Kathleen From The Bronx
12-17-2007, 09:24 PM
Dear Ron and Fez Shooow,
Ron B...So what happened to you?! You were held prisoner in an abandoned church uptown and forced to listen to Neil Young? Well, I love Neil Young...but...still.....that's a helluva thing to happen during Winter Carnival! You were trapped.... trapped like a bunch of rats... a buncha Neil-Young-listenin rats.... Ooh! It just occurred to me... The audience was instructed to not make a sound... not a peep during the show... They wanted yez to LITERALLY be as quiet as a church mouse..... Crazy!
Will the Godfather of Grunge ever stop a-rockin? Oooh! Oooh! I have the answer... and the answer is, "YES! He has stopped a-rockin." SOMEBODY'S gotten a little cranky in their old age, huh?? ( Everyone turn and glare at Neil Young)... and then the old grump grumbles something and shakes his cane and tells you damn kids to stop making such a racket.... I say, that is strange that at a rock show would have such restrictions! Ahh well you said it yourselves.... Rock it dead, eh?
I was thinking that I'm gonna write a song for Neil Young....a parody song... Yes, yes, cause as Ronnie said, "There's nothing dumber than a parody song!" My first impulse was to go with something about how Neil Young has grown crochety, written to the tune of Old Man.........but... hmm...a tad obvious, huh? It IS the Winter Carnival season after all.......I could easily go for a holiday themed number...... hmmmm.... something about "The Grinch who Stole Enthusiasm".....
I dunno...... I'll work on it....
OOh. Another thing...... Listen, I remember the serious talk that we had about, "No Kathleen, we are NOT sending you secret messages....and mean hints.... through the radio!" and, "NO! Look at us Kathleen- We are serious! And stop doing that knowing wink!" It took some persuadin', but finally I conceded that you, Ron and Fez, are not the magical talking lizards to my Dutch Daulton.
........buuut...... I don't know.... todaaay.....hmm....
I mean, today Ronnie B. was saying that, "Nothing is more boring than hearing about other peoples' dreams!" Oooh.... seee..... I have been known to go on and on from time to time about every wacky dream that comes down Snoozetown Pike. Hmmph. Well... Point taken, OK? POINT TAKEN!!!!
I shan't speak of dreamland again..... I certainly won't tell you of the dream I had last night where I was just dying for a cold, cold glass of milk...I was going quite mad...that is all that I wanted.... and I won't natter on about how I awoke full of questions, bemused.... "What does it mean!? I've drank nary a drop of cow's milk in years!" Mama's a fan of the soy milk...... "Ahh chuckle, chuckle..." I thought, "Maybe my subconscious is telling me I have a calcium deficiency and am at risk of developing Osteoporosis!"
Just forget it.... my days of talking about dreams are done.... as are the days of having dreams....goals.... realistic aspirations........ Oh, but dudes.... I did enjoy hearing about Ronnie B's epic dream! That was really interesting! He described it as being, "cinematic." Hell yeah, it sounds so.......
Ron and Fez mysteriously find themselves in the swampy Everglades....Swatting skeeters away from their faces, suddenly low flying planes blast over head.....and they are soon surrounded by dreadful explosions of horrifying magnitude...... Hordes of angry Latinos emerge, as if from the mangroves, wielding the flags of their respective countries as if charging off to do battle....... OOoh, it looks like this means curtains for our buddies.... They are surrounded..... At once, one of the men recognizes them and shouts, "Hey! It's Ron and Fez! Remember when you did that show in Spanish??!" Their lives are spared and Fez jumps up yelling, "We are proud to be the new radio show of The Hispanic States of America!"
Hey I remember that show where yez spoke Spanish for the first break! That dream rocks... Dave said it was, "like a Latino Red Dawn." Was it a dream.... a dream... or a premonition..... Just in case I am gonna brush up on my Spanish so I can write to you about all the stuff I love about the show... en espanol...........Queridos Ron y Fez Shooow....... ?Recuerde sus divertidas bromas? iOh mis amigos, Yo me rei como una loca persona!
Nutha thing...... I was thinkin about Earl's story about how he is constantly being followed around stores...... He believes that the sales people hound him because he is black and they think he's gonna steal... Man, that sucks......That's not cool...... Dave did point out that Earl does seem to be an intimidating character....all dressed in black with sunglasses, etc..... Ron added, "Earl, you DO look like Rerun Colombine!"
