Yerdaddy
10-19-2007, 08:28 AM
Inpired by the lame argument over the old-school racist sports icons, let's get to the really important issue of sports mascots.
Whatever that argument looked like in messageboard text nobody's all that worked up about racist mascots because it's not that big a deal - probably even to the majority of people who might be peronally offended. I personally think it's decent not to offend people and don't see why the teams don't just come up with something better. But my panties are still smoothly draped over my firm but supple buttocks.
What I really don't understand is why most of the sports team names and icons are so fucking lame and outdated in general. What the fuck is a "Brown" anyway? Wikipedia tells me the name was (almost) chosen in a second contest for the fans to choose the name, with the first choice, Panthers, being discarded because some other minor league football team in Cleveland had the name and they sucked. So screw the fans let's do it again. Round 2 they choose "Brown Bombers" after Joe Louis, who was champ at the time. That's what the fans want if they can't have Panthers. General manager and head coach is almost happy with it but only if you get rid of the "Bombers" part. Now it's perfect for him and I'm sure the fact that his name was Brown had nothing to do with his, (no longer the fans'), choice, (nor did Joe Louis' race either - perish the thought!) Lame then; lamer 60 years later. Get rid of it.
Animals. Maybe they were scary or inspiring before the Nature Channel, the Discovery Channel and Animal Planet, and before Darth Vader, Corvette Stingrays and CGI veloceraptors, but now they're just boring old nature. Let's face it, how much does a picture of a cardinal or even a panther pscyche up a 300lb pro linebacker - our modern day gladiators - much less a beered up and/or methed up Miami fan in the 21st century? It don't. At all.
It's time for some new sports icons that represent the thrills and fears of the fans and atheletes of today.
I'll start the selection process off:
The Baltimore Benjamins. That's what it's all about now isn't it? The Benjamins? That's what gets players today to play through the pain, to fight for every inch of field, to hit the other guy so hard his cup ends up in his helmet. We cal all admit that Knute Rockne wouldn't be half as effective at firing up a team before a game as your average CPA would. Also, with the ridiculous rise in ticket prices in recent years and the absurd marketing gimickry - from selling stadium names to make retarded sounding venues like Minute Maid Field to CGIing court-side banner ads so they can't be blocked from TV cameras, let's face it the fans have gone belly-up to the greedy leagues' efforts to wring every dollar out of them. It's time they just embraced reality. In this climate the Baltimore Benjamins, with green uniforms with dollar signs and anti-counterfeit hologram pinstriping and a picture of a million dollar bill with Deion Sanders' smiling mug on it is a truly inspiring symbol of football today.
The Oakland Roid Ragers. I just pissed myself a little. Makes me feel like every sports wife when hubby reaches up to scratch his head.
The New England Parolees. Probably more accurate than Patriots. Certainly more intimidating, no?
What else can we come up with? I started with the NFL but all the sports need to change.
Whatever that argument looked like in messageboard text nobody's all that worked up about racist mascots because it's not that big a deal - probably even to the majority of people who might be peronally offended. I personally think it's decent not to offend people and don't see why the teams don't just come up with something better. But my panties are still smoothly draped over my firm but supple buttocks.
What I really don't understand is why most of the sports team names and icons are so fucking lame and outdated in general. What the fuck is a "Brown" anyway? Wikipedia tells me the name was (almost) chosen in a second contest for the fans to choose the name, with the first choice, Panthers, being discarded because some other minor league football team in Cleveland had the name and they sucked. So screw the fans let's do it again. Round 2 they choose "Brown Bombers" after Joe Louis, who was champ at the time. That's what the fans want if they can't have Panthers. General manager and head coach is almost happy with it but only if you get rid of the "Bombers" part. Now it's perfect for him and I'm sure the fact that his name was Brown had nothing to do with his, (no longer the fans'), choice, (nor did Joe Louis' race either - perish the thought!) Lame then; lamer 60 years later. Get rid of it.
Animals. Maybe they were scary or inspiring before the Nature Channel, the Discovery Channel and Animal Planet, and before Darth Vader, Corvette Stingrays and CGI veloceraptors, but now they're just boring old nature. Let's face it, how much does a picture of a cardinal or even a panther pscyche up a 300lb pro linebacker - our modern day gladiators - much less a beered up and/or methed up Miami fan in the 21st century? It don't. At all.
It's time for some new sports icons that represent the thrills and fears of the fans and atheletes of today.
I'll start the selection process off:
The Baltimore Benjamins. That's what it's all about now isn't it? The Benjamins? That's what gets players today to play through the pain, to fight for every inch of field, to hit the other guy so hard his cup ends up in his helmet. We cal all admit that Knute Rockne wouldn't be half as effective at firing up a team before a game as your average CPA would. Also, with the ridiculous rise in ticket prices in recent years and the absurd marketing gimickry - from selling stadium names to make retarded sounding venues like Minute Maid Field to CGIing court-side banner ads so they can't be blocked from TV cameras, let's face it the fans have gone belly-up to the greedy leagues' efforts to wring every dollar out of them. It's time they just embraced reality. In this climate the Baltimore Benjamins, with green uniforms with dollar signs and anti-counterfeit hologram pinstriping and a picture of a million dollar bill with Deion Sanders' smiling mug on it is a truly inspiring symbol of football today.
The Oakland Roid Ragers. I just pissed myself a little. Makes me feel like every sports wife when hubby reaches up to scratch his head.
The New England Parolees. Probably more accurate than Patriots. Certainly more intimidating, no?
What else can we come up with? I started with the NFL but all the sports need to change.