How do you deal with death?

[Aggie]

Everyone takes it in their own way. I have never had anyone close to me die, but as of the last week or so, I've been forced to think about how I will handle it. One of my grandmothers is very sick and having just found out (like an hour ago) that my other grandmother was hospitalized, I don't know how to react. My first reaction was crying (I went it the bathroom and cried for awhile) and now it's just this awful, helpless feeling. I am 1500 miles apart from each of them (one in NJ and one in Oregon) and all I want to do is be with my family and them for comfort.

Anyway, I tend to bottle things up and I don't want to do that, so I was wondering how you have dealt with the death of loved ones in your life.

"Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time."

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Thanks CZM :)

"Who got more ass than the average b****?
You know it's the baddest b****
Number ten in the face, slim in the waist
Fat in the ass, do you want a taste?" - Trina

[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

My mom died when I was 9 and my dad died when I was 20. There's no one way to handle it. You feel everything and nothing at the same time. Crying is an awesome way of letting out some of the stress and frustration.

My dad died in the 1980s. I was in college at the time and got so into the goth/vampire scene. I read all of Anne Rice's books, listened to Bauhaus and Peter Murphy 24-7. As silly as it sounds, that whole scene really helped me handle my dad's death. It made death seem so pristine and "romantic," if that makes any sense.

I'm 35 now. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him or wish I could talk to him.

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When I look in your eyes and see the harmonies
The heartaches soften

[Earth2RON]

I've never had to deal with it,so i dont have any comments about it.I kind of feel what you are going throw though,because i have a sick gradmother back in Jamaica that could go at any minute(God for bid)

I guess the only thing you can do,is aprreciate the times that you had together and live on that.God knows what he is doing,so all we can do is let him do his job.


(((((Aggie)))))

"If you dont intend on letting me eat your
puss* dont put it in my face"
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Master of fiery passion,you're every woman's dream lover"

[jamesdiggy]

Keeping busy, finding something to occupy your thoughts, if even just to gain a momentary sense of sanity within those seemingly insane moments. I've always done the typical male, stoic, poker face, never showing any dents in the armor.

I like my women the way I like my coffee, in a plastic cup.

[Coco]

Aggie: I am sorry to hear about your grandmother.

Your topic hit home with me because this past weekend I had to go to my brother-in-law's funeral. (See "Absolutely Heartbreaking"). I thought I would do o.k. until I saw his son, my nephew. The look of panic and confusion on his face still makes me cry.

I think what pulls me through all this is my faith in God. As a matter of fact, when I got home, I thought to myself "what would I do without my faith"? I totally (without a doubt) believe there is an afterlife and it is a very peaceful beautiful place.

I think that it is more heartbreaking when someone young dies as opposed to someone who has lived their lives to the fullest, but I know this doesn't minimalize a loss of a relative.

You are a lot stronger than you think you are Aggie! It is times like this, that you will see this.

I hope all goes o.k.

______________________

We can't change our past, but we can change the way we look at it - into something more positive

[Jennitalia]

my dad's father died when i was a senior in college, and that was pretty unemotional because we have no relationship whatsoever, i think the last time i ever saw him, i was a kid.
when i was a sophomore in college, a really close friend of mine was killed in a car accident while driving back to school from his dad's bday party (he lived close by). at first, it was very hard to believe, but as more and more people came home crying, it started to sink in. and then local news reported on it and showed his jeep, and that's when i lost it. it took me a very long time to get over it.
a few years ago, an exboyfriend of mine who i went out with for a couple of years and really loved, was killed in a car accident also. it devastated me as well, but i kinda had to keep it to myself, because the guy i was dating at the time it happened actually picked a fight with me because i was upset and went to the funeral.
going to the funerals definitely helped me, but i still have dreams about him that he's still alive, and it freaks me

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[DarkHippie]

i wish for it

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[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

i wish for it



You are dark.

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When I look in your eyes and see the harmonies
The heartaches soften

This message was edited by Alice S. Fuzzybutt on 7-17-02 @ 7:47 PM

[Death Metal Moe]

Death is part of Life. You REALLY don't want to live forever! Believe me. After a few extra decades, you'd wish for death too.

