The Mid-Twenties Crisis

[FMJeff]

Lately I've been feeling really depressed about not being where I want to be in life. I'm going to be 25 this year, I still live in my parent's basement, my hair is starting to thin, I have a job I don't like that I'm underpaid for, and I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I want to move but I can't afford to, I should be married by now but I can't even see that as a possibility any time soon. Sometimes it gets so bad I feel like banging my head against a wall.

Is anyone else feeling this way?

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[LiquidCourage]

You sound like my sister.
Maybe you two should get together.
She's all pissed off how she's living at home. Her car bills and student loan payments are too much to move out.

[jamesdiggy]

Should be married? Says who? I don't think marriage can be gauged by a calender. When you find that special someone and it's right it doesn't matter whether you're 25, 35, etc.

I do empathize, I'm unhappy in my current career and looking for a change. I'm 31 and still don't have my shit all together, so you've still got time.

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[Arienette]

it's a very rough time. i'm 24, and i totally understand how you feel. i was working at a job for about two and a half years after college, and i hated it there, even though i was making decent money. so, i decided to go to law school and start a whole new thing. well, i'm in my second semester now, and it seriously sucks ass. i still live with my parents, etc, etc. i'm not sure what i think of my decision, i guess in time i'll know whether it was right for me.

the only upside of all this is that there's a lot more room to change things these days. it used to be that people started a job right out of school and no one really changed careers, no matter how much they hated what they were doing. there are people in their late 30s and 40s in my school, and they're just starting a new career. the fact that we have more options now may be the source of a lot of this turmoil, but i think it's really a good thing.

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[Johnny Fontane]

Jeff, when a-you gonna get marry? You should be ashame a you self.

You absolutely, positively do not need to be married. The bitch cheats on you, and then you owe her money. Think about it. The horror.

When I was a kid my friend got a hold of some audio tapes that his aunt made during a messy divorce proceeding. I'll never forget this quote: "You are a whore, you are a prostitute, you are a nymphomaniac. You were ugly when I married you, and now you're super ugly!"

Funny when it's someone else's life.

And then Johnny Fontane comes along with his olive-oil voice, and guinea charm.

[furie]

move out dude. that'll solve your sorrows.

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[JustJon]

I'm 28 years old and in the post tech crash economy, I can barely afford to pay all my bills. I'm forced to live back home with my parents. I recently lost my crappy, low paying job.

But crisis? Never hit me. Instead I make the best of things and try to adjust. I'm unemployed, sure, but I'm using this time to get personal projects done, try and start 3 different companies, and look for a new job. Plus I get to sleep till 10 every morning that my dogs let me :)

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[Jasmines Song]

Jeff,

I am the same way. I am going to be 26. I live alone but I hate it. I never wanted to live alone but I was kind of forced to. I am a bartender that works three days a week. I have been looking for another job but I haven't even had a phone call. I wish I can be in a more serious relationship but every guy I date wants to "experience life more" because I guess there is this line of girls out their door that are just dying for their turn with them. I also get the excuse that I somehow portray myself as a "wild girl" and that's what they expect of me.

I hate where I am in my life. I wish I had a steady job, someone to share my apartment with and a partner that doesn't "expect" things out of me....just accept.




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This message was edited by Jasmines Song on 3-4-03 @ 12:49 AM

[TheMojoPin]

I know the feeling, and I'm not even quite there. I have my own apartment, but I'm moving again this summer...third move in just two years. I'm barely making 30K a year...I want to be a writer of almost ANY kind, but I haven't put anything of substance to paper in a good year. The documentary and short films my friends and I were so gung-ho about have fallen dormant for almost the same amount of time. Things just seem very...stagnant.

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[FUNKMAN]

i'm usually looking at the glass half full so i would just say things could be worse...

except for that hair thinning, ewww!
:)

just kidding

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[Stalker Catty]

Welcome to internet time, sir. Mid-life crisis before your thirty, heart attack by the time your forty.

Yeah, I know where your coming from. I'm 28, still living with Mom, and stuck in a dead-end job. I have a slew of student loans, and nothing to show for it. With the economy in depression as bad as my usual funk, there's no where for me to go if I wanted to improve my career. If it wasn't for my aversion to pain, I'd be starting a Fight Club down the street right now.

And where you in the state we're in, Fight Club is your bible. You have to be careful, because it makes a lot of sense when you have no future to look forward to. When my buddies and I were fresh out of high school, we'd talk about The Disgust Movement. Our own Church of Pain, where'd we drag the rest of society down to the dregs we were. Of course, lots of beer and NIN will do that to you.

