When your world changes

[wilee]

For the past three months, things have been changing for me. Most of the things were through my personal choice- working out more, losing weight, working toward a better job, fucked up another relationship, etc.

Today, my mother calls me at work and dropped a bomb on me. Here I am in the middle of work, she called about 45 minutes ago and I'm still kinda stunned.

Out of respect for her wishes, I can't really reveal what it is for the time being. By January 6th, I'll find out more.

Just to allay wild speculation: no divorces, no illnesses or deaths, and no "coming out of the closet"-type stuff.

I'm still sitting here with mixed feelings about this- I guess the best word to describe it is again, stunned.

I'm sorry to be cryptic, I'm not trying to post a shock post. I just needed an outlet right now. Yesterday was something of a crappy day, and I got up this morning with a better outlook and now I feel kind of lightheaded and somewhat confused.

Has anyone else on the board had something like this happen? How did you handle it? I need some reference points here. I want to leave work and go somewhere, like a bar right now....


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[sr71blackbird]

I get hit with bombshells all the time. Why are you being cryptic? It depends on what it is your being dropped that determines your reaction. We could be more helpfull with specifics.

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[Bill From Yorktown]

2 days after thanksgiving when my wife of 12 years told me that things weren't working out for her and wanted a separation, let's just say I had a simiarl experience. The fight or flight instinct kicked in and I had a huge panic attack. This started me back on the manic/depressive cycle bigtime again. Each day is different. Some days I'm "it will work out" others "it wont work out but I'll be ok" and others "it work work out and I will never be ok again" . The best thing you can do is talk it out with someone. It tends to make the lows not so low and the highs not so high. It kind of grounds your emotions a little.

Talk it out.

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[Jennitalia]

Hey Wilee,

I kinda know how you feel. My mom dropped a bombshell on me a couple of months ago...some fucked up shit, but she wasnt giving me the entire scoop, either, so i guess i have to leave it up to my imagination. i also don't know how to handle it, particularly since the relative she was talking about is coming home for the holidays...i'm not sure how to react to it. try to hang in there the best you can. i wish i can give better advice. but since i can't, i'll offer to rub you with my duckie if it will make you feel better :)

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[TheMojoPin]

i'll offer to rub you with my duckie

http://www.stockroom.com/b367.htm

http://www.stockroom.com/g/b367kyla.jpg

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2% << December boys got it BAD >> "You might tell some lies about the good times we've had/But I've kissed your mother twice...and now I'm working on your dad..."

This message was edited by TheMojoPin on 12-18-03 @ 2:16 PM

[Jennitalia]

that's the duckie i got from Santa Hospie.

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[MizzleTizzle]

Has anyone else on the board had something like this happen?


Oh yes of Course!

We all do; we just might not recognize it.
There is an Aphorism: "Change one small part, and the whole World changes." While perhaps a bit zen in it's intent; it's a great practical phrase. Meaning, a good strategy for life, something to hold in front of you, is the fact that, at any moment, the World might change.

The phone analogy is perfect. The phone rings. You pick it up. The World changes.

My worst? Not sure, but among them, being the one with a bit of a medical background, I had to take the call from a neurologist as to Dad's condition after his heart has stopped for quite a while the night before. I had to translate his neuro-speak that indeed he had died, his heart just hadn't quite found out yet. And to give that news to the family. And the World changed.

Sorry that this is the change for you, this time. Hope things turn out for the best for all concerned. And as to your choice to be Discrete as to the exact problem. Apologize? I commend you and think it's a refreshing change compared to some boards. Some people feel, by default, that a person is less then 100% forthcoming on a board, it's being weak. I call it Respect. Screw 'em.

[high fly]

OK, so you're adopted.
Imagine how tough it's been for your mom all these years, not telling you, even though she should have.
Don't sweat it.
You can't change it.
Rather, get pissed off at something important, like Bush lying to us or something.

Congrats on losing the weight and all.
Good move hitting the weights, too.

" and they ask me why I drink"

[Bill From Yorktown]

funny, I thought that he was going to tell us that he was born with both sets of genitals and they had to make a choice...


just kidding. Hang in there - life is always in a constant state of flux - it's part of what being alive is about; unfortunatly not all changes are good; each has to be evaluated in the context of the whole. Sometimes a short term "bad" can lead to a long term good.

Hang in there.

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[wilee]

No, I'm not adopted.

I just look more like the milkman than my father.

Once I find out more detailed info, I'll let you all know.

I've relaxed a bit. Lunch helped. Love those martinis!

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[high fly]

Remember this phrase:

"Some day we'll look back on all this and laugh".

(that goes for you too, Bill)




" and they ask me why I drink"

[furie]

no, nothing shocking has happened to me in a while.


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MERRY CHRISTMAS!

[sr71blackbird]

Also remember this phrase;


"home is where the heart is"

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[keithy_19]

When I ws diagnosed with Ms. That kinda through me through a loop. But you learn to make the best of it. Like when you tell a kid that you have MS and its contagious, and then you grab their hand and laugh. Good times.

