Statler and Waldorf, the two old wise-ass codgers in the balcony were comic geniuses:
Waldorf: Nurse! There's something wrong with this TV!
Statler: What's that?
Waldorf: It's on!
----
Statler: I told you this show was a bomb!
(cannon ball flies out of TV and hits an old lady, who flies backwards in her chair)
Statler: What was THAT?
Waldorf: I think her medication just kicked in!
Both: (laugh)
Statler: Nurse! I'll have some of that!
---
Statler: Shakesphere would have hated that!
Waldorf: You should know, you dated his sister!
Both: (laugh)
Statler: Boy, was she ugly.
----
Statler: What would you do if you were a rich man?
Waldorf: I'd buy the network and cancel this show!
----
Statler: There's a lot to be said about this program.
Waldorf: Too bad you can't say it on a family show!
----
Statler: That bit was breath taking!
Waldorf: Careful, you may not have many left.
Both: (laugh)
Statler: Nurse! My medication! Get my nitro glycerine!
*** BOOM! ***
Waldorf: I'll just have a glass of warm milk.
----
Statler: And there you go, there's nothing like good comedy.
Waldorf: Nothing like it on this show!
----
Clifford: Welcome to "Muppets Tonight!", the show that has people all over the country saying...
Both: Where's the remote!?
----
Statler: You know, this show really improves with age!
Waldorf: Why? Because the jokes get better?
Statler: No! Because my hearing gets worse!
---
[Andy, Randy, and rest run by]
Statler: What the?
Waldorf: How come that never happens when we're watching the Hot Bodies Bikini Contest?
---
Statler: Hmm, that last number was a real show-stopper
Waldorf: Too bad it didn't stop this show!
---
Waldorf: Same as it ever was
Statler: Same as it ever was
Waldorf: Yeah,
Both: ... terrible!
---
Statler: That was quite a program! I would have only changed one thing!
Waldorf: What's that?
Statler: The channel!
Both: Doh ho ho ho ho ho!
<img src="http://yerdaddy.homestead.com/files/pics/fargo.jpg" >
This message was edited by Yerdaddy on 5-31-02 @ 8:25 PM