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The Chairman
01-13-2003, 02:17 PM
You know those ads you hear all the time when listening to RnF for "Sears Cabinet Re-Facing?"

At the end they say:

"All work and materials provided by Bill Ray, a Sears authorized contractor. License number available upon request."

So I'm like wondering...Who is this Bill Ray? He must be a busy guy. If he does all the work himself, and he supplies all the materials, the guy either must work 24/7, the commercials don't get him any business, or he gets clones of himself from that Raelian cult...

So I called today.

First, they answered from a Call Center. They asked my zip code. Then this woman in a southern accent asks for my name, address, phone, life story. She says she's located in Alabama.

I say: before I give you my personal info, how is Bill Ray going to get all the way to my house in New York from Alabama?

She pauses and gets flustered and then I ask to speak to Bill Ray himself.

She puts me on hold, gets back on the line, and then gives me another number to call.

It's the Customer Service number for Bill Ray. I say to myself, "Wow, this Bill Ray not only works all over the country, he has a Call Center in Alabama and even his own 800 Customer Service line!!!

I call the second number. Some woman answers with a Long island, NY accent. I ask her where she is located, and she says Elmont, NY. Cool, that's close to my house and makes sense! But she tells me the reason I got Elmont is because I had already given my zip code to the first woman, which identified me as living in Long Island, NY. The second woman tells me that Bill Ray has Customer Service Centers in 14 different states!

Need Cabinet Re-Facing in Massachusetts? No problem, Bill Ray is there! New Hampshire? No worries, Bill Ray is there too! Florida? Not a problem for Bill Ray!

So I tell the woman that I want Bill Ray to personally reface my cabinets, and she's like, of course!

And now I'm thinking that something is seriously wrong here.

So I finally ask, just like in the first line of Atlas Shrugged:

WHO IS BILL RAY?

Bill Ray is not a person. The company name is Bill-Ray. They subcontract with Sears to do all their cabinet Re-Facing.

And is the company owned by a guy named Bill?

Nope.

Ray?

Nope.

But the company is "family owned and operated." Just WHAT family is anyone's guess.

And in case you're wondering, Bill Ray's License number is #730686.

CK1



<img src=http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/headi.gif>
thanks ADF for the "alt" SigPic!!
slanted and enchanted...

HordeKing1
01-13-2003, 02:19 PM
LOL. Those poor operators are still wondering what happened.

<img src="http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/hking1">

ChrisTheCop
01-13-2003, 02:45 PM
Now can you please find out why people are constantly asking Mariette Hartley how to improve their vision?

<img src="http://rfcop.50megs.com/images/badgesig-lorenathe_aggie.jpg">an Aggie Joint

Dewey
01-13-2003, 02:49 PM
Kaga, this is funny, but you slipped off the wagon. Back to the 'Verbosity Anonymous' meetings.

<IMG SRC="http://www.agw-werbeartikel.de/images/easy-rider.jpg"><br>"Still searching for America."

TooCute
01-13-2003, 03:08 PM
It's funny because it's true. I
walked downstairs and
heard "Bill Ray" and
thought...isn't that the guy
from the Sears
commercials?...

And in case you were
wondering, Bill Ray does
vinyl siding too.


<img src=http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/toocute2.gif>
ADF makes great sigpics!

DreamWeaver
01-13-2003, 03:18 PM
This is the first time I read one of your posts all the way through to the end. I'm glad I did.

http://blakjeezis.homestead.com/files/ginani.gif

The Chairman
01-13-2003, 03:46 PM
Kaga, this is funny, but you slipped off the wagon. Back to the 'Verbosity Anonymous' meetings. I think I can do this...Ready? <P> <P>

"Bill Ray does not exist."

<img src=http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/headi.gif>
thanks ADF for the "alt" SigPic!!
slanted and enchanted...


This message was edited by Chairman_Kaga on 1-13-03 @ 7:47 PM

pixiestix
01-13-2003, 03:50 PM
Need Cabinet Re-Facing
in Massachusetts? No problem,
Bill Ray is there! New
Hampshire? No worries, Bill Ray
is there too! Florida? Not a
problem for Bill Ray!

Since Bill Ray is everywhere,
does this mean that Bill Ray is
God?


<IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/_ht_a/angelaelle/myhomepage/pixie.jpg">

TheMojoPin
01-13-2003, 03:52 PM
<img src="http://www.marklipka.com/images/betaRayBillinks.jpg"width=450>

<img src=http://www.poster.net/man-ray/man-ray-larmes-tears-1932-33-2801792.jpg>

WHOOOOOOOOOSH.

<img src=http://img.ranchoweb.com/images/philex/mjpin1.gif>
VP #2 for the Coalition of Angry Micks, and the best goddamn American ever.
"You can tell some lies about the good times you've had/But I've kissed your mother twice and now I'm working on your dad..."

Reephdweller
01-13-2003, 03:53 PM
Actually I believe its a company started by two guys Bill and Ray.

<IMG SRC="http://members.hostedscripts.com/randomimage.cgi?user=go2osirus">

Zipgun
01-13-2003, 05:03 PM
Bill Ray's License number is #730686.


I WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT!!!!!!!

<img src=http://atamichimpo.50megs.com/images/skidcoloredmeelsig.jpg>

ADF
01-13-2003, 06:48 PM
I hear he has an achey breaky heart.

<center><img src=http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/adf14.gif>
Ce sachet d'emballage n'est pas un jouet.</center>

FelixDasGato
01-13-2003, 06:52 PM
Why is the science guy selling siding and re-facing cabinets?

<IMG SRC="http://www.silentspic.com/images/sighost/felixwalk.gif">

Bob Impact
01-13-2003, 06:56 PM
Bill Ray isn't real?

That's it, i'm giving up on life entirely.

<center><img src="http://www.silentspic.com/images/sighost/bobimpact.gif"><br>
<a href="http://www.silentspic.com" target="_blank">Thanks, Silent Spic!</a> - <a href="http://bobimpact.coolfreepage.com/">Ron and Fez Drop Archive</a></center>

Aggie
01-13-2003, 07:26 PM
Shit, I thought this was about Billy Ray Cyrus...Mullet's Rule!!

EDIT: Damn you ADF, I should read before I post.

<IMG SRC="http://www.silentspic.com/images/sighost/aggiedamnsig.jpg">

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This message was edited by Aggie on 1-13-03 @ 11:27 PM

Arienette
01-14-2003, 05:10 AM
"cuz i'm mean-a
i'm lean-a
i ain't no in-between-a
with Aretha, i'm a dreamer
good god, i'm a believer"

eh, close enough...

<img src="http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/ari2.gif" height=100 width=300</img>

i can hear the laughs, when they find i've fallen down again
i can hear the laughs, and it hurts so bad i have to smile

Spank Daddy
01-14-2003, 06:09 AM
I thought it was a thread about Billy Ray Valentine....capricorn. Mor-tay !! That's Randy, as in Randy Jackson ??

wilee
01-14-2003, 08:31 AM
Why is the science guy selling siding and re-facing cabinets?That's Bill Nye!

<IMG SRC="http://cwjr.home.infi.net/wilee.jpg">