52 reasons ESPN sucks [Archive] - RonFez.net Messageboard

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Iamnotatool

12-15-2005, 07:32 AM

Feel free to add your own. 52 REASONS ESPN/ABC/DISNEY SUCKS While not strictly a college football issue, we all as sports fans consort with the many-armed devil that is Disney/ESPN/ABC in our attempt to digest as much football in the precious time we’re allowed each season. And in doing so–either in watching the games, searching for highlights, or zoning out after downing five beers in front of the television–you will come across much, much, much to dislike. Actually, we thought of fifty-two things we don’t like. 1. Synergy. Promo the games you have the rights to while barely mentioning the big games on in other places, no matter how important they might be. Push your product over THE GAME. Vile corporate entertainment thinking that yields little but viewer disgust. 2. Regional broadcast fiascoes. No shit here–the Tampa Bay area enjoyed the Rutgers/WVU game on the weekend of the Texas/Oklahoma game because…well, because the evil spider god in charge of everything decreed it, we suppose. Here in Atlanta we frequently got the Tar Heels getting knocked around the yard instead of a better matchup across the country. 3. Stuart Scott. His poetry slam two days ago didn’t happen, because if we did admit it, then we’d wake up crying in a ball in the corner struck by the sadness of what has become Sportscenter. Boo. Yeah, boo. 4. The absence of Keith Olbermann. 5. The continued, painful obsolescence of Keith Jackson. Yeah, that’s more of a complaint with God, but pending a response from the Deity himself, we’ll blame his corporate masters who act as accomplices. 6. Sportstainment! The next few are attached to this umbrella concept of the idea that sports isn’t entertainment all by itself. Consider them pieces of evidence in one long indictment of Disney’s attempt to force ESPN into becoming the story, not the medium. 7. Nick Lachey, interviewer. 8. ESPN Hollywood. Lower ratings than “Christopher Lowell, After Hours.” 9. “The Hot Seat” segment. Nothing more excruciating than watching former partial qualifiers attempting to think against the clock. 10. Dream Job. 11. Stephen A. Smith. Mark Shapiro, the prime mover behind Sportstainment! and former head of ESPN, said he just HAD to hire Smith after every focus group detested his ass. Well, there you go. Would love to kick the ass of the editor of Highlights magazine for bewitching him with those devilish puzzles all these years. Makes a sport we already don’t care about all the more ignoreable–and isn’t that what a great spokesman for the sport is supposed to do? 12. Tom Berenger’s horrible old man prosthetics in The Junction Boys. Bear Bryant as burn victim, evidently. 13. WHOOSH. Fox shares some blame here, but we’ll still fault ESPN for jumping on the bandwagon by putting sound effects to every gesture. 14. Chris Berman’s “WHOOP!” noise. Berman will make several appearances here, since he’s one of the worst things about the network, so we’ll just list the offense and the death strike we think is appropriate. In this case, we think the two hand spiral neck snap, an old Seagal move, would be perfect. 15. TomBob Ley’s banishment. Outside the Lines, one of the best shows on ESPN, is relegated to the status of “Sunday Morning Boring Old Man News Thing.” How Ley stays at the network when he could be at HBO’s Real Sports is a testament to his loyalty–or his laziness, perhaps. 16. Dan Patrick’s hair dye. Has now moved squarely into Wink Martindale territory. 17. I…love…highlights without shtick…songs that don’t suck dick…and twins!!! 18. Speaking of songs that suck…Big and Rich have made their way onto our Orbital Death R

mendyweiss

12-15-2005, 07:41 AM

Wow you are in typing mood today!

I say sweeping the pockets of the Dutchman was not Mob business!

mikeyboy

12-15-2005, 07:45 AM

ctrl-cctrl-v

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Snoogans

12-15-2005, 07:47 AM

3. Stuart Scott. His poetry
slam two days ago didn’t happen, because if we did admit it, then we’d
wake up crying in a ball in the corner struck by the sadness of what
has become Sportscenter. I could probably come up with 52 reasons having just to do with one eyed stu. I KNOW YOUR BLACK 

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MHasegawa

12-15-2005, 09:13 AM

Rich Eisen leaving too.  "CHIPPPER JONES!!!" 