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[Doogie]

Jeff you arent alone in how you are feeling. In this life now it is harder to come by living on our own and finding relationships/contentment. I am in the same boat as you feeling all wanting to get back out of my parents house and all. I will say this though to assuage your feelings. Times are a lot harder than when our parents did live on their own and what not. Things are a lot more expensive compared to peoples salaries. And the real estate boom of right now doenst help with your crisis of wanting to move out.

As for career and job. I am currently working on my full-time certification/masters and am getting jerked around by the college I was attending. I am working right now as a teacher full-time in Special Ed, but the college doesnt want to count it as my student teaching. Keep in mind that I have already gotten two accomodations for how well my students are doing this year. The first was for the first quarter grades. The second was for something that I do not even grade myself, their Mid-Term Grades. I have worked two years as a teaching assisstant before that, and am in my first year as a full-timer. The state said I could count my TA experience, BUT is up to college. I have to reapply to have them review my records (shelling out another onehundred dollars) to see if they will count this FT gig as student teaching experience. Yet the college I attend is saying that in spite of all that I am doing it doesnt count. Someone I spoke to in one of the departments said that it all comes down to the buck and the fact that I: 1) got a gig on my own, 2) I am not paying for the student-mentor experience is what is ticking off my college. I got an offer from the Baseball Hall of Fame several years back to work there as a curator. I think I am going to check out that job and see if it is still open, that is how bad the fucking situation has got me annoyed.

HOWEVER, take heart. The baby boomer generation is a lot larger than we were, which essentially translates into the fact that by the time you, me and everyone else in our mid-20's gets our shit together the market will be flooded with real estate. So much so that it will be staurated to the point that prices will actually start to go downward. Another thing is the "greatest generation" and "baby boomers" are slowly dying off which should mean less medicare/medicaid paid out for these leeching fuckers. There is a light at the end of the tunnel my friend. You just have to see the long term picture.

So Jeff, no you arent the only one going through this experience. We are all here to share in the pain and discomfort that is the mid-20's.

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[Jennitalia]

i've been there too. it hit me around the same age, 25, but for me, it really led me into a depression. i was also living with my ex boyfriend. i felt as though i were changing phases in life, and i wasnt ready to handle some things. i knew marriage was right around the corner, and although this guy was my soul mate, i wasnt ready for marriage, mentally, psychologically, blah blah blah...i ended up losing the best relationship of my life, my one true love. it's also been hard because i've been living on my own, and i'm still as broke as i was the day i graduated college. unfortunately, i dont have the luxuryof moving back home. i started seeing a psychologist. as i turned 30, i tried not to get too depressed about it. i figured my late 20's totally sucked, and this is my time to make things better, and they're getting there.



I'm forced to live back home with my parents.


what do you mean forced? youve never moved out of mom & dad's house

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This message was edited by Jennitalia on 3-4-03 @ 9:37 AM

[A.J.]

My life is by no means perfect but here's how you might want to prioritize things:

1) Look for a job: If you're happy with the work you do and the pay you get, everything else falls into place.

2) Look for a place: Take advantage of living at home right now to pay off any debts/bills and start saving money to buy or rent a place of your own.

3) Find a signifcant other: Once you have the job, the disposable income and the place of your own, you have the confidence and the financial means to have a relationship.

Of course, Number 3 could be moved to the top of the list if an opportunity presents itself. :)

Good luck and don't get down!

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This message was edited by AJinDC on 3-4-03 @ 10:18 AM

[fatty]

well jeff you explained me exactly except for the thinning hair part.

honestly, my job sucks ass and i still live in my parents basement, hell, i decided to try college again and now i'm 24 and still have a year left in college. i work full time and go to school full time so i get my ass kicked all the time just to still live at home.

but you know what man? fuck it. you gotta realize, we are fucking KIDS.

