FMJeff
06-16-2007, 08:25 PM
I want you all to know who is responsible for this.
Director: Tim Story
http://i.imdb.com/Photos/Events/3355/TimStory_Grani_5506044_400.jpg
Writers:
Don Payne
Mark Frost
Know their names well, for if you see them attached to any creative enterprise in the future, abandon ye all hope of being entertained.
Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer is now a member of my esteemed top ten worst comic book movies of all time, stealing the number ten spot from Captain America (1990). What an utter disaster of a movie. I have not seen such an unnecessary departure from the source material since the original Punisher starring Dolph Lundgren. I can list a hundred adjectives, all negative, to describe this blunder, but I think you get the idea. I much prefer to list the movies flaws, which are many and glaring.
If you care not to be spoiled, proceed no further.
1) The Silver Surfer single handedly destroys Galactus. This was the point where I escorted my wife out the front door. Go fuck yourself, FF creative team. If you're a FF fan you can understand how unspeakably ridiculous that is. For that alone I would gut the writing staff and strangle them with their own intestines.
2) Galactus is nothing more than a big cloud of dark gas with tendrils. Are you fucking kidding me? For the same amount of money, you could give the fans what they want, an impossibly giant man in a ridiculous hat. Ultimately, what is the fucking difference. It can't articulate how not menacing a giant black cloud is.
3) Jessica Alba has the acting chops of Jon Lazar, and to be perfectly honest, I would have cast Jon in the role before I'd ever consider Jessica Alba. She is perhaps the worst actress alive next to my balls. My balls are a one trick pony, I will admit, but I guarantee they convey more emotion in cum production than Abla does gesticulating as a hack actress would pretending to have force field powers.
4) Never have I seen a more pathetic display of product placement than when it was revealed that the Fantasticar was actually made by Dodge and powered by a Hemi engine. I'm not kidding. The seats were leather with the Dodge logo, just like my uncle's Durango. Eat shit FF creative team.
5) I understand the purpose of the one-liner. When used effectively, it can convey a feeling of tremendous accomplishment, vengeance, or comedy. But when the Thing turned around to Mr. Fantastic and uttered the words, "My Bad", my gastric reflux kicked into overdrive and i was forced to take an antacid. I hate you, FF creative team. I wish you would die. I mean it.
6) The Thing flying coach. Not funny. Who thought it would be? I don't know. I blame the FF creative team...and Jon Lazar.
7) Julian McMahon should stay on Nip/Tuck where he belongs and stop trying to pretend he can play anything other than a superficial plastic surgeon. He has the range of Irish Alkey's worthless digestive system.
8) I can suspend disbelief only so far, but I stop where a military general would believe a man who's last name is Doom would be of any positive use anybody. Some of the movie's most laughable moments is the utter stupidity that results from that decision.
9) The Silver Surfer special effects were hideous. Obviously technology has not come far enough to convey the illusion of moving metal realistically. It didn't work for Colossus and it doesn't work here.
10) There is a moment when Sue walks in on Victor Von Doom doing something malevolent. This is no exaggeration. He takes a black cloth and throws it over whatever device he made, she sees the device on the table with a black cloth over it and does absolutely nothing. She doesn't even acknowledge it.
It's just bad writing. Terrible writing. How can this happen? With so many talented writers out there who understand comic book characters and can effectively translate them to the real world, why does Marvel continue this trend of hiring mediocre talent to produce their most valued trademarks.
The only thing I can think of is they no longer have any interest in making movies for thier audience. It is simply an exercise in what they can do with special effects and a quick paycheck for both actor and studio.
I hope everyone attached to this project is punished. Kharma has to kick in eventually.
Spare Michael Chiklis though. He's amazing on the Shield.
Director: Tim Story
http://i.imdb.com/Photos/Events/3355/TimStory_Grani_5506044_400.jpg
Writers:
Don Payne
Mark Frost
Know their names well, for if you see them attached to any creative enterprise in the future, abandon ye all hope of being entertained.
Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer is now a member of my esteemed top ten worst comic book movies of all time, stealing the number ten spot from Captain America (1990). What an utter disaster of a movie. I have not seen such an unnecessary departure from the source material since the original Punisher starring Dolph Lundgren. I can list a hundred adjectives, all negative, to describe this blunder, but I think you get the idea. I much prefer to list the movies flaws, which are many and glaring.
If you care not to be spoiled, proceed no further.
1) The Silver Surfer single handedly destroys Galactus. This was the point where I escorted my wife out the front door. Go fuck yourself, FF creative team. If you're a FF fan you can understand how unspeakably ridiculous that is. For that alone I would gut the writing staff and strangle them with their own intestines.
2) Galactus is nothing more than a big cloud of dark gas with tendrils. Are you fucking kidding me? For the same amount of money, you could give the fans what they want, an impossibly giant man in a ridiculous hat. Ultimately, what is the fucking difference. It can't articulate how not menacing a giant black cloud is.
3) Jessica Alba has the acting chops of Jon Lazar, and to be perfectly honest, I would have cast Jon in the role before I'd ever consider Jessica Alba. She is perhaps the worst actress alive next to my balls. My balls are a one trick pony, I will admit, but I guarantee they convey more emotion in cum production than Abla does gesticulating as a hack actress would pretending to have force field powers.
4) Never have I seen a more pathetic display of product placement than when it was revealed that the Fantasticar was actually made by Dodge and powered by a Hemi engine. I'm not kidding. The seats were leather with the Dodge logo, just like my uncle's Durango. Eat shit FF creative team.
5) I understand the purpose of the one-liner. When used effectively, it can convey a feeling of tremendous accomplishment, vengeance, or comedy. But when the Thing turned around to Mr. Fantastic and uttered the words, "My Bad", my gastric reflux kicked into overdrive and i was forced to take an antacid. I hate you, FF creative team. I wish you would die. I mean it.
6) The Thing flying coach. Not funny. Who thought it would be? I don't know. I blame the FF creative team...and Jon Lazar.
7) Julian McMahon should stay on Nip/Tuck where he belongs and stop trying to pretend he can play anything other than a superficial plastic surgeon. He has the range of Irish Alkey's worthless digestive system.
8) I can suspend disbelief only so far, but I stop where a military general would believe a man who's last name is Doom would be of any positive use anybody. Some of the movie's most laughable moments is the utter stupidity that results from that decision.
9) The Silver Surfer special effects were hideous. Obviously technology has not come far enough to convey the illusion of moving metal realistically. It didn't work for Colossus and it doesn't work here.
10) There is a moment when Sue walks in on Victor Von Doom doing something malevolent. This is no exaggeration. He takes a black cloth and throws it over whatever device he made, she sees the device on the table with a black cloth over it and does absolutely nothing. She doesn't even acknowledge it.
It's just bad writing. Terrible writing. How can this happen? With so many talented writers out there who understand comic book characters and can effectively translate them to the real world, why does Marvel continue this trend of hiring mediocre talent to produce their most valued trademarks.
The only thing I can think of is they no longer have any interest in making movies for thier audience. It is simply an exercise in what they can do with special effects and a quick paycheck for both actor and studio.
I hope everyone attached to this project is punished. Kharma has to kick in eventually.
Spare Michael Chiklis though. He's amazing on the Shield.