Wedding Cash Question

[Tenbatsuzen]

<p>All right... here's one to throw out there...</p><p>A very good friend of mine is getting married in a few weeks.&nbsp; The wedding is down in the Baltimore area.&nbsp; I would probably rank this friend in my top 10 friends, and definitely my best female friend, next to my future wife.</p><p>Besides the bride, I will not know a soul at the wedding, outside of the bride's mother, who I've met once or twice, and the bride's brother.&nbsp; This translates that we probably won't be staying til the end of the wedding.</p><p>The wedding is three hours away from where I live.</p><p>The first time&nbsp;this friend got married, I went solo to the wedding, and I was accidentally cheap on the gift.&nbsp; (I didn't know any better, and I couldn't afford any better.&nbsp; It wasn't the level of Al Dukes, but it was pretty bad)</p><p>I am also in a major money saving mode, due to my own future wedding and other expenditures.</p><p>Now that you know all the facts...</p><p>1) What is an acceptable gift, considering how good a friend she is, and the fact that I went cheap the first time around?</p><p>2) Should I plan to stay 2 nights or one in Baltimore?&nbsp; I hate sitting in traffic, and I don't want to be rushed to get down there.&nbsp; The hotel the invitation recommended is 100 bucks a night, but Hotwire gave me a 3-star hotel nearby for 72 bucks.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>***</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Second question: my best (male) friend is getting married soon as well.&nbsp; (This is the problem I'm having with gifts - all of my really close friends are getting married very near each other, which is killing me on how generous I could be)</p><p>My best friend will be in my wedding.&nbsp; I gave another good friend who is also in the wedding a certain amount, which my best friend knows.&nbsp; My best friend knows that I just started a new job, and that I'm saving for a wedding.&nbsp; Would it be uncouth to give the best friend the same amount I gave the good friend?</p><p>(I also dropped an obscene amount of cash during my best friend's bachelor party...)</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p>

[JustJon]

<p>Candlesticks.&nbsp; Candlesticks make a good gift.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p><img width="270" height="270" border="0" src="http://redbirdnation.blogspot.com/bulldurham.jpg" />&nbsp;</p><p>(Sorry, couldn't find one of Robert Wohl in that movie)&nbsp;</p>

[mendyweiss]

<p><img height="435" src="http://www.robertmcclintock.com/gallery_baltimore-little_italy/images/sabatinos.jpg" width="338" border="0" />Hope the reception is here!!</p><p>Lobster fra diavlo!!!</p>

[A.J.]

<p>The first time&nbsp;this friend got married, </p><p><u>Second </u>wedding?&nbsp; Why are you even making the trip?&nbsp; (I say this given the length of&nbsp;commute as well as your need to budget for your own wedding).&nbsp; You already went to one and if you are going to know nobody else...</p><p>Send&nbsp;$100 bucks in card.</p>

[Jennitalia]

<p>Make a donation in their name to the Human Fund</p><p><img height="177" src="http://www.msgr.ca/msgr-2/festivus%20human%20fund%20resized%2003.jpg" width="351" border="0" /></p>

[MrPink]

give your friends cash. and if you're trying to save money, go to a motel 6 instead of a hotel.

[badorties]

<p>&nbsp;</p><p>technically, you have a year to give a gift ... if these people are close, give them a (small) thoughtful gift the day of the wedding, and give them their gift down the road</p>

[terry1979]

Anything under $225 foryou and a date is EXTREMELY CHEAP!!!

[Tenbatsuzen]

<strong>A.J.</strong> wrote:<br /><p>&nbsp;</p>The first time&nbsp;this friend got married, <p>&nbsp;</p><p><u>Second </u>wedding?&nbsp; Why are you even making the trip?&nbsp; (I say this given the length of&nbsp;commute as well as your need to budget for your own wedding).&nbsp; You already went to one and if you are going to know nobody else...</p><p>Send&nbsp;$100 bucks in card.</p><p>VERY close friend, and it's a small wedding... and I'd like her to be at our wedding.</p><p>The first wedding was also over 5 years ago.</p>

[Fallon]

<p>I gave my best friend $100. That's plenty.</p>

[Chip196]

<p>I got married in July and was in a similar situation.&nbsp; The general rule is to cover your plate, which the ammount of time you stay at the wedding doesn't matter, and wether you drink or not doesn't matter.&nbsp; The best thing you have going for you in this situation is that you're getting married and they'll be at your wedding, so whatever you give, you should get back ... which made us feel better about shelling out for a wedding that was 2 weeks before ours.</p><p>I learned an interesting trick not too long ago which also may help you out.&nbsp; You should get and fill out the card, but don't seal it and bring your checkbook with you.&nbsp; You can try to guage the cost of the wedding when you're there and adjust your gift ammount then.</p><p>Lastly, I woul reccomend driving back.&nbsp; You mentioned that you're not going to know many people there, and you're trying to save money for your own wedding, so I would suck it up, give a little more in the gift department, and drive back.</p><p>just my two cents ... Good Luck with the situation, and congrats on your upcoming wedding ... good luck with the planning and saving!</p>

[Gimp]

