I Just Came Dangerously Close To Shitting My Pants [Archive]

View Full Version : I Just Came Dangerously Close To Shitting My Pants

ChickenHawk

05-23-2005, 10:33 PM

So my stomach's been kinda buggin' me for the last half hour, but nothing serious... Nothing a nice blockbuster fart can't fix. So I'm browsing RonFez.Net, and here comes a giant gaseous bubble approaching my rear. WOoo! That felt great. I think I just farted out my stomach ache! Oh, but I was wrong. Here comes another one...
 
 
...

 
...

 
 
And at the ABSOLUTE LAST moment before Fart #2 came out, it hit me... That's no fart.
 
<IMG SRC="http://homepage.mac.com/clownpapa/.Pictures/thatsnomoon.jpg"> 
ABORT! ABORT! RECTAL CLENCH!

 
 
Yes, rectal clench indeed. I had made what could've potentially been a PANTS-RUINING error. I took a massive shit for a fart. Luckily there was just enough time to close the blast doors before any escaped. 
<IMG SRC="http://www.dvdanswers.com/misc/chris/images/articles/starwars/anh/blastdoors.jpg"> (I checked for skid marks... I'm in the clear.) Needless to say, I came pretty close to shattering porcelain once I got to the bathroom.

 
 
Thanks to some quick thinking, these jeans can last me another year or two.

<IMG SRC="http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=ChickenHawk"> HORDE KING FOREVER!!! ORACLE NEVER!!! <strike>Shock</strike> <marquee behavior=alternate>EMFA</marquee>







This message was edited by ChickenHawk on 5-24-05 @ 2:52 AM

mikeyboy

05-23-2005, 10:37 PM

I Just Came Dangerously Close To Shitting My Pants  PanterA, stop posting using other people's user names.

<img src="http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=mikeyboy"> Ron & Fez Show Log (http://www.osirusonline.com/ronfez.htm); Daily News Scratch N' Match is the Devil The Music Mikey Likes Show on RadioBBQ, weekdays 11:00 am - 1:00 pm (http://www.radiobbq.net) Now with new theme song (http://www.ronfez.net/mediastorage/mikey/mikeyshowtheme.mp3) by BoBoGolem

AppleBoy

05-24-2005, 02:32 AM

Too bad you weren't in a pool with MrEddiesFather.  You could have let it ride.

<IMG SRC="http://www.myimgs.com/random/appleboy/AppleBoySigs">

Bulldogcakes

05-24-2005, 03:01 AM

DJ Evel Ed in 10,9,8,7. .. . . .. 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v303/Kevin2700/cakescopy.jpg

My brand spankin new site Bully Baby (http://bulldogcakes.tripod.com/index.html)

Do Siamese twins have to file seperate tax returns? Or do they file jointly?

torker

05-24-2005, 04:05 AM

<img height="284" src="http://www.tonychor.com/archive/walter.jpg" width="300" border="0" />

[center]<IMG SRC=http://home.comcast.net/~rmfallon/RFnettorker1313.jpg>[center]
[center]Blurring the thin line between enigmatic and unpopular.
[center]

DJEvelEd

05-24-2005, 04:20 AM

<img height="178" src="http://homepage.mac.com/clownpapa/.Pictures/thatsnomoon.jpg" width="300" border="0" />Han:  "Wookies get the worst dingleberries! Chewie YOU STINK!!!"Chewie: "hbalblaglabalgabalbalag"

:) FLING :) :) FLING :) ........... :gasp: SPLATT :gasp: :gasp: SPLATT :gasp:
PUTTING THE FUNNY IN PRESENTLY SEEN DEPTHS
SPONSORED BY:"THE F’CESTOF C’SAR" BY ’SOP c464 B.C.
<img src="http://64.177.177.182/katylina/shockposters.jpg">

FUNKMAN

05-24-2005, 07:15 AM

pucker that sucker

<img src="http://img18.photobucket.com/albums/v53/monster6sixty6/guests/fm_sig.jpg">

sr71blackbird

05-24-2005, 03:05 PM

<img height="100" src="http://www.totaldiscountvitamins.com/Merchant/Solaray/slry1300t.jpg" width="50" border="0" /><img height="73" src="http://www.levitated.net/bones/freshflash/plusI.gif" width="69" border="0" /><img height="105" src="http://www.yourhealthonline.ca/images/promotionImages/immodium_en.jpg" width="83" border="0" /><img height="73" src="http://www.levitated.net/bones/freshflash/plusI.gif" width="69" border="0" /><img height="164" src="http://www.thestudentzone.com/articles/images/banana.jpg" width="128" border="0" /><img height="73" src="http://www.levitated.net/bones/freshflash/plusI.gif" width="69" border="0" /><img height="170" src="http://www.thepig.net/images/Department/Deli/Sides/WhiteRice225x225.jpg" width="144" border="0" /><img height="77" src="http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:j8jEnnsenOAJ:https://normalville.org/setec/out_in_the_open/equals.jpg" width="98" border="0" /><img height="149" src="http://free.of.pl/g/giflandia/doodie/recyclepart1.gif" width="198" border="0" />