I think about it everyday. I try to enjoy myself, because Death lurks where you least expect it. It's not fair, and it's never on your schedule.

Most run to Religion for comfort in Death, but this is foolish. Empty lies.

And I HATE how we distance ourselves from the dying. Lock them up in hospitals, and let others care for them. Let your family die with dignity, and with their loved ones, in their home, if that is possible. I understad that some must remain in the hospital for care.

Also, pulling the plug MUST be a LEGAL option. It's quality of life, not Quantity. I assure you that if your loved ones were conscious in the nursing home, they'd wish for the sweet embrace of Death too. It's not crule, it's tough love.

When My aunt dies, I was sad, and cried a lot, but I got over it. She was sick, and now she's at rest. Plus, greif is a selfish emotion. You're not sad that someone's dead, you're sad that you will never see them again.

EVIL REIGNS!!!

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[Justice4all]

Ok Aggie...this may take a minute...but please bear with me. It is ironic that you are writing this. I was thinking about my grandmother..who I lost just less then 2 months ago. She died 2 days after my birthday, on Memorial day. I was supposed to go down to my families beach house after spending the weekend in North Carolina.My grandmother was down there. I got the phone call at 8 am that she was in the hospital and I should come down anyway. I did...and she died the following night. She and I were very close. There is no way in hell you can predict how you will react when it happens. It took me about 2 weeks before I stopped crying. I miss her more every day. My brothers, sister and myself wrote the euligy for her. It was the hardest thing I could ever do. But I think it also helped me to say goodbye. I was fortunate to be able to do that at the end. She was the first family member who I was very close to to pass away. I wish I was able to tell you it will be ok...but I know how you feel. All I can say is I will pray for you...I will keep you in my thoughts and I hope it will pass with some ease for you. If you EVER need to talk to someone who understands all too well...please let me know.

I NEVER suffer from insanity...I love EVERY minute of it

[ADF]

I was going to make some goofy pun about shuffling cards with death incarnate, but decided against it. I dunno, the only person I've known who has died was my grandma and that was years ago. I cried a bit.. about it.

<img src= http://thereisnogod.faithweb.com/images/adfsig.jpg>

[ToddEVF]

i had my father and grandfather die in december, not even 20 days apart. I dealt like it by holding it in, then about a couple days ago, I had a break down and realized how horrid the deaths really were. My dad had Hep C and my grandfather had a stroke. it totally fucked with my head, pushing me into adulthood early. so i deal with it in private, months after the death(s) happen.

I AM. . . THE MOST MISERABLE MAN ON THE BOARD!!!
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[Aggie]

Thank you all so much for your kind words and sharing your losses. It sounds like some of you have gone through a lot of pain and I am sorry for that. I am feeling better today, it just kind of all hit me at once. I know things will get better, death is a part of life and we shouldn't be afraid of it or try to avoid it.

Again, I really appreciate those of you who took the time to try and make me feel better in one way or the other, this board really does care about each other when it comes down to it. Thank you!! :)

"Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time."

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"Who got more ass than the average b****?
You know it's the baddest b****
Number ten in the face, slim in the waist
Fat in the ass, do you want a taste?" - Trina

[fatty]

i'm glad you're doing better. you're the money and i only hope for good things for you.

we're always here if you need us.

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Shorty let me tell you about my only vice,
It has to do with lots of lovin' and it ain't nuthin nice.

[Grand Master B]

I don't know I never died

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New Sig Pic in the works.
I got yelled at by sunndoggy8... he didn't like my muscles
Because "I" said so...

[jestah]

My Grandmother passed after a 3 year bout with Pancreatic Cancer 3 years ago this upcoming Sunday. To be honest, I'm still not really over it. I find myself talking to her every day, usually hoping she can give me a bit of guidance. Last year I went out and got her name tattooed over a large Celtic cross(similar to the cross on her head stone) on my leg. I still cry thinking about her, some days are better than others. Aggie, make sure that you say everything that you want to say to them. Unfortunately I feel like I didn't do that and I think that's why I'm not doing better with it. They say that time heals all wounds, but I don't know if I'm so sure of that. Most importantly, talk. Get it out.

