REALLY messed up jokes

[CrazyClare]

ok so i love really fucked up jokes. any joke that reinforces sterotypes or that is generally fucked up. including jokes about pedophiles and dead babies. so i figure were a really fucked up, twisted, demented group and that we could post our best fucked up jokes:

What will they call the movie about JFK jrs life?

Three funerals and a wedding


http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/cclare

[IrishAlkey]

What's the worst part about having sex with a 4 year old?

Getting the blood off your clown costume...

Figment stole my sig!

[windowlck]

What's grosser then 10 dead babies in 1 garbage can?

1 dead baby in 10 garbage cans

http://us.f1.yahoofs.com/users/7250ae73/bc/SIGS/helmet.jpg.jpg?bcEc008A_N99vLJz
<a href="aim:goim?screenname=Windowlck&message=You_stupid_Dick!">AIM me</a>


" You are the ones who are the ball-lickers"

[jamesdiggy]

What's the difference betwen a girlfriend & a wife? - 50lbs.
Why does a bride smile as she walks down the aisle? - she knows she's given her last blow job.

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? - nothing she's been told twice already.

Cake or Death? Uh, I'll have the cake please.

[CrazyClare]

What did the Jewish pedophile say to the little boy once he was in the car?

Hey, go easy on the candy!


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[windowlck]

Q: What did the seven dwarfs say when the prince awakened Snow White?

A: "I guess it's back to jerking off."

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<a href="aim:goim?screenname=Windowlck&message=You_stupid_Dick!">AIM me</a>


" You are the ones who are the ball-lickers"

[IrishAlkey]

How do you get a pedophile out of your house?

Abort the fetus...

Figment stole my sig!

[Hosp]

I heard these jokes a long time ago (I think from an uncle) and I never say them:

What do a black guy and an apple have in common?

They both look good hanging from a tree.

What's the difference between a black man and a pizza pie?

The pizza could feed a family of four.

<center>http://members.aol.com/mkalstott40/images/hosp%20krikor%20sig.jpg</center><center>Member of the 2006 RonFez.net Olympic Curling Team.</center><center>Italy here we come!</center>

This message was edited by Hosp on 3-3-02 @ 11:39 PM

[CrazyClare]

What's green, covered in crumbs, and lies on the side of the road?

A dead Girl Scout



http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/cclare

[jamesdiggy]

A black guy walks into an irish pub, the bartender says "Get the Fuck out!"

Cake or Death? Uh, I'll have the cake please.

[DarkHippie]

what's long, black, and smelly?

the unemployment line


<IMG SRC=http://publish.hometown.aol.com/inkgrrrl99/images/hippiesig.gif>
compliments to inkgrrrl on the fine fine work
<i>support your local 420: union of brotherhood

living on the road, my friend, was supposed to keep us free and clean.
now you wear you skin like iron, your breath's as hard as kerosene-- townes van zant "the ballad of poncho and lefty"</i>

[Yerdaddy]

I heard these jokes from Hosp's uncle and I never tell them.

Why don't women need watches?
Cuz there's a clock on the stove.

What's long and black and smells like shit?
The unemployment line.

<img src="http://yerdaddy.homestead.com/files/pics/sigruby.jpg" >

[Hosp]

Yerdaddy, did you and him have "special" secrets too?

<center>http://members.aol.com/mkalstott40/images/hosp%20krikor%20sig.jpg</center><center>Member of the 2006 RonFez.net Olympic Curling Team.</center><center>Italy here we come!</center>

[Heavy]

What's the difference between a hard working black man and the Loch Ness monster?

There have been sightings of the Loch Ness monster

Tell them Johnny Wadd was here

[Yerdaddy]

He showed me what my Special Purpose was for. And I taught him how to molest you.

<img src="http://yerdaddy.homestead.com/files/pics/sigruby.jpg" >

[JustinR]

What is beautful, pretty,and most wanted for black men?


White women.

How do you keep secrets from Enron?

You shoot yourself and its over with.

How do you take a family of four to a funeral.

Have them drive in a SUV with firestone tires.

How does a girl remove her panties with out touching them herself.

Get several black men to and they'll be off in ten seconds.



Are WTC jokes unacceptable? I wouldnt say them.

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AIM:<b><font color="#FF0000">Lentnyc</font></b></font><font size="-5">





This message was edited by Lent on 3-4-02 @ 12:35 AM

[Se7en]

I may mess this one joke up, but here goes....

What do you get when you kill a 2 year old?

Aroused!

Q: What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest?

A: A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.

<img border="0" src="http://Se7enRFNet.homestead.com/files/RFnetSe7en2.jpg" width="300" height="100">

WWFallon = YOUR Emperor of Kings!

