Oscars = Billy Crystal = Sucks ASS

[Mike Teacher]

What the fuck is with this guy?

Does he cry out his own name during sex?

First Baba Wawa fellates him while he tells what an excruciating ordeal hosting the oscars is; then the entire first production number, as always when this Comedy Kryptonite hosts, is him in different movies, with the theme 'The Return of the Host'

Fuck him.

Now he's doing musical numbers for each film, again.

And he complains about it being long. Sean Connery has said 48 words so far, and the rest is Billy, going over badly, by the way.

Did I mention: Fuck him?



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[furie]

why are you watching?

i could never watch an awards show.


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Assassins do it from behind.

[Mike Teacher]

i'm waiting for the bucket of blood to fall. Plus i'm watching the computer while it plays in the other room; that's what got me going, I was getting sick of Billy Crystals voice. Ack.

Tim Robbins just won; very cool speech. no politics; he said theres no shame in seeking help if you were abused, etc. like his chaacter in the filem. there is hope yet.

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This message was edited by Mike Teacher on 2-29-04 @ 8:55 PM

[FUNKMAN]

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sig by Funkman

[Mike Teacher]

Well they just showed who died; I always forget so many;

art carney
bob hope
gregory peck
bob elam
hope lange
gregory hines

and michael kamen died? shit; I met him once. He wrote mr. hollands opus. the song. huge soundtrack dude. shit.

[oh, and Lord of the Rings is winning everything, it seems]

And they had Tiger Woods as Carl Spackling doing the Caddyshack thing in a commercial. Where's Paul-O?



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This message was edited by Mike Teacher on 2-29-04 @ 10:59 PM

[HBox]

You know, after all the work Peter Jackson put in on the LOTR films, you just gotta know he's a little pissed off that his wife won an Oscar before he did.

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[TheGameHHH]

this awards show isn't that bad. and i for one am glad LOTR is winning everything.

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[Justice4all]

LORD OF THE RINGS FUCKING ROCKS BABY! All but ONE so far! Best Picture here we come! LONG LIVE THE KING!!!!!!

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[TheMojoPin]

You're still a nerd.

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[yarpwizard]

Lord of the Rings .... a clean sweep!!....11 wins...tied with Titanic and Ben - Hur.

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A mind is a terrible thing to dyworf.

[fluffernutter]

I still wish Peter Jackson would have received acclaim for Bad Taste, That was brilliance. I know I really have to watch the LOTR Films but I am still a bit queasy about it. I just don't have that much time to waste. Is there an abridged version? Like the Sportscenter version of it where I can watch the highlights and still get it? I also thought about just watching them while playing all of my Metal albums that dig into the fantasy realm.

I also really want to punch Ren‚e Zellweger in the face. I don't know why but she just makes me nauseous.

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[HBox]

Bill Murray got shafted.

And I think Scarlett Johanssen might have the PERFECT female body.

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This message was edited by HBox on 3-1-04 @ 12:18 AM

[samnyc]

Bill Murray got shafted, but Billy Crystal's thinking on his feet was the moment of the night.

"Don't leave ... we love you Bill" and the applause that followed was appropriate compensation.

[FUNKMAN]

http://www.bill-murray.com/bill-murray.jpg

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[Se7en]

LOTR won pretty much everything, and I couldn't be happier.

Fuck anyone making boo-boo faces that it DID win.

Outside of Murray not winning, I have virtually no complaints about this year's awards. Even Tim Robbins managed to not make an ass out of himself.

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[cozmokramer]

Fuck Lord of the Rings. I know probably half of the awards were given to them just so they could have the sweep. Like best song? What bullshit.

Now I really wanna see Triplets of Bellville, anyone see it yet?

I also really want to punch Ren‚e Zellweger in the face. I don't know why but she just makes me nauseous.

You couldn't be more right. That sniffling bullshit, and her awful voice and her flabby arms...there is so much about her that makes me uncomfortable.


This message was edited by cozmokramer on 3-1-04 @ 12:34 AM

[who6489]

Not a fan of LOTR, but wasn't surprised it swept.
And not for nothin', but you'd think Peter Jackson would look nice for the thing! I think he has enough money to buy a suit that FITS!
Have some pride man!

Actually, I only watched the beginning and the end of the show. There's no real reason to watch the middle. I watched my "Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid" DVD. The History Channel ran a show on the real story/movie and it gave me the urge to pop it in. Still a great flick!