But anywho, best of luck with whatever it is thats upsetting you. A wise man once said, "let not your heart be troubled"

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One thing I've never said. I'm truly happy in my heart and in my head...

[high fly]

"A stitch in time saves nine" has bailed me out of more trouble than you can shake a stick at.

" and they ask me why I drink"

[sr71blackbird]

In your heart, if the people that raised you were your parents, then it shouldnt really matter if you find out when your an adult that the guy you thought was your father really wasnt. I know youll be upset and feel youve been "fooled" all this time, but thats all youve ever known and all you needed to know if you were raised right. They must feel that your mature enough to know the truth. Try not to flip out on them, just hear them out and take it in. It wont really be an issue unless your going to marry the bio-dad's daughter.

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[high fly]

SR's right.
love-em like you always have. you have no reason not to.



" and they ask me why I drink"

[wilee]

As I said above, I'm NOT adopted.

The milkman thing was a joke.

I'll find out more details about the situation this week, I'm sure.

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[high fly]

It was the postman?

The butcher, the baker, the laughing grenadier?
(beat you to it, Reeshy!)

" and they ask me why I drink"




This message was edited by high fly on 12-19-03 @ 4:39 PM

[GordieT]

Everybody has tough times in life; I hit rock bottom when a girlfriend left me a week before we were going to move in together; depression sucks, but its temporary... When we have friends and/or family to help us pull through these difficult times, life is a bit earier to deal with, even if it hurts... Understand this... Life is cyclical, if you're down, just know that you'll go back up again.

[Late2party]

depression sucks, but its temporary...

Only if you're bipolar.

-Wendell

This message was edited by Late2party on 12-24-03 @ 7:53 PM

[Late2party]

I'm sorry that happened to you. I got a call 17 years ago... look out y'all, the cicadas are waking up.

They were bad that year. I brushed one off of a cop who'd arrived to lock me up. He recoiled at the number of guns in my basement and I showed him why they were no threat to him.

-Wendell

[fluffernutter]

I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown when in the middle of work the one day last summer when out of the clear blue sky (and I must say it was a beautiful 65 degrees in the middle of fucking August that day too) my Mother calls me and pretty much demands that I be reunited with my long lost sister whom my Mother gave up for adoption when I was 13.

This was after my parents were both divorced and my Mother had already spewed forth my little half brother (whom I have NO contact with). I did not even know about the "other sister" until after I was 18.

Typically I freaked out and out of the blue I just started crying hyterically that my life had to be so messed up and why did she do this to me and all of this and all of that.

I had a lot laying heavily on my mind with this and my Pastor Uncle Bob set my mind to ease with everything. Moreover my beautiful half sister Noelle's adopting Mother and Father welcomed my full sister and I into their home and really set our minds to ease about what our Mother really did and all of the things that were hidden for so long.

I wish you well with whatever consequences of the bombshell may bring.

...and Mojo, I thank you for Kyla whom will be filling my dreams this evening.

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[wilee]

Holy shit.

Ummm... This is eerie. Fluff, this is very similar to what happened to me. I got more details over the weekend, and can explain some of it now.

My mom called me up and told me that before she met and married my father, she got pregnant and had a son whom she gave up for adoption right after birth. She received a phone call from the funeral home that took care of my grandmother's arrangements several years ago, that Family Services called looking for surviving relatives of my grandmother, and would like her to call them.

She calls and finds out that the boy she gave up for adoption has been looking for his birth mother (my mother) for the past 3 years. She spent several hours crying. I have two sisters, and that's all I've ever known, and although I've always wanted a brother, this feels somewhat weird to me. At the present time, she has an appointment with someone from Family Services in about a week to find out about him, and let him know something about her and her family. We don't know if he just wants to know what happened to her or whether he wants to meet her/the family.

Right now the most I know is his name and that he lives in NJ. I'm hoping that the guy turns out to be OK, but you never know. My mother also has mixed feelings about this, and I'm trying to give her support while straightening out my thoughts on the matter. I'm

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[furie]

wow.

that's coll and fucked up at the same time. i feel for you, it must be an odd feeling.


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"Faith is beliveing what you know isn't true." A.C. Clarke

[East Side Dave]

That's awesome, Wilee! Especially if he turns out to be Seth Green!

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Sunday night/Monday morning through Thursday night/Friday morning, 3 to 5 AM.

This message was edited by East Side Dave on 12-30-03 @ 11:13 AM

[Jennitalia]

sounds like a Lifetime movie.

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[furie]

sounds like a Lifetime movie.

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no, not enough whiny women involved.


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"Faith is beliveing what you know isn't true." A.C. Clarke

[A.J.]

no, not enough whiny women involved.


What you call "whiny" Lifetime calls "courageous".

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A Skidmark production.

Red Sox Nation

[high fly]

Now I feel shitty for making light of it all.

