The sex noises woke me up

[Johnny Fontane]

I woke up @ 2:00 A.M. this morning to the sounds of hard fucking in the apartment above my room.

The girl that lives upstairs is supposedely hot, though I have never seen her. I heard she looks like Trista from The Bachelorette.

Now she's back, she just got home a few minutes ago, and she's with this guy again. I don't live in an apartment building ; this is a private home. My parents charge her very modest rent for a huge apartment in a nice neighborhood (yes, I live with my parents, so sue me). Patrick Ewing owns a home up the block.

I don't want this girl having freaky sex in my parents house. It's embarrassing & disrespecful.

Now, if she wants to fuck me, that's a different story.

In any event, I'm no Puritan, and I respect her right to get laid, but this is causing me some stress & duress. I should start blasting a porno tape and see how she likes it. Fucking whore.



"Never tell anybody outside the family what you're thinking again."


Don Corleone to Sonny

[TooCute]

Either talk to her or leave her a note that mentions that the floors are not well insulated and you can hear her walking around/her tv/her radio/her talking on the phone sometimes - if you feel very embarassed bringing this up with her you could even say, sometimes I get worried that I might be bothering you with my tv/radio at night. Please let me know if they are bothering you.

Unless she's a tard she'll figure it out and unless she's a total uncourteous nympho she'll find a way to have sex more quietly.

<img src=http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/toocute2.gif>
!! 2% !!<font color=FBF2F7>

[phixion]

total uncourteous nympho


and that is in ur favor for laying her.

<IMG SRC="http://img.ranchoweb.com/images/philex/phixion.gif">
"smoking weed, smoking weed doing coke drinking beers drinking beers beers beers. rollin fatties smoking blunts who smoke the blunts? we smoke the blunts.

[Johnny Fontane]

This whole thing is giving me a weird vibe. I literally don't feel like going to bed because of this shit. It's like having intruders in my house.

The thing that pisses me off is that this girl would probably have to pay double rent to live in some fucking crack den.

On another level, this reminds me that I'm not having sex of any sort, and that bothers me as well. I'm getting into "feel sorry for myself" mode, and I don't like it.

My vacation is coming to an end, and I didn't do shit. I'm having anxiety about going back to work on Monday. I've got nothing to do tomorrow, nothing whatsoever. If it was a nice day, I would hang in Washington Square Park, but of course it's going to rain.

Meanwhile, this guy is having sex with this hot bitch in my home. I'm feeling kind of psycho right about now.

"Never tell anybody outside the family what you're thinking again."


Don Corleone to Sonny

This message was edited by Johnny Fontane on 6-21-03 @ 11:38 PM

[Johnny Fontane]

One more thing: I was kind of looking forward to eventually meeting this girl, but now I don't like her (which is not right, I know), but that's how I feel.

This also reminds me of a traumatic experience many years ago. I had just graduated from college, and my friend Maria was letting me stay over at their house rent free. Her roomates were home for the summer.

One night, the sister of one of Maria's roomates came by to fuck her boyfriend in the room I was staying in. There was an art book in the room, and somebody must have used the book to prop open the window. I sure as hell didn't touch that book.

So one night I return to the house after work, and Maria's roomate was there, and she was livid because the book got ruined by the rain. The whole thing happened so fast that I figured yeah, I was staying there, it must have been me who put the book there, so I paid her like $40 cash on the spot for the book and was promptly evicted.

It wasn't until later that I realized that I had nothing to do with the book, but I was so hurt by this incident that it basically destroyed my relationship with my friend Maria (even though she had nothing to do with it!)

Wow, I'm turning this thread into my fucking memoirs just because I don't want to go to bed.

"Never tell anybody outside the family what you're thinking again."


Don Corleone to Sonny

This message was edited by Johnny Fontane on 6-22-03 @ 12:03 AM

[reeshy]

Johney,
Sounds like alot more is bothering you than what you're telling us. Just let go and spill it. You might feel better!!!

<IMG SRC=http://archives.obs-us.com/obs/english/books/yellow/food/pics/leary2.gif>

[FUNKMAN]

you can try the old "horse head in the bed"...



