Observations about Jurassic Park

[FMJeff]

We were discussing Jurassic Park in the Paltalk room and it got me thinking about some of the gaping logic holes in this movie that should be addressed.

1) A billionaire can only become a billionaire by trusting his money and businesses to key personnel. It is literally impossible for one man to manage his billion dollar empire. That being said, Jurassic Park was seemingly devoid of middle management. Where are his staff? Shouldn't a park of that size employ thousands, even in the LIKELY and EVENTUAL possibility of a powerful hurricane in the South Pacific? Where was the contingency plan for that? It seems the plan was abandon the fucking island. How can the entire park management staff leave an island swarming with wild animals, many of which are unbelievably powerful and deadly in the hands of a SKELETON CREW?

2) You would think a man of his influence and business savvy would employ all the relevant experts in the field of zoo & amusement park management, yet when it came time to deal with probably the most dangerous scenario in any zoo, animal escape, there was no plan in place and no team to address it. Where was the contingency plan for this?

3) I assume he "spared no expense" in the hiring of his park design team. So tell me, what zoo designer would ever consider tying animal containment to a computer with no apparent redundancy vulnerable to severe weather? What zoo designer would think a flimsy electric wire fence was sufficient in containing a T-REX at its most ferocious? Didn't they test materials? Why were the Velociraptors contained in a better housing than a fucking T-REX?

4) Why, as a billiionaire, would you not have the common sense to recognize a man like Dennis Nedry as a liability? Don't you become a billionaire by being able to read people and determine instnatly their capabilities and weaknessess?

5) Why would the entire programming be seemingly controlled by two people, only one of which had full access to the entire system? Where were the code auditors, the ones entrusted with combing the millions of lines of code for the very things Nedry was programming into the system?

6) Why would a reboot correct a systems hack? Wouldn't the hack still be there when the system rebooted? Wouldn't you develop a better system for rebooting than turning off the entire complex's power systems?

7) Why would you tie systems like the door locks into the computer system with no manual way of locking or unlocking the doors? It seems all of Jurassic park was designed with this inherent flaw, too much reliance on computers and electrical uptime. There was no consideration made for emergency situations, which as you may guess, is the FIRST PRIORITY in any such operation.

IT'S CALLED RISK MANAGEMENT AND ASSESSMENT, and its involved in every single amusement park and zoo. Its intention, to limit or eliminate the public and the captive animals exposure to danger.

8) Why, instead of making the animals all female, would you not consider SPAYING AND NEUTERING the animals at birth, thus eliminating even the possibility for reproduction? Any decent zoo veterinarian would give a THOROUGH inspection of any newborn animal in a facility and would most certainly have spotted a male.

9) Why would a team of geneticists so skilled in bringing ancient life back not be aware of the possibility that certain frogs change sex arbitrarily. Why wouldn't they KNOW that?

10) Why breed the violent dinosaurs at all? You would have NO need to worry about any inherent danger in containing a velociraptor or a T-REX. You wouldn't need view obscuring fencing. Is a bronotosaurus not enough to fucking inspire awe and attract guests? WHAT THE FUCK?!?

I hate fucking Jurassic Park. Michael Crichton is a fucking faggot.

[PapaBear]

That's the movie with the big scary lizards, right? Every scene change should have been accompanied by the banging of a gong. Right, Sheepy?

Very valid points, Jeff. I can't dispute a single one.

[ChrisTheCop]

and in total recall, why not just continue having sex with sharon stone? forget mars.

[MadMatt]

Very good call, Jeff. I have been bringing up similar points for years. A couple of others:

11) Why bring in the Dinosaur experts (paleontologists) at the END when the park is ready to open. They should have (and would have) been involved since the inception of the project to help avoid the problems they ran into (poisonous plants, animal interaction, etc.). And it's not just to avoid problems with the animals, but saving costs - replacing plants would cost money, potential lawsuits would cost money, replacing dinosaurs killed by other dinosaurs would cost money, etc.

12) [An offshoot of 11] OK, they probably used paleontologists at some point, but why use grad students or "regular" paleontologists. If you are "sparing no expense" and trying to create the worlds foremost amusement park, you would have the world's leading paleontologists involved in the project from the start. Not just to avoid potential problems but for the prestige of their involvement. Bringing them in at the very end just to "sign off" on the park makes no sense.

Most of the other things I am thinking of can be tied into Jeff's original ideas, so I won't belabor the point. Needless to say, there are amazingly large holes that frustrate the hell out of me (and others, apparently)

:furious::wallbash:

[Furtherman]

Today, 02:27 AM

Observations about Jurassic Park

I hope you were stoned silly at this point.

11) Who would hire Newman?! He can't be trusted!

[furie]

and.... none of this struck you in 1994?!

[cupcakelove]

And did Newman go from being a postman to a computer genius? Don't you think he could have used those skills in NYC, why did he have to go to a fucked up island. Doesn't make any sense!!

[Marc with a c]

what about number 2?

