Growing Old

[FMJeff]

I visited my grandma the otherday in the nursing home. The whole place was filled with lifeless zombies that had no idea who and where they were. Does anybody else fear losing thier mind in thier senior years? I am positively horrified.

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[Tall_James]

Yes.

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[Aggie]

Yes, I was thinking about this recently and the thought scares me. I see too many older people who are inactive and on their way to becoming senile. It really just motivates me more to make sure I keep walking and staying as active as possible as I age because it makes a huge difference. If I had to pick an age to live to I'd say 70 max.



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I <3 Marty

[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

Ever since my divorce, I have this anxiety in the back of my mind that I'm going to die alone and nobody will notice. A couple of weeks will go by and they'll break the door down to my cluttered apartment that houses 50 cats to find my decomposed body.

Or, worse, I'm stuck in a nursing home and no one visits me and the nurses are mean.

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thank you dcpete!

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[furie]

who are you people? where are my pants? when is jello?

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[reeshy]

I sometimes do per diem duty in a local nursing home near my house. I see all of the dementia, Alzheimer's, physical ailments that can hit us as we grow older. I've always been told that I have a cold heart but these places always get to me. I just do it once in a great while when I have a few days to string together. I hope I die of a massive heart attack in my sleep rather than just waste away like some of these poor souls.

P.S. Miss Fuzzybutt- I'd take good care of you if you ever need a nursing home-You know I would!!!

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[jax]

I just read something about hormone replacement therapy having a connection to alzheimers but I can't remember if it helped cause it or prevent it. :)

[Jackie Sloan]

I already told my family...do not hesitate...PULL THE PLUG!

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[angrymissy]

I'm going to die alone and nobody will notice. A couple of weeks will go by and they'll break the door down to my cluttered apartment that houses 50 cats to find my decomposed body.


I think thats going to happen to me soon

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[Jennitalia]

I have this anxiety in the back of my mind that I'm going to die alone and nobody will notice. A couple of weeks will go by and they'll break the door down to my cluttered apartment that houses 50 cats to find my decomposed body.





my thoughts, exactly, Fuzzy!

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and i know i can feel bad
when i get in a bad mood
and the world can look so sad
only you make me feel good

[hyperspace]

my grandma is 93 lives alone has all her marbles and still wears make up and goes out every day. you gotta take care of yourself and age gracefully.

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[ToddEVF]

My grandfather, may he rest in peace, was in a nursing home during his last 2 years of life. i visited him as often as i could, but the old people definately freaked me out. there was some old lady who kept doing things to herself, while in her wheel chair. Its a shame that the people had to be sent there. Sure its like an old person nut house there, but its very cruel. After seeing him almost everyday for 2 years in the home, i never wanted to become a senoir citizen and never wanted to go near a nursing home ever again

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[DJEvelEd]

they'll break the door down to my cluttered apartment that houses 50 cats to find my decomposed body.



The cats will probably eat you so at least they'll live.





By the time I'm old, they'll have a machine to keep my heads alive longer...

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[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

The cats will probably eat you so at least they'll live.



Hopefully my cats will go for my gut where all the flesh is. Apparently. neurotic little dogs tend to eat the face.

Jen, Missy? Wanna be roomies? I don't have much money but if we pool our resources perhaps we can afford a well-toned and submissive cabana boy. If nothing else, he could call the coroner when one of us croaks.




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thank you dcpete!

I'm a big wheel down at the cracker factory.

[hyperspace]

you had to say well toned and ruin the fantasy??? i'll get that boob reduction and lift weights just don't feed me too much.

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[Gvac]

My Grandmother passed away this past Christmas morning, and although it was an awful day to die, we were all kind of relieved that she finally went. It was heart wrenching to watch her wither away both physically and mentally as she suffered with Alzheimer's Disease. It's something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, and it was especially difficult for my Mother and my Grandfather to watch her life end so undignified considering the kind of woman my Grandmother was.

Last week I had to make the terrible decision to put my cat to sleep. She was suffering from an incurable disease and I was told by 3 different veterinarians that she would die slowly and painfully if I didn't. It struck me as kind of odd that we will put an animal out of its misery in the name of compassion but we let human beings suffer and rot away.