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[FUNKMAN]

i sometimes mix up Zelwegger and this girl Joey Lauren Adams...

http://i17.ebayimg.com/02/i/01/63/ad/87_1.JPG
http://i20.ebayimg.com/02/i/01/64/39/91_1.JPG

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sig by #1 Monster

This message was edited by FUNKMAN on 3-1-04 @ 12:52 AM

[monsterone]

i have never seen an awards show, but i was walking through the room when there was some sort of nominee montage with billy crystal super-imposed as the main character in different movies. i thought it was hysterical. i kept on awalkin when it was done.

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[jax]

Bill Murray got shafted, but Billy Crystal's thinking on his feet was the moment of the night.

"Don't leave ... we love you Bill" and the applause that followed was appropriate compensation.


I was uncomfortable for Bill Murry when Billy Crystal said that. Billy Crystal can be funny but this was his worst Oscar show yet.

[Fallon]

It's not funny, it's not fun at a thing like this.

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[RingWraith]

Congrates to LOTR: ROTK winning in a clean sweep.

IMO, The Best Trilogy Ever!!

"Give up the Half-ling, She-Elf!!!"

[TheGameHHH]

I don't really "get" what Billy Crystal meant when he said that to Bill Murray, can someone explain it to me? I feel like something is going way over my head and I really want to know what it is.

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[Yerdaddy]

And I think Scarlett Johanssen might have the PERFECT female body.
"Hooaah! She's got a greeeeeaat asssss!"

Billy Stinks. They should just cgi Bob Hope's old bits until they can find a fresh has-been funnyman. Dennis Leary?

Aside from boring I dont have too many complaints about the show. As a combination of all three films LOTR deserved the recognition. There certainly wasn't a "Casablanca" or "Godfather" that absolutely deserved it more.

I wished Sean Penn and Tim Robbins had had more to say on politics, and I know the conservative pundits are with me on that.

Charlize needs to grow those eyebrows back on so she can stop looking like a tranny, or Paris Hilton, or both.

I liked Johnny Depp's attitude on the red carpet before the show, hinting that he wasn't impressed with being nominated for this movie and not for all the other, more meaningful work he's done.

I took a respectable second in the Oscar pics from Friday's show.

I thought the Martin Scorsese film developing commercial near the beginning of the show was the funniest part of the night.

The interviewers from Access Hollywood at the beginning needed their asses kicked. Except the really hot one. She wasn't so bad.

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[Yerdaddy]

I don't really "get" what Billy Crystal meant when he said that to Bill Murray, can someone explain it to me? I feel like something is going way over my head and I really want to know what it is.

As if to suggest that Murray was going to walk out in a huff over not winning... *sheepy trumpet*

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[ChickenHawk]

Here's how much I give a shit about the Oscars:

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[Se7en]

I wished Sean Penn and Tim Robbins had had more to say on politics, and I know the conservative pundits are with me on that.

Well, they had two options:

1) They could have accepted their awards with dignity and class; or

2) They could have been this year's Michael Moore.

They made the right choice. I applaud them.

And that's about the only time I ever will, but hey, for one night they're on my good side.

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[HBox]

Sean Penn did sneak a little commentary in there. And there weren't many classier speeches than the one Tim Robbins gave. But did anyone else see that little Michael Moore rip in the intro. He showed more self-parody than I thought he was capable of.

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[Yerdaddy]

Thanks for making my point again.

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[Whyyouhaddiddat]

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when did she get stung in the face, I swear at one point she was a POA
Handsome Boy Modeling School Graduate '90
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This message was edited by Whyyouhaddiddat on 3-1-04 @ 2:28 AM

[schmega]

Here's how much I give a shit about the Oscars:

you gave more of a shit demonstrating how little a shit you give about the oscars(geh geh geh). i can cut the irony with a knife.

[KennethC]

I found the show unspeakably dull. Perhaps I'm in the minority, but I always like the awkward political statements and uncomfortable moments. The Oscars are an example of a jerk-off industry congratulating itself, so anything that upsets the apple cart is a good thing.

As for Billy Crystal, many of his lines fell so flat as to get virtually no response from, let's face it, a well-lubricated crowd. He bombed so bad, I thought they might be broadcasting the show from Red Bank.

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[KERMIT]

Billy Crystal was AWFUL!!!! But i did like the Bill Murray Line. That was pretty damn funny.

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[Mike Teacher]

Why was just about everyone involved with Lord of the Rings on-stage overweight, nerdy, with bad 80s hair?

Way to break the Stereotype!

---



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[Doctor Manhattan]

If Billy Crystal didn't sing, it wouldn't be so bad. And if they actually tried to do a Parody of the movies, like MTV does it, instead of just sticking Billy's face in the movies (and why was he naked so much?) and cutting away to the next shot of Billy in another movie it would be much better, parody is EASY comedy.

