Family Guy Lines

[keithy_19]

List your favorite lines from the great animated sitcom.

Peter: I always thought that dogs layed eggs, so I learned something today.

<img src=http://img18.photobucket.com/albums/v53/monster6sixty6/guests/kbb_sig.gif>

[billyio]

Here's one from last night that always cracks me up:

Lois:" Peter, I'm not wearing any panties"

Peter: "That's Ok,we can throw the chair out"

See Ya!

[Melrapuo]

If you're going to be in the Los Angelas area und would like tickets to Hitler, call 213-DU WERDEST EINE KRANKENSCHWESTER BRAUCHEN!

<img src="http://www.hometown.aol.com/falsadvirtizment/images/apcsigcrap.bmp">
My Really Crappy Site (http://www.hometown.aol.com/falsadvirtizment)

YANKEES FAN SINCE BIRTH!

This message was edited by Melrapuo on 2-18-04 @ 7:18 PM

[TheCosmicCircus]

From: love thy trophy-
Season 2 - episode 5.

"perhaps someone could enlighten me as to the whereabouts of our golden clam"

- cleveland

best show ever made.
http://loismustdie.de/psycho.jpg

www.perrynoid.com
Fake Radio with NO RULES.
poser friendly~

This message was edited by TheCosmicCircus on 2-18-04 @ 7:44 PM

[TheGameHHH]

Peter: "Now Lois, I know you're a feminist and I think that's adorable, but this is grown-up time and I'm the man here"

<IMG SRC="http://home.comcast.net/~rmfallon/RFnetHHH.jpg">

[furie]

Lois:" Peter, I'm not wearing any panties"

Peter: "That's Ok,we can throw the chair out"


i don't get it


<img src="http://tseery.homestead.com/files/fseye.jpg">
Assassins do it from behind.

[billyio]

I should have put in some stage direction,Furie,but anyway, Lois was sitting in a chair.

See Ya!

[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

Anything by Stewie:

It's not that i want to kill her...i just dont want her alive..anymore

Damn you vile woman, you've impeded my work since the day I escaped your vile womb.

No sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.

Now look here...
[looks at agent's name tag] Jo-LENE. I have an army to raise and I must get to Managua at once. I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal. BUT NO PICKLES. OH, GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES.

Damn you, Damn the Broccoli, and Damn the Wright Brothers.

Oh I feel so delightfully white trash. Mommy, I want a mullet.


http://www.hippycrap.freeserve.co.uk/images/stewie3.jpg

<IMG SRC=http://atamichimpo.50megs.com/images/deathmetalfuzzybutt.jpg>

She said Jesus had a twin who knew nothing about sin.

[TheGameHHH]

Stewie is hands down the funniest character on that show.

<IMG SRC="http://home.comcast.net/~rmfallon/RFnetHHH.jpg">

[newport king]

cleveland: Loretta's mother is coming over so we had to go to the supermarket and get her some kibbles and bits.

different episode

quagmire: hey honey, how old are you?
girl: 16
quagmire: 18 you say? alright, giggity giggity giggity!
http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:FFTnHO0ibCoJ:www.thedrunkenclam.com/wallpapers/quagmire-OH640x480.gif

<img src="http://img18.photobucket.com/albums/v53/monster6sixty6/guests/npk_sig.jpg">

[CaptClown]

"Silence"

"You shall rue this day... well go on start ruing"

"The only way you will get me to talk is you'll get me to talk is through slow painful torture. And I don't think you have the grapes!"

"The forecast for tomorrow, a few sprinkles of genius with a chance of doom!!"

"Hunh, there's treachery afoot."
http://www.fox.com/familyguy/bios/images/biostewie3.gif

I have family guy alerts on my IcQ

Director of the C.Y.A. Society.
Field Marshal of the K.I.S.S. Army
Poison Clan rocks the world

This message was edited by CaptClown on 2-18-04 @ 9:30 PM

[newport king]

stewie: do that thing you do right before you kill the infidels!

arafat: lalalalalalaallla

stewie: yes yes i love that!

<img src="http://img18.photobucket.com/albums/v53/monster6sixty6/guests/npk_sig.jpg">

[HBox]

Stewey: "Wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual!"

http://members.aol.com/joepersico/myhomepage/sig1.jpg?mtbrand=AOL_US

[Cybersoldier]

quagmire: Hey fat chicks need love too...but they got to pay.