Fucking whore.


not nice!


<img src="http://www.grandfunkrailroad.com/covers/livealbum100.gif">

If you return me to my home port, i will kiss you mother earth

[Johnny Fontane]

Johney,
Sounds like alot more is bothering you than what you're telling us. Just let go and spill it. You might feel better!!!



Well, to be honest with you, my vacation started on Thursday, 6/13. I went to 4 ballgames & 2 rain-outs. When I wasn't at the Stadium, I was typically wandering the streets of New York. I had limited human contact for the last 10 days. I did go to Bar 9 on Tuesday and got to briefly meet some nice people, so that was something new, but I wasn't exactly the social butterfly.

So basically I'm feeling bummed out because if you can't have fun when you're on vacation, when the fuck are you going to have fun?

And I'm obviously feeling sorry for myself because I'm not getting laid like that guy upstairs.

"Never tell anybody outside the family what you're thinking again."


Don Corleone to Sonny

This message was edited by Johnny Fontane on 6-22-03 @ 12:26 AM

[Iamnotatool]

Waaaaaaah waaaaaaaaaaaaaH!!!!


Ginzo crybaby. Move out, or get laid, stop bitching because your parents love this nympho-renter more than they love you.

Please don't hold my huge nutbag against me, or I'll hold it against you that you have flapjack tits

[DJEvelEd]

Since it's your house, why don't you you hide a camera somewhere and watch her when she has sex/shits

<IMG SRC="http://publish.hometown.aol.com/djeveled/myhomepage/djeveledsig1.jpg?mtbrand=AOL_US">
big bird is Ferrall's bitch

[BrianTheBailBondsman]

Is there no justice? how can a guy with a name as cool as "Johnny Fontane" still live at home with mom? Even Frado Corleone (that trader bastard) moved out on his own.

<img src="http://www.proworldinc.com/images/A1/20/A12020A.jpg">

[Johnny Fontane]

Is there no justice?


Michael: You heard what happened in my home?

Frank: Mike, I almost died myself, we was all so relieved...

Michael: In my home! In my bedroom, where my wife sleeps; where my children come and play with their toys. In my home.

I heard more construction this morning. Construction on her vagina, that is.


Waaaaaaah waaaaaaaaaaaaaH!!!!


Correct, that about sums up my feelings.

"Never tell anybody outside the family what you're thinking again."


Don Corleone to Sonny

[TheMojoPin]

"Never tell anybody outside the family what you're thinking again."

You're not LISTENING.

<img src="http://members.hostedscripts.com/randomimage.cgi?user=TheMojoPin">
2% << December boys got it BAD >> "You might tell some lies about the good times we've had/But I've kissed your mother twice...and now I'm working on your dad..."

[reeshy]

Construction on her vagina,


Love that line!!!

<IMG SRC=http://archives.obs-us.com/obs/english/books/yellow/food/pics/leary2.gif>

[Johnny Fontane]

how can a guy with a name as cool as "Johnny Fontane" still live at home with mom?


Your point is well taken. I'm thinking of banging on the door and shouting, "I'm telling my mommy!"

I've got a feeling that my father heard the vagina construction this morning, which means my mother will be alerted of the vagina renovations, which means that the vagina project will be completed with no further work in the near future.

Which will lead to my next post: "I miss the sex noises!"

"Never tell anybody outside the family what you're thinking again."


Don Corleone to Sonny

This message was edited by Johnny Fontane on 6-22-03 @ 11:41 AM

[SatCam]

jeeze, you're all set... just whip out a playboy and you can spank the monkey!

<IMG SRC="http://satcam.4t.com/sig46_general_rfnetcommrative.gif">
<A HREF=http://www.satelitecam.t

[Jennitalia]

i agree with Too Cute's advice. If it bothers you that much, then say something. Otherwise, get over it.