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booster11373

12-15-2005, 09:28 AM

This is a little off topic but I hate when cables channels built around 1 premise dont follow there own gimmick, example History channel showing movies, Cartoon network showing live action movies, AMC showing stupid interview and reality shows. AND back to topic ESPN showing really bad sports movies. Note to programers you decided to narrowcast stick with itP.S. What the hell does ESPN stand for anyway?

Nazi cows are on the loose

Judge Smails

12-15-2005, 09:50 AM

quote: P.S. What the hell does ESPN stand for anyway? Entertainment and Sports Programming Network.  Hence, the really bad sports movies (ie: "Entertainment")  

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Doctor Manhattan

12-15-2005, 02:46 PM

So this is one that wasn't posted already? <img src="http://www.ronfez.net/messageboard/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/tongue.gif" border="0" />Just bustin' your balls.

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Def Dave in SC

12-15-2005, 04:31 PM

"9. 3: The Dale Earnhardt
Story. Find us someone who thinks anyone actually calls their father
“diddy” in the South NOT named Bowden, and we will show you an actor
two years out of drama school.:" I can show you as many as you can handle. 

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DJEvelEd

12-15-2005, 05:00 PM

Too many sweaty guys touching each other and not enough tits.      Their World Cup Soccer coverage is questionable at best.   

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Fallon

12-15-2005, 08:56 PM

53. Moving Around the Horn to a different studio in Boston and costing me my job.Fuckers.ESPN is pretty unwatchable. It sucks that CNNSI or FSN's SportsCenter type shows never caught on. 

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FUNKMAN

12-15-2005, 09:59 PM

3 reasons why it's good" chop the broccoleye "" say hello to my little friend "" get to the chopper "and Chris Berman blows fat dead black animals, it's called: ' obestiality negrophilia '

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A.J.

12-15-2005, 10:38 PM

54.  Dick Vitale doing all the Duke and UNC games.  I'm tired of hearing him verbally fellate Coach K and Roy Williams/Dean Smith.  Berman's schtick is fresher than Vitale's.

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Red Sox Nation

Iamnotatool

12-16-2005, 05:41 AM

SKW pees sitting down, and thats just gay.

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AppleBoy

12-16-2005, 07:13 AM

quote: quote: P.S. What the hell does ESPN stand for anyway? Entertainment and Sports Programming Network.  Hence, the really bad sports movies (ie: "Entertainment") Still, they shouldn't use it as a license to air shitty programming.55.  WNBA.  Bring back Aussie rules football.The only reason I bother watching ESPN is because FSN is an even bigger dung heap.  

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King Imp

12-16-2005, 11:35 AM

quote: 50. PTI. Not for the show itself, but for its shambolic impact on ESPN programming, which now features argumentative elements in even the least confrontational formats.   I agreed with most of them, except for this one. I think PTI is one of, if not the best shows on ESPN.

East Side Dave

12-16-2005, 03:32 PM

58. I think Peter Gammons is my biological father.

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cougarjake13

12-18-2005, 12:29 PM

59. Cold Pizza. just a horrible show and a complete waste of time, now if Dana Jacobsen was wearing a lil less it might be more watcha... no it would still suck

FUNKMAN

12-18-2005, 12:37 PM

The Hot Seat is anything but hot...

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cougarjake13

12-18-2005, 01:28 PM

quote: The Hot Seat is anything but hot... yeh it's just like the ten yards with TB on fox they never ask any real hard or tough questions that makes them squirmandwith ten yards it seems lately like he's asks the same 4 questions to each guywhat music are you listening to, who would you invite to dinner, which of these three women are hot, and what would you be doing if not in football???just horrible to listen to and watch