Star Wars Holiday Special

[KennethC]

I apologize if someone's already posted about this, but it might not be such a bad idea to revisit, since we're firmly entrenched in the holiday season. Ron and Fez's discussion of Christmas specials last week inspired me to look into this gem.

Murky memories of this special have haunted me for the past twenty-five years. I remember being seven years old, obediently donning my C3PO jammies and sitting down to watch this. Looking back, all I could seem to conjure up were images of a Wookie family living in a treehouse, a Boba Fett cartoon, some cheesy Cantina alien antics and an appearance by Harrison Ford. I didn't even really remembered if I enjoyed it much, other than as a morsel to tide me over until the appearance of what was then being referred to as "Star Wars II".

This past week, I downloaded this abortion, er, I mean special. Suddenly, as in many instances of child abuse, the memories came flooding back. Miraculously, I had managed to suppress images of Harvey Korman in drag teaching a cooking show on how to properly prepare bantha rump roast, Bea Arthur performing a Kurt Weill-style cabaret number, sub-Mummenschanz holographic dance routines, the late Art Carney pimping Wookie porn to Chewie's Father Itchy, and naturally, a performance by Jefferson Freakin' Starship! The cherry on top of this rancid sundae is the sight of straight-faced Carrie Fisher singing a "Life-Day" carol set to the tune of the original Star Wars theme. I can only imagine the length of the rail she had to inhale to submerge her self-respect long enough to commit this musical crime. Suddenly, the Phantom Menace starts to look more and more like Mean Streets.

I did a little research and discovered that this mealy dreck was perpetrated by the same folks that put on the Tony Awards! Furthermore, the script was written by a hack committee that included Pat Proft (Hot Shots!, Police Academy, Real Genius) and flamboyant Hollywood Square/Oscar banter scribe Bruce Villanch! Ah gee gee gee!

Now I feel a little dirty, sorta like I should have posted this in the Confessional.




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[TheMojoPin]

Don't forget Carrie Fisher being so coked to the gills she has to prop herself up on Chewie as she sings the big "Life Day" song to the tune of the "Star Wars" theme.

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[KennethC]

Hey Monsterone, don't give out my street address! I'm afraid hot chicks will want to stalk me.

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[42nd-delay]

Also, don't forget Mark Hamill, recovering from a car accident, slathered in heavy makeup to hide his bruises.

And unless he appeared in some porn film back in the early 70s, the moment Harrison Ford utters "You're all a very special part of my life" to Chewie, Leia and Luke at the end of the Life Day celebration HAS to be the lowest point of his acting career.

------------------------------
"42nd-delay is the only person who's making sense." - Ron, 3-12-02

[curtoid]

This is one of the single greatest 2 hours of television of all time!

http://www.timewarptv.com/site/programs/Star_Wars_Holiday_Special/images/Z_x111778a.jpg

The wookie family grunting for 20 minutes in the beginning with no subtitles, the Jefferson Starship's cameo, Grandpa's ahead of his time virtual chick, Bea Arthur, the Boba Fett cartoon (first appearance, geeks!), the bad sets, Harrison Ford looking very uncomfortable, Art Carney, and (as mentioned earlier), Carrie Fisher warbling a lame holiday song, to the tune of the Star Wars Theme!!!!

http://www.timewarptv.com/site/programs/Star_Wars_Holiday_Special/images/111778ai.jpg

I love this piece of shit!

http://www.timewarptv.com/site/programs/Star_Wars_Holiday_Special/images/group1.jpg

It shames all of the Star Wars fans who take these films too seriously!

http://www.timewarptv.com/site/programs/Star_Wars_Holiday_Special/images/111778b.jpg

[KOP]

This message was edited by KOP on 12-16-03 @ 10:27 AM

[JustJon]

Someone gave me a video tape of this years ago, and I sat through the drek. The cartoon is good, so I brought it out to show just the cartoon part to a group of friends, but they insisted I play it from the beginning. After a half hour, they wanted to lynch me.

I still have nightmares about Lumpy and that damn music box.

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[curtoid]

I have had hard core Star Wars fans curse me out for making copies for them, even though they are the ones who wanted it. It really is a battle of wills to get through the whole thing in one sitting.

The two best things really are the cartoon and the commercial - my copy has a vintage 1977 commercial for Kenner Star Wars toys, however fastforwarding to see how bad and uncomfortable the real Star Wars actors are is fun too.

Hope we get to see Nala and Itchy in Episode 3!

[KOP]

[mothershucker]

Bravo KenethC, that was, quite possibly, the funniest fucking thing I have ever read. You hit so many nerves there.

Sad thing is, now I have to find this piece of shit so I can see it with my own eyes. Train wreck video.

I shucked it, and I shucked it, and I shucked it, i'm quite the mother shucker

This message was edited by mothershucker on 12-16-03 @ 10:59 AM

[JustJon]

On a side note, the Wookie Storybook with Itchy and Lumpy and the gang is a fun lil kids book.