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[stickyfingers]

i fall asleep during the stories that my 98 year old great grandfather tells...but that's mostly because he does too




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[A.J.]

After watching relatives end up in nursing homes the words of Pete Townshend have never been more true: "Hope I die before I get old."

I'll be amazed if I make it to 40 anyway.

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[DJEvelEd]

Apparently. neurotic little dogs tend to eat the face.


I saw a photo of a dead guy who had his crotch eaten by his cats...









Well it probably tasted better than IAMS...

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[BronxBabe]

I always think about what I'll be wearing when I grow old.

Would I wear what I wear now? Not the booty pants and belly-baring tops, but athletic pants, "Air force ones", and tee shirts.

I think the aforementioned outfit would be as comfortable if not more so than long ass floral skirts, "nude" colored knee-highs rolling down my calf, and orthopedic shoes...but maybe it's just me.

I'm only twenty, so by the time I get old those "damn kids" would probably be wearing metallic, latex suits....I'll take my athletic pants anyday...

[fatty]

i want chipitos.


man all the drugs i do my brain is going to be fried. i don't really care though, as long as i can sit and rest i'll live forever. oh and i'll need a television. other than that i don't fear getting old at all.

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[reeshy]

athletic pants, "Air force ones", and tee shirts.


Those pants are great when you're wearing your attends!!!

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[fiestygal]

I am scared jeff too.. altheimerz (sp*) is what my mommom had..it got to a point where we werent able to care for her anymore- she lived with us my whole life practically- she started to become violent too at times..my daddy didnt wanna put her in a home but he had no choice

these are what MAY BE in store for me when im old:

*Altheimerz

*diabetes

*cancer

*high blood pressure

*Bi- Polar/ Manic Depression

* and God knows what else will be thrown my way

I'M RICH BIA-OTCH!

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THANX TENBATSUZEN!!

[TooCute]

Oh Gvac! I didn't know you had to put lil fuzzy to sleep. I'm so sorry :(

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[Aggie]

I'll be amazed if I make it to 40 anyway


You better live it up then AJ, you don't have much time!

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[newport king]

i'm 24, married, with a kid on the way. and i feel like i'm 1 foot in the grave already. where did it all go wrong.

~another newport king joint~

[HordeKing1]

Until about a month ago I ran an Altzheimer's group for people with early/middle to mid stage Alzheimer's.

Their functioning level was pretty low even at that stage, but they were beyond the worst stage - the early stage. At that point you're aware that you're losing your memory, and fear it, and can't really do anything about it. By the time they reach mid stage, they don't actively remember that they are afflicted.

There are 3 common drugs used to treat Alzheimer's patients, in early stages. The drugs do not cure the disease but they slow it's progression for some who take it. (The success rate is not high). The drugs are: Exelon, Aricept and Reminyl. Reminyl was initially hailed as a means of improving the condition of those with Alzheimer's but the methodology of the study was sloppy and subsequent research has shown it t as well as other drugs to have no ability to stop the disease, let alone reverse the damage already done. The drugs merely slow down the progression and that's at least something.

2 of the more functional members of my group lived in nursing homes. I paid each one a visit to see how the reality of the homes compared to their description of it. I cringe just thinking about it. In one place, I saw only one staff member the entire time I was there (and I went for a few weeks - his kids didnt' visit him). His bed was sunken in, as if the center springs had collapsed decades ago. People in the lobby (most of whom did not have dementia, had that 1000 yard stare, just looking at nothing, or perhaps at something from their past only they could see.) Some quite obviously had diapers that needed changing. The other home was very similar, only not as nice. Every other bult was screwed loose in the living quarters and in the hallways to save electricity. There was no concern that this affected the ability of the residents to safely navigate to and from their rooms. Then there are the people who are so desparate for human contact and for someone to talk to that they'll beg you to stay and spend some time with them.

Sadly, many Americans end up in nursing homes or assisted living faciilites.

Only about 15% of the elderly develop any type of dementa and among those that do only half (or 7/12 % are due to alzheimer's). Most people in these facilities are not demented, and are aware of their environment. The demented are also aware, but in a different way. They are more apt to get constantly upset as each daily indignity is new to them.

I can't imagine living in such a place, or in such a condition. I've already left advance directives to pull the plug at any sign of brain damage, and to undertake no heroic measures whatsoever.


