The Chairman
11-29-2002, 04:38 PM
There's an old story about two bulls, a father bull and his son, standing atop a bluff overlooking a herd of cows. The young bull looks down at the herd of females and says, "hey dad, let's run down and fuck one of those cows." The father bull replies, "no son, let's walk down and fuck them all."
Some people try to live life in an attempt to dance like nobody's watching. Others try not to sweat the small stuff or take the road less traveled. They remind themselves that all they need to know they learned in kindergarten. I first became aware of the fact that I liked girls as a young calf in kindergarten. It took another eleven years before I made it down the hill(sprinting faster than 100 meter world record holder Tim Montgomery for that matter).
I have since run down many hills, and now I find myself having spent more than half my life at the bottom of the hill.
Save the corny self help slogans for the next guy. Our lives are ruled by sex, and the pursuit of it. We are guided my sexual desires.
The human sexual experience is a contiguously evolving event; all it knows is transformation. Everything sexual relations has taught me, and continues to teach me, strengthens my belief in the continuity of our sexual existence.
I walk down the hill.
"Male and female created He him." So says Genesis 1:27. Soon after..... very, very soon......male and female began fucking. But somewhere between the seventh day where God and presumably Adam and Eve rested, and now, males and females developed various rule of engagement, constantly evolving over time, that govern the certain time period, hours, days, months, years, from the point of meeting the female to the point of fucking the female. Call it courtship or seduction. What separates us from animals is the encumbrance of some sort of moralistic dictate that says we can not just fuck any woman who comes our way.
Yes, we humans do share some traits with animals. Normal humans don't fuck children and animals don't fuck non-sexually mature members of their species. Many animals do fuck their daughters, sisters and cousins, but that's another story. (Jerry Lee Lewis and certain residents of rural upstate New York and West Virginia being exceptions to the rule.)
But to put it simply, when a male animal (non-human) encounters a female in heat, in estrus, good to go he fucks it. My bull adage applies to this simple axiom.
Take another cloven hoofed cousin of bulls, the pig. Whenever a female pig (also known as a sow) is in heat and smells a certain musky chemical in the breath of a male pig (also known as a boar), she shows an immediate, urgent and uncontrollable reaction. Her hind legs stiffen, her spine curves downward, her ears cock, and she presents herself for mounting. They even have a name for this position, lordosis, and it is invariably inspired in a sow, without choice or variation, by the scent of boar's breath. When a pig farmer wants to get his sows ready to breed, he or she pipes a chemical gas into the breeding pen that replicates the smell of a boar's breath. Giddy up!
Since the beginning of time, or at least since the time I was in high school, man has not flagged in his quest for a substance, a ritual, a secret key that has the same effect on the female of our species. Just think of all the money us guys would save on houses, cars, clothes, potions, elixirs, colognes and unguents, if we just had to breathe on women. The opportunity cost of not having lordotic breath is, of course, that we don't have to wallow in mud or spend a short life at one of Hormel's finishing farms on our way to topping someone's bacon cheeseburger.
But imagine a world where all we guys would have to do was breathe on chicks.....
Sadly, not only do men not possess lordotic breath, women are not pigs (for the most part, at least.) And more sadly, we not only have to face this fact, we have to, more often than not, use mouthwash, mints, gum, Altoids, whatever, just to get close enough to talk to chicks. Bottom line is that most c
Some people try to live life in an attempt to dance like nobody's watching. Others try not to sweat the small stuff or take the road less traveled. They remind themselves that all they need to know they learned in kindergarten. I first became aware of the fact that I liked girls as a young calf in kindergarten. It took another eleven years before I made it down the hill(sprinting faster than 100 meter world record holder Tim Montgomery for that matter).
I have since run down many hills, and now I find myself having spent more than half my life at the bottom of the hill.
Save the corny self help slogans for the next guy. Our lives are ruled by sex, and the pursuit of it. We are guided my sexual desires.
The human sexual experience is a contiguously evolving event; all it knows is transformation. Everything sexual relations has taught me, and continues to teach me, strengthens my belief in the continuity of our sexual existence.
I walk down the hill.
"Male and female created He him." So says Genesis 1:27. Soon after..... very, very soon......male and female began fucking. But somewhere between the seventh day where God and presumably Adam and Eve rested, and now, males and females developed various rule of engagement, constantly evolving over time, that govern the certain time period, hours, days, months, years, from the point of meeting the female to the point of fucking the female. Call it courtship or seduction. What separates us from animals is the encumbrance of some sort of moralistic dictate that says we can not just fuck any woman who comes our way.
Yes, we humans do share some traits with animals. Normal humans don't fuck children and animals don't fuck non-sexually mature members of their species. Many animals do fuck their daughters, sisters and cousins, but that's another story. (Jerry Lee Lewis and certain residents of rural upstate New York and West Virginia being exceptions to the rule.)
But to put it simply, when a male animal (non-human) encounters a female in heat, in estrus, good to go he fucks it. My bull adage applies to this simple axiom.
Take another cloven hoofed cousin of bulls, the pig. Whenever a female pig (also known as a sow) is in heat and smells a certain musky chemical in the breath of a male pig (also known as a boar), she shows an immediate, urgent and uncontrollable reaction. Her hind legs stiffen, her spine curves downward, her ears cock, and she presents herself for mounting. They even have a name for this position, lordosis, and it is invariably inspired in a sow, without choice or variation, by the scent of boar's breath. When a pig farmer wants to get his sows ready to breed, he or she pipes a chemical gas into the breeding pen that replicates the smell of a boar's breath. Giddy up!
Since the beginning of time, or at least since the time I was in high school, man has not flagged in his quest for a substance, a ritual, a secret key that has the same effect on the female of our species. Just think of all the money us guys would save on houses, cars, clothes, potions, elixirs, colognes and unguents, if we just had to breathe on women. The opportunity cost of not having lordotic breath is, of course, that we don't have to wallow in mud or spend a short life at one of Hormel's finishing farms on our way to topping someone's bacon cheeseburger.
But imagine a world where all we guys would have to do was breathe on chicks.....
Sadly, not only do men not possess lordotic breath, women are not pigs (for the most part, at least.) And more sadly, we not only have to face this fact, we have to, more often than not, use mouthwash, mints, gum, Altoids, whatever, just to get close enough to talk to chicks. Bottom line is that most c