<center>
http://www.chaoticconcepts.com/randomizer/random.php?uid=8 </center>

<center>My Thanks to Just Jon, Reefdwella, ADF, Yerdaddy,Monsterone and Katylina for the sig-pic help and creation!</center>
<marquee behavior=alternate>Which Witch Wished Which Wicked Wish?</marquee>

FUNKMAN

05-24-2005, 03:16 PM

<img height="164" src="http://free.of.pl/g/giflandia/doodie/recyclepart1.gif" width="225" border="0" />wiggle it, just a little bit

<img src="http://img18.photobucket.com/albums/v53/monster6sixty6/guests/fm_sig.jpg">

high fly

05-30-2005, 01:34 AM

Sometimes when I get bored and am feeling confident, I'll do a little prairie-doggin.'That's where you let the nose cone emerge and then draw it back into hiding, then let it come back out a ways and catch a breath of fresh air, then stow that rascal in the grunt locker again. Out and in, out and in, out and in, out and in....Just don't let too much poke out or you won't be able to get it all back in.      

" and they ask me why I drink"
http://64.177.177.182/katylina/highflysig.jpg
Big ups to sex bomb baby Katylina (LHOOQ) for the sig!

PapaBear

05-30-2005, 02:08 AM

I shit my pants once. It actually led to a lawsuit. All I'll say is, it led to my introduction of the legal term "dismissed without prejudice".

<center><img src="http://www.geocities.com/pauleight/pb_sig.gif"></center>
<center>For my next Miracle, I'll be turning water into... FUNK!!!</center><center>KARMA IS</center>
<center>Thanks Monsterone for the sig!</center>

DJEvelEd

05-30-2005, 06:39 AM

quote: Sometimes when I get bored and am feeling confident, I'll do a little prairie-doggin.'That's where you let the nose cone emerge and then draw it back into hiding, then let it come back out a ways and catch a breath of fresh air, then stow that rascal in the grunt locker again. Out and in, out and in, out and in, out and in....Just don't let too much poke out or you won't be able to get it all back in.      " and they ask me why I drink" <img src="http://64.177.177.182/katylina/highflysig.jpg" border="0" /> Big ups to sex bomb baby Katylina (LHOOQ) for the sig! Thats VERY gay actually. It's like fucking yourself in the ass with your shit. Do you get a hardon when you do this? Do you squeeze your balls while reverse shitting? What were you wearing?

:) FLING :) :) FLING :) ........... :gasp: SPLATT :gasp: :gasp: SPLATT :gasp:
PUTTING THE FUNNY IN PRESENTLY SEEN DEPTHS
SPONSORED BY:"THE F’CESTOF C’SAR" BY ’SOP c464 B.C.
<img src="http://64.177.177.182/katylina/shockposters.jpg">

IamFogHat

05-30-2005, 10:09 AM

I had a stomach virus and almost shit my pants at work last Thursday.  There's nothing scarier than thinking you're going to shit your pants when you're at work.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v53/monster6sixty6/guests/foghat_sig.gif

The Dude abides
...And I killed Laura Palmer

mothershucker

05-30-2005, 11:34 AM

Even though you had no skid marks, you are still not in the clear. After such a situation, your next dump will bring on "The everlasting wipe". You can not clear up the area, half a roll of scott tisue, and you STILL are wiping.

I shucked it, and I shucked it, and I shucked it, i'm quite the mother shucker

ChickenHawk

05-30-2005, 11:56 AM

This is very true... The forever wipe is a horrible horrible thing. It can begin to invade on your day's activities, your eating habits, your family life... There are times when I start wiping in daylight, and by the time the toilet paper comes out of a wipe clean, night has fallen.

<IMG SRC="http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=ChickenHawk"> HORDE KING FOREVER!!! ORACLE NEVER!!! <strike>Shock</strike> <marquee behavior=alternate>EMFA</marquee>[color=white]

Snoogans

05-30-2005, 12:01 PM

why doesnt your nasty ass just jump in the shower when that happens? 

<img border="0" src="http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=Snoogans194" />
GO SAWX!!!!! Hassan Eats Dick!!! Snoogans 1, Monitor 0
GIMMIE MY FUCKIN CHANGE, I AINT PLAYIN WIT YOU

This message was edited by Snoogans on 5-30-05 @ 4:01 PM

ChickenHawk

05-30-2005, 12:07 PM

Well... What better way to clean shit from your ass than toilet paper? 
Plus, the Forever Wipe can sneak up on you. It doesn't always strike in the comfort of your own home.

<IMG SRC="http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=ChickenHawk"> HORDE KING FOREVER!!! ORACLE NEVER!!! <strike>Shock</strike> <marquee behavior=alternate>EMFA</marquee>

This message was edited by ChickenHawk on 5-30-05 @ 4:10 PM

A.J.

05-31-2005, 02:06 AM

There's nothing scarier than thinking you're going to shit your pants when you're at work. Yes there is -- being on a date.

<img src=http://img40.photobucket.com/albums/v124/Canofsoup15/Sigs/AJinDC-Sig.jpg>

A Skidmark/canofsoup15 production.

Red Sox Nation