Wilee, I guess there's not much you can do, other than just be there for your mom. Just hang around, keeping your trap shut and heading off any other shit that may come her way right now.



" and they ask me why I drink"

[Iamnotatool]

I had a lot laying heavily on my mind with this and my Pastor Uncle Bob set my mind to ease with everything



Good ole' kid-touching Pastor Uncle Bob?

Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits

[fluffernutter]

Man wilee that is eerie. I kind of wish things would have been different for my situation and there didn't have to be a divorce but what do you do. I moved on.

So after my full sister Sarah and I met our half sister Noelle, Noelle told us how our birth mother became very psycho and even tried to take Noelle away from her adopting parents. As a result there had to be a pretty stern conversation between both mothers and then there was a restraining order put on my mother that she couldn't be within 50 yards or something of Noelle without Noelle's adopted parents being there. Strange stuff. THEN I found out all kinds of bizarre stuff about my half brother too. Things got really weird there for a while but I am very over it now.

Yes, it does sound like a Lifetime movie doesn't it?


Good ole' kid-touching Pastor Uncle Bob?


I should be pissed due to the nature of the situation here but I will let it slide. To say that I was expecting it would be an understatement.

Congratulations, you get a cookie.

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This message was edited by fluffernutter on 12-30-03 @ 6:37 PM

[Iamnotatool]

Lighten up Fluff. Of course you'll let it slide. It's a joke, on a message board. Are you going to reach through my computer and spank me like good ol Pastor Bob? I think not.





This board has gotten awfully whiney.

Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits

[fluffernutter]

Are you going to reach through my computer and spank me like good ol Pastor Bob?


HOT!

Don't tempt me there big boy!

Yes of course I let it slide. A year ago I may have gone apeshit or hell, not even said anything at all for fear of being tooled on. Thank goodness for my one sane inspirational friend who advised me to keep some things quiet.

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[Jennitalia]

Wilee, you're a good guy. I hope this turns out to be nothing but the best for you and your family. However, if you need me to rub you with my duckie to help take the edge off, the offer is always open :)

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[wilee]

if you need me to rub you with my duckie
Guess he got new batteries, eh? ;)

The thing about it is, it's during the holidays where emotions run a little high to begin with; and not knowing what type of person he is. Like most of you have said, he could be a great guy, but then again, he could be a Ted Kaczinski wanna-be. It's the "not knowing" that causes the most anxiety.

I can get over the finding this out after 30+ years part.

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[wilee]

Short update:

My mother met with Family Services last week. She received a letter from her son that he got word from FS that they had found her. He received word just prior to Christmas and said it was one of the best Christmas presents that he's received (finding her).

She's setting up a day to meet with him, and she thinks things look pretty good. He's married and has a daughter (about 3-4 years old), and my mom thinks that he'll want to meet the rest of the family soon. Don't know much more just yet. But things are looking alright.

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[Justice4all]

Wow Carl...I have to admit...it sounds like you have just earned yourself the title of Uncle Carl! I am very happy for you. You have a brother and a sister-in-law. I know this must be a difficult thing to sort emotionally. I kind of see it as a blessing.
IMHO, and knowing you the way I do...I see you meeting him as well. Hey he just earned a VERY cool younger brother, and his kid earned a very cool uncle. I say you got a huge gift my friend. See what happens to it. If you need someone to talk to you can call me ANYTIME.

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Bowie, Md.: Berkeley, I'm so glad you're back!; I've really missed The Far Side all these years.

Berkeley Breathed: Yes, thank you, but I don't draw Far Side. I draw Calvin and Hobbes.

[high fly]

...and they all lived happily ever after.

The end.





" and they ask me why I drink"

[wilee]

earned yourself the title of Uncle
Actually, I've got a niece already through my sister and her husband. She's going to be 9 on Saturday, in fact.

And High Fly, this might be more like the ending to ROTK- and we haven't faded to black just yet.

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[Justice4all]

[quote
And High Fly, this might be more like the ending to ROTK- and we haven't faded to black just yet.

[/quote]
GREAT ANALOGY!
You make me SO proud *wipes away tear*

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Bowie, Md.: Berkeley, I'm so glad you're back!; I've really missed The Far Side all these years.

Berkeley Breathed: Yes, thank you, but I don't draw Far Side. I draw Calvin and Hobbes.

[Tenbatsuzen]

And High Fly, this might be more like the ending to ROTK


You're going to marry a chubby barmaid and close a yellow door?

Great story, I'm glad everything is cool so far.



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[fluffernutter]

That is really cool things appear to be working out Wilee. Good luck with everything!

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Good luck to Fallon and his PATS!
See you in Houston!

4th and 26
74 Double GO!
FredEx Always Delivers!

[wilee]

Today's the day that my mother meets her son. We took pictures of the family for her to take along, and the family and our friends are hoping things go well.

She got a picture of him, his wife and daughter from FS a week or so ago, and I swear he looks like this guy I know- in fact a lot of people are saying that he looks like my friend.

Fingers crossed...

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