cheezeemee
04-13-2003, 10:44 PM
1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed
4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.
6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
7. I will not throw up in the car.
8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell
9. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.
10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
12. I will not chew my humans' toothbrushes and not tell them.
13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, for my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
16. I will not steal my mom's thong underwear and dance all over the backyard with them.
17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
20. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
21. I will not eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage; I do not want a string hanging out of my behind.
22. I will not roll around in the dirt right after just getting a bath.
23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.
24. I will not hump on any person's leg just because I thought they needed a good hump.
25. I will not fart in my owners' faces while sleeping on the pillow next to their head.
26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my bottom across the carpet.
27. The toilet bowl is not a never-ending water supply and, just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.
28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
29. I will remember that suddenly turning around and smelling my bottom can quickly clear a room.
30. The cat is not a squeaky toy; when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
<HTML>
<style="color:red">
<CENTER>
<img src="http://czm.racknine.net/images/cheezeegreen.jpg"border="1">
<MARQUEE>I promised my wife no drinking tonight...........OK, just one............We're going streaking!</MARQUEE>
</CENTER></HTML>
2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed
4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.
6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
7. I will not throw up in the car.
8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell
9. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.
10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
12. I will not chew my humans' toothbrushes and not tell them.
13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, for my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
16. I will not steal my mom's thong underwear and dance all over the backyard with them.
17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
20. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
21. I will not eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage; I do not want a string hanging out of my behind.
22. I will not roll around in the dirt right after just getting a bath.
23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.
24. I will not hump on any person's leg just because I thought they needed a good hump.
25. I will not fart in my owners' faces while sleeping on the pillow next to their head.
26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my bottom across the carpet.
27. The toilet bowl is not a never-ending water supply and, just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.
28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
29. I will remember that suddenly turning around and smelling my bottom can quickly clear a room.
30. The cat is not a squeaky toy; when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
<HTML>
<style="color:red">
<CENTER>
<img src="http://czm.racknine.net/images/cheezeegreen.jpg"border="1">
<MARQUEE>I promised my wife no drinking tonight...........OK, just one............We're going streaking!</MARQUEE>
</CENTER></HTML>