<IMG SRC="http://www.chaoticconcepts.com/bans/jn5.gif">

[reeshy]

I was in a similar situation. Years ago, I lived in a basement apartment in Seagate, Brooklyn. This chick moved in the apartment above me and it seemed that almost every night she was trying her best to bust the springs. I eventually ran into her in the laundry room and I said something to the effect of how thin the walls in the building were. She gave me a weird look and all I know is- a week later I was helping her break those same springs in her bed!!!

<IMG SRC=http://archives.obs-us.com/obs/english/books/yellow/food/pics/leary2.gif>

[DJEvelEd]

is- a


This is comparable to "one thing led to another"
Please give us the gory details. Did you help to clean and fold her panties?

<IMG SRC="http://publish.hometown.aol.com/djeveled/myhomepage/djeveledsig1.jpg?mtbrand=AOL_US">
big bird is Ferrall's bitch

[fatty]

don't hate others because you're feeling bitter right now. first of all this should be hot, secondly if it bother you that much say something but honestly you need to stop feeling so sorry for yourself.

at least you realize this is what you are doing, but even though you're in a funk you shoudl learn to not take it out on other people. it's hard but it's necessary.

<IMG SRC=http://img.ranchoweb.com/images/aggie2323/fatty.gif>
<marquee>How could this love ever tur

[Hosp]

If she's getting such a good deal on the rent, maybe it's your dad up there with her.

Seriously, Unless there was something in the lease about it, she's perfectly in her right to have guest in her house and participate in any legal activities (Laws of nature not included). Bring it up in a way that won't be embarassing for both of you.

<center><IMG SRC="http://members.hostedscripts.com/randomimage.cgi?user=Hosp">
<center>I'm a Driver

[Death Metal Moe]

2 words:
Spy Cam.

2 more words:
Web Cast.

<IMG SRC=http://unhallowed.com/sigs/Cursing.jpg>
<A HREF="http://www.unhallowed.com">www.unhallowed.com</A>
DEATH FACTION/BACON FACTION 4 LIFE!!!
666%

[ADF]

Here's my Can't Fail Get Fontane Laid Planned Conversation-

So, I hear you're into the sex.

(at this point, wink slyly)

I'm into the sex, too.

In fact, I've been spanking it to you having the sex for the past two weeks.

Now, if my smooth-talkin' doesn't make your panties moist, how about I let George Washington do the talkin' for me.

No? Well, George has two identical brothers.

<center><img src = "http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/adfjet.gif"><br></center>

[Johnny Fontane]

how about I let George Washington do the talkin' for me.

No? Well, George has two identical brothers.



ADF, this sounds like a plan. After all, if I'm living in a whorehouse, why not make the most of it?



"Never tell anybody outside the family what you're thinking again."


Don Corleone to Sonny

[BrianTheBailBondsman]

You should wack off while loudly moaning her name... Maybe she will come down and help.

<img src="http://www.proworldinc.com/images/A1/20/A12020A.jpg">

[Johnny Fontane]

Damn, they're back. I'm going upstairs to watch the game and listen to Little Steven's Underground Garage.

Maybe I'll turn up the volume real loud to drown out the drilling.



"Never tell anybody outside the family what you're thinking again."


Don Corleone to Sonny

[ShelleBink]

About 3 years ago, a similar thing happened to me.

Though I was the noisemaker.

...Long story short, the people complaining were very polite and tactful in asking me to, well, be quiet.

I took that into consideration, and have had no problems since.

So, as stated twice already, say something if it bothers you, but don't be rude about it.

[Death Metal Moe]

Be like "YO BITCH! Shut that shit up!"

was that even funny? God. I need some salsa.

<IMG SRC=http://unhallowed.com/sigs/Cursing.jpg>
<A HREF="http://www.unhallowed.com">www.unhallowed.com</A>
DEATH FACTION/BACON FACTION 4 LIFE!!!
666%

[mikeyboy]

God. I need some salsa.


Or this:

http://www.angelfire.com/film/mikeyboy/bacon.jpg

<IMG SRC="http://www.angelfire.com/film/mikeyboy/sig13.jpg">
I am an American Aquarium Drinker
Subscriber to Dignan's 40 year plan
2%

[Death Metal Moe]

Hmmmm, not bad.

