From Clerks:
Melodrama coming from you is about as natural as an oral bowel movement.
I think you can see her kidneys.
This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers.
You know, Silent Bob, you're a rude mother-fucker...but you're cute as hell. I could go down on you, suck you, line up three other guys and make like a circus seal.
There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?
From Dogma:
People only want to hear the good shit...life eternal, a place in God's heaven...but as soon as you hear that you're getting all this good shit from a black Jesus, you freak. And that, my friends, is called hypocrisy. A black man can steal your stereo, but he can't be your savior.
And then, "Pretty in Pink," which I can't even watch with this tubby bitch anymore, 'cause every time we get to the part where the redhead hooks up with her dream guy, he starts sobbin' like a little bitch with a skinned knee and shit. And there's nothing worse than watchin' a fuckin' fat man weep.
Sex is a joke in heaven?
The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here, too.
I think we're beyond euphemisms at this point: God's a Skee-Ball fanatic.
Do you do Anal?... Is It true that chicks fart when you blast 'em in the ass?
Snootch to the mother-fuckin' nootch!
You know, fuck you man, any moron with a pack of matches can start a fire. Raining down sulphur is like an endurance trial. Mass genocide is the most exhausting practice one can engage in. Next to soccer.
From Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back:
That's what the Internet is for, slandering others anonymously.
Tickets? Since when did they start charging for the bus? Didn't we used to ride that shit to school every morning for free?
Hell yeah, that's because he's from my sperm! See, I knocked up this hot woman friend of ours that I fuck on the side so as to not be all the way gay, but my tubby husband here is 100% queer. He LOVES the cock.
And, quite possibly the greatest line ever captured on film:
You are the ones who are the ball-lickers!
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