If you want to talk, just drop me a line. Who knows I may even be able to help a bit.





Stephen: Alright Father, I'll ask him...If I risk my neck for you, will I get a chance to kill Englishmen?
Hamish: Is your father a ghost or do you converse with the Almighty?
Stephen: In order to find his equal, an Irishman is forced to talk to God... Yes, Father...The Almighty says don't change the subject; just answer the fucking question.

[GrimSanity]

actually i need to correct you todd you cryied like a little girl with a skinned knee i was there remember. well i had my mother die when i was 15. i didn't cry or break down (i'm being totally serious not a tear) but i did break the doctor who called and told me she had died. he was a dick and had no feeling so to me in the mad state that i was in took it as disrepect and i met him at the hospital when we went to see her dead. and i asked him if he made the phone call and he said yes and then i punished him in the mouth and tryed to open his head on the hospatal floor. i broke his nose and knocked out 2 of his teeth. took my father and 3 male nurse to hold me down and stop me from killing him. i was yelling at him saying he better hide becase i'm going to kill him i was a fing psycho. but i;m all good now. sorry for the long story <P>
Your local Serial Killer <P>
Grim Sanity <P>

[Ralphy Ramone]

Aggie,you don't even realize it but you're half way there already.You've already set yourself up for the worst.I think it won't be as bad as you think when the "time" finally comes to pass.

Make sure you have something of hers to have and hold for future "sad" times.You know when you think of her.Alice is right,there won't be a day when you won't have even an incling of a thought in your mind.Big or small, display it or hide it away.Just get ahold of something one of these days.

Pictures work great.

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1st rule is...The Laws of Germany

2nd rule is...Be nice to Ralphy

3rd rule is...Don't talk to Commies

4th rule is...Eat Kosher salami

[yummycatt]

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this... I have lost so many people in my life in the last few years , mostly to OD-ing and HIV-related things,and it never gets any easier to handle... surround yourself with people and things you love, and love the people in your life with all your heart... I've only been coming here a short while, and i'm still kinda hesitant to butt in amongst all of you who seem to be friends, but you all seem so supportive of each other, I think this is a good place to come when you need to vent, rant, cry, yell, or anything else... good luck , and hugs to you :)

"I been a criminal, I been a thief, I been a robber and I caused all kinds of grief,I been to Heaven's door, I been to Hell, been somewhere in the middle, bet you couldn't tell... I been a naughty girl..." joanne best(hehehe)

[Aggie]

Just when you think things can't get any worse, they do. In less than three weeks I have lost two grandmothers, the second one just today. I feel so many emotions, yet I feel numb at the same time. I know there is not much any can say but I'm sorry, and I don't expect any replies. I just wanted to get a little bit out of me.


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~Drinkin' a brew, watchin' the Crew. True.~

[zathrus]

Aggie,
i usually cry. i believe there are
7 or 9 stages of dealing with
grief. i can't remember them all
tonight.


<img src="http://tseery.homestead.com/files/nova.jpg" width=300 height=100>

[TheGameHHH]

I'm here for you sweetie. <P>


IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME-AHHH!

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[Tazz]

I'm here for you. Call me anytime if you need to talk :)

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Thanks J.R.
I Don't Care About Anyone Else But Me - Drowning Pool

[ROMEO]

Aggie,Lulu,Butters, I'm sorry for your your loss. <P> Todd, wow thats a whole lot to deal with. <P> I was just told(2 weeks ago) that my Father had passed away, well he was my Father, but not my Dad.My Dad is my stepdad that married my Mom when I was 8, and has always been there for me. My Father left my Mom when I was 2, I went to meet him like 12 years ago and it was a 1 way street. I put the effort in to go and meet him, but he never bothered with making an effort to return the gesture. He dieied in Jacksonville Fl. and what was I to do? Should I stop my life and run to Fl. and see him buried. How should I feel????? I'm sorry for my half sister because she had to deal with it alone. I've been trying to find her for the last year or so, and now I know where she is and how I can get in touch with her. But about my Father , I 'm sorry but I don't feel that bad about him passing. I think I should but I don't!? <P> <P>

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GOD BLESS, tx oz

[Death Metal Moe]

Death owes me 20 bucks.