25 years old? do you realize the only people that think we're old are us. even when we're 30 we'll still be really young, and that's 5 fucking years from now.

people our age (especially girls) worry so much about having their life together right now, but we really should be partying. i mean yeah we got all sorts of bills and responsiblities, but we are still kids and we should still party it up like kids.

i'm not saying don't look for opportunities, i'm just saying you need to relax and realize that we'll be alright just like we always are. don't sweat it so much, you know something will come up.

but in the meantime enjoy the now, because it's only downhill from here. when you're 35 you're going to be like man i should have partied more when i was a kid at 25. only it doesn't have to be that way, i'm making sure to get my shit done and try to figure out what's going to happen in my life, but fuck it i'm partying now like it's on sale for 19.99

don't sweat it bro

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[noahfex]

I completely agree with Fatty, Im 27 and for the last few years i was so worried about reaching certain goals by the time I reached 30 I became so obbsessed with reaching my goals I was working 2 jobs and going to school. I never made time for friends and never went out. I had a fiance that I saw a few times a week I was content for the most part. When she broke up with me I had nobody just a broken heart and shitty jobs. I had no friends because All I had time for was her and work. I realized that Im too young to be worried about where Ill be A few years from now. This life is too short just enjoy yourself as much as you can. I Know exactly how you feel just hang in there opportunities present themselves when you least expect it.

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[Death Metal Moe]

Thanks Jeff. I come on this board to FORGET all those problems.

But it does seem that our generation has it a lot harder suddenly and we weren't instilled with the right attitude to deal with it. It's hard to find a good job or that one person you can connect with.

Oh well.....

See Yuh in hell!

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[wilee]

You'll have to deal with the downs as well as the ups. If you can use this time to get some experience in an area you're interested in (part-time, or college/vocational course in it), then update your resume. Too many companies just look at paper anymore, and they don't hire based on how they feel that a person will perform, just on what it says they've done. If you have good problem solving skills, but you only have 2 years on-the-job experience, it means less than someone who simply takes up space and puts down 10 years experience.

I worked in TV for 7 years (part-time during college, and full time for several years after). I worked my way up to technical director/supervisor from doing camera and studio work. It wasn't the field I had in mind when I went to college, but I found it to be interesting, and necessary to earn a living. The pay sucked, but I was able to moonlight doing some tech support which helped pay the bills.

When the dot-com boom started heating up, I was able to get an interview with a computer firm and got hired. Nice increase in pay, etc.

The job market sucks right now, so everyone is finding something that pays the bills, not what makes them happy. Once the economy straightens out, you can start search for a job that you're interested in.

Until then, there's booze, women, and SU.



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[ag]

And I thought I was alone. Jeff I know how you feel. Im 22 years old, with a balding head, WISHING I was livign wiht my folks again so I can at least get on my feet again. For god sakes Im probably the only one who DOESNT have a carrer and Yet Im still trying to figure out what the fuck I really want to do and what is in reach now, and what I can reach for tommorow. For gods sakes Ive been going through HUGE anixiety problems to the poit where I have a hard time breathing.All in all have faith unlike me about myself. You'll get over it

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[FMJeff]

look, im no patrick stewart yet, i'm just noticing a little receding action....ive got a couple of years before i go Powder....

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[Jennitalia]

it's very hard at this age, because growing up, we imagine how our lives are going to be at certain ages, and that certain "events" (marriage, kids, blah, blah, blah) are expected by a certain age. fortunately, times have changed. it's not the norm to graduate, get married and have kids. now we venture out on our own, date people, and basically experience life before "settling down", if, in fact, that's what we decide to choose.
my younger sister will be getting engaged soon, and it bothers me alot. i'm in no rush to get married or have kids - there's a lot i need to experience, and i'm not financially or psychologically ready, but at the same time, i dont see it happening any time soon.

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[Bama]

Man that sucks about the hair. Jobs, woman and such will come but...

You'll get through this. At least you have your health. (I hope)

I'm 26 and married. It's not as big a picnic as I thought. I told my little bro to wait until AT LEAST 30.

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[RocOutWithYACockOUT]

Yea I know where you're coming from Jeff.


GGGGGGG-UNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[satan-2]

I'm going to be 25 this year, I still live in my parent's basement, my hair is starting to thin, I have a job I don't like that I'm underpaid for, and I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I want to move but I can't afford to, I should be married by now

big deal, i'm going to turn 27 in may. i'm in ABSOLUTELY NO RUSH to get married and i still live with my parents. as to moving hell no or at least not yet.

god is an absentee LANDLORD!!!

later

[West Side Claire]

What you're experiencing, my friend, is the quaterlife crisis . Sure people don't talk about it as much as its sister- the midlife crisis, but twentysomethings are faced with insurmountable pressures. I say we muddle along as best we can. The present is meant to be everything that it is at that very moment and there's gotta be some meaning in that...

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