vitamin C drops and had an Airborne which has 1000mg of Vitamin C. Apparantly there are some side effects...well at least one I know of...

:unsure:
it probably has a few other things in there that you react to, I bought a bottle of 1000mg vit c and did not feel gassy from it

Ingredients:
Vitamin A (100% Acetate) 5000 IU 100%
Vitamin C 1000 mg 1633%
Vitamin E 30 IU 100%
Magnesium (Sulfate) 40 mg 10%
Zinc (Sulfate) 8 mg 55%
Selenium (Sodium Selinite) 15 mcg 21%
Manganese (Gluconate) 3 mg 86%
Potassium (Bicarbonate) 75 mg 2.5%
Organic Herbal Extracts:
Lonicera, Forsythia, Schizonepeta, Ginger, Chinese Vitex, Isatis Root, Echinacea Amino Acids: Glutamine, Lysine

[ANC]

it probably has a few other things in there that you react to, I bought a bottle of 1000mg vit c and did not feel gassy from it

Ingredients:
Vitamin A (100% Acetate) 5000 IU 100%
Vitamin C 1000 mg 1633%
Vitamin E 30 IU 100%
Magnesium (Sulfate) 40 mg 10%
Zinc (Sulfate) 8 mg 55%
Selenium (Sodium Selinite) 15 mcg 21%
Manganese (Gluconate) 3 mg 86%
Potassium (Bicarbonate) 75 mg 2.5%
Organic Herbal Extracts:
Lonicera, Forsythia, Schizonepeta, Ginger, Chinese Vitex, Isatis Root, Echinacea Amino Acids: Glutamine, Lysine

You're probably right, but I'm taking the 1000mg from the airborne and adding it to the 25 drops I ate that have 60mg (1500mg total)

1500
+ 1000
2500 mg

:surrender:

my poor wife....

[JerseyRich]

Buffalo Chicken wrap for lunch today.

This is not pretty.

Tasty as hell, but not pretty.

[MetalAcorna]

Buffalo Chicken wrap for lunch today.

This is not pretty.

Tasty as hell, but not pretty.

Stop eating that gross stuff. And its a Chicken Wrap ordered "hot". Get it right, wouldja? :innocent:

[JerseyRich]

Stop eating that gross stuff. And its a Chicken Wrap ordered "hot". Get it right, wouldja? :innocent:

I missed John Charles...this was the only thing that we had together...

[MetalAcorna]

I missed John Charles...this was the only thing that we had together...

That whole exchange between the two of you on Saturday night was too funny. :laugh:

[JerseyRich]

That whole exchange between the two of you on Saturday night was too gassy
Sorry.

[Furtherman]

To prevent getting a cold, I ate a whole bag of Vitamin C drops and had an Airborne which has 1000mg of Vitamin C. Apparantly there are some side effects...well at least one I know of...

Airborne Baloney (http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=airborne-baloney)

[topless_mike]

Buffalo Chicken wrap for lunch today.


And its a Chicken Wrap ordered "hot". Get it right, wouldja? :innocent:

dont take that from her.

[JerseyRich]

dont take that from her.
She's gonna get it.

[topless_mike]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYp28tEAVvs

[ANC]

Airborne Baloney (http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=airborne-baloney)

Yup I know. I had some leftover and took it for the Vitamin C.

[Furtherman]

The show is very gassy today.

[JerseyRich]

Pfffffffffffffffft!

[Freitag]

Pfffffffffffffffft!

Triple jump?

[disneyspy]

Triple jump?

thats what i call it when i fart so hard that i burp and pee myself alittle bit

[JerseyRich]

thats what i call it when i fart so hard that i burp and pee myself alittle bit

Is your family finally going to put you in a home?

[disneyspy]

Is your family finally going to put you in a home?

I'M ALREADY A STUD IN THE DOLL HOUSE,NOW EXCUSE ME,it's time for a treatment

[ANC]

:sad:










:devil2:

[topless_mike]

http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-fart005.gif

[LordJezo]

My gas and poops on Monday were explosive, I was trying to clean myself out from dinner the night before and loaded myself up.

First thing in the morning was my daily dose of Metamucil and started at the office with two magnesium pills and a dose of triphala. Couple hours later I had some coffee. Once afternoon hit I was starting to anally explode but nothing was moving yet, at the gym some wet farts made it so I had to wipe myself down and lose some workout time. Back at the office I took more magnesium and triphala. On my way home I stopped by the store, bought a can of prunes, and ate them until I could have no more. Gas was leaking, the kind where it burns your own nose when you smell it.

When I finally got home a few hours later I had to run to the bathroom, holding it in was cramping me up and I could take no more. The instant I hit the bowl I started to vomit from my butt, heaving as my intestines dumped themselves beneath me. I called out in excitement, or maybe shock, several times before it was all over with.

What a day.