Favorite Joel Gertner Quote

[ToddEVF]

The man, the myth, the legend. classic for his mike skills and wearing a purple neck brace. he has a lot od classic quotes. here are 3 for you guys to have fun with.

and if you find your own, add them here for the enjoyment.


"The quintessential studmuffin, the man whose wit is more tongue in cheek than a lesbian orgy, Joel 'The man whose phone number is on your girlfriend's speed-dial, because she loves the way I star sixty-nine her' Gertner"
"Well, well, well ... put those floppy disks away here comes the man with the biggest hard drive in professional wrestling ... Joel 'I've got more RAM than you can handle' Gertner"
"And there's me, Joel, the biggest ladykiller in Buffalo since O.J. Simpson, Gertner."


these are too funny

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If your like me, and watch mucho movies and understand alien logic along with those of cybernetic creature, you are probably insane.

[SuperClerk]

I don't remember the entire line, but the part that stood out was-"I make Daisy Duck scream, as I fill her with cream." Sick.

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[ToddEVF]

the rest was something about being, ". . . a 1 shot condom filla, and it tastes like vanilla, Joel Gertner," so something like that.

and yes it was sick. it was from ECW's Guilty As Charged PPV with New Jack and Spike vs. the Dudley Boyz and the Stair way to Hell Match with Tommy Dreamer and Justin Credible.

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If your like me, and watch mucho movies and understand alien logic along with those of cybernetic creature, you are probably insane.

[Jobberific]

What always made me laugh was "...and tonight it is YOUR pleasure to have me introduce to you...."

And there was a line where speaking about Big Dick Dudley he said "The man who just last night split your 44 year old mother in two and did her like a pair of 22 year old twins. " Gertner was the man. I recently saw him doing play by play for that Japanese Hardcore Wrestling PPV a while back with Missy Hyats overly annoying ass. He was pretty damn good too.

"DANCE MONKEYS!!!! DANCE FOR OUR PLEASURE!!!"

[Crippler]

Here's a couple of my favorites:

Introducing D'Von: "Weighing in at a slim, trim, buff, cut, ripped, chizzled, and JAAAAAAAAAAAAAACKKKED 169 pounds...please raise the roof for the man who is keeping it real...my brother from another mother, D-Von Dudley!"

Inroducing Big Dick: "Also in the ring at this time, standing before me and intimidating the masses. From the Twisted Steel section of Dudleyville, 25 & 3/8 inches of the largest arms in the world...attached to the man who, last night, took such liberties with your mother that he is now recognized as your father in 17 states, the gargantuan who is known as Big Dick Dudley!"



...silent, but violent.

[Crippler]

A few more of my favorite Gertnerisms:

"Joel 'The girls like to call me Fred Flinstone, because they love the way I make there BED ROCK' Gertner."

"I am the quintessential studmuffin, Joel 'Delivers more package than U.P.S.' Gertner."

Joel "I'm like the middle of the litter box...I'm always surrounded by pussy" Gertner."

"I am the Quintessential Studmuffin, Joel 'The skinless bananna in your tropical fruit salad of love' Gertner."

"Joel 'I have busted more nuts than a peanut factory' Gertner."

"Joel 'Bigger and better than the Titanic, because only 400 women went down on the Titanic' Gertner."

"Joel 'Harder than the tree that hit Sonny Bono' Gertner."

"The Quintessential Mmuffstuffer...oops, I mean Studdmuffin...'Just like the Rubix Cube, the more you play with it, the harder it gets' Gertner."

"Joel, the man who is so big he can't help from hurtin er'....Gertner."

"Joel 'If you've got an hour, I've got the power'...'You can't have your pudding if you don't eat your meat' Gertner."

"Joel 'I'm hotter than a 15 year old girl in a field hockey skirt' Gertner."

....oh, how I miss ECW!


...silent, but violent.

[RF Godfather]

Here's my favorite Joel Gertner quote and it goes out to all of us internet addicts!

"Well, well.... weellllll.... It is I, the Quintessential Studmuffin, Joel...

All the ladies in the house
Just want me to click their mouse
Cuz when I'm on the internet
I make their panties wet.... *pause*
And as they sit at their computer
And they sit on my sex-shooter
They can surf through cyberspace
And I'll UPLOAD right in their FACEEE...

GERTNER!"

Joel Rules! He's 100 X's better than Lawler!

http://members.aol.com/razorxhall/images/rfnetmark6.gifF*ck is a "sentence enhancer."

[FTW2285]

"Well, well, well. Despite what the Florida Tourism Board has been feeding all of you ignorant people, it is I, every female's top tourist destination, and the man who's crotch is truly the happiest place on earth, the man who makes Minnie Mouse's panties wet, and the man who just last night helped Daisy Duck fulfill her dream, as she took one for the team, and I made her squeal and scream, as I filled her full of cream, it is I, the bacon in her eggs, the man for whom she begs, and the face between her legs, the quintissential and original studmuffin, and a good Lord have mercy, God damn handsome man, Joel 'I shoot out a full condom filla and it tastes like vanilla' Gertner".


"The man who drove Beulah McGullislutty into the mat so hard she didn't know whether to urinate, deficate, or ejaculate, I present to you Buh Buh Ray Dudley."

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[ToddEVF]

to think this all spurred because i was bored last night and was just talking to DynamiteK. we just went line for line.

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If your like me, and watch mucho movies and understand alien logic along with those of cybernetic creature, you are probably insane.

[ThekahLe]

damn TNN bleeped almost everyone of his opening lines near the end of ECW on TNN...s0o i havent heard most of 'em

[Crippler]

I'm sure there is a site out there with a chronical of almost everyone he ever made. Some of his PPV intro's in '99 were fucking priceless. If I had the time I would bust out some tapes and start researching right now....BUT, if someone finds a site with transcribed Gertnerisms, please post the link.


...silent, but violent.

This message was edited by Crippler on 9-4-02 @ 8:57 AM

[ToddEVF]

there are a few. i just can't remember them

"And there's me, Joel, the biggest ladykiller in Buffalo since O.J. Simpson, Gertner."


still priceless

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