Why was he singing about Pete Rose? because it rhymes with nose? That's so lame, and he kept going on with the Pete Rose crap!

Tim Robbin's Wife has huge tatas!



You know, after all the work Peter Jackson put in on the LOTR films, you just gotta know he's a little pissed off that his wife won an Oscar before he did.


You mean for the Eurithmics song? I think Peter will get over it. He won one that isn't shared with other people.


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This message was edited by SofaKingWhat on 3-1-04 @ 7:19 AM

[Johnny4]

I like how they gave Penn a standing O and the Oscar for playing a part he's done a million times, an emotional wreck. Bill Murray was robbed , he improved half that movie and got Sophia the Oscar for Best Screenplay. What a crock! But it's not a popularity contest.

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

[Doctor Manhattan]

but you'd think Peter Jackson would look nice for the thing! I think he has enough money to buy a suit that FITS!


That's his "look" Perhaps people would have thought he "sold out"

At least he had on shoes. I like that he dresses like that, why try to fit in the "hollywood" scene? they are the ones making crappy movies.

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<b>"...He's a habitual line-stepper!"</b>

[Mike Teacher]

Well, the night was almost saved by the AWESOME Jack Black / Will Ferrell song. If ya didn't see it. They came out to give out the Best Song Oscar, and they had a bit; about the music that plays when your time is up, and did you know it actually had lyrics and off they went singing to the 'Get off the Stage' music.

'Your time is up the show must move; you're Booooorrrrrinnnng...'

or something like that; classic. And while the Elf may not be very funny in some ways, he dropped he bit and announced 'Here are the Nominees for...' in such a serious tone that it got a huge laugh! classic!

A weird night for comedy. Maybe it was the crowd. I don't expect much from Crystal, but usually the set-pieces, like the 'I know What they're thinking right Now' thing, that KILLED in the past; was just passable. And again, not to rip him to shreads again, but for those wondering why Crystal with all the baseball jokes? Because that's what Billy likes to hear, and when that's what get broadcast, as opposed to what's funny, you get un-funny.

Even the usual Kick-Ass Owens/Stiller segment was just OK, with the exception of the best line of the night for me, when Still was pissed off and started reading, Wilson stopped him and said a line someone should say to me about 4837 times a day, replacing the name.

something like:

"Hey Ben, lighten up dude, this is Their Moment, not yours. So lets have the 'Happy Speech' and not the 'I'm Ben Stiller and I made a Huge Mistake so I'm gonna bring Everyone Else Down With Me' Speech..."

Which made up for Owens shoving his head up Billy Crystals ass by saying 'this is the house that Bill Crystal made' or something sentiment.

Please.

They showed the Bob Hope tribute. Billy Crystal maybe, perhaps maybe, might earn the honor of being compared to Hope. Maybe; if just in that they both indeed did host the Awards. Aside from that? I'm at a loss.

And this diatribe is because yes, like Jay Leno, Billy was once funny, could still be funny, but chooses not to. Ugh.


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[East Side Dave]

I'm just happy Joliet Jake Blues won Best Director and Best Picture!

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[East Side Dave]

Oh and one other thing. I'm sorry to do this to an old man but anyone associated with "Walk Like A Man" starring Howie Mandel SHOULD NOT UNDER ANY EXCEPTION be given an Oscar. Now hand it over, Mr. Blake Edwards!

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[Reephdweller]

I thought Billy Crystal's joke and comments to Bill Murray were actually insulting. I got the impression from Bill Murray's expression that he was pissed that Crystal did that, but then smiled because he knew he had to.


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[East Side Dave]

Now that you put it that way, I'm just getting MAD!!! Fuck Billy Crystal! I wish Bill Murray would have taken the bottle of Wild Turkey from under his seat and smashed Crystal's head in, and said to him, "Hey Billy, NOW you look mahvelous!Ah-hahahahahah!!! Ahhhhhhh!! Billy Crystal IS A DICK AND UNFUNNY AHHHHHHHHHH!!! And I didn't realize that those hobbits were really two feet tall in real life! Ahhhhh!!!!!!

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This message was edited by East Side Dave on 3-1-04 @ 10:06 AM

[TheMojoPin]

he improved half that movie and got Sophia the Oscar for Best Screenplay

How does the actor "get" the writer the award for writing?

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[TheMojoPin]

That LOTR song is awful.

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[Doctor Manhattan]

That LOTR song is awful.

As good as those movies are, the music isn't very good, at least it doesn't match up with how well everything else is done. The score is forgettable. The Songs (Except the "Wish for a Fish song" sung by Gollum in TTT)suck.

