Horror stories from the Kitchen

[RoseBlood]

<p><font size="2">Reading through lleeder's thread about how his mom couldn't cook got me to thinking about those disasterous, how could I fuck up that recipe stories. Anyone care to share theirs? It doesn't have to be personal, maybe your father screwed up the yankee pot roast royally, maybe your mother was a newlywed trying to impress her new husband with a great feast and wound up setting the kitchen on fire. </font></p><p><font size="2">One story that comes to mind is when my alcoholic, possibly early stages of dementia uncle cooked a pot roast with the saran wrap still attached. On top of that he kept adding spices to the roast (plastic wrap still attached) and rubbing the spices in. He hadn't a clue what he was doing until his daughter came home and noticed.</font></p>

[FUNKMAN]

<p>i made and fucked up my first pot of beef stew last week</p><p>where i went wrong? let's see:</p><p>first off i didn't read the directions properly, not a first for me!</p><p>my wife would normally make beef stew in a crockpot which meant she put all the ingrediants in together</p><p>so i ASSUMED you could do this when making it on the stove BIG MISTAKE </p><p>i put my water in, beef bouillion(sp?) cubes and for good measure i added some AU JUS base. i then browned my rib cubes but i coated them in flower and salt/pepper first. i would not use flour next time. the kids like the liquidy broth. </p><p>anyway once the meat was browned(ewww) i placed it into the pot with the broth but i made the mistake of adding all the other ingrediants at the same time. potatoes, celery, mushrooms, carrots, and a bunch of whole garlic pieces(maybe 20 or so)</p><p>MY MISTAKE</p><p>the meat was supposed to simmer for two hours before i put any other ingrediants in so the potatoes dissolved as well as the carrots and the garlic. i had to add additional potatoes and vegetables after two hours but between the potatoes dissolving and the flour the stew was VERY thick. It still tasted very good and the girls enjoyed it</p><p>NEXT TIME</p><p>no flour and i'll let the browned meat simmer in the broth for at least 2 hours before i add the rest of the ingrediants...</p>

[whiskyriver]

<strong>FUNKMAN</strong> wrote:<br><p>i made and fucked up my
first pot of beef stew last week</p><p>where i went wrong? let's see:</
p><p>first off i didn't read the directions properly, not a first for me!</
p><p>my wife would normally make beef stew in a crockpot which meant she
put all the ingrediants in together</p><p>so i ASSUMED you could do this
when making it on the stove BIG MISTAKE </p><p>i put my water in, beef
bouillion(sp?) cubes and for good measure i added some AU JUS base. i then
browned my rib cubes but i coated them in flower and salt/pepper first. i would
not use flour next time. the kids like the liquidy broth. </p><p>anyway once
the meat was browned(ewww) i placed it into the pot with the broth but i made
the mistake of adding all the other ingrediants at the same time. potatoes,
celery, mushrooms, carrots, and a bunch of whole garlic pieces(maybe 20 or so)
</p><p>MY MISTAKE</p><p>the meat was supposed to simmer for two
hours before i put any other ingrediants in so the potatoes dissolved as well as
the carrots and the garlic. i had to add additional potatoes and vegetables after
two hours but between the potatoes dissolving and the flour the stew was VERY
thick. It still tasted very good and the girls enjoyed it</p><p>NEXT TIME</
p><p>no flour and i'll let the browned meat simmer in the broth for at least 2
hours before i add the rest of the ingrediants...</p><p></p>

HA HA....you can't cook

[reeshy]

<p>HOMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>no homo!!&nbsp;</p>

[RoseBlood]

<p><font size="2">homo say wha?</font></p>

[Chigworthy]

<p>Whose senile grandparent <em>hasn't </em>cooked the turkey with the envelope of innards still inside?</p><p>Also, I worked in a pizza joint in high school.&nbsp; There was a mexican kid who I worked with and we traded bad words intra-lingually.&nbsp; Anyways, one days, he had just seen the movie American Me, about the rise of the Mexican Mafia.&nbsp; He had ties to the Sure&ntilde;os, who have ties with the Mexican Mafia, so he thought it was a pretty damn-ass cool movie.&nbsp; He especially liked the part where the rich guy's kid is in jail and gets shanked up the ass with a raggedy dagger.&nbsp; In the kitchen, we used these vicious serrated knives for cutting up the 100 lb. batches of pizza dough into pizza-size balls.&nbsp; He wanted to show me the proper form and technique of shanking a rich whiteboy up the culo.&nbsp; Well, the brand new dough knife was the shank, and the sagging mass of pizza dough was the rich whiteboy culo, and the electronic scale that had been engulfed by the dough as it warmed and pooled was the object that stopped the shank abruptly and unexpectedly.&nbsp; It didn't stop homeboy's hand, though.&nbsp; It didn't stop his clenched hand from sliding past the plastic handle and down the teeth of the knife.&nbsp; It didn't stop the teeth of the knife from sawing to the bone of his four fingers.&nbsp; It also didn't stop him from getting to go home early and me from having to deal with a blood-soaked pile of rich, white dough.</p>

[Team_Ramrod]

What?

[RoseBlood]

<strong>Chigworthy</strong> wrote:<br /><p>Whose senile grandparent <em>hasn't </em>cooked the turkey with the envelope of innards still inside?</p><p>Also, I worked in a pizza joint in high school.&nbsp; There was a mexican kid who I worked with and we traded bad words intra-lingually.&nbsp; Anyways, one days, he had just seen the movie American Me, about the rise of the Mexican Mafia.&nbsp; He had ties to the Sure&ntilde;os, who have ties with the Mexican Mafia, so he thought it was a pretty damn-ass cool movie.&nbsp; He especially liked the part where the rich guy's kid is in jail and gets shanked up the ass with a raggedy dagger.&nbsp; In the kitchen, we used these vicious serrated knives for cutting up the 100 lb. batches of pizza dough into pizza-size balls.&nbsp; He wanted to show me the proper form and technique of shanking a rich whiteboy up the culo.&nbsp; Well, the brand new dough knife was the shank, and the sagging mass of pizza dough was the rich whiteboy culo, and the electronic scale that had been engulfed by the dough as it warmed and pooled was the object that stopped the shank abruptly and unexpectedly.&nbsp; It didn't stop homeboy's hand, though.&nbsp; It didn't stop his clenched hand from sliding past the plastic handle and down the teeth of the knife.&nbsp; It didn't stop the teeth of the knife from sawing to the bone of his four fingers.&nbsp; It also didn't stop him from getting to go home early and me from having to deal with a blood-soaked pile of rich, white dough.</p><p><font size="2">I've never lost my appetite for pizza till now.. thank you</font></p>

[RoseBlood]

<p><font size="2">Me thinks I should have just named this thread 'kitchen mishaps'.</font></p>