[Mike Teacher]

what about number 2?

thats was his opinion of the movie.

[Knowledged_one]

http://www.fortunecity.com/lavender/rocky/717/Simpsons/nerds2.gif

Doug: In episode 2F09, when Itchy plays Scratchy's skeleton like a
xylophone, he strikes the same rib twice in succession, yet he
produces two clearly different tones. I mean, what are we to
believe, that this is some sort of a [the three nerds chuckle]
magic xylophone or something? Boy, I really hope somebody got
fired for that blunder.
June: Uh, well, uh...
Homer: I'll field that one. Let me ask you a question. Why would a
man whose shirt says "Genius at Work" spend all of his time
watching a children's cartoon show?
Doug: [embarrassed pause] I withdraw my question. [starts eating a
candy bar]

[MadMatt]

and.... none of this struck you in 1994?!

Of course it did, but Jeff just posted this today. As this issue has been a thorn in my side for nearly 15 years, I had to comment. :tongue:

[topless_mike]

I hate fucking Jurassic Park. Michael Crichton is a fucking faggot.

its ok, dood.
let it go. hug your wife.


but if it really gives you the red ass, maybe you can tell him by protesting:
jurassic park iv (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0369610/)

http://www.darrenstraight.com/blog/images/2006/07/jurassicpark4.jpg

[Dougie Brootal]

MAYBE
THE
DINGO
ATE
YOUR
CONTINUITY
AND
LOGIC.


but seriously...it was in the script.

[Furtherman]

but if it really gives you the red ass, maybe you can tell him by protesting:
jurassic park iv (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0369610/)


One of the ideas featured a group of soldiers that were genetically crossed humans and dinosaurs. This was proposed by John Sayles.

I really hope that one was shot down and John Sayles was kicked in the balls for suggesting such a thing.

[TheMojoPin]

I have an issue with the whole cloning dinosaurs thing.

[AKA]

More importantly, how long was Luke training with Yoda? I mean, it seems like it was forever, right? Time passed - at the very, very least a week, but maybe more like a month or more, right? That WAS his training to become a Jedi, so it took some time...so why is it that Han and Leia and the Droids only took hours to get from Vader's ship to the Cloud City in the same amount of time? HOW IS IT?

Jedi please.

[Team_Ramrod]

It was written and filmed like this because it couldn't be perfect.

The first version was perfect and all the people rejected it.... it was chaos!

It has to have these flaws; Don't you understand?

(that's what I heard from agent Smith).

[cougarjake13]

More importantly, how long was Luke training with Yoda? I mean, it seems like it was forever, right? Time passed - at the very, very least a week, but maybe more like a month or more, right? That WAS his training to become a Jedi, so it took some time...so why is it that Han and Leia and the Droids only took hours to get from Vader's ship to the Cloud City in the same amount of time? HOW IS IT?

Jedi please.



time passes much slower for jedis in training

[sailor]

maybe he inherited the money?

[MadMatt]

maybe he inherited the money?

:lol::thumbup::lol:

[MadMatt]

More importantly, how long was Luke training with Yoda? I mean, it seems like it was forever, right? Time passed - at the very, very least a week, but maybe more like a month or more, right? That WAS his training to become a Jedi, so it took some time...so why is it that Han and Leia and the Droids only took hours to get from Vader's ship to the Cloud City in the same amount of time? HOW IS IT?

Jedi please.

That bugged me too, but especially after the new movies came out. Every other Jedi trained from childhood to become a Jedi, even Anakin who was the 'chosen one,' but Luke does it in just a couple of years.

What was it - Jedi summer school? Advanced Placement (AP) Jedi? The ability to whine incessantly grants you credit for 10 years of training? WTF?

[East Side Dave]

Screw you, Jeffy!! Just watched Jurassic Park on AMC and it still rocks!!! In fact- look at the CGI of Jurassic Park compared to the CGI of today's movies which look like cartoons!!! GOD BLESS SPIELBERG, JEFFY!! AND GOD BLESS J. PARK****


**** J. PARK is how we say it in the ghetto********



********ghetto meaning me in grown-up pajamas watching anything by spielberg

[MadMatt]

Screw you, Jeffy!! Just watched Jurassic Park on AMC and it still rocks!!! In fact- look at the CGI of Jurassic Park compared to the CGI of today's movies which look like cartoons!!! GOD BLESS SPIELBERG, JEFFY!! AND GOD BLESS J. PARK****


**** J. PARK is how we say it in the ghetto********



********ghetto meaning me in grown-up pajamas watching anything by spielberg

The effects ruled - I don't think anybody can argue that. However, Michael Crichton left some pretty big holes in the story.

We aren't saying the movie isn't enjoyable and fun, just that there were many legitimate, practical concerns that were not addressed by the author and that would never occur in the real world.

[Devo37]

add to the Jurassic Park stupidity:

when the little girl is looking at the fake, fly-by, graphical interface of the park's computer system and exclaims, "This is a Unix system. I know this!"

ugh!