<IMG SRC="http://publish.hometown.aol.com/cybersoldiernyc/myhomepage/cybersoldier.gif?mtbrand=AOL_US">

"I get the feeling when lesbians are looking at me they're thinking, THAT's why I'm not hetrosexual."

[keithy_19]

Chris:You mean God watches me do number two. Well I'm a sinner and God's a pervert.

<img src=http://img18.photobucket.com/albums/v53/monster6sixty6/guests/kbb_sig.gif>

[furie]

Charles Lindburgh : OK, don't panic. He was kidnapped. You go phone the police, I'll write the note.

Mrs. Lindburgh : [ pointing at Amelia Earhart ] But what about Amelia? She saw everything.

Charles Lindburgh : I'll take care of her.



<img src="http://tseery.homestead.com/files/fseye.jpg">
Assassins do it from behind.

[Se7en]

One of the best shows on TV.

Lois: I can't believe you squandered that money! I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm married to a child!
Peter: You better watch who you're calling a child, Lois. Because if I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm going to stand here and be lectured by a pervert.

****

German Tour Guide: You vill find more on Germany's contributions to ze arts in ze pamphlets ve have provided.
Brian: Yeah, about your pamphlet... uh, I'm not seeing anything about German history between 1939 and 1945. There's just a big gap.
Tour guide: Everyone vas on vacation! On your left is Munich's first city hall, erected in 15-
Brian: Wait, what are you talking about? Germany invaded Poland in 1939 and--
Tour guide: Ve vere invited! Punch vas served! Check vit Poland!
Brian: You can't just ignore those years. Thomas Mann fled to America because of Nazism's stranglehold on Germany.
Tour guide: Nope, nope. He left to manage a Dairy Queen.
Brian: A Dairy Queen? That's preposterous!
Tour guide: I vill hear no more insinuations about the German people! Nothing bad happened! Sie werden sich hinsetzen! Sie werden ruhig sein! Sie werden nicht beleidigen Deutschland! (throws his hand up in a Hitler salute)
Brian:........uh, is that a beer hall?
Tour guide: Oh yes, Munich is renowned for its historic beer halls.

*****

Woman #1: It's so hot!
Woman #2: And it just got hotter! Here, now let me do you!
Voiceover: Pawtucket Patriot--if you drink it, hot women will have sex in your backyard.
Lois: Typical male fantasy--women drinking beer. I guarantee you a man made that commercial.
Peter: Of course a man made it, Lois. It's a commercial, not a delicious Thanksgiving dinner.

*****

peter: okay, okay, here's another riddle. a woman has two children. now a homocidal maniac tells her she can only keep one. which one does she let him kill?
brian: that's not a riddle. that's just terrible.
peter: wrong! the ugly one!

*****

Brian: And remember the time you had an Irish coffee before we went to see "Philadelphia"?
[cuts to movie theater]
Peter: oh, oh I got it. That's Tom Hanks from "Big". Funny man. Anything that guy says is hilarious.
Tom Hanks: I have AIDS
Peter: hahahahahahahaha!!!!

****

Lois: Oh my God! They're trying to corrupt our children!
Brian: Well what do you expect? Those bastards turned a whole generation of Americans into smokers with their damn subliminal advertising.
[Old black and white Lassie episode]
Mom: Timmy, where's Lassie?
Timmy: She's out in the orchard, Mom. Peaches are comin' in mighty early this year.
[cut to a head shot of a guy]
Guy: Smoke.

Mom: You know what they say, Timmy. Early peaches, long summer.
[back to guy] Guy: Smoke
[back to Lassie- Lassie walks in the room and barks]
Timmy: What's that, Lassie?
[back to guy] Guy: Are ya smokin' yet?

********

[Peter & Brian Griffin are watching the Count on Sesame Street]
Peter: Have they ever shown him doing somebody in and then feeding on him?
Brian: You're asking if they've ever done a Sesame Street in which the Count kills somebody and then sucks their blood for sustenance.
Peter: Yeah.
Brian: No, they've never done that.