Well, I'm not tryin to act like it's the same deal...like I know how it is... but I really hated it when I was a teenager rolling with packs of other teenagers and we'd have the hairy eyeball on us in stores..... So lame! Just cause we were kids, ya know??? We weren't all there to steal beer and candy! Only one of us was, the rest of us would distract...... So, I really resented the suspicion, you know?
Listen, again.... I know it's not the same thing.... but .... in any case I will relate to you the story of the last time I was followed around in a store. I was accompanying my sister in law, she was looking for something to wear on a job interview..... So, we go into this one store, and we split up so maybe I can find something for her on some other rack as she perused office clothes.... I'm tellin you, from the minute I walked in there, this small saleswoman was tailing me! I mean evvvery...time ..I turned...AROUND! She was all, "Can I help you? Do you know what you're looking for?? Is there anything I can HELP you with.... Are you sure you don't need assistance???" Lookin at me like I didn't belong there....
Oooh it was maddening, I tell you! Soon there were two of 'em hovering around me....Even with my back turned I could feel their piercing eyes on me... if I so much as picked up a sweater! I wondered if it was because I looked like a filthy hippie.... Is that why they were trackin my every move??? I'm not some filthy, thievin' hippie, tryin to work one over on THE MAN! I am a clean, clean with hippyish tendencies..... Well I could stands what I could stands... and then I could stands no more.... I exploded at the looming pair of wee saleswomen.... "Back! Back! Both of you! Back!!! I AM NOT trying to steal anything!!!! Leave me alone!!!! Well you're gonna get what you wanted; I'M LEAVING!!! Screw YOU!!!!!" and I stormed off.....
Later I wondered if I had overreacted. Perhaps the women working in Petite Sophisticate were just curious as to what a robust gal of 5'9 was doin in a little store like theirs....hunching to maneuver under their low ceilings...."What's a big gal like her gonna do with a tiny pants suit??"..... Maybe they thought, as I was not petite or sophisticated, that I had lumbered in there mistakenly not knowing what I was gettin into.......Maybe they wondered if, like a beast, I did not know my own size or strength.....and were inquisitive as to just how delusional a big galoot like myself could be, shopping for small fashions....... OR..... perchance I was correct in my indignance..... and they did take me for a thief. Could be they thought I really was a petite chick walking around on stilts made of stolen clothes under me jeans..... Ahhh who's to know...... What was I sposed to be talking about? Well, never mind......
So Fezzie is gettin bitten by dogs now!?! What the heck? It's just a good thing that he had some kinda exceptionally protective sweatpants on to shield him from the great, matted dog's fearsome fangs, huh?! It sucks that this dog bit him.....Fezzie was just tryin to help as he saw this dog sprawled out on the street, a man leaning over him lookin as though he was trying to comfort the animal....... Fezzie just thought that the dog was sick and needed a vet..... The dog's man said that he was just resting...and then, "Rraaarrr, rarrrrr bitebitebite!!!" .. Sigghhhh.... Aw Fezzie.... You know that ole saying, "Let sleeping dogs lie?" Well somebody made that ole chestnut up for a reason!
I was just thinking about this.... That cat of his is continuously tryin to scratch and claw him to death.... I seem to recall a targeted pigeon attack on his balcony for some mysterious reason a while back..... and now a seemingly docile dog bares his teeth and lashes out tryin to take a chunk outta his leg!?! So is Fez Whatley like the Anti- Beastmaster?? Unlike that movie from the 80's, Fez has no animal allies...... Man......Whew....
Anyway...! One more thing before I go...... I have to say, I laughed and laughed at Dave's hideous screams as Ron hit his leg bruise with a stick after Dave was proven wrong about the creator of, "pee in my butt." Dave said that this would be his punishment if he was mistaken.....and surprise... he was! Aw.......sympathetic awwwww....... Ronnie would never hit him on the count of three.... It was always before or after...... I laughed too when he said, "This isn't normally what I do for a living...hit people with sticks......Hey, hey, I'm new at this too! You should try to be more understanding..." Indeed. Indeed, I say.... Yeah Ron B... don't get down on yourself! Cowbells are usually your management tool.......
OK! That's enough outta me...... I'll talk to yez later...... Great show today!