Oh well, no one can make a "perfect" movie.

I'm sorry to do this to an old man but anyone associated with "Walk Like A Man" starring Howie Mandel SHOULD NOT UNDER ANY EXCEPTION be given an Oscar. Now hand it over, Mr. Blake Edwards!

So are you going to take the greatness of "The Godfather" and "The Godfather Part II" away from
Francis Ford Coppola because of "Jack" and "Captain Eo"?

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<b>"...He's a habitual line-stepper!"</b>

This message was edited by SofaKingWhat on 3-1-04 @ 10:49 AM

[East Side Dave]

I wouldn't take the greatness away from Coppola but I would pistol whip them both.

And comparing Francis Ford Coppola with Blake Edwards is just re-fucking-diculous.

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This message was edited by East Side Dave on 3-1-04 @ 11:04 AM

[JustJon]

Renee looks like a puffer fish because she gained weight (again) for the second Bridget Jones movie.

And I don't watch award shows. I tuned in at the end for Best Picture and thought Peter Jackson had a great line. "I'd like to thank the academy for deservedly not giving any awards to Meet the Feebles"

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[jeffdwright2001]

The awards were in a word "safe". Which for me meant that I woke up this morning why I had stayed up to watch them.

Then I remembered that there were certain parts that I wouldn't be able to "see", until friends had downloaded them to the internet.

Among them:
* Bill Murray responding to the question "What are you wearing" with a straight-faced "briefs".
* Jack Black and Will Ferrel (sp) performing the "get the F off the stage song"
* Trying to figure out when Marcia Gay Harden started channelling Aunt Bee's hair
* Watching the camera go to Nicole Kidman everytime someone mentioned anything remotely Australian or Tom Cruise related.
* Hoping that the LOTR beast would come out and squish folks who droned on and on or just got on my nerves such as Renee
* See Peter Jackson's wife look like a 2 year old who doesn't know how to sit up and at least pretend to be attentive during the awards. Then again, maybe they just need to adjust her meds

[Doctor Manhattan]

And comparing Francis Ford Coppola with Blake Edwards is just re-fucking-diculous.


It wasn't a comparison of the two directors. I was just saying if someone is able to make great movies do you fault him for making a crappy one later on.

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<b>"...He's a habitual line-stepper!"</b>

[jafter]

I like how they gave Penn a standing O and the Oscar for playing a part he's done a million times, an emotional wreck. Bill Murray was robbed , he improved half that movie and got Sophia the Oscar for Best Screenplay. What a crock! But it's not a popularity contest.


So you are saying that Bill Murray was playing a character that was so unlike himself. The only difference in "Lost in Translation" and most of Bill's other movies was he was funny in those films.

I think I am one of a few people who did not like "Lost in Translation". I thought it was a very boring movie, Bill Murray was the only saving grace to it and he was just mediocre for Bill Murray. How many funny lines do you remember from that movie? Bill doing bad kareoke - he did a better job on SNL doing the lounge act.

Sofia Coppola won her Oscar because of her dad.

<img src=http://www.richstillwell.com/Jafter.jpg>

[Doctor Manhattan]

Sofia Coppola won her Oscar because of her dad.


I thought they gave it to her to thank her for giving up the acting. She's a much better director then an actor.

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<b>"...He's a habitual line-stepper!"</b>

[jeffdwright2001]

So you are saying that Bill Murray was playing a character that was so unlike himself. The only difference in "Lost in Translation" and most of Bill's other movies was he was funny in those films.

Perhaps this is what was being referred to:



"Sofia Coppola won for Best Original Screenplay for "Lost in Translation," the story of a washed-up actor (played by Bill Murray) facing a midlife crisis in a Tokyo hotel.

"Every writer needs a muse, and mine was Bill Murray," Coppola said.

Her win is slightly controversial, however, as her screenplay reportedly was only 80 pages and many of the film's best scenes were improvised by Murray during the 28-day shoot.
"Long Version of news story (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A18136-2004Feb29.html)

[Doctor Manhattan]

Hey she did write something down, The award wasn't the longest screenplay, just best.

How long was FINDING NEMO's script?

When Crystal introduced presenter Robin Williams, he joked, "This is the reason for the delay." Williams twisted his own nipple, and then hugged Crystal and said: "Look at us -- a San Francisco wedding cake."

Wow, the jokes are even more lame in print.

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This message was edited by SKW on 3-1-04 @ 1:40 PM

[jeffdwright2001]

Hey she did write something down, The award wasn't the longest screenplay, just best.

How long was FINDING NEMO's script?