BTW, despite some early promise hormone replacement therapy, anti-inflamatories and arthiritis medication have shown to have no effect on the treatemnt of Allheimer's.

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[TooCute]

I'd like to point out that not all nursing homes are scummy places with uncaring aides where people thow away their parents to die.

There's a beautiful group home around the corner from my house for mentally retarded Alzheimer's patients.

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[reeshy]

I would like to add to Too Cute's comment. I occasionally work per diem in a nursing home in Suffolk County. I wouldn't mind living there. The place is beautiful, safe and the staff (at least the ones I work with) are professional, caring and considerate of the patients.

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[The Chairman]

What sickens me is not the depictions (usually always distorted) of nursing homes but the people who posted here making them out to be some sort of concentration camps.

Like any institution, quality ranges. There are bad nursing homes and ones which should be shut down. These are the ones you read about in the paper or see on TV. Yet there are very few of them.

But nursing homes (residential health care facilities) are heavily regulated, especially in NY and almost always provide quality care with dignity and compassion.

I think what concerns people is the condition of the older adults in these facilities when they get there. Nursing Homes are for those people who require 24-hour a day 7-day a week skilled nursing care.
People who score high enough (requiring this type of care) are not going to be high functioning, either physically and/or mentally.

Don't blame the nursing home for the condition of the person (ruling out cases of neglect like decubitus ulcers or abuse which is rare)...it is just an unfortunate fact that people are living longer and require such care.

My grandmother is a resident in a nursing home on Long Island. It is located on a bucolic 85 acre campus and is staffed by caring, professional staff. The residents are always active, receive exceptional medical and nursing care, activities and other entertainment, and nutritious meals. The nursing home is fully accredited by the Joint Commission on Accreditation of Health Care Organizations (JCAHO) and received a perfect score on its New York State Department of Health Survey.Since she was admitted, to a large, airy, single room, her condition has improved, she has made new friends, and has relieved her previous caregivers (my parents) of the burden of taking care of her.

As far as assisted living facilities, these are like country clubs. I would live in one.

People should not be afraid of growing old.

People should be afraid of ignorant people.




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The Chairman uses Vic Firth sticks and Skidmark sigpics
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[HordeKing1]

Of course there are nice nursing homes and ALF's.

There are also really crappy ones, that a visit to would make you feel sick and outraged

It's no wonder that so many nursing homes get cited for major violations every inspection they get - usually poor cleanliness, insufficient staff and improper dispensation of prescription medication.

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[FMJeff]

I don't care if my nursing home is the fucking Taj Mahal if I can't keep myself from drooling and urinating down my pant leg.

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It made my heart sing.</center>

[FUNKMAN]

i never really think about it for myself... as you can see by my posting I still think i'm a little kid
:)

my mother-in-law(who passed recently) was in the Perth Amboy then the Oakland Nursing Homes over the past 17 years and my close aunt has been in Nursing homes for the past 19(in Whiting)
it makes your heart break when you think about the things in life they are missing or not participating in, not sharing all the special times with the family or friends...

one thing i do want to do HOPEFULLY before i would ever have to enter a home is to transfer my money to my children, i believe it has to be three years before you enter the home. Otherwise all of your assets go to the home. not sure if it's a fair thing to do but i just can't come to terms with giving all the money i earned in my life to the home...

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[Aggie]

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This message was edited by Aggie on 6-10-03 @ 1:38 PM

[HordeKing1]

Funkman - Transfering assets to avoid having to spend down and meet eligibility requirments is a bit more complicated than that.

Talk to a lawyer specializing in issues of importance to the elderly. One of the best ways is to give tax free gifts of up to 10,000 per person per year. Of course that requires a lot of preplanning and assumes you'll have assets to live on if you don't need to enter a home. There are also tricks you can do with trusts to avoid the medicare trap.

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[FUNKMAN]

Talk to a lawyer specializing in issues of importance to the elderly. One of the best ways is to give tax free gifts of up to 10,000 per person per year. Of course that requires a lot of preplanning and assumes you'll have assets to live on if you don't need to enter a home. There are also tricks you can do with trusts to avoid the medicare trap.


Thanks HordeKing,

the part about having assets to live on if you don't need to enter a home, I figured the children you give the money too can write you a check each month to cover your expenses...


