triplecrown
09-12-2003, 10:14 PM
Ok i'm a virgin to this board... so be nice.. :)
I need to rant because I'm angry.
Ok.... here goes..
I met this guy online 2 yrs ago. I"ll call him "John boy" for anonymity since he referred me to this board and probably still posts here, I dunno. Don't fucking care now either... I could become a cold heartless bitch, and give away his identity, but because I'm mature, and am too fucking nice I won't.
Ok where was i... ?
Oh yeah.. Anyways.. We clicked right away, became friends.. We talked about everything under the sun, and intimate feelings were shared. He lived 4 states away, and was another religion. (jewish) I am (christian)
I would never give him my phone number or address because part of me was scared to give out personal information without meeting him first face to face. I"m not a real trusting soul because of having dealt with a stalker..not once but twice! First time landed me in the hospital w/ mutiple stab wounds. So my shield level is raised to defcon 3, and I have worked very hard to obtain a normal life after such a horrific experience.
In the back of my mind it was hard to let myself get heavily involved with "john boy" because of distance.. religion... and some other factors thrown in... Shall we say "LIES" But still..I found good in him, as I do with all people even when they take advantage of me.. I'm too nice for my own good.
But anyways.. My heart said yes, but my mind said no with this "john boy". So I tried hard to keep it platonic, but the more and more I chatted with this guy.. the more and more I fell for him.
That said...I confided in this "john boy" person online..my hopes.. dreams... and secrets that I never shared with anyone, and he did also as well. We became the best of friends- online, but never met in person.
Mean while offline.. I had a male friend who was in love with me also who was coming by my house frequently. We would hang out and laugh but never dated. I kept it strictly friends. We had instant chemistry from the moment we met.
I didn't realize the depth of his love until a tradgedy took place, which opened my eyes. Not that I need a hero to save me, or a man to throw himself in front of a train to prove his love. But the offline guy put his life on the line to protect me, and almost died from it. The situation was like slap in my face to wake me up to what was REAL. I imagined my life without him, and realized that "hey I do have feelings for him". I was oblivious to a bonafide chance of a real relationship with someone who lives close, who has so much in common with me..who continually makes me laugh and feel good about myself because I was schmoozed by the "john boy" internet guy. I ignored all possibilities and let some good guys get away. The offline guy kept his feelings intact because he knew I cared for this "john boy" online guy.
(yeah i'm a moron, I fell for someone I never met face to face on the internet) *bows head in shame* *sigh*
IF someone would have told me before that it is easy to get hooked with online dating.. I would have told them they were full of bullshit because I'm a very logical person and it wasn't my style. But like the millions of lonely souls out there.. I did! *bows head*
I truly cared about this "john boy" guy and looked past all his little faults. But realized it wouldn't work between us as a couple, so I told him I needed to let him go so he could move on....I let him know that I fell in love with the offline local guy. I was upfront and honest! He then let me know that he was hurt, but wished me well, and told me he would always love me.
Meanwhile.. my relationship with the offline local guy sparked a wild fire that neither of us could control. He and I fell madly in love. Neither of us wanted to waste one more second being single so we got married. He and I have known each other for over a yr and 1/2, so it wasn't like I rushed out and married someone I barely knew....We spent a great deal of time together as friends first.
Although of course I did rush.. the actually planning of the wedding
I need to rant because I'm angry.
Ok.... here goes..
I met this guy online 2 yrs ago. I"ll call him "John boy" for anonymity since he referred me to this board and probably still posts here, I dunno. Don't fucking care now either... I could become a cold heartless bitch, and give away his identity, but because I'm mature, and am too fucking nice I won't.
Ok where was i... ?
Oh yeah.. Anyways.. We clicked right away, became friends.. We talked about everything under the sun, and intimate feelings were shared. He lived 4 states away, and was another religion. (jewish) I am (christian)
I would never give him my phone number or address because part of me was scared to give out personal information without meeting him first face to face. I"m not a real trusting soul because of having dealt with a stalker..not once but twice! First time landed me in the hospital w/ mutiple stab wounds. So my shield level is raised to defcon 3, and I have worked very hard to obtain a normal life after such a horrific experience.
In the back of my mind it was hard to let myself get heavily involved with "john boy" because of distance.. religion... and some other factors thrown in... Shall we say "LIES" But still..I found good in him, as I do with all people even when they take advantage of me.. I'm too nice for my own good.
But anyways.. My heart said yes, but my mind said no with this "john boy". So I tried hard to keep it platonic, but the more and more I chatted with this guy.. the more and more I fell for him.
That said...I confided in this "john boy" person online..my hopes.. dreams... and secrets that I never shared with anyone, and he did also as well. We became the best of friends- online, but never met in person.
Mean while offline.. I had a male friend who was in love with me also who was coming by my house frequently. We would hang out and laugh but never dated. I kept it strictly friends. We had instant chemistry from the moment we met.
I didn't realize the depth of his love until a tradgedy took place, which opened my eyes. Not that I need a hero to save me, or a man to throw himself in front of a train to prove his love. But the offline guy put his life on the line to protect me, and almost died from it. The situation was like slap in my face to wake me up to what was REAL. I imagined my life without him, and realized that "hey I do have feelings for him". I was oblivious to a bonafide chance of a real relationship with someone who lives close, who has so much in common with me..who continually makes me laugh and feel good about myself because I was schmoozed by the "john boy" internet guy. I ignored all possibilities and let some good guys get away. The offline guy kept his feelings intact because he knew I cared for this "john boy" online guy.
(yeah i'm a moron, I fell for someone I never met face to face on the internet) *bows head in shame* *sigh*
IF someone would have told me before that it is easy to get hooked with online dating.. I would have told them they were full of bullshit because I'm a very logical person and it wasn't my style. But like the millions of lonely souls out there.. I did! *bows head*
I truly cared about this "john boy" guy and looked past all his little faults. But realized it wouldn't work between us as a couple, so I told him I needed to let him go so he could move on....I let him know that I fell in love with the offline local guy. I was upfront and honest! He then let me know that he was hurt, but wished me well, and told me he would always love me.
Meanwhile.. my relationship with the offline local guy sparked a wild fire that neither of us could control. He and I fell madly in love. Neither of us wanted to waste one more second being single so we got married. He and I have known each other for over a yr and 1/2, so it wasn't like I rushed out and married someone I barely knew....We spent a great deal of time together as friends first.
Although of course I did rush.. the actually planning of the wedding