Review: Blade:Trinity

[Little Tony DeFranco]

Review; Blade:Trinity
http://www.browntownjohnny.com/index.php


Damn that Wesley Snipes! He is one badass superhero in those Blade movies! He still has it and what a great kickass actor he is in action films. "Blade:Trinity" is the 3rd in the series of the Marvel Comics vampire hunter flicks from New Line. It is also the weakest of the 3 movies because it doesn't offer anything new except a hot cast of actors (not A-List but interesting). The series writer, David S. Goyer took over the directors seat from Guillermo del Toro (Blade2, Hellboy) and doesn't do the job right. A series of action sequences with no real punch and not well edited, but at least the film is lively.

The story is interesting for a while and then it gets sloppy with inconsistent ideas. Why do these vampires not protect themselves from Blade, when they all know what he can do. Instead, they just keep coming at him so they can be sliced into burning charcoal. The main villain if the original Dracula (a Syrian knight in a tomb who is not the caped bloodsucker we know) and he can walk in daylight. The humans who protect the vampires have framed Blade, the FBI are out to capture him. All this leads up to a sword fight! Am I watching 'Highlander'? Original director Stephen Norrington had it right the first time, del Toro did a good job of creating a darker bloodfeast, Goyer wanted to make a comedy!!!!! Bad Idea. He hired the guy from 'Van Wilder' (Ryan Reynolds doing smart alec quips) and sexed it up with Jessica Biel (my new lust kitten) with a badguy henchman (WWE's Triple H). The saving grace of the whole movie is Snipes and Parker Posey (another lust kitten!) as an uber-bitch vampyre chick (she is doing a white Grace Jones).

A disappointment for many fans. This was meant to be a finish to the series but don't bet on it. A plus is Biel and Posey (together in one movie!!!! All I need is some hand lotion). The minus is killing off Whistler (Kris Kristofferson was cool) and adding Reynolds and wasting comic Patton Oswald (as a weapons guy...like Bond's 'Q'). My favorite scene is Dracula destroying a Goth vampire giftshop (bobbleheads?). Snipes is excellent as the kung fu swordsman again. Painfully uneven but fast moving. Get it right the next time fellas!

Heartbeat is a Love Beat

[angie101]

i hate Jessica Biel thats why im not watching this movie... i only liked her in 7th heven. the earlier shows .

angie101- take the course

"why drink and drive..when you can smoke and fly"

[LordJezo]

It sucked. Should not have been made.

From my website:

BLADE 3 REVIEW!
***SPOILERS!!! In as much as a plotless movie can be spoiled***
Starring Wesley Snipes, Jessica Biel and some Jason Lee wannabe.

Blade 3 was an absolutely necessary film in much the same way that cleaning your face with a brillo pad and hydrochloric acid is: it gets the job done but no one wants to look at it. I went to see this film on a Friday, during the pouring rain in winter at 5 pm and there were still only seven other people in the theater. Three incredibly lost old people, two black guys who were more badass than I can ever hope to be, and a couple little kids (one of which whom wouldn't stop dancing). That should have been warning enough but I had high hopes considering the film had gotten a 26% on Rotten Tomatoes (about half the rating of the other two films.) Also: I had spoken to Tom Clancy about it just 5 days prior and he said the movie looked "fucking tight."
The important thing to remember about this film is that the other two movies are badass. Otherwise, you may forget to give a shit about a damn thing that happens in Blade 3. It is also noteworthy to recognize that the entire cast is made up of sentient cybernetic beings. So, while we can find it easy to fault them for their inability to convey emotion or humor (which for some reason, constitutes exactly 87% of the script) this movie is a technological masterpiece. I predict the money this movie makes will directly correlate to the number of laws of physics it rudely ignores in the name of Jessica Biel using a bow and arrow to fight vampires.
Everyone phones this movie in. No one even pretends to care about what they are saying and what is happening. Even Kris Kristofferson (Blade fun fact: Whistler's first name is Abraham. Did you know that? I didn't.) was too good to show up for more than 10 minutes. Kris Fucking Kristofferson, of such illustrious films as "Millennium" and "Planet of the Apes: Tim Burtons Masturbatory Re-Make."
Fearing I was being too negative, I compiled a list of good things about this movie. Five things make this film worth witnessing when it comes out on DVD in a month and a half: (1)Parker Posey gives us a nice spastic, corpse upskirt. (2)Jessica Biel's stomach and hips plays opposite Wesley Snipes saying awesome things like (3)"motherfucker, I'll kill you." (4) Patton Oswald dies (although its not nearly graphic enough for me to really get a hard on about) and (5) Triple H gets an arrow through his eyeball. If you can't wait the above-cited 45 days to experience this film in the comfort of your own home I suggest the simulated experience of inviting over some dorks that like to play Vampire: The Perpetual Hassle while watching Passenger 57.
As Blade himself would say "some films are a 7.others an 8.some even go up to 11, maybe 12.but this one, this one here.its about a 2."

One joke was stolen in the writing of this review. Find it and I'll give you a prize.

Posted by PatboyX

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I KISS YOU!

[fezident]

Ryan Renolds is the JarJar Binks of the Blade franchise.
He somehow managed to ruin the first two movies for me....and he wasn't even the first two movies!

Don't even rent this one. Wow.

<IMG SRC=http://www.davezdyrko.com/images/vida_7a.jpg>
"I'm looking for the 'Make Believe Ballroom'....Don't get fresh, Buddy!"

Fez for Prez in 2008

[mdr55]

I actually liked the movie. Wasn't as bad a people make it out to be but not the best of the 3 Blade movies either. The mix of Action & Comedy don't mix that well. But that Ryan Reynold's character was funny.....although Blade didn't think so (he's come a long way from 2 guys, a girl and a pizza place--which I actually liked to watch).

Triple H--- Ha! Did they use some type of "Magic" to make him run??? It looked like he was struggling.

Jessica Biel-- I'm not a big fan of her's. But I'll say that she is kinda a hottie. And after seeing her in this film, I'm warming up to her. That bow and arrow weapon was pretty cool.




Now if only they could join the Blade and Underworld franchises....maybe it wouldn't be good but just imagine Kate Beckingsdale and Jessica Alba kicking ass.

[Freebird]

mdr...I agree. It was an enjoyable movie, and not as bad as people who liked White Chicks would indicate. Sure there were things that weren't great about the movie, but I'll stick mostly to what I did like.

Ryan Reynolds was pretty good. Unlike Jessica Biels' character he was pretty much on the losing end of every fight, which is where humans should be. Whistler (Kristofferson) worked as a character because he used his brains and weapons to gain any kind of advantage with vampires, not standing toe-to-toe with them.

I liked most of the fight scenes better in this movie compared to the second one. I'm a big wrestling fan and all, but the elbow drop in the Blade 2 was a bit silly.

Triple H made a good intro to movies. He gave his character a lot of life and presence. Being a heel, I liked him charging in to fight (with other vampires), but seeing them starting to drop (well, burn up), he got that great "scared heel" look and retreated. Seeing him with the Pomerian was funny, and he comes off well in the fight scenes. And how many people these days get to say Triple H did the job to them?

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Now I'm starving

I'm about to turn it up a notch!