"Being a bastard WORKS."
--Spider Jerusalem

[Hosp]

What? I was talking about his curve ball. That thing really knew how to sink. He never touched me.

PanterA, thanks for the new status. Before it was just going to be for fun, now you're just giving me a reason.

<center>http://members.aol.com/mkalstott40/images/hosp%20krikor%20sig.jpg</center><center>Member of the 2006 RonFez.net Olympic Curling Team.</center><center>Italy here we come!</center>

[CrazyClare]

What's the great thing about an Ethiopian blow job?
you know shell swallow

What do you call an Ethiopian taking a shit?
A fucking show-off!



http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/cclare

[PanterA]

PanterA, thanks for the new status. Before it was just going to be for fun, now you're just giving me a reason.now you'll really look like Charlie Brown

http://www.members.aol.com/rnfpantera/rfsigI crush the rush! I rule you fool!

This message was edited by PanterA on 3-4-02 @ 12:41 AM

[IrishAlkey]

A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks "where'd ya get that?"
The parrot replies, "Afrika, there's millions of em."

Figment stole my sig!

[CrazyClare]

What's green, smells bad and has 12 tits?

A garbage bag at a breast cancer clinic



http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/cclare

[CrazyClare]

What do Dale Eearnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common?

Both of their last hits were The Wall.



http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/cclare

[Zipgun]

Clare you're killin' me!!!

<img src=http://atamichimpo.50megs.com/images/skidmarkpleased.jpg width="150" height="170>

[DaniGirl]

Q: What green and sits on my front porch?

A: He's my nigger, I'll paint him whatever color I want.

<IMG SRC="http://jonkeu.50megs.com/dani.jpg">
"If I could go back in time, I would want to meet Snoopy" -Tara Reid-

[missileman]

What does not belong in this list: meat, eggs, wife blowjob.

Blowjob: you can beat your meat eggs or wife, but nothing beats a blowjob.

Why do men die before their wives?

They want to..

What do you call 2 lesbians with their period?

Fingerpainting

and finally... Why do men pay more for car insurance?

Women don't get blowjobs while driving

Take care, and enjoy.
Remember... Life is short, go for it.

[BrandonKattel]

A leper walks into a diner, sits at the counter and orders a meal.

While eating he hears a couple throwing up uncontrolably. He asks if his being there offends them in any way. They say no and he continues eating.

A moment later a family starts hurling violently. He turns to them and says that he will move if they are uncomfortable with his apperance. They also say no, so he continues.

Soon all the patrons are puking up the days specials and once again he says that he would take his meal to go since he is upsetting everyone.

Finally a man stands up and says "Listen buddy its not you. It's the guy dipping bread in your neck!"

[Yerdaddy]

What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?

Crib death.

<img src="http://yerdaddy.homestead.com/files/pics/sigjack.jpg" >

[Prince Neptune]

How come Mexican women won't marry Black guys? They are afraid they will have kids too lazy to steal.



Molester of mermaids and sefaring maidens
<IMG SRC="http://us.f1.yahoofs.com/users/16efdcc1/bc/My+Photos/RFnetPrinceNeptune.jpg?bcx5c08Arp6c2G1P">

[IRISjr]

Never tell your spanish lady who cleans your house to make things spick and span. :)

<center><img src="http://members.aol.com/rundog2001/myhomepage/irisjr-new.gif?mtbrand=AOL_US"></center>

<font><FONT FACE=" comic sans ms">
<marquee>IRIS loves ya</marquee><font>
<font color "blue"><marquee>but IRIS jr probably doesn't</marquee></FONT>

<marquee>Monkeys in Suits Rule!!!
</marquee></FONT> </BODY>

[ag]

What do you give teh pedophile who has everything?

Another parish.

What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Cadillac in my garageHow do you stop Superman from moving?

Tape his mouth shut.

What's funnier than a drunken clown?

A drunken clown with Down Syndrome.
<img src=http://www.theunholytrinity.org/cracks_smileys/contrib/lilly/hmm3grin2orange.gif>



<img src=http://publish.hometown.aol.com/ag1247/images/sig.jpg>


<marquee>BRING BACK FAT GUY!!</marquee>


This message was edited by ag1247 on 3-4-02 @ 11:29 PM

[CrazyClare]

DEAD BABY JOKES:
ahhh theyre beautiful

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

What do you get when you dislocate a dead baby's jaw?
Deep Throat.

What's the best thing about a dead baby?
You don't have to pay that bitch any more child support.

How do you make a baby cry twice?
Wipe your bloody cock on his teddy bear

What's the difference between a dead baby and a rock?
You can't fuck a rock.

