Pootertoot
10-24-2001, 03:04 PM
I just wanted to share the fruits of my labor with everyone, even though there's not much discussion from this.
A while ago, my friend Tina and I had a conversation about Coconuts. No, we weren't high. Okay, maybe she was. But anyway, we wanted to know whether the coconut is a fruit or a nut, how it propagates the species, and the best way to open it.
So I took it upon myself to email the coconut Development Board of the Ministry of Agriculture of India, the Coconut Planters' Bank of the Phillipines, and a band based in Hawaii called "Coconut Joe's".
The Coconut Development Board replied. Below is my original email and then their response.
Hello, my name is Louis Sementa and I live in New York over in the United States of America. During a conversation with a close friend of mine, I realized how sorely uneducated we are on the subject of coconuts. Seeing as you're the official Coconut Development Board for all of India, I was hoping you could answer a few questions on the nature of coconuts:
1) Is the coconut a fruit or a nut?
2) If it's a fruit, it's seedless. If it's a nut, it's pretty darn big. So how does it propagate itself? Does it just fall off the tree into the dirt and another coconut tree springs forth from it?
3) I bought a coconut in Pennsylvania once and couldn't get it open. I eventually was able to bore my way into it with a screwdriver and inserted a straw to suck out the milk. It was pretty sour. So what's the best way to crack open a coconut?
4) What is Tender Coconut Water? What makes it Tender? How Tender is it?
It would be more than kind if you could answer these questions for me and my friend, and I thank you in advance. In return I will try and spread the word about Tender Coconut Water and its benefits to those within my circle of influence.
Now you know my name. Oooooh, scary. It has the word "Semen" in it. And here is their response:
Sir,
This has reference to your e-mail dated 13th October 2001. In this connection, I am furnishing the following information for your reference.
Coconut is a nut.
It is harvested by specialists in climbing. Climbing devices are also being used for harvesting in some areas.
Tender nut is opened with a cut at the top using a large knife. Matured coconuts first de-husked and then split into halves using large knife.
A note on the medicinal properties of tender coconut water is provided below for your information:
[ul]
Good for feeding infants suffering from intestinal disturbances.
Oral dehydration medium.
Contains organic compounds possessing growth-promoting properties.
Keeps the body cool.
Application on the body prevents prickly heat and summer boils and subsides the rashes caused by small pox, chicken pox, measles, etc.
Kills intestinal worms.
Presence of saline and albumen makes it a good drink in cholera cases.
Checks urinary infection.
Excellent tonic for the old and sick.
Cures malnourishment.
Effective in the treatment of kidney and urethral stones.
Can be injected intravenously in emergency case.
Found as blood plasma substitute because it is sterile, does not produce heat, does not destroy red blood cells and is readily accepted by the body.
Aids the quick absorption of the drugs and makes their peak concentration in the blood easier by its electrolytic effect.
Urinary antiseptic and eliminates poisons in case of mineral poisoning.
Yours faithfully
Processing Engineer
So now all my questions are answered, except how the coconut species procreates (I assume they hump once on the ground).
If you ever need plasma, turn it down...ask the doc for a coconut.
And the Coconut Board is mine faithfully. Could I have asked for anything more?
<embed src="http://hometown.aol.com/slfcallednowhere/mario2.swf" width=300 height=100>
Censored, Because I'm a Responsible Moderator, who fucks children in the ass.
A while ago, my friend Tina and I had a conversation about Coconuts. No, we weren't high. Okay, maybe she was. But anyway, we wanted to know whether the coconut is a fruit or a nut, how it propagates the species, and the best way to open it.
So I took it upon myself to email the coconut Development Board of the Ministry of Agriculture of India, the Coconut Planters' Bank of the Phillipines, and a band based in Hawaii called "Coconut Joe's".
The Coconut Development Board replied. Below is my original email and then their response.
Hello, my name is Louis Sementa and I live in New York over in the United States of America. During a conversation with a close friend of mine, I realized how sorely uneducated we are on the subject of coconuts. Seeing as you're the official Coconut Development Board for all of India, I was hoping you could answer a few questions on the nature of coconuts:
1) Is the coconut a fruit or a nut?
2) If it's a fruit, it's seedless. If it's a nut, it's pretty darn big. So how does it propagate itself? Does it just fall off the tree into the dirt and another coconut tree springs forth from it?
3) I bought a coconut in Pennsylvania once and couldn't get it open. I eventually was able to bore my way into it with a screwdriver and inserted a straw to suck out the milk. It was pretty sour. So what's the best way to crack open a coconut?
4) What is Tender Coconut Water? What makes it Tender? How Tender is it?
It would be more than kind if you could answer these questions for me and my friend, and I thank you in advance. In return I will try and spread the word about Tender Coconut Water and its benefits to those within my circle of influence.
Now you know my name. Oooooh, scary. It has the word "Semen" in it. And here is their response:
Sir,
This has reference to your e-mail dated 13th October 2001. In this connection, I am furnishing the following information for your reference.
Coconut is a nut.
It is harvested by specialists in climbing. Climbing devices are also being used for harvesting in some areas.
Tender nut is opened with a cut at the top using a large knife. Matured coconuts first de-husked and then split into halves using large knife.
A note on the medicinal properties of tender coconut water is provided below for your information:
[ul]
Good for feeding infants suffering from intestinal disturbances.
Oral dehydration medium.
Contains organic compounds possessing growth-promoting properties.
Keeps the body cool.
Application on the body prevents prickly heat and summer boils and subsides the rashes caused by small pox, chicken pox, measles, etc.
Kills intestinal worms.
Presence of saline and albumen makes it a good drink in cholera cases.
Checks urinary infection.
Excellent tonic for the old and sick.
Cures malnourishment.
Effective in the treatment of kidney and urethral stones.
Can be injected intravenously in emergency case.
Found as blood plasma substitute because it is sterile, does not produce heat, does not destroy red blood cells and is readily accepted by the body.
Aids the quick absorption of the drugs and makes their peak concentration in the blood easier by its electrolytic effect.
Urinary antiseptic and eliminates poisons in case of mineral poisoning.
Yours faithfully
Processing Engineer
So now all my questions are answered, except how the coconut species procreates (I assume they hump once on the ground).
If you ever need plasma, turn it down...ask the doc for a coconut.
And the Coconut Board is mine faithfully. Could I have asked for anything more?
<embed src="http://hometown.aol.com/slfcallednowhere/mario2.swf" width=300 height=100>
Censored, Because I'm a Responsible Moderator, who fucks children in the ass.