Uhm, I hate to take up someone else's argument. But, I think the original comment was that of the X number of pages (I now have a copy of her first script at 75 pages) the best parts of the script were put to paper after Bill did his work.

In that sense, she became more of a transcriptionist. I think some would have felt better if perhaps Bill was given co-writer status and then it was submitted for nomination.

[Doctor Manhattan]

Oh, I didn't read it that way. She revisted the script after filming the improved scenes? Or the improv was done before filming, like during rehersals?

Well, if Bill's improvisations ended up in the script I say they 'Milli Vanilli' her butt and give the award to Lord of the Rings (who already won Best Adapted Screenplay) and make it an even Dozen Oscars.

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[jeffdwright2001]

Well, if Bill's improvisations ended up in the script I say they 'Milli Vanilli' her butt and give the award to Lord of the Rings (who already won Best Adapted Screenplay) and make it an even Dozen Oscars.

I'm not sure Peter Jackson would accept it. I hear they are cheaper by the dozen.

Thank you everyone. I was Billy Crystal's writer during last night's broadcast.

[mikeyboy]

Well, they didn't take away Ring Lardner's Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar in 1970 for M*A*S*H (little or none of his screenplay reportedly made it up on the screen), so I doubt they'll be taking Sofia's away.

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This message was edited by mikeyboy on 3-1-04 @ 2:29 PM

[Johnny4]

I like how they gave Penn a standing O and the Oscar for playing a part he's done a million times, an emotional wreck. Bill Murray was robbed , he improved half that movie and got Sophia the Oscar for Best Screenplay. What a crock! But it's not a popularity contest.


So you are saying that Bill Murray was playing a character that was so unlike himself. The only difference in "Lost in Translation" and most of Bill's other movies was he was funny in those films.

I think I am one of a few people who did not like "Lost in Translation". I thought it was a very boring movie, Bill Murray was the only saving grace to it and he was just mediocre for Bill Murray. How many funny lines do you remember from that movie? Bill doing bad kareoke - he did a better job on SNL doing the lounge act.

Sofia Coppola won her Oscar because of her dad.

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I guess my point is that a bunch of guys could have played Sean Penn's role, but Bill Murray's performance made an entire movie. The difference is in one case, the role made the actor, and in the other the actor made the role. The second one is much harder to do. And alot of guys could have played the same role as Penn and done just as well, while NO ONE could have done what Murray did as well.

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

[Johnny4]

Hey she did write something down, The award wasn't the longest screenplay, just best.

How long was FINDING NEMO's script?


Uhm, I hate to take up someone else's argument. But, I think the original comment was that of the X number of pages (I now have a copy of her first script at 75 pages) the best parts of the script were put to paper after Bill did his work.

In that sense, she became more of a transcriptionist. I think some would have felt better if perhaps Bill was given co-writer status and then it was submitted for nomination.




Thanks for helping me make my point. If they ever give out an award for BEST IDEA for A MOVIE, then she deserves an award. Hollywood Nepotism at it once again.

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

[Freebird]

The difference is in one case, the role made the actor, and in the other the actor made the role. The second one is much harder to do.


I have yet to see Lost in Translation, but the above reasoning is why I thought Johnny Depp ought to have won best actor. Pirates would have been an enjoyable movie with the cast as it was. Depp gave a unique performance that really made the film something special. To put it in Corky terms, he really "turned it up a notch".

-----------------------------
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I'm about to turn it up a notch!

[JustJon]

The screenplay oscar is for the shooting script, not for the finished product. Any improvisations are not in the screenplay nor are they transcribed afterwards.

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[A.J.]

I wished Sean Penn and Tim Robbins had had more to say on politics, and I know the conservative pundits are with me on that.

I was waiting for that. I'm surprised they didn't say anything.

The Michael Moore bit WAS funny though. And I did like those glasses on Liv Tyler -- very Tina Fey-ish.

How does the actor "get" the writer the award for writing?

See "Good Will Hunting".

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[keithy_19]

Bill Murray should have getting best actor. Sean Penn sucks. I hate that guy.

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[TheMojoPin]

No you don't.

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[Hosp]

But it's not a popularity contest.


That's all it is. It's nothing but a popularity contest.

And Charlize Theron is the hottest African there ever was.

I didn't think Return of the King deserved that much.

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[Patches]

And I did like those glasses on Liv Tyler -- very Tina Fey-ish


Eh, not for me.

Someone should have sat her down and told her no matter how hard she tried, she will never look smart.

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[keithy_19]

No you don't.

Shit, you've got me this time MoJo. :p

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[Tall_James]

And Charlize Theron is the hottest African there ever was.

Shaka Zulu was hotter.

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