<IMG SRC=http://unhallowed.com/sigs/Cursing.jpg>
<A HREF="http://www.unhallowed.com">www.unhallowed.com</A>
DEATH FACTION/BACON FACTION 4 LIFE!!!
666%

[BrianTheBailBondsman]

<img src="http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:Z4K_0NxBfogC:www.sex-positions.co.nz/my-sex-secrets/ladys-sex.jpg" ></a>

<center><img src="http://www.proworldinc.com/images/A1/20/A12020A.jpg" width="128" height="100" border="3" alt=""></a></center>

[monsterone]

suprised you could hear it through your hobbit mother superior.
http://www.stoners.com/cat-pubimages/MOTHER_SUPERIOR_28274998507371-175-249.jpeg

this is the on going battle between renters and rentees. the last place i lived i'd come home wasted with chicks and their kid would have tantrums at 6/7 am everyday. i never complained and neither did they.

<IMG SRC="http://www.hvcc.edu/~01885716/images/sigpic2.jpg">

<marquee behavior=alternate scroll

[Death Metal Moe]

suprised you could hear it through your hobbit mother superior


WHAT?!?!?!?!

http://www.tolkienonline.com/gallery/archive/hobbit-bilbo.jpg_thumb.jpg

<IMG SRC=http://unhallowed.com/sigs/Cursing.jpg>
<A HREF="http://www.unhallowed.com">www.unhallowed.com</A>
DEATH FACTION/BACON FACTION 4 LIFE!!!
666%

[BrianTheBailBondsman]

...Mother Superior
OH she felt it though...<P>
<img src="http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:f3Bwv2ZhPU4C:www.snl-e.salk.edu/rachel/halloween/image/pregnant-nun-1.jpg" width="200" height="300"></a>

<center><img src="http://www.proworldinc.com/images/A1/20/A12020A.jpg" width="128" height="100" border="3" alt=""></a></center>

This message was edited by BrianTheBailBondsman on 6-23-03 @ 5:22 PM

[Johnny Fontane]

I want to thank each and every one of you for your thoughts and prayers during this trying time for Johnny Fontane. I know you have all been terribly concerned about my dilemma. Perhaps some of you lost sleep worrying about me.

Everyone can rest easy tonight (including myself): the boyfriend (???) is out of the cunt - errr, country -he's out of the country, back in Toronto (WHERE SARS IS RAMPANT!) So his penis will not be returning soon (at least I hope not...damn, did I just hear something upstairs?)

I learned valuable lessons from my imaginary friends @ RonFez.net: live and let live...love the one you're with...act like a man...and, when all else fails - $3 goes a long way.

I know that some of you presumed that my situation would lead to auto-erotic activities. However, nothing could be farther from the truth. In fact, my auto-erotic activities were drastically curtailed over the past 3 days. In the interest of maintaining SOME semblance of dignity, I will not offer any statistics.

Peace and love to all you fuckers.

"Never tell anybody outside the family what you're thinking again."


Don Corleone to Sonny

This message was edited by Johnny Fontane on 6-23-03 @ 11:00 PM

[canofsoup15]

Well now that this guy is outta the country, why dont you go up and have a screw. Man, this has blackmail written all over it. lol.

<img src=http://publish.hometown.aol.com/canofsoup15/images/zep.gif>

[Zoefus]

Mother Superior is a hobbit?? Holy crap

[Death Metal Moe]

Sorry. I like my nuns FLYING or not at all.

http://www.melaman2.com/tvshows/logos/flying-nun.jpg

<IMG SRC=http://unhallowed.com/sigs/Cursing.jpg>
<A HREF="http://www.unhallowed.com">www.unhallowed.com</A>
DEATH FACTION/BACON FACTION 4 LIFE!!!
666%

[Heavy]

Why/how did this chick get hooked up with cheap rent? Perhaps pops is the one banging her?

Mad props to Fluff for the sig and C.O.soup for hosting!
<img src="http://publish.hometown.aol.com/canofsoup15/images/jwaddsig.gif">