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[The Blowhard]

Always remember the good times and thank God that you were blessed to have them in your life.
Hang in there sweetheart.:)

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[TomPoo]

I have lost both my grandfathers, and I miss them both dearly.

I hold my memories of them close to my heart. And while I am saddened that they are gone, those feelings are usually superceded by the feelings of joy when I think back on all the great times I had with them.

Be thankful for the time you you got to spend with them. Hold those memories close to you. And be hopeful that they have moved on to greater things.



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There is nothing more exhilerating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?

[TheKnicks23]

i always try to prettend it never happened but then it builds up inside me and turns out worse

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Mario Fan Since Day 1

[GonzoStyle]

I lost a keychain once and it took me about a month to get over it. It was a really cool keychain with a grain of rice that had my name on it. Everytime I looked at it a smile was forced onto my face. Damn I missed that keychain.

Then my grandpa killed himself, and I stole one of his keychains (its not like he was going to be using it any time soon). It's a really stupid one with a fake arrowhead on it, but everytime I look at it I am reminded of my old keychain and the joy that it brought me.

I still miss my old keychain, but I know that it will never really be lost. It might not be with me physically, but I will never lose the wonderful memories that I have of that keychain.


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The Ripper Strikes Back

[Aggie]

thanks to everyone for being so sweet to me, it really has made this all a little easier to deal with. :)
i just got back yesterday from oregon and i'm trying to get my life back in order right now without bottling all my feelings up, but i'm doing ok
I hold my memories of them close to my heart. And while I am saddened that they are gone, those feelings are usually superceded by the feelings of joy when I think back on all the great times I had with them.

Be thankful for the time you you got to spend with them. Hold those memories close to you. And be hopeful that they have moved on to greater things.
tompoo, that's what i have been trying to do. i am so thankful for both of my grandmothers and all of the wonderful memories i have with both of them. i just want to be able to think about them and smile. i will get there, but it just makes me sad when i think about it now.


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~Drinkin' a brew, watchin' the Crew. True.~

[Violent Jay]

Ideal with death by not saying goodbye but saying see ya later

[Contra]

i started loosing friends at a young age. stabbings, shootings, i've even had a fiend die right in front of me from a shot to the chest. back then me and the boys would get together drink and smoke and just numb the pain, so thats how i learned to live with death, however, i dont recommend it. its good to just cry and for you and your family to just support eachother, the important thing is to let it all out. dont ever just try to numb the pain, or it will stay with you forever. i still fight with the demons of lost souls...

Kill the weak
Contra

[irishkb]

in the last year and a half i have had to deal with a best friend dieing, my godmother and as of friday now my uncle.. in the first two i was very upset and cried.. when my best friend died i destroyed the door to my bedroom.. i had such an out poor of emotions that i just destroyed it.. seeing someone die at 24 is just so fucking wrong.. i was not right for months.. when my godmother died i was kind of relieved because she was suffering for so long with cancer.. i felt bad but at the same time i knew it was better for her... and with my uncle it was just out of no where.. i really have had no reaction to it yet.. i have just been doing what i would do if it was a normal week.. death is just a strange thing.. no telling what will set you off and what won't .. i want to feel bad but nothing has really bothered me yet.. i feel bad for that reason alone.. i just don't know what to do..........................

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thanks e2r...


"IM"-mick0306

[Aggie]

i'm so sorry irishkb! :( that must be so hard to deal with. i totally understand about the outpouring of emotions, and then almost feeling nothing, and not knowing what to do....this is the first time anyone close to me has died, so if you want to talk, email me, ok? :)

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I know that you wantin this~tell me can you handle it
show me how you work them hips~and maybe you can roll with it