Fading Memories [Archive] - RonFez.net Messageboard

reeshy

05-02-2003, 07:30 PM

While at work today, the subject of families came up. Some of the people I work with know that my wife died a couple of years ago. One women asked me to describe her. I started to go into her personality and the things that she would do but the woman asked me to tell her what she looked like. All of a sudden I drew a blank. It's as if that part of my memory was wiped away. It really scared me down deep. I have a small photo of her in my wallet and I pulled that out to show the woman who had asked but I also had to refresh my memory. Damn, did that make me feel bad. Then I started to think of other people who have died over the years ( my sister, Kay, my grandparents) same thing. It was hard for me to put their faces together. This has really been bothering me all night. Right now, as I'm typing, I put out some photos of my loved ones on my desk so that I won't forget them again. I really feel terrible. These are people who have loved me and who I still love. Is there something wrong with me or what????

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cheezeemee

05-02-2003, 07:47 PM

Your mind is trying to block it out Reeshy. I did. When my best friend shot himself on St. Patricks Day. Life goes on.

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Def Dave in SC

05-02-2003, 08:13 PM

The best way to remember people is to remember a specefic moment, not just their face. If you can remember a certain moment in time, their face will come back.

Or you can get a rememberer like in the giver.

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The Chairman

05-02-2003, 08:32 PM

While lots of people are more visual it makes total sense that your memories of her personality would be clearer. In a relationship, looks are important, but ephemeral in relation to less concrete things like how she made you feel, how you communicated, made you laugh, cry, etc.

If you asked me the same question and I responded, "my wife was so hot" wouldn't you think it more strange than if I talked about her true essence as a person? What happened is that you described your wife based upon what you miss most about her.

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guttersnipe

05-03-2003, 01:06 AM

My mind has played the same trick on me with
everyone I know who has died. Within days, the
details of their faces start to fade. It upset the hell out
of me when my grandfather died, the first person I was
close who I lost when I was 15.

As I've lost more people through the years, I noticed
the same thing happens. I believe it is a defense
mechanism our minds use so that we can begin to see
things other than our loved ones' faces in every rock,
tree, window, cloud, crumple of dirty clothes on the
floor, etc.

~snipe

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The Nature Boy

05-03-2003, 01:27 AM

I believe it is a defense
mechanism our minds use so that we can begin to see
things other than our loved ones' faces in every rock,
tree, window, cloud, crumple of dirty clothes on the
floor, etc.

Well, I do agree, but not for that reason. I just think memories are made to fade. I mean, if those faces stayed crystal clear, how could you begin to get along with your life? I think the "memory fading" is something we are all wired for, and it's not a bad thing.

Bon Jovi Fan Since Day ONE!