<p>i'm very poor and i gave $200 as a wedding gift to my friend and his now(obviously) wife; 2 years ago almost to the day actually.&nbsp; AND they got married very young...he was 20.&nbsp; to be honest, at the time it didn't look like they would make it past 6 months so it killed me especially to dump what little money i had.&nbsp; i dunno if it makes a difference but i was also the best man, which should probly be let off the hook for giving gifts, BUT AREN'T</p><p>also for his wedding it cost him about 90 bucks a head and it was probly the cheapest he could get away with.&nbsp; so a $100 might not even cover your food/open bar cost.<br /></p><p>don't be a cheapskate!&nbsp; do the right thing.</p><p>btw, against all odds they are still together, the lady still sits un-prego, and they hit the 2 year mark on monday.<br /></p>

[torker]

<p>Give what you can.&nbsp; Go and have fun.&nbsp; Feel the love.</p><p>ps - Al Dukes fan since day one.&nbsp; </p>

[Don Stugots]

if your chick is going with you then give 250, if not then give 150.&nbsp; stay for 2 nights and hang out with BoBo.&nbsp; <br />

[furie]

i mis-read the title of this thread as wedding <I>Crash</I> question. i thought this was going to be more interesting.

Give cash, it is always appreciated. give atleast $100 per head. $150 is a good figure though.

<span class=post_edited>This message was edited by furie on 10-17-06 @ 6:11 PM</span>

[FezPaul]

<p>http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f281/FezPaul/wonka.jpg</p><p><strong><font face="courier new,courier,monospace" size="2">You get nothing!</font></strong></p>

[cozzie]

sinc e you&nbsp; were a liitle cheap the 1st time your freind got married you need to make up for it. Saying that does your female freind know youre male freind that is about to get married? If the answer is no then throw her $300-400. If yes give her $250,because you will have to give that to your male freind who is also getting married. hopefully they will return the favor when you get married.

[Don Stugots]

<p>&nbsp;</p><strong>furie</strong> wrote:<br />i mis-read the title of this thread as wedding <em>Crash</em> question. i thought this was going to be more interesting.

Give cash, it is always appreciated. give atleast $100 per head. $150 is a good figure though.

<span class="post_edited">This message was edited by furie on 10-17-06 @ 6:11 PM</span><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>If it was Wedding Crash it would have been started by GVAC.&nbsp;</p>

[Bulldogcakes]

<p>I would only give $100 if I wasn't going to go to the wedding. If you know what weddings cost these days, a standard gift should be around $200 per person, and if you're close to them $300. If you love them to death, maybe $500. With a $100 gift they probably lose $$ on you. <br /></p><p>The point of a wedding gift isn't just to cover the cost of the reception, but to help the couple get a head start in their life together, maybe get part or all of the down payment on a little starter house/condo. <br /></p><p>However, it should go down some with each marriage. 2nd time? I'd probably do $150 as a regular gift and $250 for someone close to me. <br /></p>

[extracheese]

<p>&nbsp;</p><p>I think your all nuts!</p><p>alone you give 75, a couple gives 150. A good friend you bump the numbers to 100 and 200 respectively. If you dont attend you give 50 bucks or 75 for a good friend per person.</p><p>THATS IT - what are all you people fucking millionaires? </p><p>I asked people at work and they agreed with my numbers.</p>

[Don Stugots]

<p>&nbsp;</p><strong>extracheese</strong> wrote:<br /><p> </p><p>I think your all nuts!</p><p>alone you give 75, a couple gives 150. A good friend you bump the numbers to 100 and 200 respectively. If you dont attend you give 50 bucks or 75 for a good friend per person.</p><p>THATS IT - what are all you people fucking millionaires? </p><p>I asked people at work and they agreed with my numbers.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>where are you from cheapskate.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>BDC, where is my $$$.&nbsp;</p>

[boeman]

You could give them nothing then send me a wedding gift <img src="http://www.ronfez.net/messageboard/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/tongue.gif" border="0" />

[HeyGuy]

Some of you people are cheap. Anyway If I dont go to a wedding its usually because they do not matter to me enough to go so I send $100. If I do go and go alone $200-$300 depending on were the wedding is. If I do bring a date $300-$500 and if I'm in the wedding party then $400-$1000. Depending on who is&nbsp;and were it is. My suggestion is dont go send a gift. First she was married already. Even if it was 5 years ago she had her big day and got all her presents back then. (which 5 years ago really isnt that long ago to have been married, divoreced and now married again) You never know you may get sent a 3rd ,mrriage invitation in 5 more years. Just remember most people write down the amount they were given as a gift. So if she wrote down that you were cheap charlie 5 years ago, expect that back from her in return.