What's pink and bubbly and taps on glass?
Baby in a microwave

Whats white and bobs up and down in a baby's cot ?
A pedophile's ass.




http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/cclare

[Heavy]

How do you keep a black man out of your backyard?


Hang one in the front.

Tell them Johnny Wadd was here

[CrazyClare]

Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them


http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/cclare

[windowlck]

Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them



It's funny cause it's true...

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" You are the ones who are the ball-lickers"

[scorpion]

Ok Clare,

What does a pedophile like to do after sex?

A Burp his victim.


Why did cavemen drag women by the hair?

A Because if they dragged them by the feet they would fill up.



<img src= "http://www.healthytraining.com/rf/rfsig.jpg">
OOPS Did I say that outloud?

[IrishAlkey]

What's brown, 5 inches long, and found in a diaper?

Michael Jackson's hand...

Figment stole my sig!

[CrazyClare]

What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?
Before the First Period.


http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/cclare

[CrazyClare]

What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?

The little boy in the trunk of my car.



http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/cclare

[ag]

Why do Paedophiles love Halloween?
Free delivery.

What's Superman's new weakness?
Everything.

<img src=http://publish.hometown.aol.com/ag1247/images/sig.jpg>

owner of a lonely heart
<marquee>PART OF THE SOLUTION!!!</marquee>

[jamesdiggy]

How do you know when your wife has died? The sex is still the same, but the dishes start piling up.

How do you know when an asian broke into your house? The dog's missing and all your homework is done.

Cake or Death? Uh, I'll have the cake please.

[CrazyClare]

whats red and slimey and climbs up your leg?

a homesick abortion

http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/cclare

[SweeTalknHippie]

Why shouldn't you run over a black kid on a bike?

It might be your bike.

What's the difference between a black guy and a bucket of shit?

The bucket.

What's the best thing about an 8 year old girl in the shower?

You can slick her hair back and make her look like an 8 year old boy.

[Yerdaddy]

A Jewish dilema:

free ham

<img src="http://yerdaddy.homestead.com/files/pics/sigjack.jpg" >

[IrishAlkey]

Hunny, I'm pregnant.

<IMG SRC="http://irishalkey.50megs.com/images/alkey.jpg">
<marquee><font color="red">Pantera delivers...</font></marquee>

[CrazyClare]

A guy and a girl are having sex, and the girl says: "Don't you think it was presumptuous of you to think you could sleep with me on the first date?"

The man responds: "Don't you think 'presumptuous' is kind of a big word for a second grader?


What's the best thing about fucking a two year old?

Your dick looks huge in the photographs!

A guy walks into a bar, and after a while the bartender starts griping. "You see this little figurine I whittled? I made it myself. But they don't call me 'Joe the wood carver.' And you see that big swordfish on the wall? Caught that one myself. But they don't call me 'Joe the fish catcher.' Hell, they don't even call me 'Joe the Bartender.' BUT YOU FUCK ONE KID .....




http://members.aol.com/inkgrrrl99/images/claresig.jpg

[CrazyClare]

What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?

You can't hide dead children in a gay man.

http://members.aol.com/inkgrrrl99/images/claresig.jpg

This message was edited by CrazyClare on 3-5-02 @ 10:29 AM

[ROMEO]

ok you guys are crackin my ass up and makin me winch.Wheres the best place to hide a black mans welfare check? under his work boots.

<HTML>
<img src="http://members.hometown.aol.com/boogertaste/images/savingprivateromeo.jpg">
</HTML> tanx Oz

[scorpion]

Why does a pedophile like to put it in soft?

So he can hear the bones crunch when it gets hard.

<img src= "http://www.healthytraining.com/rf/rfsig.jpg">
OOPS Did I say that outloud?

[CrazyClare]

Rejected Children's Book Titles

"You were an Accident"
"Strangers Have the Best Candy"
"Some Kittens Can Fly!"
"Getting More Chocolate on Your Face"
"Katy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"
"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer. Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"
"All Dogs Go to Hell"
"The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking"
"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"
"What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"
"Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"
"Bi-Curious George"
"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"
"Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver"
"You Are Different and That's Bad"
"Why God Burned Down Disney Land"


Rejected Dr. Seuss Books

The Cat in the Blender
Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert
Fox in Detox
Who Shat in the Hat
Horton Hires a Ho
The Flesh-Eating Lorax
How the Grinch Stole Columbus Day
Your Colon Can Moo-Can You
Zippy The Rabid Gerbil
One Bitch Two Bitch Dead Bitch Blue Bitch
Marvin K. Mooney, Get the F*** Out!
Yentil the Lentil
My Pocket Rocket Needs a Socket
Aunts in my Pants
The Grinch's Ten Inches


http://members.aol.com/inkgrrrl99/images/claresig.jpg

[chefpitt]

What's three things you cant give a black man???
A fat lip, a black eye and a job...