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[KennethC]

my copy has a vintage 1977 commercial for Kenner Star Wars toys,

Does anybody remember those action figure vouchers that were waiting for us under the tree, Christmas morning 1977? Apparently, Kenner was asleep at the switch and unable to meet the crushing demand for Star Wars toys, so they issued cardboard "giftsets" including a coupon to receive the first four figures. I remember unwrapping mine, looking up at my mother and thinking, "How you expect me to play with this, Ma!"

http://www.myimgs.com/data/kennethc/ken.jpg

[mikeyboy]

The cherry on top of this rancid sundae is the sight of straight-faced Carrie Fisher singing a "Life-Day" carol set to the tune of the original Star Wars theme. I can only imagine the length of the rail she had to inhale to submerge her self-respect long enough to commit this musical crime.




Don't forget Carrie Fisher being so coked to the gills she has to prop herself up on Chewie as she sings the big "Life Day" song to the tune of the "Star Wars" theme.


Slow down, Moddy Moderton. You've got smoke coming off of your tires.

I downloaded this a couple of years ago, and it does indeed suck. I remember watching it as a 10-year old Star Wars geek and still being hugely disappointed. It was Star Wars related in (1978?), and they couldn't put one over on the kids. That's how much this thing sucked.

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[A.J.]

vintage 1977 commercial for Kenner Star Wars toys

My Mom accidentally threw my complete set away when they moved. I STILL haven't forgiven her for that.

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[KillOReilly]

And unless he appeared in some porn film back in the early 70s, the moment Harrison Ford utters "You're all a very special part of my life" to Chewie, Leia and Luke at the end of the Life Day celebration HAS to be the lowest point of his acting career.


It wasn't this?

http://ia.imdb.com/media/imdb/01/I/74/96/53m.jpg

http://members.cox.net/qtx/killbilloreilly01.jpg

[KillOReilly]

Kenner was asleep at the switch and unable to meet the crushing demand for Star Wars toys, so they issued cardboard "giftsets" including a coupon to receive the first four figures. I remember unwrapping mine, looking up at my mother and thinking, "How you expect me to play with this, Ma!"


Those things are worth something now (the coupon, oh and the first figures too) so if you still have that coupon you should thank your mom for getting it for you (Plus the fact that should would have gotten the figures for you if she could)

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[KennethC]

Those things are worth something now (the coupon, oh and the first figures too) so if you still have that coupon you should thank your mom for getting it for you (Plus the fact that should would have gotten the figures for you if she could)


"Hey Ma! Tanks for nuttin!"

Of course I was thankful. However, you've got to admit there is something singlemindedly greedy about the seven-year old mind around Christmas time.

The coupon and figures are long gone. I ended up losing interest in childish things and giving all my figures to a place that distributed them to needy kids.
(Slapping forehead) Stoopid! Stoopid! Stoopid!

Actually, I've never been a "mint in box" kind of guy.

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[SuperClerk]

Ahhh. Who defines the genius of Star Wars more than Art Carney and Bea Arthur?

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Thanks Jon!

[JustJon]

No one was "asleep at the wheel." No one expected Star Wars to do well, the movie industry in general had been in a slump. After SW became a huge success, Kenner got the license to make toys (something that was fairly uncommon at the time). The toys weren't ready for x-mas, so they sold the Early Bird Certificates so one could mail-away for the four pack.

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[MASTER WINDU]

Haaay!

http://www.ronfez.net/messageboard/viewmessages.cfm/Forum/73/Topic/28277/page/The_Star_Wars_Holiday_Special.htm


May the holidays be happy for all

[furie]

i'm sure that link leads to another similar thread, but if you don't take the time to link it, i'm not going to take the time to cut&paste it.


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MERRY CHRISTMAS!

[JustJon]

You mean windu can actually read threads AND reply to them, not just start old school threads and walk away from them?

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[badorties]

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[MASTER WINDU]

little patience has the "ADMINSTRATOR" who has time to read every post, But in his "precious schedule" can not find time to cut and paste.

[MASTER WINDU]

yeah ok fat mouth!

[high fly]

Are we now, officially the most bored, lifeless people on the planet?

" and they ask me why I drink"

[mikeyboy]

little patience has the "ADMINSTRATOR" who has time to read every post, But in his "precious schedule" can not find time to cut and paste.


I think you're yelling at the wrong person.

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[furie]

yeah! I WON at battletech! don't confuse me with 4th place!


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MERRY CHRISTMAS!

[Johnny4]

I have turned from a Star wars fan as a kid to an absolute hater now after those last 2 films. I great fact about this special is that a few years before the release of the new movies, Lucas went apeshit-trying to find anyone who was selling copies of this special.
He was the lawsuit route and everything. Now if you think about it it is the 2nd best sequel after Empire.

I didn't see anything, I didn't hear anything, I wasn't there and if I was there I was asleep.

[JustJon]

yeah! I WON at battletech! don't confuse me with 4th place!
Yeah, but you needed to make under the table alliances to do it. If we wanted to play a team game, we could have told the guy to set up a team game.

And I have cut nor pasted nothing. Go yell at MODERATOR Mikeyboy. He likes to cut, paste and be abused.

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