Signed,
kathleen from the Bronx :):):)
Ron B...So what happened to you?! You were held prisoner in an abandoned church uptown and forced to listen to Neil Young? Well, I love Neil Young...but...still.....that's a helluva thing to happen during Winter Carnival! You were trapped.... trapped like a bunch of rats... a buncha Neil-Young-listenin rats.... Ooh! It just occurred to me... The audience was instructed to not make a sound... not a peep during the show... They wanted yez to LITERALLY be as quiet as a church mouse..... Crazy!
Will the Godfather of Grunge ever stop a-rockin? Oooh! Oooh! I have the answer... and the answer is, "YES! He has stopped a-rockin." SOMEBODY'S gotten a little cranky in their old age, huh?? ( Everyone turn and glare at Neil Young)... and then the old grump grumbles something and shakes his cane and tells you damn kids to stop making such a racket.... I say, that is strange that at a rock show would have such restrictions! Ahh well you said it yourselves.... Rock it dead, eh?
I was thinking that I'm gonna write a song for Neil Young....a parody song... Yes, yes, cause as Ronnie said, "There's nothing dumber than a parody song!" My first impulse was to go with something about how Neil Young has grown crochety, written to the tune of Old Man.........but... hmm...a tad obvious, huh? It IS the Winter Carnival season after all.......I could easily go for a holiday themed number...... hmmmm.... something about "The Grinch who Stole Enthusiasm".....
I dunno...... I'll work on it....
OOh. Another thing...... Listen, I remember the serious talk that we had about, "No Kathleen, we are NOT sending you secret messages....and mean hints.... through the radio!" and, "NO! Look at us Kathleen- We are serious! And stop doing that knowing wink!" It took some persuadin', but finally I conceded that you, Ron and Fez, are not the magical talking lizards to my Dutch Daulton.
........buuut...... I don't know.... todaaay.....hmm....
I mean, today Ronnie B. was saying that, "Nothing is more boring than hearing about other peoples' dreams!" Oooh.... seee..... I have been known to go on and on from time to time about every wacky dream that comes down Snoozetown Pike. Hmmph. Well... Point taken, OK? POINT TAKEN!!!!
I shan't speak of dreamland again..... I certainly won't tell you of the dream I had last night where I was just dying for a cold, cold glass of milk...I was going quite mad...that is all that I wanted.... and I won't natter on about how I awoke full of questions, bemused.... "What does it mean!? I've drank nary a drop of cow's milk in years!" Mama's a fan of the soy milk...... "Ahh chuckle, chuckle..." I thought, "Maybe my subconscious is telling me I have a calcium deficiency and am at risk of developing Osteoporosis!"
Just forget it.... my days of talking about dreams are done.... as are the days of having dreams....goals.... realistic aspirations........ Oh, but dudes.... I did enjoy hearing about Ronnie B's epic dream! That was really interesting! He described it as being, "cinematic." Hell yeah, it sounds so.......
Ron and Fez mysteriously find themselves in the swampy Everglades....Swatting skeeters away from their faces, suddenly low flying planes blast over head.....and they are soon surrounded by dreadful explosions of horrifying magnitude...... Hordes of angry Latinos emerge, as if from the mangroves, wielding the flags of their respective countries as if charging off to do battle....... OOoh, it looks like this means curtains for our buddies.... They are surrounded..... At once, one of the men recognizes them and shouts, "Hey! It's Ron and Fez! Remember when you did that show in Spanish??!" Their lives are spared and Fez jumps up yelling, "We are proud to be the new radio show of The Hispanic States of America!"
Hey I remember that show where yez spoke Spanish for the first break! That dream rocks... Dave said it was, "like a Latino Red Dawn." Was it a dream.... a dream... or a premonition..... Just in case I am gonna brush up on my Spanish so I can write to you about all the stuff I love about the show... en espanol...........Queridos Ron y Fez Shooow....... ?Recuerde sus divertidas bromas? iOh mis amigos, Yo me rei como una loca persona!
Nutha thing...... I was thinkin about Earl's story about how he is constantly being followed around stores...... He believes that the sales people hound him because he is black and they think he's gonna steal... Man, that sucks......That's not cool...... Dave did point out that Earl does seem to be an intimidating character....all dressed in black with sunglasses, etc..... Ron added, "Earl, you DO look like Rerun Colombine!"
