France Jokes

[2BigFeet]

Does anybody know a good France joke?

Why did the French build the Arc de Triomphe?

To give the German soldiers some shade from the sun.

Ow, my eye, my doctor told me not to get pudding in it

[DJEvelEd]

France: Where soap is a four letter word...

France: A country that's one wipe shy of success...


<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Big bird is Ferrall's bitch
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[Butters]

Q.How many frenchmen does it take to defend france?

how many?

A. I dont know either they haven't tried it yet


Come on how many times in your life can you say...hehe ^.^

I don't want to do anything illegal but I would kill someone in front of their own moma for a ten-speed

[reeshy]

<IMG SRC=http://www.ehowa.com/pic/proudfrenchmoment.jpg>

This message was edited by reeshy on 3-8-03 @ 10:27 PM

[FUNKMAN]

If you saw Frenchman drowning would you:

A. Read a book
B. Catch a movie
C. Take a nap

<img src="http://www.grandfunkrailroad.com/covers/livealbum100.gif">

[2BigFeet]

D. All of the above

Ow, my eye, my doctor told me not to get pudding in it

[2BigFeet]

Astronomers discover that a large meteor will strike the nation of France at exactly 2:30 am. The world is terrified. Both France and the United Nations request that the United States aim all of their missles at this meteor.

Does President Bush:

A). Stay up late and watch the meteor hit; or
B). Tape it and watch it in the morning.

Ow, my eye, my doctor told me not to get pudding in it

[LiquidCourage]

What do you call 300,000 Frenchmen with their arms up?



The army.

[Se7en]

"Americans are still finding out--the hard way--that loyalty, gratitude, comradeship and respect for treaty obligations are qualities never exhibited by French governments."

---noted British historian Paul Johnson.



Oops, guess that isn't so much funny as it is true.

<img border="0" src="http://Se7enRFNet.homestead.com/files/se7en.jpg" width="300" height="100">

I'm not telling you anything that you don't already know.

"I was here before the oceans turned black with life, and when the deserts are white with death I will remain."
---Saint Iago

[Iamnotatool]

MOJO, that silly frog, expects me to go back a year and a half to find a thread about poking fun at French fried frogs....silly boy.

So here is a repost of not so funny French toast.


Michael Jackson Admits Plastic Surgery; France Unconvinced
--Chirac Demands More Time for U.N. Face Inspectors

At the United Nations today, U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell offered what he called "conclusive proof" that the singer Michael Jackson has had plastic surgery, but failed to convince France.

In his presentation, Powell first showed two photos of Jackson, taken in 1979 and 2003, to illustrate the dramatic transformation of the singer's face from human to Halloween mask.

As Security Council members watched intently, Powell then played a tape of a recent court appearance by Jackson, during which the tip of his nose appeared to fall from his face and onto the floor.

Finally, Powell played a tape of the ABC program "20/20" in which Jackson admitted he had plastic surgery, after which a visibly frustrated Powell turned to the ambassador from France and asked, "How much more freaking proof do you clowns need?"

While the French ambassador did not respond, impassively sipping on a glass of red wine while reading a book by Camus, later in the day French President Jacques Chirac had harsh words for Powell, saying that the Secretary of State "had proved nothing."

President Chirac added that the United Nations should grant its official face inspection team more time to look at Jackson's head to determine whether the singer had plastic surgery or not.

In related news, President Chirac said the U.S. had failed to show convincing proof that Jennifer Lopez has a big ass.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Complete Military History of France

Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by, of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are only victorious when not led by a Frenchman."

Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

The Dutch War - Tied

War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three "ties" in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough , which they have loved every since.

American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the formerly English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; " France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France 's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French gene pool.

World War II - Lost. Conquered French li

[high fly]

So, Anatole France walks into a bar with a frog on his shoulder....

" and they ask me why I drink"
http://64.177.177.182/katylina/highflysig.jpg
Big ups to sex bomb baby Katylina (LHOOQ) for the sig!

[high fly]

Here'a an oldie, but a goodie, from back in the early days of Sarurday Night Live,

"News repOrts from Spain say that Generalisimo France-isco Franco is still dead!"


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHA!!!





" and they ask me why I drink"
http://64.177.177.182/katylina/highflysig.jpg
Big ups to sex bomb baby Katylina (LHOOQ) for the sig!

This message was edited by high fly on 11-30-04 @ 8:04 PM

[high fly]

Heh heh heh, I got a million of them.


Q: What's noir and blanc and rouge all over?
A: A French newspaper.



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH AHA!!!!

" and they ask me why I drink"
http://64.177.177.182/katylina/highflysig.jpg
Big ups to sex bomb baby Katylina (LHOOQ) for the sig!