What is your favorite Jack Handy (deep thoughts) quote?

[Big Jim]

ok i have no idea if you all remember this or not, but here is mine:: Is there anything more beautiful, than a beautiful beautiful sunset, and a beautiful flamingo is carrying a beautiful rose in its beak, and its carrying a beautiful, beautiful painting? And also, you're drunk.

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Fighting off the evils of prejudice at Villanova University, missing Ron and Fez,
*BIG JIM*

[dicAMan]

i don't like clowns, because on time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad. Love that one!

Fact: a cat will almost always blink when hit on the head with a hammer.

[TheGameHHH]

Here's my favorite: In order to better understand Mankind we must first break down the word into two words, Mank and Ind...What do these two words mean? It remains a mystery and that's why so will mankind.

IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME-AHHH!

[Se7en]

God, so many to choose from...how about:

Wanna know what scares me? I'll tell you. A feather. That's right, a feather. Why am I afraid of a feather? That's an honest question and I'll try to give an honest answer. First of all: did I mention is's a *poison* feather?

And for the war effort, how about this one:

Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.

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"I smoke. I take drugs. I drink. I wash every six weeks. I masturbate constantly and fling my steaming poison semen down from my window to your hair and food. I'm a rich and respected columnist for a major metropolitan newspaper. I live with two beautiful women in the city's most expensive and select community. Being a bastard WORKS."
--Spider Jerusalem

[Lisa Croft]

Big Jim... it's funny as hell that you mention that quote (to me at least). About 3 months ago, I came home piss drunk and started watching old Comedy Central episodes of SNL. They showed that "Deep Thoughts" bit and I laughed almost to the point of vomit. The next morning, I woke up and tried to remember what it was but I couldn't. I actually searched the net for a Deep Thoughts archive just to find it. I still don't get it, but it's fucking hilarious. Especially since I really was drunk.

Since BigJim already mentioned my favorite, I guess my second favorite is "I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex."


These sites kept me busy for HOURS...

http://www-personal.umd.umich.edu/~nhughes/htmldocs/deepthoughts.html

and

http://deepthoughts.three30.com/

http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/lisasig1

[Big Jim]

Thanks Lara for the deep thoughts sites, I was pretty sure they had a list of all of them somewheres on the web, i was just too lazy to look! Another funny quote I remember is "Whenever I see something screech across a room and latch itself on someones neck, I have to laugh, cuz GOD, what IS that thing?"

<img src = "http://www.ctglff.org/flying.gif">NOW A CERTIFIED MEMBER OF THE 100 POST CLUB!!!
Fighting off the evils of prejudice at Villanova University, missing Ron and Fez,
*BIG JIM*

[Lisa Croft]

Some more favorites...

"What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know."

"Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick."

"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying'. And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did'."

"When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear."





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[RF Godfather]

I'm not really sure what the exact quote was but I liked the one about not sticking your head out the window. They had a kid sticking his head out the window while his parents are driving and then another car coming the opposite direction has a dog with his head sticking out and... OUCH! Thats gotta hurt. The dog's head flies off while the kid rubs his head in visible pain.

SO never stick your head out the window!

Where's the ASPCA when you need them?

Gotta love, Jack Handy.

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