How does the shit know?

[Judge Smails]

The mysteries of my gastrointestinal tract never cease to amaze me. I had something happen to me today which occurs all too often and I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced this phenomenon.

I had a Rueben sammich while watching football yesterday and I guess the corned beef, sauerkraut and Russian dressing really started to work on me sometime this morning. Now, ordinarily I'm the master of holding it in, and will make every effort to hold it until I can get to "homebase", in order to avoid using public facilities. As it happened, I was in the middle of something which prevented me from answering nature's call anyway, but as I mentioned I'm usually OK with that.

About two and a half hours later I had some free time and decided that I'd take the opportunity to drop the Cosby Kids off at the pool. It still wasn't the least bit of an emergency situation, but experience prepared me for what I should expect. Sure enough, as soon as I opened the men's room door my bowels went to DEFCON 1 and the turds started to seek to evacuate my colon like it was a burning building.

I could have probably gone another two and a half hours except for the fact that I decided to visit the men's room. Now I had to run for the nearest stall, clenching my ass cheeks and doing the poopie dance as I hastily slapped down some haphazardly placed toilet paper on the seat. It's all I could manage to unbuckle my pants and turn around as the dam burst while my ass was still in midair. Now I'm like the bombadier on the Enola Gay and I have to make sure that the bomb bay is perfectly aligned over the target lest I shit all over the very paper that was meant to keep my ass sparkly clean. Still, all in all it's a good feeling once it's all over.

So, what'ya think? Too much info.?

[TeeBone]

Yawn.........

[BMoses]

Yawn.........

Says the man who started this brilliant thread

http://www.ronfez.net/forums/showthread.php?t=63822

Such a daring question that no one has the balls to respond

[torker]

Yawn.........
http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a44/congarong/shithead.jpg

[Judge Smails]

Yawn.........

Ooooooooo! I think that I have my very own nemesis. Hopefully, now I can finally realize my dream of getting involved in an all out Spoon/Death Metal Moe-Style Board War.

Here goes:

Hey Tee-Bone, you're really fucking pathetic. Who the fuck asked for your opinion? If you don't like the fucking thread then move on and don't post in it. Just because you're a loser and have nothing better to do than post on message boards doesn't mean you've got to give your two cents on every fucking thread. Stay the fuck out of my threads if you don't like them and I'll stay out of your "Goofiest National Anthem" thread or whatever your waterbrain comes up with. Fuck off prick!


(OK - TeeBone, I know that you're new so this is how the game is played - You say you're going to take the high-road and not respond to my attacks. But you do this everytime I post, so you in fact are responding. And you'll claim that you're only defending yourself by attacking me, but will thereby be perpetuating the board fight.

Pretty soon we'll take over threads that have nothing to do with us, like the "Which State Would You Get Rid Of?" thread. People will start talking about us and we'll get a PM from Mikeyboy. Lord, how I look forward to my first PM from Mikeyboy.)

[waltermitty]

Smails... Remember the other day, when I said that you don't start to many threads, and to keep the inane shit coming?

Not what I meant......

[Dougie Brootal]

this is the worst thread in the history of the internet.









except for this post:
Ooooooooo! I think that I have my very own nemesis. Hopefully, now I can finally realize my dream of getting involved in an all out Spoon/Death Metal Moe-Style Board War.

Here goes:

Hey Tee-Bone, you're really fucking pathetic. Who the fuck asked for your opinion? If you don't like the fucking thread then move on and don't post in it. Just because you're a loser and have nothing better to do than post on message boards doesn't mean you've got to give your two cents on every fucking thread. Stay the fuck out of my threads if you don't like them and I'll stay out of your "Goofiest National Anthem" thread or whatever your waterbrain comes up with. Fuck off prick!


(OK - TeeBone, I know that you're new so this is how the game is played - You say you're going to take the high-road and not respond to my attacks. But you do this everytime I post, so you in fact are responding. And you'll claim that you're only defending yourself by attacking me, but will thereby be perpetuating the board fight.

Pretty soon we'll take over threads that have nothing to do with us, like the "Which State Would You Get Rid Of?" thread. People will start talking about us and we'll get a PM from Mikeyboy. Lord, how I look forward to my first PM from Mikeyboy.)

[Judge Smails]

How the fuck did Lord Jezo get my loggin info.?

[Fallon]

http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a44/congarong/shithead.jpg

Go shit in your shit hat!