******

[Peter accidentally donates all the Christmas gifts to charity]
Brian: GiftS? Peter, only one of those presents was for charity, the rest were for the family.
Peter: No, the rest were FROM the family.....aw crap, when did they change the meaning of "from" to "for"?
Brian: Well, they had a meeting about it last night. You were sent an invitation, but it said "For Peter", so you must have thought it was FROM you, and.......you know, it's just easier to call you stupid.

*****

<center><img border="0" src="http://se7enrfnet.homestead.com/files/bigosmelt.jpg" width="300" height="125">
<br>
<br>
<marquee behavior=alternate bgcolor="#FFFFFF">[b]CAST IN THE NAME OF GOD, YE NOT GUILTY</marquee> </font>
</center>

[HBox]

Brian: Insert Rod A into Slot B.
Peter: That's what.....
Brian: If you say "That's what she said" one more time I'll pop you.

http://members.aol.com/joepersico/myhomepage/sig1.jpg?mtbrand=AOL_US

[Fallon]

"Holy crip, it's a crapple!"

<center>
<img border=1 src="http://home.comcast.net/~rmfallon/RFnetPats.gif"><br></center><font color=white>

[hammersavage]

Stewie: You can make yourself useful and wipe my button. One finger, circular motion, and don't you look at me...

Bob Ross: All right, we are going to use a fan brush here and uh why don't you take some hunter green and we are going to put a happy little bush right down over here in the corner there and that'll just be our little secret and if you tell anyone that that bush is there i will come to your house and I will cut you.

to name a couple...

<IMG SRC="http://www.craigsavage.com/Hammer(Christina).jpg">

eat me

[NewYorkDragons80]

Ah, where to begin.

MEG: "We're missing the news!!!"
PETER: "Meg, honey, we all miss The News, but Huey Lewis needs time to create."

LOIS: Peter, stop acting like a child
PETER: If I'm a child, that makes you a child molester, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna be lectured by a pervert.

JEWISH GUY: Hey thanks for letting me use your phone
PETER: Thank you for Space Balls.

<marquee>
"To insist on strength is not war-mongering. It is peace-mongering." -Senator Barry M. Goldwater "If gold should rust, what will iron do?" -Geoffrey Chaucer "Worship him, I beg you, in a way that is worthy of thinking beings.-Romans 12:1</marquee>
<img src=http://members.aol.com/cityhawk80/images/nydragonssig.bmp?mtbrand=AOL_US>

[Doctor Manhattan]

http://members.cox.net/nicksporsche/quagmire_small.gif

I love these that appear often:

<b>Holy Crap!

What the Deuce?!?!</b>

But here are some others I like too:

<b>
Peter: I want the father-son relationship that the Gumbles have.

Lois: The Gumbles are brothers.

Peter: Oh so just because they're black we cant learn anything from them?
______________________________
Meg: so um I guess the 26 dollars would be safe in my room

Stewie: Right....itd probablly lost in the in pin-ups of justin tiberlake and tom cruze and umm blast who the devil do the teenagers like.....em du Morgan Freemen
_______________________________
Random man: aww isn't that sweet...it's a time machine.

Stewie: No no, it's a, dammit what the hell do children draw...It'S A PHEASANT!!
________________________________
You have to be this beautiful to ride the Quagmire!
_________________________________
Tom Tucker: And now for the blackie weather forecast.

Black Weather Forecaster: IT'S GON RAIN!

<img src="http://members.cox.net/nicksporsche/fg.peter.loitering-tn.jpg">



<a href="http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show.cgi?show=73"><img src="http://members.cox.net/nicksporsche/matrix2-smith_small.jpg"></a>

<b>"...I ended up having to whip his ass, man, you know, because, you know he would step across the line.
Habitually!
He's a habitual line-stepper!"</b>

[Doctor Manhattan]

Peter: Oh my God, it's better than i thought. it's an audi. i'm getting a car.
Brian: Peter, there's a T in there your getting an audit.
Peter: No Brian it's a foreign car. The T is silent. Sweet i'm getting an audi.
Chris: I have an inny.

Oh!

