Tenbatsuzen
08-27-2006, 07:53 AM
<p>Tonight is the Emmy Awards, and an important decision will be presented:</p><p> </p><p>Jack Bauer, or Tommy Gavin?</p><p> </p><p>They are up against that guy from SVU, that guy from six feet under, and the Fake President. So it's obviously going to be either Jack or Tommy.</p><p> </p><p>Here's the breakdown:</p><p> </p><p>Jack Bauer: His name's not Frank.</p><p>Tommy Gavin: His name's not Dickless. (or Dicklesser)</p><p> </p><p>Advantage: Bauer</p><p> </p><p>Jack Bauer: Lost his wife to a terrorist.</p><p>Tommy Gavin: Lost his best friend to a terrorist</p><p>Advantage: Slight edge to Gavin.</p><p> </p><p>Jack Bauer: Tortured his girlfriend, then made up with her.</p><p>Tommy Gavin: Had rough sex with his wife when he found out that she was fucking his brother, and then fucked his godson's teacher, his best friend's widow, and a college coed.</p><p> Advantage: BIG edge to Tommy Gavin</p><p> </p><p>Jack Bauer: Has saved the world.</p><p>Tommy Gavin: Got nothing.</p><p>Advantage: Bauer.</p><p> </p><p>Jack Bauer: Has a body count nearing 3 digits</p><p>Tommy Gavin: Beat the living shit out of his brother during his kids' birthday party.</p><p>Advantage: Ironically, I gotta give it to Bauer.</p><p> </p><p>Jack Bauer: Tony, Chloe, Bill, Edgar</p><p>Tommy Gavin: Franco, Probie, Lieu, Garrity</p><p>Advantage: Again, a push. Franco goes over Tony because of retards.</p><p> </p><p>Jack Bauer: Heroin</p><p>Tommy Gavin: Whattya got?</p><p>Advantage: Push.</p><p> </p><p>Jack Bauer: Has never even cracked a smile.</p><p>Tommy Gavin: Has made jokes killing the Bee Gees.</p><p>Advantage: Gavin.</p><p> </p><p>Jack Bauer: 5'6.</p><p>Tommy Gavin: 6'3.</p><p> </p><p>Advantage: Gavin</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Anybody elese want to break it down?</p><p> </p><p> </p>