[zentraed]

it's all conditioning. pavlovian stuff. otherwise, we'd never wear pants 'cuz we'd be shitting like horses

[TeeBone]

Ooooooooo! I think that I have my very own nemesis. Hopefully, now I can finally realize my dream of getting involved in an all out Spoon/Death Metal Moe-Style Board War.

Here goes:

Hey Tee-Bone, you're really fucking pathetic. Who the fuck asked for your opinion?



Shouldn't you be on a ledge somewhere or perhaps a padded room? "Who asked for my opinion?" You did you big queer when you posted this overindulgent story of your worthless existence. 'Dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool?" C'mon!!!!! If you are going to post a story at least have the decency of some critical thinking skills and some logical-original thought. "You do this every-time I post..." Hey Smails (really original name by the way) You do that to me too, fat boy. I did not start posting on this board to get worked up over opinions, but it seems I have and if you are worked up, I am sorry. I know your life is dictated by the comings and goings of the internet and you should have reign over "Your threads." I will never post on your threads again and I hope that through prescribed medication and understanding from your pet snakes and or tarantulas; that you can find peace in an otherwise worthless existence. Unlike your ass, I hope you have a, 'Sparkling clean' day.

[suggums]

thank you for coming to loews, sit back and relax, enjoy the show!

[Kris10]

Wowsers!

[Judge Smails]

Off Topic Wanna Post? Can't find a good forum? Post here!


Guess what? I Wanna-ed post, so I did. It was a real life story that happened to me and I thought I'd share it with like minded people. Sorry if the subject matter did not meet your high standards of discussion and comedy, like "What's the Funniest Foreign Language", but I've got different priorities. Afterall, I've got a mod quote to live up to. No one says you have to reply to my threads. But you felt it necessary to post your funny "yawn" in reply to my post. What the fuck? If it was so boring to you then turn off your computer and go to sleep or go watch some monster truck rally or whatever you hayseeds do down in Tampa. You say you're going to stop posting in my threads but here you are again. Just stay the fuck out if it makes you so sleepy.

Then you have the nerve to comment that my name is unoriginal? Hey TeeBone - the Jerk Store called - they want their name back.

And Mikeyboy - I don't want to hear from you that I'm out of line here. This prick started it by posting an attack on one of my threads. If anyone deserves a warning here, it's him.












(Wow, this is really tiring. I have a newfound respect for Spoon and Moe)

[Furtherman]

Well, in response to the original post.

Yes, it is weird that the shit knows. Well, it's actually the brain... but have you ever had to go while you're headed home? Everything is find until you are in sight of your house or street - then it's a race! I don't know.. I guess it some kind of subconscience effect, whereas you won't even be thinking toilet - but in reality, you are deep down - and your brain relays the order to open bombing doors and you've gotta use your whole crew to keep them from opening before you reach your target.

The mind works in mysterious ways.

[TooLowBrow]

reading the original post made me think about taking a dump, then, sure enough, i had to

[carsonogin]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8Fc5WJhjTQ

That first kid looks like he could be Anthony's kid.

[IamPixie]

'Dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool?" C'mon!!!!!

yea, I love judge smails as much as the next guy but that is pretty vile.

[Judge Smails]

yea, I love judge smails as much as the next guy but that is pretty vile.

OK I'm man enough to appologize when I'm wrong. This was certainly over the line and I got carried away with coming up with different slang terms and just didn't think it all the way through. I sincerely did not mean to offend anyone (at least not on that level).

Also, I'm done with the faux board fight bit too. I find it boring and annoying when other people do it and thought I'd poke fun at it in a Tony Cliftonesque way, but it's not anymore fun this way either. IamPixie and anyone else I offended - I'm sorry. TeeBone, I sincerely hope that you were in on the joke and didn't take what I said seriously. Mikeyboy, I'm still waiting on a PM from you.

Someone please lock up and send this abortion of a thread to the forbidden zone where it will never again attack the sensibilities of the fine folk of RonFez.net. I am putting myself on voluntary "Vacation". See you all in a couple of days.

[IamPixie]

it's not a big deal. don't go anywhere!

[Marc with a c]

What? Don't go. Don't worry about pixie she's expendable, and tee bone is a meanie, and mikeyboy is a heartless bastard.

I don't want to have to re read the same threads for a couple days and if you go nobody is going to start any.

[Axem Red]

It's kind of like when your smoking and suddenly all of the poop comes rushing along. How does the shit know when your smoking?

[A.J.]

Someone please lock up and send this abortion of a thread to the forbidden zone where it will never again attack the sensibilities of the fine folk of RonFez.net.

Maybe this is for the best.