Why is there only 2 Paul bearers at a black mans funeral???
There is only two handles on a garbage can...

Shoot first
Then ask Questions........

[CrazyClare]

What do you call an ethopian taking a shit?

a showoff

http://members.aol.com/inkgrrrl99/images/claresig.jpg

[MANdrew]

A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Pop, know how old I am today?"

His father says, "No...how old?"

He says, "I'm eleven!"

He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, know how old I am today?"

She says, "Come closer..."

She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his underwear.

She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, "You're eleven."

He says, "How could you tell?"

She says, "I heard you tell your father."


<img src="http://members.aol.com/dxixrxt/mandrewgina.jpg">
<font color=yellow size=0>you and i can get funky to the rhythm of a choo choo train<br> dancing in the pouring rain </font>

[erole]

A man is getting ready to fuck his new girlfriend for the first time. He tries to push his dick in, but he can't get it in. He tries and tries, but to no avail. Finally he pushes inside her and starts giving it to her. He says, Damn, this hurts. It's so tight I can barely take it.

She says, OK. Let me go to the bathroom and make it a little easier.

He climbs off and she's gone for a few moments. When she returns, she lays down and he climbs back on top of her. He slides in again, and this time it's much easier.

Hey! That's more like it. Did you put some KY jelly in there?

Nope, she replies, I just peeled off the fucking scabs.

[erole]

How do you get a blonde pregnant

Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest

[erole]

What is the difference between a acne and a priest?

Acne doesn't come on a boy's face before he's thirteen.

[Hummercash]

how do you get a clown off a swing?

hit him in the face with an axe.

<center>
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[CrazyClare]

LOL Hummercash

im running low guys, help me out!!

Mommy Mommy Jokes

Mommy, Mommy! I HATE spaghetti!
Shut up or I'll pull the veins out of your other arm.

Mommy, Mommy! What's for dinner?
Shut up and get back in the oven!

Mommy, Mommy! I don't want lemonade!
Shut up and lift my skirt!

"Mommy, mommy, why am I walking around in circles?"
"Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!"

"Mommy, mommy, what am I going to be when I grow up?"
"Shut up, you know you have cancer!"

"Mommy, mommy, can I have cookies?"
"OK, but wash your hands first."
"But mommy, I don't have hands!"
"No hands, no cookies!

"Mommy, Mommy! What's an Oedipus complex?"
"Shut up and kiss me!"

"Mommy, Mommy! What's a nymphomaniac?"
"Shut up and help me get Gramma off the doorknob!"

"Mommy, Mommy! Why are we pushing the car off the cliff?"
"Shut up son, you'll wake your father."

"Mommy, Mommy! I don't want hamburgers for supper!"
"Shut up or I'll grind your other hand."

"Mommy, Mommy! I don't like tomato soup!"
"Shut up, we only have it once a month."

"Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is how to learn to swim?"
"Shut up and get back in the sack!"




http://members.aol.com/inkgrrrl99/images/claresig.jpg

[erole]

Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy running away?
Shut up, and help me reload the shotgun!

Daddy, Daddy! My mouth hurts.
Shut up Al, and keep sucking it!

Mommy, Mommy! I HATE tomato juice!
Shut up and drink it before it clots.

[SatCam]

Mommy, Mommy! Can I play with grandma?
Not today, we already dug her three times this week.

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy puked!
Shut up and get a fork, before your sister gets all the big chunks!

<marquee>Beware, this is a scrolling marquee. ÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿThis Marquee scrolls. WATCH OUT! ÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿWatch your ass for the scrolling marquee!!!!</marquee>
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v91/SatCam/mariosig.jpg" align="right" alt="Still taking a shit" /><a href="http://www.satelitecam.tk">Ron and Fez Drops and Bits</a>

50%[color=white]

[Justice4all]

What was the Million Man March missing?

8 miles of chain and an auctioneer at the end of it.


How do you kill a retard?

Have him hold a knife then ask him who's special.

<img src=http://home.ix.netcom.com/~camman/_uimages/Justice4All.gif>
"What did he want???"
"What do all men want Phillip?"
"He wants you to dress up like Wonder Woman, tie him up with your golden lariat and force him to tell the truth?????"

[WNEWstinks]

How long does it take a black lady to take a shit???

9 months...........hhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[Justice4all]

Did you hear the one about the white guy who would only employ black people?

Neither did they

<img src=http://home.ix.netcom.com/~camman/_uimages/Justice4All.gif>
"What did he want???"
"What do all men want Phillip?"
"He wants you to dress up like Wonder Woman, tie him up with your golden lariat and force him to tell the truth?????"