Well, I'm not tryin to act like it's the same deal...like I know how it is... but I really hated it when I was a teenager rolling with packs of other teenagers and we'd have the hairy eyeball on us in stores..... So lame! Just cause we were kids, ya know??? We weren't all there to steal beer and candy! Only one of us was, the rest of us would distract...... So, I really resented the suspicion, you know?
Listen, again.... I know it's not the same thing.... but .... in any case I will relate to you the story of the last time I was followed around in a store. I was accompanying my sister in law, she was looking for something to wear on a job interview..... So, we go into this one store, and we split up so maybe I can find something for her on some other rack as she perused office clothes.... I'm tellin you, from the minute I walked in there, this small saleswoman was tailing me! I mean evvvery...time ..I turned...AROUND! She was all, "Can I help you? Do you know what you're looking for?? Is there anything I can HELP you with.... Are you sure you don't need assistance???" Lookin at me like I didn't belong there....
Oooh it was maddening, I tell you! Soon there were two of 'em hovering around me....Even with my back turned I could feel their piercing eyes on me... if I so much as picked up a sweater! I wondered if it was because I looked like a filthy hippie.... Is that why they were trackin my every move??? I'm not some filthy, thievin' hippie, tryin to work one over on THE MAN! I am a clean, clean with hippyish tendencies..... Well I could stands what I could stands... and then I could stands no more.... I exploded at the looming pair of wee saleswomen.... "Back! Back! Both of you! Back!!! I AM NOT trying to steal anything!!!! Leave me alone!!!! Well you're gonna get what you wanted; I'M LEAVING!!! Screw YOU!!!!!" and I stormed off.....
Later I wondered if I had overreacted. Perhaps the women working in Petite Sophisticate were just curious as to what a robust gal of 5'9 was doin in a little store like theirs....hunching to maneuver under their low ceilings...."What's a big gal like her gonna do with a tiny pants suit??"..... Maybe they thought, as I was not petite or sophisticated, that I had lumbered in there mistakenly not knowing what I was gettin into.......Maybe they wondered if, like a beast, I did not know my own size or strength.....and were inquisitive as to just how delusional a big galoot like myself could be, shopping for small fashions....... OR..... perchance I was correct in my indignance..... and they did take me for a thief. Could be they thought I really was a petite chick walking around on stilts made of stolen clothes under me jeans..... Ahhh who's to know...... What was I sposed to be talking about? Well, never mind......
So Fezzie is gettin bitten by dogs now!?! What the heck? It's just a good thing that he had some kinda exceptionally protective sweatpants on to shield him from the great, matted dog's fearsome fangs, huh?! It sucks that this dog bit him.....Fezzie was just tryin to help as he saw this dog sprawled out on the street, a man leaning over him lookin as though he was trying to comfort the animal....... Fezzie just thought that the dog was sick and needed a vet..... The dog's man said that he was just resting...and then, "Rraaarrr, rarrrrr bitebitebite!!!" .. Sigghhhh.... Aw Fezzie.... You know that ole saying, "Let sleeping dogs lie?" Well somebody made that ole chestnut up for a reason!
I was just thinking about this.... That cat of his is continuously tryin to scratch and claw him to death.... I seem to recall a targeted pigeon attack on his balcony for some mysterious reason a while back..... and now a seemingly docile dog bares his teeth and lashes out tryin to take a chunk outta his leg!?! So is Fez Whatley like the Anti- Beastmaster?? Unlike that movie from the 80's, Fez has no animal allies...... Man......Whew....
Anyway...! One more thing before I go...... I have to say, I laughed and laughed at Dave's hideous screams as Ron hit his leg bruise with a stick after Dave was proven wrong about the creator of, "pee in my butt." Dave said that this would be his punishment if he was mistaken.....and surprise... he was! Aw.......sympathetic awwwww....... Ronnie would never hit him on the count of three.... It was always before or after...... I laughed too when he said, "This isn't normally what I do for a living...hit people with sticks......Hey, hey, I'm new at this too! You should try to be more understanding..." Indeed. Indeed, I say.... Yeah Ron B... don't get down on yourself! Cowbells are usually your management tool.......
OK! That's enough outta me...... I'll talk to yez later...... Great show today!
Signed,
kathleen from the Bronx :):):)