[MikeB]

Sshooooooott Heeeerrrrr!!!!

Sshooooooott Heeeerrrrr!!!!

Sshooooooott Heeeerrrrr!!!!

Sshooooooott Heeeerrrrr!!!!

Sshooooooott Heeeerrrrr!!!!

[Fallon]

Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark
All the dinosaurs are running wild
Someone shut the fence off in the rain
I admit it's kinda eerie
But this proves my chaos theory
And I don't think I'll be coming back again
On nooooooooooooooo

[soupcan]

What are yu saying Jeff ? Jurrasic Park has NO factual basis ?...

[IrishAlkey]

Screw you, Jeffy!! Just watched Jurassic Park on AMC and it still rocks!!! In fact- look at the CGI of Jurassic Park compared to the CGI of today's movies which look like cartoons!!! GOD BLESS SPIELBERG, JEFFY!! AND GOD BLESS J. PARK****


**** J. PARK is how we say it in the ghetto********



********ghetto meaning me in grown-up pajamas watching anything by spielberg

If I knew this would be your reply, I wouldn't have told you about this thread while we watched Jurassic Park on AMC.

However, you do live in the ghetto... I mean J-Park.

[WampusCrandle]

the one thing i hate about the movie was when they are in the computer room, and the kids are trying to lock the door with the computer, while Dr. Grant and Sattler were fighting with raptor to keep the door close - what the fuck was with the little boy, Tim? he was just fucking standing there, watching his sister save the day with her computer intelligence, and watching the two dr.'s keep a fucking raptor out of the room - what the fuck was he doing - just standing around like an asshole - like all nine year olds. jesus, they dr. sattler was trying to keep the door closed and reaching for a gun at the same time! that dumb kid could of simple taken two seconds from doing nothing and picked up the gun and shot the fucking thing in the face. but oh no, not that little shit, he did absolutley nothing . . . .

sorry, that is the number one thing that pissed my off the most more than anything else in that entire movie

j-park still rules!

[nassue]

the one thing i hate about the movie was when they are in the computer room, and the kids are trying to lock the door with the computer, while Dr. Grant and Sattler were fighting with raptor to keep the door close - what the fuck was with the little boy, Tim? he was just fucking standing there, watching his sister save the day with her computer intelligence, and watching the two dr.'s keep a fucking raptor out of the room - what the fuck was he doing - just standing around like an asshole - like all nine year olds. jesus, they dr. sattler was trying to keep the door closed and reaching for a gun at the same time! that dumb kid could of simple taken two seconds from doing nothing and picked up the gun and shot the fucking thing in the face. but oh no, not that little shit, he did absolutley nothing . . . .



aww

the poor little shit had the worst day of his life

he watched the lawyer get eaten, fell into a dino pen while trapped in an electric jeep, fried by an electric fence not to mention sleeping outside.

he was tuckered out


that poor little shit


what a horrible fucken movie

[DiabloSammich]

I love the part when Hippo busted down the fence. He rawked.

[TheMojoPin]

My gripe is that the dinos just look like Hippo dancing.

[WampusCrandle]

eck, damn hippos ruining every movie i watch

[Gvac]

The only thing I remember about Jurassic Park was how incredibly disappointed I was when I saw it after hearing people heap such praise on it.

I agree with Jeff. It sucked a big bag of dicks and Michael Crichton is a faggot.

[TheMojoPin]

The only thing I remember about Jurassic Park was how incredibly disappointed I was when I saw it after hearing people heap such praise on it.

That's only because you're biased by your own experiences fleeing from dinosaurs and discovering fire.

[CountryBob]

Jurrasic Park = cool

JPark 2 = ahh o.k.

Part 3 absolutely blew! I want to throw a boot at my TV when that horse shit is on.

I hope JPark 4 - dosent have that dopey good feeling at the end. I want terror, distruction and mayhem with out a momma dino nuturing her baby at the fucking end.

[Snoogans]

The only thing I remember about Jurassic Park was how incredibly disappointed I was when I saw it after hearing people heap such praise on it.

I agree with Jeff. It sucked a big bag of dicks and Michael Crichton is a faggot.

LENT ISNT OVER. Get out of here

[MadMatt]

That's only because you're biased by your own experiences fleeing from dinosaurs and discovering fire.


:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:





Sorry Gvac - you know I luv ya, but that was a good one!

[Ritalin]

I thought Laura Dern was pretty hot in that movie actually.

I've had a thing for her since she was the blind chick in Mask

[Snoogans]

I thought Laura Dern was pretty hot in that movie actually.

I've had a thing for her since she was the blind chick in Mask

Maybe Ben harper will let you take it for a spin

[Ritalin]

Maybe Ben harper will let you take it for a spin

There's no harm in asking. The worst he could say is no.

[Doctor Manhattan]

http://img515.imageshack.us/img515/7756/rifftraxjurassicks0.jpg

http://img515.imageshack.us/img515/4938/toplogoqa4.jpg (http://www.rifftrax.com)