[narc]

<p>&nbsp;</p><strong>CampoNJ</strong> wrote:<br />Some of you people are cheap. Anyway If I dont go to a wedding its usually because they do not matter to me enough to go so I send $100. If I do go and go alone $200-$300 depending on were the wedding is. If I do bring a date $300-$500 and if I'm in the wedding party then $400-$1000. Depending on who is and were it is. My suggestion is dont go send a gift. First she was married already. Even if it was 5 years ago she had her big day and got all her presents back then. (which 5 years ago really isnt that long ago to have been married, divoreced and now married again) You never know you may get sent a 3rd ,mrriage invitation in 5 more years. Just remember most people write down the amount they were given as a gift. So if she wrote down that you were cheap charlie 5 years ago, expect that back from her in return.<p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>I was in a wedding party recently. I spent approximately $100. In talking to people, I was about average for someone who is themselves single and not older with more money (like an aunt/uncle). But even the couples I know didn't spend more than that really who came and were very good friends. $1,000 is way way way too much to spend. You could have saved my life and the life of my firstborn and you're not getting $1,000 wedding gift. </p><p>I also stayed in a hotel in Baltimore for two nights over the summer. It was not an experience I care to repeat ever. My impression of the hotel market is that there's precious little ground between shithole and ridiculously nice. Take a guess which route I went. &nbsp;</p>

[HeyGuy]

<strong>narc</strong> wrote:<br /><p>&nbsp;</p><strong>CampoNJ</strong> wrote:<br />Some of you people are cheap. Anyway If I dont go to a wedding its usually because they do not matter to me enough to go so I send $100. If I do go and go alone $200-$300 depending on were the wedding is. If I do bring a date $300-$500 and if I'm in the wedding party then $400-$1000. Depending on who is and were it is. My suggestion is dont go send a gift. First she was married already. Even if it was 5 years ago she had her big day and got all her presents back then. (which 5 years ago really isnt that long ago to have been married, divoreced and now married again) You never know you may get sent a 3rd ,mrriage invitation in 5 more years. Just remember most people write down the amount they were given as a gift. So if she wrote down that you were cheap charlie 5 years ago, expect that back from her in return. <p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>I was in a wedding party recently. I spent approximately $100. In talking to people, I was about average for someone who is themselves single and not older with more money (like an aunt/uncle). But even the couples I know didn't spend more than that really who came and were very good friends. $1,000 is way way way too much to spend. You could have saved my life and the life of my firstborn and you're not getting $1,000 wedding gift. </p><p>I also stayed in a hotel in Baltimore for two nights over the summer. It was not an experience I care to repeat ever. My impression of the hotel market is that there's precious little ground between shithole and ridiculously nice. Take a guess which route I went. &nbsp;</p><p>I will agree with you on the having to go to a hotel and travel for a wedding, then you should give less. The fact that you have to go 3 or 4 hours away and dish out money for a hotel, gas , food etc like a mini vacation then you can give as much or little as you can afford. I know some people will not even expect a gift when you have to go on a mini vacation they will accept you being there as the gift.</p><p>&nbsp;</p>

[Bulldogcakes]

<p>&nbsp;</p><strong>narc</strong> wrote:<p> You could have saved my life and the life of my firstborn and you're not getting $1,000 wedding gift.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p><img width="250" height="325" border="0" src="http://www.incrediblepeople.com/image/photo%20of%20nyc%20fireman.jpg" />&nbsp;</p><p>&quot;Fuckin ingrate! Next time I'll let it burn to the ground!!&quot;&nbsp;</p><blockquote /><p>&nbsp;</p>

[Tenbatsuzen]

<p>I talked it over, and we decided on figures... we had some other expenses, and we decided that we're going to stay one night in Maryland - the night BEFORE the wedding, and then drive home after the party.&nbsp; (I'll keep a couple of red bull and a sammich in the truck)</p><p>We decided that we're going to spend a little less than we thought we were going to, but we are definitely going to cover the costs of our plates plus a little more.&nbsp;</p>

[BoondockSaint]

I'm going to a wedding this Friday and I'm the best man and I can't figure out how much to give. Now, it's a low key affair, no church, just a ceremony at the reception hall. Instead of tuxedos, my friend decided to have us gets suits instead. The suit wound up costing me $450 (and I needed another black suit like a hole in the head.) I'm also spending about $200 traveling to the wedding. Money is a bit tight right now and I'm just wondering what would be considered an acceptable amount.

[Don Stugots]

just you: 150-200

you and a guest: 250.

[JPMNICK]

just you: 150-200

you and a guest: 250.

i second that, exactly what I would have said.

[FUNKMAN]

200 - don't drink and drive home that night. you'll be glad you did when you get into your own bed. shouldn't be traffic that time of night...

[Don Stugots]

i second that, exactly what I would have said.

one day people will come from far and near to hear my words of backwards logic. they will take my words and cast them into stone and live by them. These people will know happiness, ecstasy, and prosperity.

[topless_mike]

holy old thread revival batman.

[Bellyfullasnot]

I would call the catering hall as a potential parent of a bride and get a rough idea of your friends overhead. I was in a wedding party last year and my wife and I gave $500. It was a very good friend (but I didn't meet the bride prior). They provided lodging and I still felt uncomfortable with my gift. Being picked bestman is a real pain. Just be the best friend that you can possibly afford to be financially and emotionally. What area do you have to travel to?

[Tenbatsuzen]

It's funny. The best man at my wedding still hasn't sent me a card or a gift. Fucko.