<a href="http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show.cgi?show=73"><img src="http://members.cox.net/nicksporsche/matrix2-smith_small.jpg"></a>

<b>"...I ended up having to whip his ass, man, you know, because, you know he would step across the line.
Habitually!
He's a habitual line-stepper!"</b>

[JustJon]

Ernie: Bert, I really wish you wouldn't smoke
Bert: And I wish you'd stop eating those damn cookies in the bed
[wah wah music]

<img src="http://www.chaoticconcepts.com/bans/rfjustjon10.gif"><BR><A href="http://www.chaoticconcepts.com">Chaotic Concepts</a>

[Freakshow]

From last night on Adult Swim

Chris: I'm supposed to be on my best behavior and not say anything about poo. Oh god...

<img src=http://img18.photobucket.com/albums/v53/monster6sixty6/guests/fs_sig.gif>
Ron: Who is your favorite broadcaster who was an athlete?
Caller: uhhh Joe Theisman
Ron: If you're not going to be serious, don't call in, OK?

[Furtherman]

When the old sea man with wooden stumps for arms and legs comes up to Peter.

Peter: Ahhh! What happened? Were you in some horrible shark attack?

Sailor: Yarrrrr, my father was a tree.

<IMG SRC="http://www.chaoticconcepts.com/randomizer/random.php?uid=7">
...with thanks to JustJon

[Doctor Manhattan]

http://kultur.orf.at/030611-11812/2-freeman.jpg

The Teenagers do love Morgan Freeman!

<a href="http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show.cgi?show=73"><img src="http://members.cox.net/nicksporsche/matrix2-smith_small.jpg"></a>

<b>"...I ended up having to whip his ass, man, you know, because, you know he would step across the line.
Habitually!
He's a habitual line-stepper!"</b>

[Se7en]

When the old sea man with wooden stumps for arms and legs comes up to Peter.

Peter: Ahhh! What happened? Were you in some horrible shark attack?

Sailor: Yarrrrr, my father was a tree.


That episode has one of my favorite Quagmire quotes.

[Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland & Joe are discussing what famous chicks they'd bang}
Peter: What famous chick would you bang, Quagmire?
Quagmire: Taylor Hansen.
Joe:.......uh, Taylor Hansen's a guy.
Quagmire: You're.....you're kidding me right? Oh.....Oh God! I've....I've got all these magazines! ......Oh God!

<center><img border="0" src="http://se7enrfnet.homestead.com/files/bigosmelt.jpg" width="300" height="125">
<br>
<br>
<marquee behavior=alternate bgcolor="#FFFFFF">CAST IN THE NAME OF GOD, YE NOT GUILTY</marquee> </font>
</center>

[angrymissy]

<img src="http://mattsteg.homeunix.com/albums/familyguy/fg_evil_monkey5.sized.jpg" width="270" height="202">

<BR><img src="http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/missy2.gif" width="300" height="100" border="1">

This message was edited by angrymissy on 2-19-04 @ 11:25 AM

[keithy_19]

Peter: Women aren't people. There devices created by the Lord Jesus Christ for our amusement.

<img src=http://img18.photobucket.com/albums/v53/monster6sixty6/guests/kbb_sig.gif>

[jaydogg420]

"Optimus Prime is jewish!"

JaYDoGG

"I feel like a lost sock in the laundry-mat of oblivion"

[NewYorkDragons80]

How about when Peter describes his experiences with drugs and they show a live-action version of him freaking out.

<marquee>
"To insist on strength is not war-mongering. It is peace-mongering." -Senator Barry M. Goldwater "If gold should rust, what will iron do?" -Geoffrey Chaucer "Worship him, I beg you, in a way that is worthy of thinking beings.-Romans 12:1</marquee>
<img src=http://members.aol.com/cityhawk80/images/nydragonssig.bmp?mtbrand=AOL_US>

[newport king]

quagmire: WHOA transvestite!!!....wait, pre op or post op?
tranny: pre-op.
quagmire: WHOA transvestite!!!

<img src="http://img18.photobucket.com/albums/v53/monster6sixty6/guests/npk_sig.jpg">

[serVice]

Just about anything spoken by Mort Goldman was funny as all hell.

http://img18.photobucket.com/albums/v53/monster6sixty6/guests/sV_sig.gif
Thanks to the great Monsterone. Alls i'm saying is, if you're gonna be insubordinate you may as well go the full nine, not pussy out when it comes to free shit to drink.