HordeKing1
06-23-2003, 04:56 PM
(Thanks to EHOWA)
KEANU enters a ROOM OF LIGHT.
KEANU enters a white room, the walls of which are covered in monitors. A chair spins around to reveal THE EXPLAINER.
KEANU REEVES: Who are you?
THE EXPLAINER: I am The Explainer. I designed the matrix screenplay. Unable to decently explain the convoluted plot well, I have resorted to putting myself here in the final act and having you ask all of the questions the audience wants to ask.
(dramatic pause) You must begin by asking your own questions then gradually switch to asking those of the audience, in order to not make this scene any more awkward than it already is. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is
also the most irrelevant.
KEANU REEVES: Why am I here?
THE EXPLAINER: Many years ago, shortly before the success of Speed, you sold your soul to the devil in exchange for a promise of notoriety that your piss-poor acting skills do not deserve. This series is the actualization of this promise.
KEANU REEVES: What was the Osiris? And who was that kid in zion who kept pestering me?
THE EXPLAINER: You will find the answers to these questions by purchasing The Animatrix, a collection of nine animated shorts from some of Anime's top directors.
KEANU REEVES: Alright. Well, what was that crap
Glora said about vampires and werewolves? And how did Jada Pinkett Smith get to Laurence Fishburne during the car chase? And what the hell happened during the power plant takeover climax that-wasn't?
THE EXPLAINER: You will find the answers to those
questions by purchasing the Enter The Matrix game, available for Windows, Playstation2, Xbox, and Gamecube. Enter the Matrix features awesome gunplay and spectacular martial arts that bend the rules of the Matrix. This game isn't just set in the Matrix universe--it's an integral part of the experience, with a story that weaves in and out
of The Matrix Reloaded. Enter the Matrix is the story behind the story.
KEANU REEVES: Fine! Then tell me this, what the hell is with Hugo Weaving saying he and I have some special connection? And how come I can control machines in the real world? And will we win
the war if I don't choose the door to my right?
THE EXPLAINER: You will find the answers to these
questions when you watch The Matrix Revolutions, coming later in 2003.
KEANU REEVES: I hate you.
THE EXPLAINER: Perhaps you should drink more Powerade.
KEANU REEVES: Just answer me one question. We're not going to find out that the real world is in another matrix, are we?
HE EXPLAINER: Christ I hope not.
KEANU leaves and flies to save CARRIE-ANNE MOSS from being shot. She is SHOT anyway. Then KEANU reaches into her matrix code and pulls out the bullet in a comical fashion.
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS: That was preposterous.
KEANU REEVES: Wait till you see what I do outside of the ship.
THE CREDITS roll, as DISC ONE of the soundtrack is played in its entirety.
END
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KEANU enters a ROOM OF LIGHT.
KEANU enters a white room, the walls of which are covered in monitors. A chair spins around to reveal THE EXPLAINER.
KEANU REEVES: Who are you?
THE EXPLAINER: I am The Explainer. I designed the matrix screenplay. Unable to decently explain the convoluted plot well, I have resorted to putting myself here in the final act and having you ask all of the questions the audience wants to ask.
(dramatic pause) You must begin by asking your own questions then gradually switch to asking those of the audience, in order to not make this scene any more awkward than it already is. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is
also the most irrelevant.
KEANU REEVES: Why am I here?
THE EXPLAINER: Many years ago, shortly before the success of Speed, you sold your soul to the devil in exchange for a promise of notoriety that your piss-poor acting skills do not deserve. This series is the actualization of this promise.
KEANU REEVES: What was the Osiris? And who was that kid in zion who kept pestering me?
THE EXPLAINER: You will find the answers to these questions by purchasing The Animatrix, a collection of nine animated shorts from some of Anime's top directors.
KEANU REEVES: Alright. Well, what was that crap
Glora said about vampires and werewolves? And how did Jada Pinkett Smith get to Laurence Fishburne during the car chase? And what the hell happened during the power plant takeover climax that-wasn't?
THE EXPLAINER: You will find the answers to those
questions by purchasing the Enter The Matrix game, available for Windows, Playstation2, Xbox, and Gamecube. Enter the Matrix features awesome gunplay and spectacular martial arts that bend the rules of the Matrix. This game isn't just set in the Matrix universe--it's an integral part of the experience, with a story that weaves in and out
of The Matrix Reloaded. Enter the Matrix is the story behind the story.
KEANU REEVES: Fine! Then tell me this, what the hell is with Hugo Weaving saying he and I have some special connection? And how come I can control machines in the real world? And will we win
the war if I don't choose the door to my right?
THE EXPLAINER: You will find the answers to these
questions when you watch The Matrix Revolutions, coming later in 2003.
KEANU REEVES: I hate you.
THE EXPLAINER: Perhaps you should drink more Powerade.
KEANU REEVES: Just answer me one question. We're not going to find out that the real world is in another matrix, are we?
HE EXPLAINER: Christ I hope not.
KEANU leaves and flies to save CARRIE-ANNE MOSS from being shot. She is SHOT anyway. Then KEANU reaches into her matrix code and pulls out the bullet in a comical fashion.
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS: That was preposterous.
KEANU REEVES: Wait till you see what I do outside of the ship.
THE CREDITS roll, as DISC ONE of the soundtrack is played in its entirety.
END
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