TheMojoPin
10-17-2002, 06:32 PM
[quote]1) Don't sing if you aren't one of the dudes on stage getting paid to do it. Nobody paid their hard-earned money to hear your dorky, untalented ass sing. We came to hear the dudes on stage sing. Paying 40 bucks to go see Tool, but instead of hearing Maynard, you get the dorkus malorkus with mad zits standing next to you singing "Sober" really loudly and out of key in your ear is enough to murder mother fuckers for.
2) Also, if the singer on stage does decide to either: pass the mic around for the "sing along" song, or: motion to the audience to sing aloud at key moments, and you know beforehand that your singing ability is severely limited, you MUST waive your "sing along" rights. Leave the crowd participation parts to those that do not fall under the "musically retarded" category.
3) This is possibly the oldest rule in the book. yeah, you know what we're talking about. don't be THAT guy. We KNOW you like the band, that's why you're here, you don't need to wear their SHIRT to their show as well.
4) Also, no wearing shirts of ex-bands either. That means no Nirvana shirts at the Foo Fighters show, no Jawbreaker shirts at the Jets to Brazil show, no Minor Threat shirts at the Fugazi show etc.
5) The "merch guy" is not your friend. In fact, all the merch guy wants to do is get through the night without having to talk to your lame ass. That means that he doesn't want a copy of your weak ass emo band's demo to pass along to the band. The only reason he might talk to you is because you either A) Know where to get drugs. B) Your girlfriend is hot, and by talking to you he can K.G.B. his way into her pants. C) You are willing to pay him for the time in his life that he's wasted talking about how much he likes the band's first out of print seven inch D) Know where he can get either drunk or high for free or E) He's making fun of you. Most likely it's E. In fact, it's mostly E, I mean look at yourself, you're striking up conversation with a merch jockey.
6) Dancing is ok, as long as you don't get all fruity. Air-instruments are NOT ok. That includes: air-guitar, air-drums, air-microphone, air-keyboards, and yes even the air-bass. Don't get me started on air-saxophone.
7) If you yell out "Play some Skynyrd", you deserve immediate castration. This isn't funny unless your name is either Beavis or Butthead. Shut the fuck up, we all know you've never heard Skynard. You think Earth Crisis invented music back in 1990. Don't give somebody another reason to stab you.
8) Don't be the buff steakhead dudes in the Jeep blasting Radiohead as you leave (or enter) the parking lot of the Radiohead show. WE KNOW YOU LIKE THE BAND! THAT'S WHY YOU ARE AT THE FUCKING SHOW CHAMP! HOW MUCH OF ONE BAND DO YOU REALLY NEED?! Actually just don't be the four buff guys in the Jeep at the show. period. This rule applies to everybody. You don't need to listen to the band you're going to see on the way to seeing them.
9) Tall dudes that stand at the front of the stage should have their testicles pureed. You're tall dumb ass, get in the back, or at least back a few rows.
10) Don't yell songs at the band, especially if it's not a super rare song or something. Yelling "ENTER SANDMAN" at the Metallica show is second only in retardation to drooling on yourself and walking really funny with a walker. NO SHIT THEY'RE GONNA PLAY ENTER SANDMAN DUDE. Keep it in your pants, they'll get to it in the 3rd encore. Heckling is ok.
11) Anybody who utters the word MOSH PIT deserves to die.
12) Don't take off your shirt. We know you're sweaty dude, taking off your wife beater isn't going to stop that.
13) Don't be that fat lame bitch that gets crushed at the front of the stage at the barrier. Every time there's a real big show, some grotesquely fat chick thinks it would be swell to get as close to the singer of Blink182 as possible, and that nobody else there has the same idea. 3 songs into the set, the bouncers have to pull her obese fainting ass over the barricade. Don't be this pathetic piece of pasty lard.
14) Don't buy those shir
2) Also, if the singer on stage does decide to either: pass the mic around for the "sing along" song, or: motion to the audience to sing aloud at key moments, and you know beforehand that your singing ability is severely limited, you MUST waive your "sing along" rights. Leave the crowd participation parts to those that do not fall under the "musically retarded" category.
3) This is possibly the oldest rule in the book. yeah, you know what we're talking about. don't be THAT guy. We KNOW you like the band, that's why you're here, you don't need to wear their SHIRT to their show as well.
4) Also, no wearing shirts of ex-bands either. That means no Nirvana shirts at the Foo Fighters show, no Jawbreaker shirts at the Jets to Brazil show, no Minor Threat shirts at the Fugazi show etc.
5) The "merch guy" is not your friend. In fact, all the merch guy wants to do is get through the night without having to talk to your lame ass. That means that he doesn't want a copy of your weak ass emo band's demo to pass along to the band. The only reason he might talk to you is because you either A) Know where to get drugs. B) Your girlfriend is hot, and by talking to you he can K.G.B. his way into her pants. C) You are willing to pay him for the time in his life that he's wasted talking about how much he likes the band's first out of print seven inch D) Know where he can get either drunk or high for free or E) He's making fun of you. Most likely it's E. In fact, it's mostly E, I mean look at yourself, you're striking up conversation with a merch jockey.
6) Dancing is ok, as long as you don't get all fruity. Air-instruments are NOT ok. That includes: air-guitar, air-drums, air-microphone, air-keyboards, and yes even the air-bass. Don't get me started on air-saxophone.
7) If you yell out "Play some Skynyrd", you deserve immediate castration. This isn't funny unless your name is either Beavis or Butthead. Shut the fuck up, we all know you've never heard Skynard. You think Earth Crisis invented music back in 1990. Don't give somebody another reason to stab you.
8) Don't be the buff steakhead dudes in the Jeep blasting Radiohead as you leave (or enter) the parking lot of the Radiohead show. WE KNOW YOU LIKE THE BAND! THAT'S WHY YOU ARE AT THE FUCKING SHOW CHAMP! HOW MUCH OF ONE BAND DO YOU REALLY NEED?! Actually just don't be the four buff guys in the Jeep at the show. period. This rule applies to everybody. You don't need to listen to the band you're going to see on the way to seeing them.
9) Tall dudes that stand at the front of the stage should have their testicles pureed. You're tall dumb ass, get in the back, or at least back a few rows.
10) Don't yell songs at the band, especially if it's not a super rare song or something. Yelling "ENTER SANDMAN" at the Metallica show is second only in retardation to drooling on yourself and walking really funny with a walker. NO SHIT THEY'RE GONNA PLAY ENTER SANDMAN DUDE. Keep it in your pants, they'll get to it in the 3rd encore. Heckling is ok.
11) Anybody who utters the word MOSH PIT deserves to die.
12) Don't take off your shirt. We know you're sweaty dude, taking off your wife beater isn't going to stop that.
13) Don't be that fat lame bitch that gets crushed at the front of the stage at the barrier. Every time there's a real big show, some grotesquely fat chick thinks it would be swell to get as close to the singer of Blink182 as possible, and that nobody else there has the same idea. 3 songs into the set, the bouncers have to pull her obese fainting ass over the barricade. Don't be this pathetic piece of pasty lard.
14) Don't buy those shir