Guys and marriage [Archive] - RonFez.net Messageboard

42nd-delay

07-28-2002, 10:48 AM

I ws talking to a friend of mine earlier, and she was telling me how a friend of hers had just broken up with her boyfriend and was all upset. It seemed like things were going along well towards them getting marraige, in fact, the guy had brought up the subject before and seemed to be the one guiding them towards it. Yet yesterday he said that he wasn't ready for marriage yet and felt they should stop seeing eachother.

My friend was all confused by this and wanted to know what the deal with men and marriage is. Should she date older guys cause younger ones aren't ready (she's 24)? Those of you who are married, when did you feel ready to tie the knot? And those who aren't, why aren't you ready?

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42nd-delay

"42nd-delay is the only person who's making sense." - Ron, 3-12-02

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ChrisTheCop

07-28-2002, 04:10 PM

Should she date older guys...(she's 24)?
Yes. Because I'm an older guy. (altho i have no interest in marrying...ever...I'll keep her company til then.)

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HordeKing1

07-28-2002, 07:54 PM

42nd DELAY- Young love is possible but rare. I met my wife when I was but 19, and we were 21 and 22 respectively when we wed.

Marriage is a highly personal choice and one which people are ready for at different ages depending not only upon their culture and socioeconomic background, but also upon thier personal tastes, ideas and ideals.

In other words, like most life, there's no single right answer that fits for everyone in every situation.

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ShelleBink

07-28-2002, 08:01 PM

I'm not sure about guys and marriage

My one bro who was supposed to be married earlier this month vows he'll never be engaged again

yet my other bro is already planning a wedding ((and he's 28 i think... no wait, 29))

I duno, it depends on the guy... but I think all guys are taken aback by commitment and monogamy *cough* *cough*

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Gvac

07-29-2002, 02:55 AM

For the thousandth time, 42nd Delay - I'm straight. Please stop begging me like this. It's very uncomfortable.

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42nd-delay

07-29-2002, 02:59 PM

Don't worry GVAC, I know you're not looking to get married again after your last four marriages ended badly...oh wait, was I not supposed to mention those?

------------------------------
42nd-delay

"42nd-delay is the only person who's making sense." - Ron, 3-12-02

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mario

07-29-2002, 03:01 PM

The right time varies from person to person. I know i was ready when i felt the time to stop running around and tricking on these "hoes". It should be natural and not forced upon...peace....

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Cybersoldier

07-29-2002, 07:36 PM

If the woman I marriage is mrs. right then I have no problem.

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Death Metal Moe

07-29-2002, 08:04 PM

marriage is gay. Chicks make out great in divorce.

Fuck this antiquated tradition.

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Jackie Sloan

07-30-2002, 10:53 AM

I don't think guys are afraid of marriage generally, they're afraid of divorce because it's way too easy for a nasty woman to destroy you in the courts. Personally, I'd like to be married, only one requirement: Must love the RnF show - NO EXCEPTIONS!

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Coco

07-30-2002, 02:01 PM

Actually, studies show that married men are much happier than single men believe it or not! There is a great deal of depression among men that are divorced as opposed to divorced women. I think the reason for this is that men generally don't "open up with their feelings" or socialize the way women do. Women, generally, have a network of friends or family that they usually go to when they have emotional troubles. And men mainly depend on their wife for this. I think men also have a stronger sex drive than women (despite what people want to believe) and being married is probably the smartest choice for them in that regard.

I know a lot of divorced men and women. Most of the women have told me that they would never get married again, and most men get remarried fairly quickly after a divorce.

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This message was edited by Coco on 7-30-02 @ 6:12 PM

fiestygal

07-31-2002, 08:30 PM

when i get married it will only be ONCE!!! i wanna get married young...i had goals be married by 23 BUT THAT DONT LOOK LIKE IT HAPPENING- im 21 now! the divorce rate scares me- i dont want to go through the anger and heart ache of one of those...my dad's cousin has had 4 divorces- i told him maybe he should go GAY...i wanna believe there is a guy out there that STILL wants to get married...men now a days dont wanna get married BOT CUZ they are afraid BUT CUZ divorces will cost them money...WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO HAPPILY EVER AFTER.......?

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jestah

08-01-2002, 05:59 AM

Nobody ever gets married with the thought of I'm eventually going to get divorced. It's sad to see people who stay together for the sole reason that they have children together though.

But getting back on topic, you can't really generalize when people should or shouldn't be ready for marriage. It all depends mostly on their maturity level. Just keep in mind, just because they're older, doesn't mean that they are mature.

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HordeKing1

08-03-2002, 08:51 PM

COCO - You're right, but the findings aren't limited to divorced men but to all single men.

Putting it into perspecitive:

1. Women - Married heterosexual women have vastly higher depression rates than single women. Interestingly, lesbian women in long term relationships have very low incidents of depression. Theorist believe it has to do with the degree of equity in the relationship.

2. Men - Single men have vastly higher depression rates than married men. I'm unaware of the top of my head what the difference, if any, was in gay men.)

3. Conclusions: Marriage is great for preventing or lifting depression in men. Marriage is related to increased incidents of (first time and recurrent)depression in women.

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fiestygal

08-03-2002, 09:43 PM

but the thing is ....would you date a person who went through a divorce...i think it would be hard on a person to date someone who was divorced cuz the divorced partner would be very scared- i dunno if thats the right word- ya know...i think id date a person who was divorced IF that ever happened BUT id be afraid they wouldnt feel the same things i felt and whatnot- you know like be cynical and what not....i think guys should be more OPEN and HONEST about what they want out of a MEANINGFUL relationship- not just a purely LETS FUCK OUR BRAINS OUT thing- cuz that aint a healthy relationship.....it seems to me as a gal that the fellas arent into the whole LOVE thing in a mushy way gals are

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I am a goofball & swell to boot

This message was edited by fiestygal on 8-4-02 @ 2:48 AM

FMJeff

08-05-2002, 07:26 AM

When it works, it works. If he didn't want to get married, she should accept that and do what works for her...whether its move on or keep plugging away until he is ready.

There's more to this story I'm not hearing, like why the discussion of marraige was followed by a breakup.

Don't get married until you're well into your thirties. It's an unnecessary formality. If you can live with the person for at least ten years without ripping each other's heads off, then you're ready. Geez, the financial implications of marraige are harrowing enough to keep me from rushing into one.

it seems to me as a gal that the fellas arent into the whole LOVE thing in a mushy way gals are

Mushy? Ugh. Stop making this a gender thing. It's just people. I can't stand this "guys do this, girls do this" shit. It's a cop out. Making generalizations are incredibly unproductive.

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Katylina

08-05-2002, 08:02 AM

Should she date older guys 
<size=20>YES</size> 

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Mike from Bklyn

08-05-2002, 01:48 PM

I'm 30 and just got married May 4th. I've lived with my wife for about three years before hand. So there were no surprise. L
I think money is a big cause for divorce. I write the checks for the rent, gas.electric etc. And she gives me a check for half. We have separate bank accounts and we buy what we want. With our own money. So if I spend money on something she deems stupid there's no problem and vise versa. Any thing big like a TV or DVD for the house we agree that we need and want it. Then we split the cost for it. This has worked well for us over the years.
Also we don't plan to have kids. We can come and go as we please. Children put a big strain on marriage. That's 18 years minimum of your life devoted to this child. For some that's ok but not for us.

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aleiarayne

08-14-2002, 11:52 AM

Philby and I lived together for 3 1/2 years before getting married. He is 12 years older than me, and we both have good jobs. We put our money together and share all expenses, and everything works out fine. I think that all couples should live together for awhile before tying the knot.