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Wish I was back on the Bayou.
Rollin' with some Cajun Queen

[HordeKing1]

Like I said, it's more complex and you absolutely need to consult an elderlawyer.

For example, medicaid looks back for transfer of assets at least 5 years. So if you give your kids control of your money w/in that time frame you're screwed.

If your name is on a joint account - your're screwed.

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[HordeKing1]

Isn't it weird that The Who sang, in "My Generation" that "I hope I die before I get old."

I think they're at least in their 60's or so now. (At least they look like they're in their 60's.)

I wish we lived in a society where we treated people as humanely as we treat dogs. The right to die is an imperitive issue for many elderly or the chronically ill.

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[TooCute]

the part about having assets to live on if you don't need
to enter a home, I figured the children you give the money too
can write you a check each month to cover your expenses...


You were correct . If it is an outright, non-trust gift ($10,000 or
less for tax purposes), the lookback period is three years (36
months) - though the penalty period may not necesasrily be
that long. That is calculated by a formula

For certain gifts to trusts they will look back five years.

There are other, unscrupulous ways to become eligible for
medicaid, for example, when one member of a married couple
enters a home, the other may claim spousal abandonment, at
which points the assets can't be touched.

Another way is for a person to enter a home for sub-acute care
and then the person's spouse or children to say that they don't
want them to come home. Nursing homes by law can't release
people to a place where they will not get the level of care they
need. The best they can do at that point if they don't want you
is to transfer you to another nursing home that is willing to eat
the cost of having you until you become eligible for medicaid.


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This message was edited by TooCute on 6-15-03 @ 8:07 PM

[FUNKMAN]

TooCute, HordeKing, others:

If you go into a Nursing Home and they go through the process of taking posession of your assets, then you die within a few months time. Does the Nursing Home still keep the assets?

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"I can feel the hand of a stranger, and it's tightening around my throat"

[TooCute]

They will only keep the assets for which they billed for.

If you were on medicaid and you died, and you have a death
benefit, medicaid has a right to get that money unless you have
a spouse or a child 21 or younger.


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[FUNKMAN]

death benefit


please don't get upset with me but does this mean "Life Insurance"?

Thanks!

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"Heaven help me, heaven help me. Take this stranger from my boat"

[HordeKing1]

I have to point out that many of the rules were changed by Reagan, signed into law by Carter and went into effect during the last few years of Carter's second term.

Concrete examples are elluding me now, but take what was formerly called Aid to Families with Dependant Children. (ADF). That was basically a lifetime welfare program. Now there is TANF, Temporary Aid for Needy Families. There's only a 5 year entitlement. Unless, the kids are placed into the foster care system, where TANF ends and GA (General Assistance - state sponsered workfare at a much lower rate) begins.

The point is that many rules have changed and you need to see a lawyer who specializes in this.

The look back period for medicare has been changed too. On the whole 5 years is a the period but there are some cases where it goes beyond that. (I have a client with a disabled adult daughter who recieves medicare and not knowing any better, he put the house in trust for his daughter so that upon his death she gets it. Medicare would have just taken the entire house, b/c the lifetime of benefits paid out far exceeds the value of the house. Otherwise, Medicare will typically sell the house, keep the portion of the sale that they paid out as benefits and refund the rest.

It was a VERY complex situation made more so by other factors, and a number of lawyers were consulted until one was able to finagle a way to revoke the irrevocable trust and rewrite the will to leave the porperty to his son.

"Death Benefits" when refering to social security is also called survivors benefits and last for the lifetime of the surviving spouse. They may terminate upon remarriage but I'm not positive about that.

"Death Benefits" for Medicare purposes is a one time payout for funeral expenses. Medicaid doesn't look at things like prepaid funerals when counting up assets, so it might make a person otherwise ineligible for beniefits (b/c of too many assets), eligible. Remember though, that medicaid covers doctor and hospital bills only. It is not ment as a source of income.



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[Death Metal Moe]

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[Death Metal Moe]

Aid to Families with Dependant Children. (ADF)


And all this time I thought he was a poster! He's actually a government program!

Explains a lot.

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[FUNKMAN]

Horde and Cute,

Thanks!

Moe,

nice gun...

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